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Effortless Mindfulness

Effortless Mindfulness

Who Knew Staying Present Could Be So Simple?

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby teaches Daily Blast Live host Tory Shulman the quickest, easiest strategy to stay grounded in the present moment and cultivate inner peace. 

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How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed

How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Control Your Mind, Control Your Mood

Nearly everyone who reaches out for therapy or life coaching here a Growing Self does so for one of two reasons: Either they are not getting the results they want in their relationships, their careers, or themselves, or… they just don’t feel good. They feel stressed out, they feel worried, or they feel discouraged. They want to feel better and get better results, and that’s why they reach out.

Growing Self is devoted to helping you feel happier, and get better results in your relationships and your career. Over the years of doing this, I’ve learned that there are a couple of specific skills that, when learned, can change everything for you. Everything. I teach these skills to my private therapy and coaching clients, I teach them in my online Happiness Class, and I’m here today to teach them to you, too.

Happiness & Inner Peace Are Learned Skills

When you don’t know what to do to maintain your emotions and feel better, happiness and inner peace can feel elusive, It seems like other people who are happy must just be lucky. Or their life circumstances are easier than yours. Or they don’t have the same stressors or issues.

Not true. Everyone has their own unique blend of stuff to deal with. Nobody’s life is so perfect and unblemished that they don’t have things they could stress about or feel badly about. In contrast, people who seem together and happy are generally the ones who have learned what to do in those moments to take care of themselves.

And you can too.

The Upward Spiral of Happiness and Success

The good news is that, over the years of being dedicated to excellent, evidence-based counseling and coaching, we have discovered that there are a few core skills that, when learned, can help virtually everyone feel happier and less stressed. Best yet, these skills are simple to learn, don’t require any special equipment, and you can do them virtually anywhere.

Furthermore, once you learn how to master these mood-shifting skills, they are yours to keep. No matter what else comes at you in life, you’ll be able to feel more confident, empowered and compassionate. Because you’ll feel stronger and more competent on the inside, you’ll be able to take positive action on your own behalf when you need to. And THAT, my friend, is going to get you better results in every area of your life.

When you get control over your mind and your mood, you feel happier, less stressed, and more confident. When you’re feeling strong, you are better able to take positive action. This leads you to get better results. And when you get better results — your relationship is feeling good, you’re feeling fulfilled with your life, and you are making progress in your career —  you are naturally going to feel happier, stronger, more confident, and better able to maintain a healthy outlook. (Which will lead to even bigger and better things for you.)

Learn How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed

I was recently invited to join one of the hosts of Daily Blast Live, Tory Shulman, in the studio to teach her the skills and strategies for feeling happier, managing stress, and feeling good about yourself and your life — no matter what is going on. Tory is a delightful, compassionate person. One of my favorite things about her is that she is authentic, open about her own path of growth, and has a genuine desire to use her own life experiences to help others. She wanted to do something that would help her audience, and we spent time talking about how to use the core skills of mindfulness, self-awareness, and intentional shifting to keep yourself in a good place emotionally.

I teach all of these skills in detail (SO much detail) in my online Happiness Class, but today I’m sharing an overview of the basic concepts and how you can put them into practice TODAY on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

I hope that you listen, and learn, and start practicing these skills. It does require some effort and intention in the beginning. However, these skills can be literally life-changing. I use them every day, and I’ve been teaching them to my therapy and life coaching clients for years. They work for me, they work for my clients, and they’ll work for you too.

Listen now, and let’s get started!

 

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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How to Feel Happier and Less Stressed... Right Now

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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Financial Success

Financial Success

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

How To Be Better With Money

Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your financial success is vital to creating the life you want.

Money and Your Career

Think about your career: Are you doing what you love? Are you doing what you love but resentful and exhausted because you’re not getting paid enough for it? Or do you white knuckle your way through every workday at a job that you hate, because of the paycheck? Neither is ideal, and learning how to manage your money can be part of making positive changes in your career. 

Money and Your Emotional Health

How much money you have can make the difference between feeling safe and secure, and like you’re always scrambling and juggling to make ends meet. Furthermore, feeling like you’re failing financially can impact your self-esteem. Many people are carrying shame about their debt, or feel embarrassed by their financial circumstances.

