Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Moving Forward: The Path of Personal Growth

MOVING FORWARD: A Love, Happiness and Success Podcast listener (and taker of my online self-esteem quiz) recently asked me, “Dr. Lisa: I’m dedicated to moving forward and I want to achieve personal growth, but HOW? How do I breakthrough?”

Fair question! On this episode I go behind the scenes from my viewpoint as a Denver therapist and online life coach, and longtime practitioner of “breakthrough counseling” to give you the inside scoop.

I reveal the  the internal workings of the personal growth process so you can see what a successful “personal growth plan” really involves. Listen and learn the actual process for moving forward (whether in therapy, life coaching or on your own) and how to transform what feels like a breakdown into a breakthrough.

Specifically, we’re discussing:

      1. TIMING: Why this particular “pandemic” time (believe it or not) holds many opportunities for personal growth and change that are not as easily accessible when things are normal.
      2. CATALYSTS: How to use a breakdown in order to achieve a “breakthrough,” and why having a personal crisis is so often transformational.
      3. SELF-AWARENESS: The importance of learning how to tap into the wisdom of your dark emotions.
      4. MOTIVATION: Why things that feel like obstacles are often actually are the path forward in disguise.
      5. EMPOWERMENT: The key turning points of the personal growth process, particularly shifting out of victimhood and into empowerment.
      6. BREAKTHROUGH: The life changing experience of having new recognition of (and refusal to continue) old patterns.
      7. TRANSFORMATION: How the hard-earned personal growth process culminates in feelings of confidence, clarity and self worth.
      8. VICTORY: Why moving forward and achieving authentic personal growth is not an easy path, but a worthy one (and yours to keep!)

To help you take in this information in the easiest and most enjoyable way for you, I’m including access to both the podcast link and the full transcript so you can either listen or read though. (You’ll find the full transcript by scrolling all the way down).

Wishing you all the very best on your journey of growth!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Moving Forward: The Path of Personal Growth

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

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Moving Forward

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Signs of Low Self Esteem

Signs of Low Self Esteem

Signs Of Low Self Esteem

And How to Overcome Them

Signs of Low Self Esteem: Do you struggle to feel good about yourself? Do you compare yourself unfavorably to others? If you make a mistake or experience a setback, do you assume that it’s because of your personal flaws or shortcomings? Do you assume that people don’t like you, and anticipate rejection at every turn? 

These are just a few of  signs of low self esteem, and if they’re present in you, it’s hard to feel confident in your own abilities, and generally secure around other people. As a Denver Therapist and online life coach I’ve worked with countless clients over the years who struggled with low self esteem. I know that this is an exhausting and disempowering way to live, but the good news is that with the right support you can start to feel good about yourself again. 

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we’re talking all about self esteem in order to provide you with insight and direction about how to achieve healthy self esteem and stay confidently connected to your self-worth through the ups and downs of life. 

Specifically, we’re discussing:

The importance of Self Esteem

Self esteem refers to your basic trust in yourself, and your sense that you are worthy of love and respect. People with healthy self esteem are usually able to take setbacks in stride and cope with disappointment, set healthy boundaries with others, take guidance from their feelings, be appropriately assertive, and trust in their ability to be effective and make good decisions.  

People with healthy self esteem typically feel good about themselves and, more importantly, are able to support themselves compassionately when they don’t. (Instead of beating themselves up and judging themselves when they’re feeling down.) When people with high self esteem experience inevitable rejection or disappointment, they have a realistic understanding of all the factors that may have contributed to their negative experience — not just singular focus on their own shortcomings.

Perhaps most importantly, people with healthy self esteem tend to be effective in relationships. Because they have a strong sense of themselves, they are able to stay calm(ish) when their partner or loved one is upset. They’re also able to have empathy for their partner’s feelings and perspective without feeling that their own is being attacked or criticised. Because they do not need approval or external validation to feel okay about themselves, they are able to tolerate moments when their partner is not at their best without becoming over-reactive. 

Because people with high self esteem trust their feelings and have a general core belief that they are worthy of being treated well, they tend to talk openly about how they feel, ask for what they need, and swiftly set healthy boundaries with people who are being abusive or disrespectful to them. 

