“Early in the relationship, we tend to be consumed by feelings of lust and a rush of the hormones, [like] dopamine and norepinephrine,” explains Jessica Small, licensed marriage and family therapist with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.
As a relationship therapist and dating coach, many of my single clients who are looking for that forever love, come to me asking, “What am I doing wrong?” expressing feelings of confusion, hurt, and even outrage at the current state of the dating world. Today I want to share with you dating tips to navigate the online dating pool of uncertainty and discomfort so that you can enter the dating world with confidence and assuredness that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Okay, you’ve decided to jump in – to try out this online approach to dating, and what better time than now when social distancing is in full swing? It’s not like you can go to the bar or join a club to meet someone new these days, you have to get a little more creative and with SO many people circulating on and through dating apps and websites…where do you even begin?
When it comes to online dating, there are apps and websites galore for you to choose from. The biggest difference between using an app like Tinder vs. a website like OkCupid is that dating sites that require a questionnaire (or a financial commitment) tend to attract people that are more serious about looking for a relationship. Where it is more common to find people that are looking for a relationship as well as causal hookup up on swipe apps.
Using an app or website is not necessarily better than the other but it may be helpful to think about what you are looking for and to choose a site or an app depending on the type of person that particular platform attracts. I often recommend that people join more than one platform to increase their pool of people.
Dating profiles are intimidating – they’re intimidating to create and they're even intimidating to read. Dating clients will ask me, “How can I trust that this is real?” And it is true…people have a tendency to answer personal questionnaires as they would like to be, not as they really are.
We all want to put our best foot forward, especially when it comes to meeting someone new. So, it’s likely that there will be embellishments on dating profiles. Consider the profile similar to a first impression – while you aren’t getting the full impression of the person, you are seeing (typically) who they want to be or believe they can be if they aren’t that person already.
My advice here is to not jump to conclusions. Don’t assume that what you read in the profile is completely true, but don’t discount what the profile says because it seems to good to be true. So while the personality questionnaire may not be 100 percent accurate they may at least give some idea of who that person is or at least who they aspire to be.
Use the dating profile as a jumping-off point to get to know the person, not to judge who they are or aren’t based on the answers they filled out.
For many online dating sites, the questionnaire will allow you to connect with similarly minded people – those who have a high percentage of matching with you based on the answers that you filled out.
The truth is, there is no foolproof way to succeed in finding the perfect match but there are definitely things that will increase your chances such as having a great profile, clarifying for yourself what you are looking for in a partner and how to assess others for that quality, having a positive mindset about dating, having a positive mindset about yourself, identifying your shortcoming when it comes to dating and taking steps to improve those things, and obviously being willing to go on lots of dates!
Don’t discount a potential match because your “match rating” is lower than others. Dating requires getting to know people – talking, listening, and seeing where your compatibility is outside of the questionnaire answers you both filled out.
You may get the opportunity to turn your matches into real-life dates, but the relationship ultimately starts from your profile. As mentioned before, dating profiles (creating and reading) are intimidating! Some of my tips for creating a standout dating profile are:
When you find a match – or someone you’re interested in getting to know a little more, you may have the opportunity to send them a message. When messaging others, ask a specific question or comment about their profile, don’t ever a start a conversation with nothing but a “hey.”
Dating apps are often used for casual hookups and brief interactions – and when you are looking for more than just a one-night stand it can be hard to come off as fun and flirty when you know that ultimately what you want may not be what 99% of your matches are looking for.
Be honest about what you are looking for in your profile, and then behave in ways that are consistent with what you want. If you want a serious relationship then don’t engage in behavior that is consistent with hook up culture – meeting up late at night, texting when drinking, etc.. Also remember that the main purpose of a first or second date is only to see if you’re interested in a second or third date. Relax and enjoy getting to know people without interrogating them about future plans on the first date to avoid coming off as desperate. Be patient, these things take time.
The biggest red flag is someone that waits extended periods of time between responses (days to weeks). People that are committed to this process tend to be responsive and make themself available. People that are looking for a partner are not wanting a pen pal. Limit your messaging to a couple of days and then find a time to meet in person (in public), that way you don’t waste time messaging someone for weeks only to find out that there is no real connection when face to face.