Feeling like you never have quite enough can lead to stress and anxiety, and even feelings of depression. While money may not buy happiness, feeling like you generally have the resources to fund the lifestyle you enjoy can certainly impact the way you feel.

Have you ever said “no” to an out-of-town wedding because you felt like you couldn’t afford it? Or canceled your yoga class membership? Or slept less to put in a few extra hours on the job? Or denied yourself effective counseling or coaching, even if you knew it would really make a difference in your life? Or even made food choices that were less healthy, but more budget-friendly?

All of these scenarios are the intersection between your money and your self-care. Part of the reason getting a handle on your money is so important is so that you have the resources to nourish yourself, spend money on things that bring you genuine joy, or invest in something that fills your soul.

Once you have good financial skills, money can be a source of security and joy, rather than a constant worry. Really!

How Financial Differences Impact Relationships

We often think about our financial success in individual terms, but how you relate to money can also have a major impact in your marriage or partnership. When two people have very different financial goals, or relationships with money, financial differences can be a major source of conflict in a relationship. [Financial Therapy For Couples]

When couples fight about money, they’re often fighting about their values, priorities, and their hopes and dreams for the future. Over time, money fights can become bitter and entrenched, and can even lead to ruptures in your relationship. Understanding how to manage money as a couple is so important, it’s one of the skills we routinely teach couples in our Lifetime of Love premarital counseling class.

Improving the way you manage money as a couple involved both of you understanding your subconscious relationship with money, having open and honest conversations about your priorities, values and goals, and then working together to make a plan to create the financial future you want.

What Kind of Relationship Do You Have With Money?

The first step in learning how to be better with money is figuring out what kind of relationship you have with it... and then how to improve it.

Money always means different things to different people. For some, financial success means having a lot of stuff. For others, money in the bank means freedom and / or fun. Other people equate money with safety. Still others view financial security as a legacy to pass on to their family.

However, money is does not always have positive associations. You may, on an emotional level, feel that it’s wrong to acquire wealth or have too much money. You may have a subconscious belief that you always struggle financially, or that wealthy people are greedy and selfish.

Perhaps you’re intimidated by money. Many people are. Being fearful of making financial mistakes, or having anxiety about investing can lead to long term financial decisions that put you at a disadvantage.

Conversely, feeling comfortable with money and confident in your ability to handle it can turn it into a positive force in your life. One of the biggest issues that many people encounter when they are seeking to get better with money are their own — often hidden — associations, beliefs and emotions related to money.

Bringing these to the surface and deciding what beliefs are helpful to you currently (and which are getting in the way of your financial success)  will allow you to make real and lasting change in your relationship with money.

Get In Control of Your Finances

Part of becoming a whole person is learning how to cultivate financial success, according to your own terms. Learning how to be good with money is a life skill, just like taking care of your physical and emotional health, and learning how to have good relationships.

Learning how to be better with money is not just a matter of making a budget and stopping your $5 latte habit. Genuine financial success requires self-awareness, clarity about your core values, and intention — as well as a plan. Financial management is a vital life-skill that is learned, and once you have a tool-box of strategies to manage your money you can flourish in every way.

That’s why, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m speaking with Profit Boss Hilary Hendershott. Hilary is a Certified Financial Planner, financial advisor and a wealth coach. She has helped many people learn how to not just manage their finances, but create genuine abundance in their lives.

She’s here with actionable advice to help you:

  • Gain self awareness about your patterns with money
  • Stop sabotaging your financial success
  • Use your core values guide your financial decisions
  • Develop an intentional relationship with your money
  • Guide your money, easily and effortlessly
  • Create long-term financial peace

Listen to our discussion and get actionable advice from Hilary about how to start changing your relationship with money for the better, starting today.

 

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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Financial Success: How to Be Better With Money

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Enjoy the Podcast?

Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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How to Tell if You Have ADHD

How to Tell if You Have ADHD

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Adult ADHD: A Blessing and a Burden

Have you ever wondered if you have ADD? Want to take an “Adult ADHD Test?” How about listen to a podcast about ADHD?

