Love Without Borders: Cross Cultural Relationships

Love Without Borders: Cross Cultural Relationships

Love Without Borders: Cross Cultural Relationships

Is There a Culture-Clash in Your Relationship?

How to Deal With Cultural Differences in a Relationship

As a marriage counselor and couples therapist l know that all relationships bring a variety of challenges and opportunities for growth. At the same time, some couples  — particularly those in cross-cultural relationships — feel that they have further to go in bridging the gap. Cross-cultural couples can have vastly different relationship expectations regarding gender roles in the home, the role of extended family, how to communicate, and so much more. While, ultimately, the diversity of their union can lead to an enormously strong and healthy relationship, couples from very different cultural or racial backgrounds sometimes need to work harder to create understanding and compromise.

Cross-Cultural Relationships

For the record, it is important to note that everyone comes into a relationship from a different family of origin that had its own values, belief system, internal culture and way of doing things. Even individuals who may, on a surface level, appear to be of similar backgrounds may have had entirely different “family cultures” that are influencing their expectations in their relationship with their partner. (This is the underlying reason why financial therapy for couples is so necessary!)

One big strength for interracial couples and international couples is an overt awareness that they need to openly discuss and respect these differences in order to achieve congruence. In contrast, couples who make the mistake of assuming that their partner’s life experiences were similar to their own run the risk of having unspoken assumptions and expectations lead to conflict and hurt feelings. Knowing from the outset that you both have perspectives, values and expectations that are simultaneously both different and equally valuable is a huge asset.

Navigating Cultural Differences in a Relationship

It’s very easy for couples to get entrenched in conflict rooted in a core belief of “right and wrong” when it comes to how to approach various aspects of their shared life. This can be especially true around hot-button issues such as:

These are points of conflict for many couples. However, if a couple in a bicultural marriage or with a multicultural family background has very different life experiences that they each wish to replicate in their marriage with each other… the battles can get fierce and even nasty. In contrast, cross-cultural couples who approach each other from a place of sensitivity and openness to understanding have the opportunity to learn and grow, celebrate their differences, and take the highest and best from both of their backgrounds in order to create a unique, beautiful blended culture in their new family, together.

Relationship Advice From Cross Cultural Marriage Counselors

To tackle these questions, and provide some direction for how to begin bridging the gap and building bridges to the center, I’ve asked some multicultural relationship experts to join me for this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Relationship coach Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT, Tania Chikhani, M.A, and Teresa Thomas, M.A., are marriage counselors who often work with cross-cultural couples and interracial couples, and have great relationship advice for how to create peace and harmony in your gloriously diverse family.

Specifically, we’ll discuss:

  • Why cross-cultural couples often get into power struggles about various aspects of their shared life.
  • The shift in perspective that can help you restore the empathy in your relationship and understand each other more deeply.
  • How to find ways of creating agreement, while simultaneously honoring and appreciating your differences.
  • How couples with different expectations of extended family roles can find balance between boundaries and togetherness.
  • How interracial couples can become a united front in understanding and confronting racial injustice, together.

Whether you’re in an interracial relationship, blending a multicultural family, or simply coming to terms that you and your seemingly-similar partner are actually coming into your relationship with very different perspectives, the perspective of marriage counseling experts Dr. Georgiana, Teresa and Tania can help. I hope you join us — click the player below to listen to the conversation!

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Love Without Borders: Cross-Cultural Relationships

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

online life coach arabic speaking therapist online life coach arabic speaking life coach career coach dating coach relationship coach

Tania Chikhani is a Relationship and Career Specialist with an M.A. in Clinical Psychology, and an MBA in Global Business and Marketing. She has specific training in marriage and family therapy and relationship coaching, as well as mindfulness coaching, career coaching, executive coaching, and life coaching.

Her specialty is helping you create happiness and success in all areas of your life. Her work is focused on enabling you to create and maintain passionate and fulfilling relationships while continuing to thrive in your career. She is known for seeing the love and joy that’s possible for you, and for your relationships, even through your darkest days. Read Tania’s full bio…

Let’s  Talk

Related Post

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Ready to cultivate relationships with true-blue friends who have your back? In this episode of the podcast: How to build a supportive community of people you can count on through thick and thin.

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Having close, healthy friendships can feel like a luxury, but they’re actually vital to your mental, emotional, and even physical wellness. Author and science journalist Lydia Denworth shares what she’s uncovered about why it’s so important to prioritize your friendships, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

Are you struggling through emotional triggers? Do you find yourself feeling sad, confused, or even angry when you don’t feel heard or when trying to work through difficult conversations with friends and family? Online therapist and life coach, Josephine Marin, M.S., MFTC discusses why you feel the way you do and how to start growing through these experiences. Read now on the blog!