Dealbreakers are specific to each person. You need to decide what are YOUR dealbreakers are before you begin dating. Some people feel like a difference in politics is a dealbreaker where that is totally fine for someone else. Be thoughtful about what you are ok with and what will end up destroying a relationship in the long run.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, a long-term commitment, you have to be honest with yourself about what works and doesn’t work for you. To say, “Oh, I can grow to love that about them,” or “It’s not that big of deal, really” will only hurt you in the long run.
Your matches are lining up, you’re feeling pretty good about your prospects and the conversations that are unfolding – but is it okay to date more than one person at a time? How many people you choose to date at a time needs to be dependent on each person. If you tend to jump into relationships quickly and put all your eggs in one basket, you’re better off dating multiple people at once. If you tend to struggle to commit, and dating lots of people supports that avoidance, try dating one person at a time.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to go about online dating – show up as yourself and be honest with yourself throughout the process. When things start to feel like “too much” know it’s okay to walk away, and if things start to “fit” then move forward. The wonderful thing about dating is you get to choose how you’ll move forward or when you’ll walk away based on your wants and needs.
Here’s to you and your online dating adventures!
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.
Happy, healthy relationships are built on healthy boundaries. If you struggle to establish boundaries, understand your boundaries, or even define your boundaries to others, this episode is for you!
I am talking with Denver Therapist, and Boundary Expert, Kathleen Stutts and we are going to cover the basics of boundaries and then dive into the nitty-gritty of establishing your boundaries in relationships so that you too can feel empowered in your most important relationships!
Colorado Therapist and Online Dating Coach, Megan Brice, M.S., LPCC is discussing “Ghosting” why it happens and how to avoid it in your relationship.
“Early in the relationship, we tend to be consumed by feelings of lust and a rush of the hormones, [like] dopamine and norepinephrine,” explains Jessica Small, licensed marriage and family therapist with Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.
It can be hard to trust yourself, particularly if you're struggling to tell the difference between your intuition and anxiety. Your confidence will grow when you learn the difference between worry and inner wisdom. Learn how, on this episode of the podcast.
Are your subconscious “thinking traps” getting in the way of your finding the right person? On today's episode of the podcast, NPR's dating expert Damona Hoffman is here to help you get out of your own way and find the love you're looking for. Join us!
Couples under stress will either grow together, or grow apart. Dr. Lisa shares the small “make or break moments” that will strengthen your relationship… or damage it. Learn what you can do — today — to cultivate the healthy, happy, connected relationship you want and deserve.
In this season of gift giving, it can be easy to forget what our loved ones really want: Our unconditional love, trust, kindness, appreciation, attention, time, understanding, empathy, respect, emotional safety, and cherishing. However, we can't give those to others without prioritizing our own wellness. On this episode of the podcast, learn the personal growth strategies that will help you grow into your best self, and also become a true blessing in the lives of others.
Online dating is more complex than ever. On this episode of the podcast, expert online dating coach Markie K shares her top “dating advice do's and don'ts” for the new realities of the modern dating landscape. Join us!
Even if you know that your toxic relationship will only cause you pain and misery, it can still be very hard to walk away. Learn how to take your power back, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
As COVID-19 has swept through the United States it has brought fear, uncertainty, and anxiety as well as unprecedented self-quarantine. The schools have closed for what feels like an unknown amount of time and while we all try to grasp the magnitude of this situation many parents are also left wondering how to survive this quarantine with kids.
As a marriage therapist and parenting coach, a lot of my clients have been reaching out with questions and concerns surrounding this whole COVID-19 quarantine. I want to share my favorite helpful tips to survive quarantine with kids (especially school age!).
Although sacrificing sleep is always a challenge and very much a sacrifice, it will feel worth it. Waking up before the kids 20-30 minutes allows you to take care of yourself first, have a moment of peace, and do something to set yourself up for success for the rest of the day (whether you are organizing your work from home space, prepping your mind with positive thoughts for the day, or searching for cardboard boxes to built the best forts with your kiddos).
Use mindfulness as a way to bring yourself back into the present moment when you’re starting to feel your blood boil or you’re having a moment of intense panic. Tune into what you can see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Or walk yourself through a deep breathing exercise (breathe in 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, out for 4 counts, repeat 4 times).
Creating a sense of routine and structure often is helpful for everyone involved. Setting up a schedule for both yourself and the kids will help you to monitor your family activities. Kids do best when they know what to expect, so laying out the plan for the day will keep things flowing a little more smoothly and hopefully stop everyone from asking for snacks every 5 minutes.