Okay here’s the first question: Does the fact that I just mentioned this is going to be a podcast about ADHD rather than a written article make you feel relieved? (Because you can run / clean / drive / keep futzing around with whatever you want to instead of having to sit still for a REALLY LONG TIME (like 8 minutes) and laboriously read through an article and take a quiz?)

Ding ding!

Little things like this are only one of the things we therapists and life coaches keep an eye out for when we’re trying to assess whether someone has Adult ADHD. Yes, there are the official DSM Criteria — but what does it actually look like in practice? How do you know if you may have Adult ADHD, or whether you just need to get more organized?

The truth is that you can struggle with ADHD your whole life and not even know that you have it.

You’d be amazed at how many people show up for Life Coaching (or particularly Career Coaching) frustrated out of their gourds by their inability to achieve at the level they know they are capable of — in their work, their relationships, or in their daily life. Life coaching is successful when we identify the obstacles that have been holding you back, and then make a plan to do something different — and get better results in the process.

Some people are shocked to discover that their “obstacle” getting in their way is actually a diagnosis: Adult ADHD.

Attention Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder is more common in adults than you might think. A Harvard study found that nearly 5% of the population meets criteria for the disorder to the point that it’s causing significant impairment. There are many more people who are “subclinical” — meaning that they have significant symptoms of ADHD but not to a degree that a formal diagnosis is warranted.

ADHD Brings Strengths… and Struggles

It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have ADHD tendencies. People with ADHD tend to have sparkling, active minds and boatloads of new ideas. They often have grand plans, and an energy and enthusiasm for life that’s hard to match. And when people with ADHD lock on to something they are passionate about — look out. They can move mountains.

But having ADHD is also indescribably annoying — for people who have it, and the people who love them. Lost keys, forgotten plans, messy piles, chronic lateness, undone projects and broken commitments make adults with ADHD feel terrible about themselves. They can also create significant problems in a relationship, as you can imagine.

The best news? Adult ADHD is a solvable problem. You can’t make it go away, but you absolutely can learn how to manage it so that it stops getting in your way — and learn how to use the gifts it brings to your advantage.

On today’s episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking about how to tell the difference between garden-variety disorganization and real-deal ADHD. I’ll give you an “Adult ADHD Quiz” to help you determine if you might have it, or if someone you love may struggle with it. I’ll also be sharing some strategies you can use to conquer Adult ADHD, and rise to your magnificent potential.

Your partner in growth, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: In this episode I mention a number of books, plus a funny-ish video about the ADHD experience. Here are the links if you’d like to check any of them out. And no, I’ not an Amazon affiliate or anything — these are just resources I’ve found to be helpful that I’d like to share with you.

The ADHD Experience

Here’s the video I mentioned in the podcast. If you want to communicate to someone you love about how annoying and frustrating it is to have ADHD, you might want to show them this video.

 

Good Books About Adult ADHD

Driven to Distraction, by Drs. Hallowell and Ratey

Taking Charge of Adult ADHD, by Dr. Barkley.

 

 

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How to Tell if You Have ADHD

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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Generational Differences in the Workplace

Generational Differences in the Workplace

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Markie Keelan, M.A., LPC is a dynamic online career coach who helps individuals get clarity about their gifts and passions. She especially enjoys assisting millennials in creating authentic success in their lives through the development of meaningful careers.

Teena Evert, M.A., LMFT is a Denver career coach, leadership coach and certified conversational intelligence coach. She helps individuals become empowered to develop their strengths and achieve life satisfaction — both personally and professionally.

Think About When You’re From

Generational differences in the workplace aren’t something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with a team, your expectations about your career path, and even the way you relate to authority figures can all be connected to the point in time that your personality and professional identity were being developed.

Understanding your generational differences, particularly how they show up on-the-job, can help you not just understand yourself more deeply, but help you work more effectively with your colleagues. 

Where it All Began: Parenting Practices Across the Generations

In order to understanding generational differences in the workplace it’s helpful to take a look at how parenting practices and family life have evolved across the decades. Many baby boomers born in the late 1940s into the early 1960s were raised in traditional family units, and came of age at a time that social change and revolution was in the air. Broadly speaking, this resulted in a generation of people who embrace traditional ways of being as well as personal growth and hope for the future. In the workplace, baby boomers often have a strong work ethic and excellent leadership abilities.

