Ask a Denver Therapist & Life Coach
Do I Need Therapy or Life Coaching?
People have many options when it comes to getting effective help in making positive changes in their life. It can be confusing to figure out what kind of help you need. People often wonder about the difference between therapy and life coaching, and which strategy is right for them.
To help understand the difference, I often use the “hole and mountain” metaphor to help people understand the difference between counseling and coaching, and decide which is best for them.
Filling The Hole: When Therapy is the Right Choice
When people are feeling really bad, they are in “the hole.” They may be struggling with self-doubt, anxiety, depression, negative core beliefs, trauma, unfinished business with the past, intense emotions, painful relationships, or addictive behaviors. (Sometimes even all at the same time). When you’re in this place it can be very difficult to take action and have it be successful.
Until you feel stronger emotionally, you may not be able to make major changes in your life. You might feel helpless, trapped, and have no idea how to help yourself feel better. Or the things you try don’t work, and just make you feel more hopeless.
The truth is that sometimes you have to heal, grow and get stronger on the inside before you can make changes on the outside.
When you are in “the hole” you really need the compassionate support of a highly trained therapist. Someone who is competent to help you climb out of the hole and back onto solid ground. Someone who can create a safe space for you to begin to heal and grow. The first stages of growth are often introspective, subtle, and happen more on the inside then on the outside.
Change is risky, and change is difficult. You have to feel strong, confident, and competent in order for changes to stick and carry you forward. If you’re not on this space, therapy will help you get there.
Climbing The Mountain: When Life Coaching is a Good Choice
People can begin growth work from different starting points. Sometimes, people feel generally okay, and are simply interested in changing their circumstances and improving their outcomes. They feel strong enough to start making changes, and begin “climbing the mountain” that leads them to greater success. The work of this stage involves designing their new life, and figuring out how to make their dreams a reality.
Some people arrive at this point after first doing supportive, growth-oriented therapy. Some start the process at this solid-ground point, and just want to improve their current circumstances and create success. If you’re truly ready for coaching you probably don’t need as much insight, emotional support, or healing. You just need to get clarity, make a plan, and take action. If you’re here, coaching will be much more useful to you than therapy, because it will help you get results.
A good coach will help you get clarity about what your mountain looks like, and all the actual day-by-day steps you need to take to get to the top. Then they’ll support and encourage you as you walk up it.
Therapy or Coaching: Pros and Cons
The Dark Side of Coaching
There is a serious problem with the coaching profession as a whole: They are serving as therapists and marriage counselors. This is entirely inappropriate, illegal, unethical, and dangerous. Coaches do not need to have any professional credentials, education, training, or experience and are forbidden from practicing counseling or therapy. But many do, anyway.
Due to the stigma linked to traditional therapy people in search of personal growth and emotional wellness may prefer to seek support from life coaches rather than highly trained professional therapists. This is even true for people who are seriously in the hole, and struggling with big issues. It can just feel better for them to say, “my coach” instead of “my therapist.”
Unfortunately, lots of life coaches may only have a few weeks or months of training before being certified. You can decide being a realtor just isn’t for you any more, become a life coach in a weekend seminar (or online), hang a shingle, and start seeing clients the next week.
In contrast, professional therapists devote years in Master’s degree or Doctoral programs learning about research based, evidence supported strategies to be instruments of change in people’s lives. In the personal growth world, it’s like choosing to put your life in the hands of a marginally educated medical assistant rather than a board-certified physician.
True story: I had a professional colleague recently tell me about an experience she had that highlights the issue. She was at a coffee shop minding her own business when she couldn’t help but over hear a Life Coach at the next table (clearly in way over his head) clumsily attempting to do therapy with a woman who was clearly struggling with major depression — which is a potentially life threatening psychiatric condition. Many ethical violations were being committed that a true therapist wouldn’t do, like violating privacy and confidentiality, practicing beyond the scope of competence. It was truly shocking.
And self-trained “Relationship Coaches” are even worse. Couples facing serious challenges who seek support from a “Relationship Coach” are putting their marriages in the hands of someone who is likely not competent to provide meaningful support and guidance. I have personally seen a number of couples in my practice after failed attempts at “relationship coaching” almost destroyed their marriage. Scary, but true.
Coaches mean well, but they just don’t even know what they don’t know. And they are attempting to serve people who are leery of effective therapy, and marriage counseling, but who probably need it. It’s a real issue in the personal growth world.
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The problem with therapy…
I hate to say it, but I’m going to anyway– there are a lot of fairly ineffective therapists out there. Well meaning, kind, warm, compassionate, and ineffective therapists. I can’t tell you how many clients have approached us after spending months, if not years, in therapeutic relationships that do not help them feel better and make positive changes.
In fact, many new clients to our practice seek us out specifically because we offer coaching and not just therapy. They want real guidance and direction — not months of free-associating to a nodding, sympathetic therapist. They get frustrated by “just talking” and not being taught the skills and strategies that will actually make a difference in their lives.