Being home all day long together can feel overly stimulating. Building an hour of quiet time into the day can give everyone a break and a moment to recharge. During this time kids are expected to be in their rooms napping or engaged in a quiet independent activity. I tell my parenting coaching clients that this is an excellent time to practice self-awareness, meditation, and resetting before continuing through the rest of the day (and a little social distancing from the newness of being around eah other 24/7 for an hour never hurts…).
Cultivating gratitude is consistently shown to positively impact overall happiness so, using dinner time to practice gratitude as a family is an excellent time for cultivating gratitude with your children. Go around the table and say one thing you feel grateful for during dinner. Doing this regularly helps everyone start to tune in to what they feel grateful for throughout the day, it also reminds us that even on our hardest days there is something to be thankful for.
Ending the day with a clean(ish) house may help everyone feel a bit more settled, so take 10 minutes before bedtime to blast the tunes and straighten up the days' mess. The music makes it feel fun and special and may even end up in an all out dance party which is great for boosting mood and getting some extra exercise. Having a clean home at the end of the day will help set you up for success the following morning.
It is A LOT to be managing work, kids, your relationship, pets, anxiety etc. Sometimes you will feel like all you’re doing is surviving and that is absolutely ok.
This is temporary, every day is a new day and a new opportunity to try again. Sometimes you’ll be able to keep the days routine and other days you might need your kids to have a little extra screen time. Be kind to yourself and know that good enough is truly enough.
We can do hard things and we will get through this. Remember to stay connected to your friends and family and if you need some extra support, online therapy and coaching are good options to increase general self care.
Stay strong, you’ve got this.
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT
P.S. If you are looking for an online support group, Growing Self is now accepting new members to our Coronavirus Support Group. Read More Here → Coping with Anxiety, Stress, and Lonliness in the Era of Coronavirus
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a Denver-based couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.
Jessica meets with clients both in-person at our Denver office and by online video.
Online Life Coaching • Online Relationship Coaching • Online Executive Coaching • Online Career Coaching • Online Dating Coaching
We have specialized education and training, and years of experience in helping people achieve their personal and professional goals. We use only evidence based strategies that have been proven by research to help you get clarity and direction, have better relationships, feel happier, and design your ideal life.
Life Coach, Career Coach, Dating Coach, Therapist
Markie Keelan is a dynamic Therapist, Life Coach and Career Coach with years of experience in helping people all over the world achieve at their highest potential. She is a Certified Sports Psychology Coach who can help you perform at the top of your game and attain your personal and professional goals. If you're looking for increased life satisfaction or would like to advance professionally, she's ready to help you find your passion and start living your dream.
Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Therapist
Dr. Georgiana is a multilingual Marriage and Family Therapist, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Life Coach. Whether your preferred language is English, Spanish or French, her strategic, results-oriented approach to relationship coaching, dating coaching, life coaching and therapy will move you forward.
Pregnancy during the pandemic. Whether it's your first child or fifth – everything is so different right now. If your pregnancy plan has changed due to covid, you're not alone. Online coach and Denver Therapist, Rachel Hill, M.A., LPC, LMFT shares her advice for moms to be. Read it here!
What is the gentle parenting approach? What are the pros and cons of using this approach in your parenting journey? Arkansas family therapist and online parenting coach, Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT discusses how to get started and the benefits of using this approach in your parenting journey.
Is there a culture-clash in your relationship? Marriage counseling experts weigh in on how to deal with cultural differences in a relationship, in order to create understanding, respect and unity.
If you are struggling in your partnership – you're not alone. There is support for you here. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Blog, Online marriage counselor and relationship expert Seth Bender, M.A., MFTC is sharing with you his 6 strategies to a thriving relationship during chaos. Read now…
Talking with your kids about the pandemic will feel more reassuring after implementing these four strategies that Online Marriage and Family Therapist, Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT shares in her article How to Talk About Coronavirus as a Family. Read here…
Looking for survival tips while in quarantine with kids? We get it! Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a Denver-based Marriage Therapist and Parenting Coach. Today she's bringing you the Survival Manual (7 Tips for surviving this quarantine with kids) when you might just need it the most! Read now…
Parenting with a partner can be difficult. It's not unusual to have different ideas of how to raise your children, but working together and building strategies for success can help ease some of those uncomfortable conversations. Couples therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT shares 5 Coparenting Strategies for a successful partnership on this week's The Love, Happiness and Success blog post!