Low Self Esteem Symptoms

If you don’t feel like you are a fundamentally “good enough” person who is worthy of love and respect, you may blame yourself for many things and have a vicious inner critic berating you from the inside out. People with low self esteem often feel inappropriately guilty and ashamed, and are often consumed by negative thoughts about themselves. 

One of the hallmark signs of low self esteem is a tendency to compare yourself to other people, and often feel that you’re not as good as others are. Particularly for young people, feelings of low self esteem can be amplified by social media use, as they compare the curated images and “highlight reel” of others to their own life experiences… and feel like they’re falling short.

If you’re suffering from low self esteem it’s difficult for you to trust yourself. This often takes the form of minimizing your own feelings — particularly dark (and protective!) emotions like sadness and legitimate anger. When you feel guilt or shame for feeling upset, it is difficult to set healthy boundaries with other people, or talk about how you feel or what you need with others. This, in turn, has a negative impact on relationships. (And having difficult relationships, contributes further to your feelings of low self esteem). 

Causes of Low Self Esteem

If you’re wondering, “Why do I have low self esteem?” here’s an overview of some of the common causes of low self esteem:

  • Self Esteem and Depression:

    • Low self esteem is one of the symptoms of major depressive disorder. This is an important distinction, because if depression is present, it may be causing feelings of low self esteem. (Low self esteem does not necessarily cause depression!) If you get into mental health treatment for depression, ideally using and evidence based form of therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy, as your depression lifts it will also contribute to raising your self esteem.
  • Self Esteem and Trauma:

    • People who have experienced a number adverse life experiences including childhood abuse or neglect, or other significant, early rejections of traumas are often suffering from low self esteem as a result. Getting involved in high-quality, sometimes longer-term trauma-focused, evidenced-based psychotherapy will often help heal your self esteem as you work through the trauma.
  • Other Causes of Low Self Esteem:

    • While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can create feelings of low self esteem, it is also true that many people who suffer from low self esteem (perhaps most!) have not lived through extreme abuse, neglect or trauma, nor are they suffering from symptoms of depression. Sometimes they’ve experienced a loss such as a breakup, divorce, or layoff that has been a gut punch to their self esteem. People who’ve been stuck in a toxic relationship will often feel badly about themselves. Other times, what causes low self esteem is simply a long-standing negative thought pattern that emphasizes personal shortcomings, and overlooks strengths and successes. Shifting that inner dialogue can help people start feeling better about themselves and their lives.

How to Improve Your Self Esteem

There are a number of effective strategies for how to overcome low self esteem. Generally speaking, passive, insight-oriented, traditional, vague “talk therapy” that seeks to create connections between life events and why you feel so badly about yourself (if not rooted in actual trauma work) will often just make you feel worse and more broken. Endlessly talking about how badly you feel about yourself, and why, will only amplify these feelings and make you feel increasingly stuck in them. 

A far more effective approach for how to overcome low self esteem is through a more positive, action-oriented approach such as CBT for self esteem. This type of therapy for self esteem does not keep you focused on the past, but rather teaches you new strategies to identify and shift negative, self-limiting thoughts. It also emphasizes empowerment, and encourages you to actively participate in behaviors that challenge you, and provide you with opportunities to experience your own competence. This strengths-based approach to self esteem counseling helps you correct the core beliefs about your “worthlessness” because it teaches you how to feel confident and effective in different situations. 

Another fantastic strategy for how to have high self esteem is through evidence-based life coaching that utilizes cognitive behavioral strategies. Particularly if your low self esteem is related to a recent loss or setback, like low self esteem after a breakup, or low self esteem after a layoff, this type of life coaching can help you feel better about yourself. 

Positive, future-focused life coaching can also teach you how to change the way you think, teaches you new skills for how to be more effective in common situations (particularly around communication and emotional intelligence). But good life coaching for self esteem will also help you set achievable goals and then take action to achieve them. Doing so, and creating a new reality for yourself, will help you feel positive, confident, and more trusting in your own abilities. 