In contrast, Gen Xers born in the late 1960s and 1970s were raised in family systems that were much less child-focused than previous generations. Divorce rates were at an all time high, and many adults of this period put an emphasis on self-discovery, and career and financial advancement. As a result, GenX kids in the 1980s were the original “latch-key kids” often left alone without much supervision during a time when alternative music, art and culture were becoming more prominent. As a result, this generation has personality traits that trend towards realism, independent thinking, self-direction, privacy, and entrepreneurial activities — all of which manifest themselves in the workplace.

Millennials, born between approximately 1980 to the mid 1990s were born in families who were often very excited to have children, and during a cultural period in which more intensive parenting practices became the norm. Compared to other generations, millennials often had a great deal of support, attention and encouragement to develop themselves and their unique abilities. As such millennials tend to believe in their own strengths and abilities yet also desire recognition and approval from leadership and colleagues.

Baby Boomers in the Workplace

While everyone is an individual and outliers are always present, generally speaking, baby boomers have tended to be standard-bearers of work-ethic and career advancement. They have paid their dues both in time and energy, often committing long term to organizations they believe in. As such, boomers are often formidable leaders who may struggle to understand and empathize with the different values, communication styles, and attitude towards work / life balance of the generations that came after.

Gen Xers in the Workplace

Sometimes called “the lost generation” Gen Xers can sometimes feel caught between the two dominant generational and cultural forces they are sandwiched between. Gen Xers in the workplace tend to have had careers that transcend organizations; they have been much more likely to flit from company to company as opportunities arise. This has had an impact on Gen Xers advancement, both financially and in attainment of leadership positions at traditional organizations. However, the independence, flexibility and relatively high risk tolerance of Gen Xers allows them to shine when doing their own thing; many have reaped the rewards of their entrepreneurial efforts. At the same time, Gen Xers tend to be more independent and less self-promotional than both baby boomers and millennials and as a result can often feel that their contributions are not seen and their voice is not heard. 

Millennials in the Workplace

Millennials are now the largest age group in the work-force, and their numbers are rising. In every organization they are involved with they often bring a fresh energy, technological savvy, and a collectivism that allows them to work collaboratively towards common goals. Often idealistic, they strive for the best in themselves and many find great meaning in using their work to make the world a better place. Millennials are often great communicators, priding themselves on their ability to stay connected. Millennials in the workforce are often champions of new ideas, and finding new solutions. At the same time, some millennials struggle with self-doubt and frustration, particularly when confronted with the harsh reality of student loan debt, housing costs, personal uncertainty, and feeling that their efforts are not paying off.

Three Generations in the Workplace Colliding… and Thriving

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I have the great honor to speak with my colleagues Teena Evert and Markie Keelan about generational differences in the workplace, and how Gen Xers, Millennials and Baby Boomers can build on their strengths. Both Teena and Markie are excellent career coaches who have helped people of every generation get ahead in their careers. Teena has a knack for helping people find their voice and learn how to communicate more effectively, and Markie is a millennial career coach who loves helping people of her generation (and others) find both meaning and success in their chosen professions. 

Join us on this episode to learn more about generational differences in the workplace. We’re discussing:

  • Success tips to improve communication and relationships between generations in the workplace
  • How Gen Xers can find their voice and become more active partners on the job
  • How Millennials can support themselves through difficult moments when they feel their hope flagging
  • How Baby Boomers can make space for, and appreciate, their younger colleagues
  • The cultural differences between generations, and how it impacts worldview, attitudes towards work, and communication styles
  • Tips for career development and personal growth

We hope this conversation helps you on your path of personal growth, both personally and professionally.

Sincerely, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Teena Evert, M.A., and Markie Keelan, M.A.

Ps: Scroll down to get to the podcast but if you want to learn even MORE about the plight of Gen Xers in the workplace and what they can do to get ahead, check out this video interview Teena gave on the topic:

 

 

 

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Career Advice: Navigating Generational Differences in the Workplace

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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What to Do When You Are Married and Have a Crush on Someone Else

What to Do When You Are Married and Have a Crush on Someone Else

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Married With a Crush?