Do you feel apprehensive about spending the holidays with family or in-laws who judge and criticize you? On the latest podcast we're talking about how to deal when you're feeling judged, but also how to use this as an opportunity for YOUR growth and personal evolution.
Welcoming a new baby comes with many joys and challenges. Parenting and Family Coach Hunter Tolman shares five tips to help you start feeling more confident throughout your parenting journey.
The term coparenting implies that you and your spouse are parenting together, but the reality can often feel much different. The Oxford dictionary defines coparenting as “sharing the duties of parenting.”
Often we think of coparenting in reference to couples who are separated or divorced and are trying to actively parent children from two different households, but the truth is that the act of coparenting is just as present for couples living in the same home.
The experience of parenting with a partner can be difficult. You both love your children, you both want the best for your children and at times you may have different ideas of how to mold these tiny young people into productive members of society.
Let’s be honest, parenting in and of itself is hard. There’s no reason to make it harder by feeling like you’re battling your partner every step of the way.
Here are some tips to put the CORPORATION into coparenting:
It tends to be in our nature to focus on the negative, especially when we are feeling anxious, overwhelmed and angry. When I work with couples that are struggling to find effective coparenting strategies, we always start with finding where the partners are aligned. [Also see: Practical Tips For Nourishing Friendship With Your Partner for more practical tips on building your foundation together.]
So before you and your partner start to highlight all the things you disagree on, change the conversation. Ask each other these types of open-ended questions:
What values do you want to instill in our children?
What feels most important to you to teach our children?
What would make you feel like we have succeeded as parents?
Are there things your parents did that you want to repeat or avoid?
What do you enjoy about parenting?
What feels hardest for you?
These questions open the door to a dialogue where there can be connection, understanding, and alignment.
Now that you’ve spent time changing the conversation, and you have some clarity around what you, as parents, are ultimately working to achieve with your kids, you can start to explore various parenting models that you both can agree on.
Operating from a parenting model can often give parents a sense of relief because it feels like a manual for a job that came with no training. When you and your partner are both focused on parenting from the same lens then you naturally begin to respond to situations with similar language, and in similar ways.
A few models you may want to check out are Love and Logic, The Whole-Brain Child, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.
Kids, even young kids, are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. As we all know children are in a constant quest to test the boundaries. It is our job as parents to set rules and limits to ensure emotional and physical safety.
When there are gaps and cracks in our coparenting union, make no mistake that our children will find them. Just think about how much power it gives a child to understand that they can come between mom and dad!
It is an unrealistic expectation that you and your partner will agree on everything and always make the same decisions and respond to your kids in the same way, but in front of your kids, make an agreement to back each other up (and then settle any difference in opinion behind closed doors).
[For more information on nourishing your relationship with your partner through this parenting phase see: How to Keep Your Relationship Strong After Having a Baby for relationship-care tips!]
Nothing feels more defeating than having your partner swoop in and redo your work. Part of coparenting is about recognizing that your partner is sometimes going to do it differently than you would and your way is not always the right way.
Sometimes your partner is going to put your child in an outfit that does not match or give your kid two sweets when you would have only given them one. Don’t jump in and change your kid’s clothes or scold your partner. Being able to have flexibility around the small things helps create space for conversation around the big things (see step one for figuring out what the “big” things are and step two about backing one another up).
Give your partner space to build their own relationship with your kids, and the opportunity to feel like an empowered part of the parenting team.
Spending time together as a family doing things that are enjoyable and fun increases a sense of fondness and admiration for your coparent. When we feel positive about our partner we tend to have more tolerance for the moments that are hard. Find time to play, be silly, and admire how great your coparent can be.
Remember, you’ve got this, you are the parents!
Warmly,
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT
Do you have some helpful coparenting tips to share? Tell us in the comments section below!
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.
The online dating world can be a jungle. Online therapist and dating coach Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT shares her top tips for online dating. From creating your profile, avoiding red flags and disappointment, to setting yourself up for success!
Looking for survival tips while in quarantine with kids? We get it! Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a Denver-based Marriage Therapist and Parenting Coach. Today she's bringing you the Survival Manual (7 Tips for surviving this quarantine with kids) when you might just need it the most! Read now…
Parenting with a partner can be difficult. It's not unusual to have different ideas of how to raise your children, but working together and building strategies for success can help ease some of those uncomfortable conversations. Couples therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT shares 5 Coparenting Strategies for a successful partnership on this week's The Love, Happiness and Success blog post!