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, RADICAL Acceptance – These are all ingredients to a happier, healthier, more successful you! Today on the blog, Online Life Coach and Therapist Roseann Pascale, M.A., LMFT shares how you can start your journey towards Radical Acceptance even in uncertain and difficult times.

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby dives into Helm’s White racial identity development model and has an honest conversation about what the stages are really like. She shares what the work involves, the obstacles and opportunities in each stage of growth, and resources to support you in your antiracist development on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is speaking with online therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., A.P, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC about Hope, Healing and Empowerment.

Six Strategies To A Thriving Relationship During Chaos

Six Strategies To A Thriving Relationship During Chaos

Six Strategies To A Thriving Relationship During Chaos

Creating a Thriving Relationship

We are no strangers to change here at Growing Self. In fact, personal growth is our specialty, and with personal growth comes A LOT of change from time to time. However, these past couple of months have introduced a completely new level of change. This change has been rapid, unwarranted, and left many heartbroken, confused, and scared. 

With the ever-changing climate of our economy, health, and lifestyles this “new normal” settling in has many of my couples clients facing new and uncharted stress and anxiety around work, household obligations, family responsibilities, and the health of their relationship. 

As an online marriage counselor, couples therapist, husband, and father – I’ve witnessed this stress firsthand. In the midst of this uncertainty, however, we still are all responsible for making our relationships work the best they can, despite the stress and upheaval we are all enduring.  

To help make your situation feel a bit more manageable, I wanted to share with you the same advice I share with my couples clients in sessions. Here are my top six strategies to a thriving relationship during chaos that will help your relationship stay strong, healthy, and thrive during this challenging time.

You Can Have A Thriving Relationship Through Challenging Change

Before I jump right into my six strategies to a thriving relationship during chaos, I want to first encourage you to take a couple of minutes to quiet your thoughts, to focus on your breathing, and to center yourself. I’m not saying that you need to go into full meditation mode, but take a couple of minutes to just slow down. Slow down your thoughts, center your feelings, and find gratitude in where you are at. 

When we start to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and uneasy in our current situation we can start to scramble and lose sight of what is truly important. I want to encourage you in where you are at and I want you to know that there is support for you here.

If you are facing challenges in your relationship that feel too big, unfamiliar, or distressing – you’re not alone in this. Many couples right now are struggling to balance this “new normal” with their household, children, work, finances, and each other. 

My hope for you is that these strategies can help implement new routines and support systems between you and your partner. Now, let’s get started!

Strategy No. 1 | For the Couple Working From Home with Children: Plan and Communicate

Like many couples out there with children, my wife and I are dealing with conflicting schedules and raising a 22-month old daughter who is suddenly home all the time! One way we and other couples can pull together through this is to plan our work schedules around each other, as someone must watch the baby at all times. 

As partners, you are both there to help and protect one another. That doesn’t mean that you walk all over each other or take advantage of the “more-chill” or “more-giving” partner. But that you work together to be successful as a unit. 

Successfully navigating through working from home with children requires proactive planning and communication. The two of you will need to plan around each other’s schedules and check on them daily together to avoid any misunderstandings and added stress. 

It is imperative that couples work together to make this transition as smooth as possible or to salvage what feels like an overwhelming pattern already taking place. The challenge here is that you are both dealing with the same discomfort and stress around balancing work responsibilities, home, and family care. 

Schedules can change very quickly – couples who successfully work together, accept the fluidity of the situation, and work on keeping grounded and as calm as possible will come out the other side stronger. 

Until this crisis ends, your day-to-day balance between work and home life will constantly change – you and your partner will need to work together to help one another succeed, and this will require good communication and strategic planning if you want a thriving relationship.

If you are like many of my couples clients though, you and your partner may struggle to effectively communicate. If you are looking for tips on building healthy communication between you and your partner, check out this podcast: Couples Communication Strategies for Stressful Times and this article: How to Improve Communication – Fast for tips you can start implementing today. 

Strategy No. 2 | For the Couple with One Partner Out-of-Work with Children at Home

If you or your partner are temporarily out-of-work or have been laid-off, it’s likely that partner will be with their child(ren) constantly, a role many of us are not used to.

The sole childcare provider will need a break and time to decompress when their working partner comes home or ends their workday. Likewise, the working partner will need time to rest and decompress too.

How do you both respect each other’s needs while also taking care of your own?

Circling back around to the importance of healthy and effective communication, couples in a thriving relationship will need to communicate their needs clearly. With a good understanding of what you need and what your partner needs, you can strategically plan your after work hours. 

This lifestyle change will require adaptability and empathy. We are all expending more energy than we are used to spending, and we will all need breaks from time-to-time.

Keep in mind that your partner (whether taking care of the children or working their regular job) is just as tired, stressed, and in desperate need of self-care as you are. If you can look out for one another, you’ll both get your needs met. 

Strategy No. 3 | For the Partners in Desperate Need of Self-Care and Individual Time Alone

Self-care is crucial to a thriving relationship, and that does not change now. Many self-care options, especially those including gyms and socializing, are not permitted right now. 