Self Esteem Test

One helpful tool to measure your self esteem is our “How Healthy is Your Self Esteem Quiz.” This is an online self esteem test that explores whether or not (and to what extent) you have the signs of low self esteem. You can take this self esteem test online, and then get a report showing your results and recommendations for how to raise your self esteem. 

Self Esteem Podcast

For even more on this topic and a deep dive into the signs of low self esteem, the difference between “high self esteem” and “healthy self esteem,” an exploration of the causes of low self esteem, why traditional therapy can amplify feelings of low self esteem, and insight into the most effective ways of raising your self esteem, listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. 

It’s all for you!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

The Signs of Low Self Esteem

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

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Attachment Style Quiz

Attachment Style Quiz

Attachment Style Quiz

How Do You Love?

Understand Your Relationship Attachment Style

Before you jump into taking the attachment style quiz, first understand relationship attachment styles and how they impact your results in life and love. Then your attachment style test results will be meaningful and helpful to you as you seek to grow and evolve within yourself and in your relationships.

Where does our attachment style come from? Our childhood affects us in more ways than we imagine. Because everyone is raised differently, we all have varying styles of connecting with others, communicating, and seeking emotional fulfillment. While your experiences in your family of origin can certainly set the stage for your attachment style, your early-life friendships and your first romantic relationships can impact the way you relate to others too. Knowing our needs in terms of approval and attention — and understanding how others are seeking to relate to you — is crucial, if you want to maintain a healthy and secure long-term relationship.

In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, you’ll learn about different attachment styles, how they impact the way you relate to others, and how to figure out the attachment styles of people you’re in relationship with. You’ll also have the opportunity to take an attachment style quiz to better understand your own way of relating, through this relationship attachment style test.  

To begin, I’m speaking with dating coach and therapist Maya Diamond about attachment styles and how we all have different ways of relating to other people. She gives insights about how we can develop better relationships with those around us through self-awareness and being secure in our worth. Finally, she gives advice with regards to dating, particularly during the quarantine. (Learn more about Maya on her website, and check out her TexEx!)

Tune in to this episode to learn how our attachment styles affect our relationships. Then get the attachment style quiz emailed to you so that you can take the relationship attachment style test and learn about yourself, and where your growth areas are.

On This Episode: 

  1. Discover what an attachment style is and its different types.
  2. Learn how we develop our personal attachment style and how it affects our relationships.
  3. Gain insights about dating in the current pandemic situation.
  4. Get awareness about your patterns in relationships.
  5. Receive tips for how to avoid emotionally unavailable partners.
  6. Then, get the attachment style quiz to learn about the early experiences that shaped YOUR patterns.

What Is Attachment Style?

  • Attachment styles refer to how we’re organized around relating and how our primary caregiver related to us as a child.
    • This comes from our early childhood, from the moment we are born to five years of age.
  • There are four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized.

Secure Attachment Style

  • Secure attachment means your primary caregiver was emotionally responsive as you were growing up.
  • They also mirrored your feelings, which allowed you to understand your own emotions.
  • Having a secure attachment style allows an individual to develop emotional intelligence and empathy.

Anxious Attachment Style

  • Anxious attachment means your nervous system is often on high alert. You also have a tendency to put a lot of time and energy into relationships.
  • This can stem from inconsistent parenting, wherein you sometimes received emotional attunement and sometimes did not. It can also happen when you’ve had negative experiences in other relationships — particularly when your trust has been broken.
  • Anxiously attached people often worry about abandonment and can be jealous.
  • They frequently question their relationships and have general distrust of their partners.

Avoidant & Disorganized Attachment Style

  • Avoidant attachment stems from either neglect in terms of emotional attunement or engulfment and invasion of boundaries.
  • This makes an individual self-reliant and self-regulatory when it comes to their needs in relationships.
  • Disorganized attachment is a combination of both anxious and avoidant. Growing up, your primary caregivers were a source of panic and fear, as well as love.

Attachment Styles in Relationships

  • Most people have a combination of all four, with two styles being predominant.
  • Romantic relationships in adolescence and adulthood can also change or reinforce your attachment styles.
  • People with anxious and avoidant styles have such different needs. When these two are in a relationship, it could trigger a cycle of pushing each other away. 
  • You can become more secure in relationships by doing deep, healing work on yourself.