Welcoming a child together launches you into a new chapter as a couple. Learn how to handle your new-baby relationship challenges successfully, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
Parenting two little ones is challenging. Here are some parenting strategies that can help you confidently juggle it all, and have time for yourself too.
Life with a new baby is full of joys, challenges, and MANY sleepless nights. Here are some practical tips from a parenting coach to make life easier and more enjoyable for all.
So much planning goes into the birth of a child, but it's easy to neglect your relationship in the process. Here are the three “must-do's” to prepare your relationship for baby.
Is your relationship feeling hard lately? Is it just a rough patch, or is it time to get some marriage counseling? Here are eight ways to tell whether this will blow over, or if it's time to talk to a professional couples therapist.
Does your mind wander to all the “what-if's?” Learn how to cultivate inner peace, mindfully.
Welcoming a new baby into the world can be one of the most exciting and joyful times for a couple… and also one of the hardest. It's unfortunately very common to have marriage problems after baby. As marriage counselors and family therapists we often see that most couples spend so much time and energy preparing for the birth, and how to take care of their newborn, they neglect to think about how they'll keep their relationship strong after baby.
The relationship issues they experience after having a baby can therefore catch them by surprise, and feel all the more challenging to resolve in the stressful weeks and months following the birth of a child.
Just like we encourage couples getting married to get premarital counseling to prevent future problems, we encourage pregnant couples to proactively prepare their relationships for life-after baby. Today, we're here to help provide some guidance for preventing relationship problems after having a baby, or for healing your relationship if it feels like things have gotten harder since becoming parents together.
Many couples report relationship issues after baby. Why? It's because having a new child to care for together is uniquely stressful, and it requires you two to work together as a couple in a different way than you ever had before. Furthermore, you're likely both feeling depleted, sleep deprived, and overwhelmed. Plus, when your baby needs something, it feels like an emergency!
In this emotional, hormonal, and circumstantial pressure-cooker frustrations flare, and resentments simmer, particularly when things are feeling out of balance between you and unspoken expectations are going unmet.
Many women report feeling disconnected from their husband after having a baby, often due to feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, and because it's difficult for their partners to know how to support them — physically, emotionally, and in terms of practical help. Men too can experience disconnection from their partners after the birth of a child, often due to feeling suddenly secondary to this new little being who needs so much care and attention.
Having a new baby requires couples to renegotiate boundaries, establish new ways of doing things, and enter brand new emotional territory together — all while sleep-deprived and stressed. It's a a new chapter that involves a great deal of personal growth work, both for each partner individually, and as a couple. It's no wonder that many couples struggle as they make their way forward, together.
In addition to the new challenges couples face around how to work as a team to care for their baby, they may temporarily lose many of the fun bonding activities they once shared. Many couples need to rebuild their sexual relationship (slowly!) after the birth of a child. It's also generally much more difficult to spend time alone doing fun things than it was in the past. (You'll find very few brand new parents at a weekend-music festival, for example).
However, strong couples learn how to find new things to enjoy together. While having time alone is still important (date night, anyone?) it's extremely helpful to find ways of having fun and connecting around your parenting role too.
The good news is that through preparation and communication, couples can not just avert marriage problems after baby but enter a new era of strength and satisfaction in their relationship. Yes, things change, but many couples report feeling more deeply committed to each other and their new life as a family together in the months and years after their first child.
The early stages of new parenthood require working out kinks, and learning how to work as a team in a whole new way. Having a happy marriage after parenthood means learning new ways of communicating, connecting, and enjoying life together.
Because this transition to parenthood can feel so challenging for many couples, we're devoting a whole episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast to supporting you through it. Marriage and family therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small will be sharing her tips for how to not just keep your relationship strong after baby, but set yourself up for success in the years to come.
We hope that this information helps you successfully transition from being a happy couple to a happy family!
Sincerely,
Music Credits: Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star, “Blister in the Sun” (New Wave Lullabies Vol. 1,)
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.
In addition to working with private clients, Jessica leads our Online Postpartum Support Group.
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.
Jessica is also the facilitator of the Postpartum Support Group that meets Mondays online at 9 AM MST.
Yes, I'm a marriage and family therapist but I'm also a mom. I was 6 months postpartum with my first baby when I found out I was pregnant with my second. This was not exactly a planned event and I am a consummate planner. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed and terrified. I felt like I was just getting my parenting sea legs and was suddenly going to be thrown into a momentous storm.