For those in need of some gym time, be open to socially distanced walking, jogging, or hiking outside. You don’t need to purchase a full in-house gym system – unless you really want to.

Instead, you can either subscribe to free workout videos on YouTube or purchase a subscription to a fitness app or virtual wellness program. 

For those in need of some social time (apart from your partner), engage in calls and video chats with friends and family. You can virtually go on walks together, attend virtual in-house happy hours, just catch up, or even make a meal together (in your own kitchens of course).

It’s important to maintain friendships even when you’re required to be apart. 

For those feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and emotionally drained: meditate, eat better, get some rest, and do what you can to keep yourself grounded.

This may mean spending time alone, reading your favorite book, getting some sunshine by yourself, listening to music, or simply drinking more water. 

For those in need of a distraction, this may be a perfect time to start a new hobby to keep your mind occupied and not overburdened with stress.

Taking care of yourself will allow you to show up for your partner and your family when they need you most. 

Helpful Tip: Don’t assume your way of self-care is right for your partner! 

Do you have a great workout regiment that you can do from home? Great! That being said, your self-care options are right for YOU, and not necessarily anyone else. Allow your partner to practice their own self-care, as they know better than anyone what makes them feel better.  

Work on accepting your partner’s way of self-care and try to calm any thoughts of your partner’s self-care being wrong (as long as those methods are not harmful). Remember, if you let them take care of themselves, they can show up better for you when you need them most.

Strategy No. 4 | For the “Informed” Couple Needing to Focus On Each Other

It is crucial that we remain as informed as possible during these difficult times but it can be so easy to go down the proverbial wormhole of different news articles, especially on the internet, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and panic.

Stay informed, but limit your own exposure to articles that can dysregulate your emotions and stress. It may be best to stick to official sources like the World Health Organization and your own state’s official guidelines and act through them rather than reading numerous other articles that might inflame your fear and lead to disconnection from loved ones.

Instead of consuming hours of news, schedule a time during the day that you briefly “catch up” on what is new in your state or area of residence. Be strict and put your phone away, close your computer, and turn off the TV when your “news time” is up. Then mindfully use the rest of your day to fully show up for your partner, your family, your friends, and your job.

If you and your partner are both working from home, you may be spending quite a bit more time around one another. Remember, this does not mean that you are spending time “together” – you will still need to find time throughout your week to focus on each other. 

We can get in the habit of forgetting to ask our partner “How are you doing today?” when we see them constantly. Our partner is working through difficult emotions and feelings just as we are – it’s good to recognize that for each other and if needed, schedule time together away from the hectic headlines. 

I encourage you to use the uncomfortableness you may be experiencing in your relationship to highlight areas of growth for you and your partner. Instead of spending extra time in front of the TV or on your phones, engage in conversation. Use this time to rebuild “weak” areas or vulnerabilities that could ultimately breakdown your partnership. 

If you find you are struggling to get the conversation started, check out this article: How to Fall Back in Love with Your Spouse for conversation starters when things start to feel a little stagnant.  

Strategy No. 5 | For the Couple Looking to Regulate Emotions and Get Back on Track Together

Yes, these are historically difficult times – that cannot be denied. However, you can take steps to feel calmer emotionally about the situation so you can be a better partner and parent.

One of the best ways to get out of the funk of flooding emotions and disconnection from your partner is to practice gratitude. Actively practicing gratitude will look different for everyone, but finding the silver lining through this situation will strengthen your relationship and make you and your partnership more resilient to change.

Many couples with children I know are having amazing experiences with their kids right now that they were not having prior. They are now able to spend quality time with their families instead of being caught up in the hustle of shuttling from event to event, being busied by daily obligations that are currently on hold or greatly reduced, and having to stick to a strict schedule that inhibits learning together, game nights, picnics in the yard, or leaving living room forts up for days instead of just hours. 

Similarly, many couples are finding that they are actually finding rest and relief in this season. Where they were previously overworked and stuck in a cycle that they didn’t even recognize as draining, they are now building better self-care and relationship-care habits that in return are making them better people, partners, and parents. Ultimately creating a thriving relationship that they didn’t realize they were previously missing.

I even have some couples clients that are working as a team for the first time in their relationships – never having known previously the impact that this type of support can have on your relationship and household productivity. 

And yet others are rethinking their priorities during this time of pause. Finding out what truly matters to them individually and as a couple. Dreaming, creating, and planning for a better future that they had not had time to envision previously. 

So much of what is happening right now is frightening, and it is absolutely so, but we can keep ourselves calm in the moment by accessing the positives and good that are sometimes hard to notice amidst all the change and chaos. 

Daily gratitude not only calms your emotions down in the moment, but it also helps buffer against the difficult times. By practicing daily gratitude, you and your relationship can begin to thrive during difficult times. 

