Stop Fighting, and Start Understanding
So you disagree with one another. You’re not seeing eye-to-eye on an important matter that impacts your relationship. It’s causing a lot of tension that quickly escalates into a debate where no one wins. It’s exhausting to say the least, but you’re just not willing to give up trying to get the other person to see your point of view and understand your feelings. It matters to you that your partner gets you, feels you and is able to work with you to solve a perpetual problem in your relationship.
The reality is that you have both failed at your attempts to try to resolve the issue for years. You’re both finally at your breaking point and considering reaching out to a professional marriage counselor or couples therapist in hopes of saving your relationship.
Resolving Arguments: What Doesn’t Work
What hasn’t worked is trying to prove your point by going over the facts and details of what happened and what was said in hopes that you will come to some sort of agreement that will end the argument.
The conversation instantly becomes heated and after a failed attempt to persuade your partner that their actions and ideas are wrong, you step away feeling defeated, hopeless and at your breaking point. You may even threaten to break up or divorce because you can’t continue to have this same argument over and over again with no resolution. [Check out: How to Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage]
Are You Stuck in a Negative Relationship Cycle?
I have worked with hundreds of couples who have struggled with this dilemma. They are highly distressed from getting stuck in this negative cycle. They need help getting out of it so they can resolve the argument at its core and enjoy the good things that they share in their relationship.
The truth is, this is not a quick fix, particularly if this pattern has been repeating itself for years. It will take some time to untangle and get to the root of the problem so that it can be handled in a manner that prevents it from continuing to grow, fester and take over your seemingly great relationship otherwise.
How to Resolve a Chronic Argument in Your Relationship:
- First, you must be willing to be 100% responsible and accountable for your part in the argument.
- Second, you must be open to taking a look at what your partner does that triggers your behavior and therefore impacts your partner’s reaction to you.
- Third, you must also be willing to explore the emotions you feel and identify your relationship needs.
- Fourth, you must be willing to take a look at your worst fears and be able to talk about this with your partner.
You’re Not Alone
Every couple has arguments that if not resolved can turn into a negative cycle of interaction. [Check out: Communication 101] This can leave you feeling estranged from your partner, which often includes feeling alone and isolated. The truth is, there is no way to keep from getting caught in a negative cycle from time to time. If you don’t have the knowledge and skills to work through this together, then partners become stuck in a disconnected alienated impasse.
Working with a trained couple’s therapist or relationship coach can help you break out of these negative cycles and as a result you will become more resilient and experience more trust and security in your relationship.
This is what I want for you so that you can enjoy your life together, grow stronger together and have a happy and fulfilling partnership. If this resonates with you and you think you could benefit from some professional help, then please set up a free consultation with me so I can help you move forward.
Teena Evert, M.A., LAC, LMFT