So I did what any person would do, I panicked and then consulted the internet, asking “how to survive two under two?” My babies are now 1 and 2, and we're all okay. I can confidently say we made it through the first year, and I learned many things along the way.
While the one thing I know to be consistently true is that nothing is consistent and that the next year will bring a whole new set of triumphs and challenges, there are a few tips I have for living (not just surviving) with two under two.
Help your oldest kid first
I remember reading this same piece of advice over and over again and it always seemed backwards to me. I thought my newborn would be so helpless that they would need my attention immediately while my older one was a bit more self-sufficient and could wait. However, in practice, I found this advice to be gold.
With the exception of any safety/imminent threat issues I attended to my older child first and once I got her settled, I was able to fully attend to my baby. My older child was generally easier and quicker to serve and once she was settled I had enough time to fully give the baby what he needed.
Trust that you have enough love and time for them both
I was afraid that having a second child so soon was going to mean I was going to miss out on my first. I was nervous that I wouldn’t have enough love or time for them both and that my first child was going to get lost in the needs of a newborn.
One of the many things having children has taught me is that love is infinite, endless and brutally intense. Love can expand far beyond the reaches you could ever expect and there is always room for more. You can trust that your heart will make space for your growing family, it always does.
As for time, I would be lying if I said that having two children did not create limitations on my time, but that was going to be true no matter what the age gap! What I found was that I became more intentional and present with my time. Because I was afraid of not having enough of it, I was more thoughtful when I did have it. I started to cherish the baby's morning nap because it gave me space to give my oldest my full attention.
I also reminded myself that it’s good for kids to learn to not be the center of attention, to have to entertain them self, to share, to practice patience to realize that the universe has many people in it and there is enough love and space for them all.
Find a routine that gives you a break
Nap time is one of my favorite times of the day. It is a much-needed break from parenting. I love my kids but I also love the break from them, it is like coming up for air after being submerged by the endless needs of others.
When my second baby came I vowed to get them on a schedule that allowed me this break. Although it took some time, I aligned their naps so that most afternoons I get at least an hour break (here are some parenting tips around sleep schedules, if you're interested). That break is my haven, my time to reset, check out, get a task done or read a book. That break is imperative to my survival.
Be kind to yourself
The day after I brought home my son from the hospital my daughter fell off the bed. I was holding the baby and saw it happen but couldn’t get to her in time. She cried. I cried. We both survived. Things happen. Be kind to yourself.
Breathe
Honestly, of all my tips, this one is the best. Breathe. When both babies scream you’re entire drive…breathe. When you’re overwhelmed and exhausted…breathe. When your one child poops in the tub that both children are in…breathe (and yes, this did happen). Focus hard on that breath and say to yourself “this too shall pass.”
It always does.
You’ve got this.
Sincerely,
Jessica
PS: If you are in the thick of parenting babies, toddlers or both, and are looking for more practical tips and emotional support – I hope you consider joining our online postpartum support group. We laugh, we cry, and recently washed hair is absolutely optional. 😉
Persistent feelings of insecurity can tank a relationship. Learn how to strengthen your sense of trust and the emotional security of your partnership, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
There's more to intimacy than sex. Looking to reconnect, strengthen, or build a better bond with your partner? Online Marriage Counselor and Relationship Coach, Tomauro Veasley discusses the 4 types of intimacy that are imperative to a lasting, healthy relationship.
Getting back together with your ex means weighing the good and bad of your previous relationship together. Utah Couples Therapist and Online Breakup Recovery Coach, Kensington Osmond shares how to navigate the stages of getting back together.
Are you unknowingly making serious relationship mistakes that are damaging the health of your partnership? Learn the most important things to avoid (and what to do instead!) in order to have a fantastic relationship on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.
How do you forgive yourself when you've hurt someone? How do you gain self awareness, master your emotions, and break destructive old patterns? Mindful self compassion can help you make peace with the past, and move forward. Here's how…
Preparing for Fatherhood can feel a little daunting and it's not something that we talk about enough. The transition into parenthood can be beautiful but it's also very challenging. Today, I'm joined by Jessica and Seth, marriage and family therapists here at Growing Self. We are going to be discussing the postpartum experience from both the mother's and father's sides of the experience. Join us as we discuss preparing for fatherhood!