Strategy No. 6 | For the Overwhelmed Partners Looking for Answers

The stress and anxiety that you may feel right now are completely understandable. These changes and uncertainties can become too much for any of us at any moment and that’s normal and okay. 

The truth is, no relationship is perfect. We all handle stress differently, individually and as couples. Sometimes it can be hard to navigate these changes or challenges on our own – especially if you and your partner react to stress in drastically different ways. 

It’s not abnormal that one of you may be in fix-it mode while the other is looking for a place to retreat to…alone. It’s not uncommon that you may find that your communication skills aren’t as strong as you once thought they were. It’s not out of the ordinary that you may be questioning your foundation or wondering what’s next for your relationship. 

These are all valid responses and normal, especially in stressful situations.

The good news is that many couples therapists and marriage counselors, including us at Growing Self, are increasingly offering flexible online options to adapt to COVID-19. This means you can find help from the comfort of your own home.

There is never any shame for reaching out for professional help if it is needed – if you’re feeling overwhelmed and it seems like there’s no way out, please reach out and call a professional.

This situation is extremely stressful, and the timeframe for an end to this crisis is unfortunately indefinite. That being said, we are still in relationships and marriages, and those still need to be nurtured. You have the power to manage this stress and to be the most understanding partner you can be during this difficult time.

Wishing you the best,
Seth Bender, M.A., MFTC

Seth Bender, M.A., LMFT - denver marriage counseling, online marriage counseling, relationship coach, breakup recovery

Seth Bender, M.A., MFTC is a marriage counselor, therapist, and life coach who helps people create deeper relationships, heal from difficult life experiences and increase their confidence. His warm, non-judgmental approach makes it safe to discover new things about yourself, and take positive action to change your life.

Let’s  Talk

Real Help For Your Relationship

Lots of couples go through challenging times, but the ones who turn "rough-patches" into "growth moments" can come out the other side stronger and happier than ever before.

 

Working with an expert couples counselor can help you create understanding, empathy and open communication that felt impossible before.

 

Start your journey of growth together by scheduling a free consultation.

Related Post

Parenting in a Pandemic: How To Talk About Coronavirus As A Family

Parenting in a Pandemic: How To Talk About Coronavirus As A Family

Parenting in a Pandemic: How To Talk About Coronavirus As A Family

Parenting in a Pandemic

As communities continue to adjust to the effects of Coronavirus, it’s easy to get caught up in the fear and confusion. Your children might be looking to you for answers and reassurance, yet you may need answers and reassurance yourself! So what do you do? 

Over the last few weeks as an online marriage and family therapist, I’ve been asked many questions from my clients with the hope that my answers can bring about peace of mind for families wrestling with uncertainty, and I believe there are some conversations and strategies that could help you find what you’re looking for…

Focus On What’s Underneath All Those Questions

Most of the time when we seek to understand it’s because we need reassurance, we need to feel more in control. I believe that fear and anxiety prompts these needs in us. As humans, feeling out of control is vulnerable and scary, so we react out of survival and we seek to understand. [More on letting go of control: How to Release Control and Let Things Go.]

In times like these when everything seems uncertain and scary, fear can become an unwelcome companion. Both adults and children listen to fear and let it sweep them up into waves of anxiety. Unfortunately, the more questions we ask, the more we realize how much we don’t know, and the more anxious we feel, especially in relation to something as unfamiliar as COVID-19

I’ve realized in my work with families that speaking to childrens’ fear can be more helpful than simply answering their questions. As the adult, we can acknowledge that their fear makes sense, and maybe even share with them that we also feel afraid when we don’t have all the answers. Fear is a normal human experience and it’s okay to talk about it. 

Remember That You Are A Team

One of the most empowering things you can do as a family is talk about teamwork! Even though you may be confined to your home and your social circle has shrunk, you still have each other! Don’t let fear or anxiety distract you from that. 

Use this time to reinforce your teamwork– play family games, watch movies together, have meaningful conversations at the dinner table. Your children could find so much peace in knowing that the unity of your family is one thing they can be certain of. 

It’s Okay If We Don’t Have All The Answers Right Now

Unfortunately, we don’t have all the facts about COVID-19 and with the ever changing statistics and research we are learning new facts daily. It’s impossible to keep up! So rather than stressing out about “knowing everything” focus on a few key things we do know: 

(1) This is not forever

(2) There are specific things we can do to make this better

(3) The rest is out of our hands

Teach your children that it’s okay to not know everything. Better yet, teach them that they can find hope and peace despite not knowing! 

The truth is, it is impossible to always be in control, so if we teach our children that the only way to feel at peace is when we’re in control, then they will feel distressed most of the time. 

In my work with clients, I’ve found the better antidote to anxiety is realizing that even in the face of not knowing, there is still hope. 