Worse, some people get involved with therapists who do not practice effective, evidence-based forms of therapy. Colorado does not regulate the type of therapy that is offered, and unfortunately it’s completely okay for therapists to decide for themselves what is helpful to clients — energy grids from magic rocks, past life regression, spiritual exorcisms (seriously – I’ve heard it all). People can spend years in ineffective therapy dissecting the symbolism of their dreams or speculating about “past-life trauma”… as their lives are falling apart.
This is frustrating, and not okay either. Research shows that therapy can be extremely effective, as long as it is based on the kinds of therapy that are proven by research be helpful.
Our Solution: The Best of Counseling and Coaching
All the therapists at Growing Self have a strengths based, positive, and active approach to therapy. We are “coach-y counselors.” We use only effective, positive, evidence-based strategies to help you heal and grow. And when you are ready to walk up that mountain, your therapist will be right there beside you offering you the accountability, practical guidance, and action-oriented strategies of a coach.
And, any Life Coach you see through Growing Self also has formal, graduate level training as a traditional psychotherapist. They follow the strict, ethical guidelines you’d expect from a therapist around confidentiality and professional boundaries, and they really know what they’re doing. They combine the power and depth of evidence-based psychology with the focus on active change and accountability you want from a coach — to help you get the results you want.
If you know that you want an accountability partner, who can help you get clarity and make an action plan, and you are feeling ready to climb up that mountain — by all means, start with coaching. If you feel like you need to grow on the inside, gain insight into yourself, and simply feel better before you’re ready to make changes in your day-to-day — start with counseling.
Whether you see a Growing Self counselor or coach, you can’t really go wrong.
The Love, Happiness
& Success Podcast
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is trained as a Psychologist, a Marriage and Family Therapist, and is a Board Certified Life Coach. She is the Founder of Growing Self Counseling and Life Coaching in Denver, Colorado.
Dr. Bobby is the host of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love.”
Personal Growth Experts
Effective Therapy • Life Coaching • Relationship Coaching • Executive Coaching • Career Coaching • Dating Coaching
We have specialized education and training, and years of experience in helping people achieve their personal and professional goals. We use only evidence based strategies that have been proven by research to help you get clarity and direction, have better relationships, feel happier, and design your ideal life.
Brenda Fahn, MA, LMFT
Marriage Counselor, Premarital Counselor, Relationship Coach, Dating Coach, Life Coach, Therapist
Brenda Fahn specializes in helping couples create healthy, happy relationships, and helping her individual clients create balanced, joyful and meaningful lives. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, with a positive, direct style and over fifteen years of experience. She teaches our “Lifetime of Love” premarital / relationship class.
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Hilary Romanoff, M.Ed., M.A., BCC
Executive Coach, Career Coach, Business Coach
Hilary Romanoff is an expert executive coach and career coach with over twenty years of experience in helping people achieve at their highest potential. She specializes in coaching successful professionals, entrepreneurs, CEOs and other executives around leadership, management, team-building, personal productivity, stress management, work / life balance and more. If you’re looking for clarity or help in advancing professionally, she’s ready to help you find you passion and start living your dream.
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Ari Kipnis, M.S.W., LCSW
Marriage Counselor, Premarital Counselor, Relationship Coach, Therapist, Life Coach, Career Coach
Ari Kipnis has a friendly, smart style and over ten years of experience in helping people find clarity, direction and new strategies that allow them to move forward fearlessly. Whether you want to overcome self-limiting patterns, heal from traumatic life experiences, or feel more confident, happy and effective in your day-to-day life, he can help you. If you’re looking to repair your relationship, Ari has a special talent for helping couples get back on the same page and rediscover their love for each other through positive, effective, solution-focused strategies. Best yet, Ari is bilingual and able to work with you in either Spanish or English.
Schedule Your Free Consultation With Ari
Dr. Kristi Helvig
Life Coach, Career Coach, Executive Coach, Business Coach
Dr. Kristi Helvig is both a licensed psychologist and a board certified coach. She specializes in career and executive coaching, and helping her clients climb “mountains” by breaking huge goals down into attainable action steps. She can help you overcome the old obstacles that have been holding you back, get clarity about who you are, what you want out of life, and — most importantly — how to create it.
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Stephanie Manning, M.A., LMFTC
Marriage Counselor, Premarital Counselor, Parenting Coach, Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Therapist
Stephanie Manning has years of experience as a “change agent” in the lives of her clients. She has a warm, fun style that makes working with her as enjoyable as it is effective. She specializes in solution focused counseling and coaching with both individuals looking to have more fulfilling lives, and couples wanting communicate more effectively, find new solutions to old problems, repair their strong bond, rebuild trust after affairs, successfully blend families, and parent joyfully together.
Schedule Your Free Consultation With Stephanie
Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., NCC, LPCC
Therapist, Life Coach, Marriage Counselor, Dating Coach
Kathleen is a compassionate Therapist, Life Coach, Marriage Counselor and Dating Coach with a warm, gentle style that will help you feel comfortable, respected, and understood. She uses thoughtful, evidence based strategies like cognitive behavioral therapy and the Gottman Method to help her clients make positive changes in both their lives and their relationships, even when obstacles had seemed overwhelming previously.
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