How Therapy Works

“How can just talking about things make me feel different?”

This is a question that I hear a lot. It's a good point! We all know people who can talk about their problems endlessly and never make any changes. At the end of the day, you do need to take action in order to change your life. However, gaining self awareness having new experiences, and learning new skills through talking to a therapist is the pre-requisite to taking meaningful action. Otherwise, the action you take may not stick and you may fall back into your old patterns.

The Arc of the Therapeutic Experience

During your first consultation meeting, I will go over the legal rules and regulations of our counseling relationship. You will learn about your confidentiality, the limits of confidentiality, the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship, and your rights as a client. I will provide you with information about my training and experience and give you the opportunity to ask me questions. I will go over my scheduling and financial policies with you. When your preliminary paperwork is complete I will open the conversation to your present concerns and discuss your hopes for therapy. I will likely ask you questions so as to ensure I have a good understanding of your situation. By the end of your consultation meeting (between 30 and 50 minutes) I will either be able to accept you as a client and describe for you what therapy will look like given the particulars of your situation, or I will provide you with direction about where else you might find help.

If you move forward in therapy with me you will most likely be meeting with me weekly for either 60 or 90 minute sessions. Your sessions will start with a brief “check in” period, followed by a collaborative discussion about what to focus on in the day’s meeting. Towards the end of the session I may have recommendations about assignments or things to try in between sessions in order to further your work, depending on the phase of therapy that you are in. At the end of the session I will check in with you about the most meaningfulor helpful (of unhelpful) parts of that day’s conversation so that I can make sure that your sessions together are as valuable to you as possible. I often provide written follow up notes to our session so that you have a reminder of the things we talked about and what we're working on in between sessions. When you find yourself talking extensively about the positive progress and successful changes that you have made in your life, your time with me will likely come to an end, although you can always contact me for follow up meetings in the future.

Generally, there are distinct phases to therapy. I like to use the metaphor of gardening to help people understand the process.

In the first phase, you and I will establish a relationship. During this time, I will get a sense of who you are and what is going on with you. You will get used to talking about yourself in a safe, open environment. As you connect with me and come to trust our relationship, you can begin to talk more openly and allow new parts of your experience to come into your awareness. The therapeutic relationship we have together becomes a transformational space. This time is like preparing the soil to make it ready for seeds to be planted.

In the second phase of therapy, your awareness about yourself and your experience will continue to develop. I have many techniques and strategies for helping you to gain awareness. You will access feelings, thoughts and images that will help you understand yourself in new ways. You’ll make contact with your strengths, hopes, motivation, and feelings. Based on a deep understanding of yourself, a course of action will begin to come into focus. Together we’ll explore all opportunities. It is during this time that the seeds of change are planted.

As your growth experience continues you may begin to experiment with new behaviors. Guided by a better understanding of yourself, you can practice new ways of being that reflect your authentic feelings, needs and aspirations. I can help you to brainstorm, create strategies, and provide support as you choose which aspects of your life you value, and which you may have outgrown. During this third phase of therapy you might start experimenting with new skills for managing your thoughts or feelings, handling old situations in a new way, and doing things differently than you have in the past. Your seeds of change are now growing. My role is to help you nurture and support the growth that is now occurring.

Ultimately when you take positive action on your own behalf, your life will change. Actively working to change your feelings, thoughts and behaviors ushers in the wonderful harvest season of your personal growth. During the final "Action Phase" of therapy you will experience the fruits of your work as you have the new life experiences that you are pleased about and that reflect your growth.

Our relationship will end when you are confident in your ability to continue moving forward on your own. However, you can always get in touch with me in the future for additional support.

Case Study

Here's a typical situation: I got a phone call not too long ago from a professional woman in her thirties. (I’ll call her "Claire"). Even though Claire was well-spoken and confident on the phone I could hear that she was also nervous about asking for help from me. She was used to solving problems on her own. When we met I could see that she was a very strong, resourceful person. Yet, as we talked together Claire opened up to me about how sometimes she would get upset about little things, or worry, or have a couple of days where she felt really down and couldn’t put her finger on why. There were a number of things in her life she wanted to change, but she felt stuck. She saw herself as a caring, successful person with lots to be thankful for, and wished that she could just be happy and be the person she wanted to be.

Like so many of my clients (especially men), Claire had friends and a good marriage, but she did not have a relationship in her life where she could discuss her experiences and her feelings at length, and get useful, insightful feedback. She was so busy that she didn’t often have time to pause and reflect. She didn’t want to burden her close friends or husband by “over-sharing” heavy problems or talking about herself too much. So, her feelings mostly stayed inside and she felt increasingly frustrated with herself, and her life.

Claire and I met weekly for a few months, and our relationship became a sanctuary for her. She loved the luxury of having so much time and attention devoted just to her, where she could sort through all her feelings. She liked it when I asked insightful questions or gave her feedback that helped her have “a-ha” moments. Together we unpacked her thoughts and feelings until her experiences started making sense to both of us. We frequently laughed together, and in time she felt safe enough to cry with me too. I think that my ability to listen, ask questions, and genuinely understand her helped her to understand herself.

Because Claire was so busy, and traveled so much for her job, she embraced the opportunity to meet with me face-to-face via video conferencing online. It was easier for her than meeting in my office. She could open up her laptop and meet with me in HER office during her lunch hour, in her living room in the evening before she went out, and I saw the inside of lots of her hotel rooms as she traveled around the country with her job. Without video conferencing she would only be able to meet with me infrequently, and I don’t think she would have had nearly as successful an experience in therapy without the consistency of our weekly meetings.

As Claire's understanding of herself grew, she realized that she had some unhelpful beliefs, some unfinished business with her past, some feelings to deal with, and some old ways of doing things that were no longer serving her well. We addressed all of it. Our work helped her feel better, make positive changes, and grow into the person she wanted to be. She learned new skills, got a new outlook on life, and she finally made lasting positive changes. She had grown. At the end of our work she described feeling like she had an “inner makeover” – she was still herself, just the best, happiest version of herself that she could be.

I have worked with many, many "Claires." The specifics of the stories are always unique, but the process of growth is the same. I care deeply about my clients, and in our special, safe relationship they can flourish and grow. If you want to feel better and make positive changes I might be able to do this with you too.

Start Your Journey Today

If you like my approach, get in touch with me to set up your free first meeting. Simply give me a call at (720) 443-1110, contact me through my website or email me hello@growingself.com.