Change Your Perspective

It is okay to acknowledge the fear that your family is experiencing. This is normal and healthy. But rather than dwelling in that fear, try to practice being present as a family. 

Rather than looking months ahead and wishing away these moments, do something meaningful with the time you have today. Even though social distancing can feel distressing, I’m personally trying to look at it as an opportunity. An opportunity to spend more time with my family, an opportunity to re-evaluate what I’m grateful for, and an opportunity to choose hope over fear. 

My hope for you and your family is that you’ll feel empowered to have meaningful conversations during this time of uncertainty. Because even when we are afraid and don’t have all the answers, coming together as a family can make a difference. 

With Kindness,
Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT

Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT is a warm, compassionate marriage counselor, individual therapist and family therapist who creates a safe and supportive space for you to find meaning in your struggles, realize your self-worth, and cultivate healthy connections with the most important people in your life.

Let’s  Talk

Real Help For Your Relationship

Lots of couples go through challenging times, but the ones who turn "rough-patches" into "growth moments" can come out the other side stronger and happier than ever before.

 

Working with an expert couples counselor can help you create understanding, empathy and open communication that felt impossible before.

 

Start your journey of growth together by scheduling a free consultation.

Related Post

Emotional Affair Recovery

Emotional Affair Recovery

Emotional affairs can be just as destructive to a relationship as sexual affairs. However, it is possible to restore trust, feel secure, and heal your bond after an affair. Here’s how…

The Problem With Perfectionism

The Problem With Perfectionism

Do you ever feel the pressure to ALWAYS be perfect (even when life is everything but perfect)?? To be happy, healthy, and successful are all goals that we want to achieve, but sometimes just acknowledging reality and living true to yourself is really what you need to live a full life. Today on The Love, Happiness and Success blog we are talking about the problem with perfectionism and why you should “keep the first picture.”

How To Avoid Unrealistic Expectations

How To Avoid Unrealistic Expectations

Do You Find Yourself Feeling Dissatisfied In Your Relationship? Couples counselor and therapist Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT shares how you can avoid unrealistic expectations in your relationship with insight into where our unrealistic expectations come from and how to transform them into a healthy relationship.

How To Fall In Love Again

How To Fall In Love Again

Looking to reignite that spark in your relationship? Here are some fun (and practical) suggestions from an expert marriage counselor and relationship coach about how to keep your love alive.

Tips to Survive Quarantine with Kids

Tips to Survive Quarantine with Kids

Tips to Survive Quarantine with Kids

Survival Tips for Stay At Home

As COVID-19 has swept through the United States it has brought fear, uncertainty, and anxiety as well as unprecedented self-quarantine. The schools have closed for what feels like an unknown amount of time and while we all try to grasp the magnitude of this situation many parents are also left wondering how to survive this quarantine with kids. 

As a marriage therapist and parenting coach, a lot of my clients have been reaching out with questions and concerns surrounding this whole COVID-19 quarantine. I want to share my favorite helpful tips to survive quarantine with kids (especially school age!). 

Wake Up Before the Kids

Although sacrificing sleep is always a challenge and very much a sacrifice, it will feel worth it. Waking up before the kids 20-30 minutes allows you to take care of yourself first, have a moment of peace, and do something to set yourself up for success for the rest of the day (whether you are organizing your work from home space, prepping your mind with positive thoughts for the day, or searching for cardboard boxes to built the best forts with your kiddos).

Practice Mindfulness

Use mindfulness as a way to bring yourself back into the present moment when you’re starting to feel your blood boil or you’re having a moment of intense panic. Tune into what you can see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Or walk yourself through a deep breathing exercise (breathe in 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, out for 4 counts, repeat 4 times). 

Set Up a Schedule for Both Yourself and the Kids

Creating a sense of routine and structure often is helpful for everyone involved. Setting up a schedule for both yourself and the kids will help you to monitor your family activities. Kids do best when they know what to expect, so laying out the plan for the day will keep things flowing a little more smoothly and hopefully stop everyone from asking for snacks every 5 minutes.

Enforce Quiet Time

Being home all day long together can feel overly stimulating. Building an hour of quiet time into the day can give everyone a break and a moment to recharge. During this time kids are expected to be in their rooms napping or engaged in a quiet independent activity. I tell my parenting coaching clients that this is an excellent time to practice self-awareness, meditation, and resetting before continuing through the rest of the day (and a little social distancing from the newness of being around eah other 24/7 for an hour never hurts…).

Use Dinner Time to Practice Gratitude as a Family

Cultivating gratitude is consistently shown to positively impact overall happiness so, using dinner time to practice gratitude as a family is an excellent time for cultivating gratitude with your children. Go around the table and say one thing you feel grateful for during dinner. Doing this regularly helps everyone start to tune in to what they feel grateful for throughout the day, it also reminds us that even on our hardest days there is something to be thankful for.