 

So, you are married but you have a crush on someone else. Hey, it happens. Married people, even happily married people are also human and as such, are vulnerable to developing crushes on attractive others. A crush, aka, “Romantic Infatuation” can happen with anyone who you spend time with and who has attractive or, interestingly, anxiety-producing qualities. 

What does is mean if you are married and have a crush on someone else?

Having a crush on someone else when you’re married doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person. It also is not a reflection of your marriage. Believe it or not, having a crush may not mean anything at all. In fact, people in happy, healthy, committed relationships can still develop fluttery feelings for attractive others. Crush-y feelings don’t need to mean anything about your marriage or your spouse, or about the person you have a crush on.

Feelings just happen sometimes.

We have crushes because we’re living, feeling human beings who are designed to fall in love. Particularly in long term relationships where the zing of early-stage romantic love has faded into a steady, warm attachment, the part of us that longs for exciting, romantic love may be tickled awake by the presence of an interesting new other.

However, smart, self-aware people in good, committed relationships need to not follow those feelings, but rather handle them maturely and with wisdom. 

The Smart Way to Handle Having a Crush When You’re Married

While developing a crush is not unusual, it is extremely important to be very self-aware about what is happening and redirect your energy back into your primary relationship as quickly as possible. (If you want to stay married, anyway.)

Developing an infatuation can actually be a positive thing for a relationship, particularly if you are self-aware enough to realize that your feelings for someone else might be informing you about what you’d like to be different about your primary relationship. 

Then you can build on the existing strengths of your relationship to add “crush ingredients” back in, like spending time together, novelty, emotional intimacy, flirtation, and fun. Your relationship will be the stronger for it.

When Crushes Cross the Line

Crushes, when not handled well, can also be an on-ramp to an affair. Consider that very few people intend to start an affair. Most affairs begin with people having fluttery, crush-y feelings for someone who is not their spouse… and then leaning into them rather than intentionally extinguishing them.

Developing a crush or romantic feelings for another can be extremely dangerous for the stability of your family and your relationship. While it’s not unusual to develop a mild crush when you’re married, if unchecked, your innocent-seeing crush could bloom into an emotional or even sexual affair. 

While everyone can have a crush bloom, it’s very important to know how to handle yourself and your relationship when crushes happen in order to protect yourself, your relationship, and your integrity.

Protect Your Marriage From an Affair

Here at Growing Self, we are strong believers in the old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” That is never more so than with relationships: It’s much easier to educate yourself and learn how to handle common situations successfully, and in such a way that they strengthen your relationship rather than harm it.

Knowing how to handle yourself if you start to develop a crush on someone when you’re married to another is one of the most important ways of protecting your relationship from an affair. Even though couples can and do recover from infidelity, infidelity is terribly traumatic and difficult to repair. Affairs destroy marriages and destroy lives, and at the end of the day tend to result in disappointing relationships with the affair partner.

Take it from a marriage counselor (and, ahem, author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love”) who’s seen the destruction that affairs create: Don’t do it. The key? Catching those normal, crush-y feelings early and learning how to use them to re-energize your marriage, while simultaneously learning how to extinguish the crush.

What To Do (And Not Do) When You Are Married And Have a Crush

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m talking all about how to handle yourself and your relationship when you have a crush on someone else. We’ll be discussing:

  • The mechanics of a crush; how and why crushes develop
  • The difference between a crush and a platonic friendship
  • Why happy, committed married people can have crushes on others
  • How crushes can turn into something more serious
  • How to use self-awareness, integrity, and honesty to protect your marriage
  • How to use your crush experience in order to add energy and intimacy into your relationship
  • Warning signs that your crush is developing into something else
  • Why extramarital affairs are always a bad idea, and rarely end well
  • How to stop having a crush on someone else
  • How to avoid embarrassment and professional ruin if you have a crush on a coworker
  • How to protect your relationship and stay true to your values even when you’re having feelings for another.

All this and more on today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: If it’s not you you’re worried about, but rather that your partner may have a crush on someone else, here are some other resources for you: Signs of an Emotional Affair, and How to Get Your Needs Met in a Relationship. Play them in the car and see what your partner thinks… LMB

 

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Married With a Crush? What To Do (and Not Do)

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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