 

Why Understanding Attachment Styles is SO Important When You’re Dating

Some relationships can feel challenging from the start, when two people are coming together with very different needs and hopes for the relationship. For example, if someone with a more anxious attachment style is in a new relationship with someone who tends to be avoidant, a push-pull dynamic will quickly ensue. The more anxiously attached person will often experience their partner as being uncaring or distant, which increases their anxiety. Likewise, their avoidant partner will have difficulty in meeting their emotional needs and having compassion for them, and instead, will often experience them as being clingy, unreasonable, or demanding.

A much better pairing for someone who has a more anxious attachment style is a securely attached partner, who is better able to be emotionally responsive to them. Furthermore, a securely attached individual will be better able to tolerate an avoidantly attached individual’s desire for space, and difficulty with communicating.

How to Identify Attachment Styles Early

  • To find a secure relationship that meets your needs, ask yourself first what you feel when you’re with this person and when you’re not.
  • Because of Hollywood, people are looking for excitement in a relationship. However, the person who excites you can trigger your childhood wounds and trauma.
  • Be with someone who makes you feel safe, peaceful, and calm.
  • There are little moments where we bypass the red flags that we should pay attention to.

Things to Be Aware of on the First Date

  • Pay attention to how they treat waiters and talk about their exes, parents, and childhood.
  • Listen to what the person says they want in their love life right now. Don’t fall into the trap of trying to change their mind.
  • Understand if the other person is ready for a serious relationship and wants to invest their energy in you.
  • Keep your eyes and ears open and your blinders off.

How to Develop Security in Your Attachment Style

  • The basis of being secure is knowing your own value and worth.
  • We all want to be met. But when you are coming from a place of self-love and self-worth, it becomes easy to say no to the wrong fit and yes to the right fit.
  • For people with anxious or avoidant attachment, having guidance and support helps you feel secure and let love into your life.

Dating in the Time of Pandemic

  • The current quarantine is amazing for your love life because it’s making everything go slower, from dates to physical intimacy.
  • Being alone and isolated makes us crave connection and find love even more.
  • Utilize technology to connect with people.
  • Even on a video date, you can still fill the energy and excitement around you. Pay attention to that.

 

Understanding Your Own Attachment Style: Take the Attachment Style Quiz!

When you’re ready to take this to the next level, text “ATTACH” to 55444 in order to get your copy of the attachment style quiz, and deepen your understanding of your patterns in relationships. Note: this is not a “here’s-your-score,” superficial type of quiz, but rather an attachment style assessment that can help you uncover the early experiences that shaped you, and how your attachment style is impacting your relationships now. Disclaimer: This attachment style quiz invites you to consider early experiences, for the purpose of gaining self awareness. It may be most helpful for you to do this attachment style assessment under the direction of a great therapist or relationship coach who can help you use this activity as a part of your longer-term personal growth work. Self-awareness is often the first step of targeted work in shifting an changing old patterns, particularly when it comes to attachment styles.

5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode

“Something that I think is really significant that people don’t talk about as much as well is that in your adulthood, you have these different romantic relationships, and they can really impact your attachment style.”

“All the statistics don’t matter. What matters is knowing what you need and being able to really follow that and stick to that.”

“He is not everything on your list if he doesn’t want a relationship.”

“I think just listening, like just really keeping your eyes and ears open and not your blinders on. I think you have these blinders, which, again, are usually from our childhood.”

Healthy Attachment Mantra: “I can give and receive love freely, but I’m only going to do it with someone who is at my level of what I’m able to give and receive.”

Enjoy This Podcast?

Learning how you could create love, happiness, and success for yourself has never been this easy. If you enjoyed today’s episode of the Love, Success, and Happiness Podcast, hit subscribe and share it with your friends!

Post a review and share it! If you enjoyed tuning into this podcast, then please don’t hesitate to leave us a review. You can also share this with your family and friends so that they can discover the power of healthy friendships.

Have any questions? You can contact me through our website or find me on Instagram or Facebook. You may also reach out to us and inquire about online therapy and life coaching. Growing Self is also on Instagram and Facebook.