Have a Clean Up Dance Party at the End of the Day

Ending the day with a clean(ish) house may help everyone feel a bit more settled, so take 10 minutes before bedtime to blast the tunes and straighten up the days’ mess. The music makes it feel fun and special and may even end up in an all out dance party which is great for boosting mood and getting some extra exercise. Having a clean home at the end of the day will help set you up for success the following morning.  

Above All Else, Practice Self-Compassion and Patience!

It is A LOT to be managing work, kids, your relationship, pets, anxiety etc. Sometimes you will feel like all you’re doing is surviving and that is absolutely ok. 

This is temporary, every day is a new day and a new opportunity to try again. Sometimes you’ll be able to keep the days routine and other days you might need your kids to have a little extra screen time. Be kind to yourself and know that good enough is truly enough.

We can do hard things and we will get through this. Remember to stay connected to your friends and family and if you need some extra support, online therapy and coaching are good options to increase general self care.

Stay strong, you’ve got this.
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT

 

P.S. If you are looking for an online support group, Growing Self is now accepting new members to our Coronavirus Support Group. Read More Here → Coping with Anxiety, Stress, and Lonliness in the Era of Coronavirus

 

Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a Denver-based couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.

Jessica meets with clients both in-person at our Denver office and by online video.

Let’s  Talk

Your Online Coaching Experts

Online Life Coaching • Online Relationship Coaching • Online Executive Coaching • Online Career Coaching • Online Dating Coaching

We have specialized education and training, and years of experience in helping people achieve their personal and professional goals. We use only evidence based strategies that have been proven by research to help you get clarity and direction, have better relationships, feel happier, and design your ideal life.

Brittany Stewart, LMFT-C

Brittany Stewart, LMFT-C

Relationship Coach & Life Coach

 

 

Brittany is a life coach as well as a  marriage and family therapist. She has expertise in helping her clients create healthy, happy, balanced lives, and satisfying, secure relationships. She can help you connect with your life's purpose, identify and overcome the obstacles currently in the way of your success, and then develop a thoughtful, attainable plan of action to proactively create the life and relationships you desire.

 

 

Amy Noelle Shih, M.A.. LPC

Amy Noelle Shih, M.A.. LPC

Relationship Coach & Life Coach

 

Amy-Noelle Shih is a powerful, dynamic, couples counselor, individual therapist and life coach with a direct, authentic, holistic approach to personal growth. Her style is as affirming and positive as it is effective, and all about helping you create alignment and joy in yourself and in your relationships.

 

Markie Keelan, M.A., LPCC, CSPC

Markie Keelan, M.A., LPCC, CSPC

Life Coach, Career Coach, Dating Coach, Therapist

Markie Keelan is a dynamic Therapist, Life Coach and Career Coach with years of experience in helping people all over the world achieve at their highest potential. She is a Certified Sports Psychology Coach who can help you perform at the top of your game and attain your personal and professional goals. If you're looking for increased life satisfaction or would like to advance professionally, she's ready to help you find your passion and start living your dream.

 

Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT

Dr. Georgiana Spradling, MFT

Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Therapist

Dr. Georgiana is a multilingual Marriage and Family Therapist, Emotional Intelligence Coach and Life Coach. Whether your preferred language is English, Spanish or French, her strategic, results-oriented approach to relationship coaching, dating coaching, life coaching and therapy will move you forward.

 

Teresa Thomas, M.A., AP

Teresa Thomas, M.A., AP

Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Therapist

Teresa is a positive, strengths-based therapist, marriage counselor, and life coach with a knack for helping people get to the root of their issues so that they can establish strong foundations for long-term change. She helps couples, families and individuals heal, grow, and feel good again.

 

Related Post

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Ready to cultivate relationships with true-blue friends who have your back? In this episode of the podcast: How to build a supportive community of people you can count on through thick and thin.

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Having close, healthy friendships can feel like a luxury, but they’re actually vital to your mental, emotional, and even physical wellness. Author and science journalist Lydia Denworth shares what she’s uncovered about why it’s so important to prioritize your friendships, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

Are you struggling through emotional triggers? Do you find yourself feeling sad, confused, or even angry when you don’t feel heard or when trying to work through difficult conversations with friends and family? Online therapist and life coach, Josephine Marin, M.S., MFTC discusses why you feel the way you do and how to start growing through these experiences. Read now on the blog!

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, RADICAL Acceptance – These are all ingredients to a happier, healthier, more successful you! Today on the blog, Online Life Coach and Therapist Roseann Pascale, M.A., LMFT shares how you can start your journey towards Radical Acceptance even in uncertain and difficult times.

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby dives into Helm’s White racial identity development model and has an honest conversation about what the stages are really like. She shares what the work involves, the obstacles and opportunities in each stage of growth, and resources to support you in your antiracist development on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is speaking with online therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., A.P, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC about Hope, Healing and Empowerment.

Coparenting Together

Coparenting Together

Coparenting Together

Creating A Successful Partnership

The term coparenting implies that you and your spouse are parenting together, but the reality can often feel much different. The Oxford dictionary defines coparenting as “sharing the duties of parenting.” 

Often we think of coparenting in reference to couples who are separated or divorced and are trying to actively parent children from two different households, but the truth is that the act of coparenting is just as present for couples living in the same home. 

The experience of parenting with a partner can be difficult. You both love your children, you both want the best for your children and at times you may have different ideas of how to mold these tiny young people into productive members of society. 

Let’s be honest, parenting in and of itself is hard. There’s no reason to make it harder by feeling like you’re battling your partner every step of the way. 

Here are some tips to put the CORPORATION into coparenting: 

#1 FIND THE SIMILARITIES FIRST

It tends to be in our nature to focus on the negative, especially when we are feeling anxious, overwhelmed and angry. When I work with couples that are struggling to find effective coparenting strategies, we always start with finding where the partners are aligned. [Also see: Practical Tips For Nourishing Friendship With Your Partner for more practical tips on building your foundation together.]

So before you and your partner start to highlight all the things you disagree on, change the conversation. Ask each other these types of open-ended questions

What values do you want to instill in our children? 

What feels most important to you to teach our children? 

What would make you feel like we have succeeded as parents? 

Are there things your parents did that you want to repeat or avoid? 

What do you enjoy about parenting? 

What feels hardest for you? 

These questions open the door to a dialogue where there can be connection, understanding, and alignment.

#2 GET ON THE SAME PAGE

Now that you’ve spent time changing the conversation, and you have some clarity around what you, as parents, are ultimately working to achieve with your kids, you can start to explore various parenting models that you both can agree on. 

Operating from a parenting model can often give parents a sense of relief because it feels like a manual for a job that came with no training. When you and your partner are both focused on parenting from the same lens then you naturally begin to respond to situations with similar language, and in similar ways. 

A few models you may want to check out are Love and Logic, The Whole-Brain Child, and Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

#3 BACK EACH OTHER UP

Kids, even young kids, are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. As we all know children are in a constant quest to test the boundaries. It is our job as parents to set rules and limits to ensure emotional and physical safety. 

When there are gaps and cracks in our coparenting union, make no mistake that our children will find them. Just think about how much power it gives a child to understand that they can come between mom and dad! 

It is an unrealistic expectation that you and your partner will agree on everything and always make the same decisions and respond to your kids in the same way, but in front of your kids, make an agreement to back each other up (and then settle any difference in opinion behind closed doors).

[For more information on nourishing your relationship with your partner through this parenting phase see: How to Keep Your Relationship Strong After Having a Baby for relationship-care tips!]

# 4 RELINQUISH CONTROL AND EMPOWER YOUR PARTNER

Nothing feels more defeating than having your partner swoop in and redo your work. Part of coparenting is about recognizing that your partner is sometimes going to do it differently than you would and your way is not always the right way

Sometimes your partner is going to put your child in an outfit that does not match or give your kid two sweets when you would have only given them one. Don’t jump in and change your kid’s clothes or scold your partner. Being able to have flexibility around the small things helps create space for conversation around the big things (see step one for figuring out what the “big” things are and step two about backing one another up). 

Give your partner space to build their own relationship with your kids, and the opportunity to feel like an empowered part of the parenting team.

#5 HAVE FUN

Spending time together as a family doing things that are enjoyable and fun increases a sense of fondness and admiration for your coparent. When we feel positive about our partner we tend to have more tolerance for the moments that are hard. Find time to play, be silly, and admire how great your coparent can be. 

Remember, you’ve got this, you are the parents!

Warmly,
Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT

Do you have some helpful coparenting tips to share? Tell us in the comments section below!

 

Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT is a couples counselor, premarital counselor, therapist, and life coach who is passionate about helping individuals, families & couples create more fulfilling lives and relationships, and to function at an optimum level of health and happiness.

Let’s  Talk

Read More by Jessica Below!

Coparenting Together

Coparenting Together

Parenting with a partner can be difficult. It’s not unusual to have different ideas of how to raise your children, but working together and building strategies for success can help ease some of those uncomfortable conversations. Couples therapist and parenting coach Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT shares 5 Coparenting Strategies for a successful partnership on this week’s The Love, Happiness and Success blog post!

Feeling Judged?

Feeling Judged?

Feeling Judged?

Don’t Let Mutual Intolerance Ruin Your Holidays

Feeling judged is difficult at any time, but as we lead up to the holidays, I begin to hear from many therapy and life coaching clients that feeling judged or criticized during family gatherings creates a ton of anxiety. I commonly hear that people feel judged by their in-laws, and also that they feel a great deal of frustration that their own boundaries will be tested. Many of my clients express anxiety and frustration that their in-laws and parents don’t respect their boundaries as parents, disregard their values, and also do intrusive and annoying things during their time together. 

Listen, it’s true: Most of the time we all get to live in our little bubbles. We spend time with our like-minded friends, and we get to control much of what we let into our personal spheres. But during the holidays, we pony up to spend time with people that we may not have much in common with other than the fact of our being related. And it’s stressful.

When we’re in close contact for prolonged periods of time with people who are very different from us, judgment disapproval can easily creep in — often to the point where it disrupts our ability to stay in the present and have a good time. We get upset with them for judging us, and then they get upset because we’re upset (or hold our boundaries and refuse to accommodate their preferences) and before you know it it turns into an ugly conflict instead of the happy holiday gathering you all want. 

So, what to do? How do you spend time with family who may have values at odds with yours, deal with judgment and frustration, and manage to have a good time anyway? 

How to Stop Feeling Judged

On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m diving deeply into this topic, in order to help you find strategies to stop feeling judged (while you’re staying true to yourself and your values). 

To this end, I’m tackling a listener question. Miss S wrote in with this:

“I recently found your podcast and I am enjoying it very much. I do have a request for a topic that may be helpful to others especially as we near the holiday season. I could use help in dealing with family members who are socially awkward and/or difficult to be around.

During the holidays, my mother and mother-in-law give us a run for our money!

We are exposed to guilt trip galore like accusing us of not spending enough time with them (ie unable to accept that we are adults and have our own lives and have set boundaries), the “inconvenience” of “having” to come to our house for the holiday dinner, not having overnight accommodations that are comfortable, not eating the requested desserts that they bring  & etc.

They are also obsessed with the past as in constantly bringing up family members who have passed away in such a way that it is awkward and not relevant to the conversation.

Despite our requests to not do this, my mother-in-law always calls her other son , who lives out of state, and puts him on speaker during the meal. It is really disruptive, awkward and unnecessary as we all speak to him on our own. Also, she doesn’t see us much so it would be nice for her to enjoy her time with us and call him when she goes home.

Also, my mother-in-law doesn’t like me anymore. I think she blames me for her son not spending as much time with her or his other family members. This is not true , of course, but it’s still off-putting when I can feel her disdain even though I know it’s her stuff, not mine.

I know that I will not be able to change their behaviors but perhaps I can learn to be less annoyed and regain enjoying my holidays. This is so much easier said than done so I am hoping that you may be able to illuminate a path for me.

Thank you for sharing you talent and expertise via your podcast. I have found it very helpful and have shared it with friends and family members, too.”

Listen and hear what I share with Miss S including:

  • Why it’s so important to get clear about your values before heading into emotionally fraught situations with family and inlaws
  • How to decide where to be flexible and where to hold firm in your interactions with others
  • How to let go of your need for approval from others
  • What to prioritize in order to help yourself make decisions and be less reactive
  • The secret strategy to help yourself be okay… even when others are not

 

Becoming Self Aware of Our Own Judgments

The flip side of feeling judged is often an opportunity for US to grow and become more self aware and compassionate. For example, I sometimes encounter people who are feeling very frustrated and judgmental for other people for… wait for it… being so judgmental!

Part of the key skill in learning how to manage feeling judged by others is understanding how we respond when our own values and preferences are not being honored. On this episode of the podcast I also discuss some of the ways that we can become more self-aware of our own judgment and use it to:

All this, and more, on this episode of the podcast.

All the best, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to The Podcast

Dealing With Judgment

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast!

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

Related Post

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Finding Friends You Can Count On

Ready to cultivate relationships with true-blue friends who have your back? In this episode of the podcast: How to build a supportive community of people you can count on through thick and thin.

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Having close, healthy friendships can feel like a luxury, but they’re actually vital to your mental, emotional, and even physical wellness. Author and science journalist Lydia Denworth shares what she’s uncovered about why it’s so important to prioritize your friendships, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

How Difficult Emotions Lead to Growth

Are you struggling through emotional triggers? Do you find yourself feeling sad, confused, or even angry when you don’t feel heard or when trying to work through difficult conversations with friends and family? Online therapist and life coach, Josephine Marin, M.S., MFTC discusses why you feel the way you do and how to start growing through these experiences. Read now on the blog!

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Radical Acceptance: How to Cope in Uncertain Times

Mindfulness, Self-Awareness, RADICAL Acceptance – These are all ingredients to a happier, healthier, more successful you! Today on the blog, Online Life Coach and Therapist Roseann Pascale, M.A., LMFT shares how you can start your journey towards Radical Acceptance even in uncertain and difficult times.

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Fight Racism, Part 2: Becoming Antiracist

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby dives into Helm’s White racial identity development model and has an honest conversation about what the stages are really like. She shares what the work involves, the obstacles and opportunities in each stage of growth, and resources to support you in your antiracist development on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is speaking with online therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., A.P, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC about Hope, Healing and Empowerment.

Loading...