Thanks for listening! 

To finding love, happiness, and success

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

https://youtu.be/oGWCNSchj8M

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What's Your Attachment Style? Take the Attachment Style Quiz

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Torus, “Introspect”

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

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What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

Can You Help Someone Who Won’t Help Themselves?

What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

Does Your Partner Have a Problem?

It is agonizing to be in a relationship with someone you love very much, but who has a serious — and untreated — problem. If your partner is struggling with something like depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, pornography addiction, ADHD or PTSD it can wreak absolute havoc in your relationship, not to mention make you (both) miserable. And it can be hard to tell when “being supportive” slides into “being codependent.” If the problem has been going on for a long time, it may even make you question whether you should continue to support and help your partner… or whether it’s time to cut your losses and end the relationship.

This topic has been on my mind lately, as I’ve recently had a number of listeners of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast ask me these questions:

  • How do I help my partner who is depressed (or anxious / ADHD / addicted to something) and refuses to get help?
  • What are signs your partner will get their act together, and what are signs you should break up?
  • How do I help my husband who is suffering from PTSD, and won’t talk to anyone?
  • How many chances should I give my alcoholic / addicted partner?
  • I promised, “For better or for worse,” but it wrong of me to bail on this marriage if my spouse is not holding up their end of the bargain?
  • Is my boyfriend ever going to be cured of his pornography addiction?
  • Should I feel guilty for ending this relationship, even if I feel like I need to save myself?

These are big, serious questions. But you, my dear listener, told me this is what is important to you… and I’m listening to you. We’re going there on this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. I hope that this discussion helps you find your way through this dark time, and back into clarity and inner peace.

All the best to you,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

What To Do When Your Partner Has a Problem

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Lorelle Meets The Obsolete, with “Waitin’ For The Orange Sunshine”

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & Share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

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The Importance of Healthy Friendships

Invest in Healthy Friendships

The FRIENDSHIP CONNECTION: It’s more apparent than ever how fundamentally important our healthy friendships are to our wellbeing. As a Denver therapist and online life coach, I often speak with my online therapy clients about how empty and meaningless life can feel when they don’t have supportive friends and family with whom to share their journey, celebrate their success, and turn to for comfort and guidance in difficult times. 

Is this true for you, too? If so, developing friendships and creating a supportive, solid friendship network may be an important goal on your overall journey of creating the life you want. But even if the desire for stronger friendships exists, it can be hard to build genuinely healthy friendships — especially as an adult. Why is it so much harder to develop close friendships as an adult? The obvious answer is “because, time.” But here’s a new idea: Most 30+ adults simply don’t prioritize their friendships the same way they did during simpler times of life.

Let’s be real: Many busy, successful professionals to put their cultivation of healthy friendships on the back burner and prioritize everything else instead. When you are juggling kids, a job, a spouse, and a house, it can feel like an indulgence to just “hang out” with friends (either virtually, or in-person). However, what emerging research into evolutionary biology, neuroscience and mental health is uncovering is that prioritizing your healthy friendships, even if it just feels like hanging out, is actually one of the single most important, impactful things you can do with your time and energy.

Fun fact: The non-productive, non-goal oriented time we spend messing around, doing nothing in particular, and simply being together with friends has — wait for it — about the same impact on your health as does quitting smoking cigarettes. But that’s just the start of the avalanche of positive consequences of cultivating healthy friendships. Having friends and being a friend is actually one of the most important things you can do, if your goal is to be a happy, healthy human.

So if you, too, have bought into the idea that “it’s harder to make close friends as an adult” consider this new idea: The biggest obstacle to adult friendships is lack of conscious understanding of the importance of friends. Once you get that, then it gets easier to become committed to putting the time and energy into building positive relationships. (And friendships will follow). 

Why is Healthy Friendship Important? 

Step one is building the understanding of why healthy friendships are so vital. Consider the opposite of friendship: Disconnection. When we’re disconnected from our friends and loved ones it takes a toll, mentally, emotionally, and even physically. We know from research into biology and neuro-science that healthy friendships are a core component of not just enjoying life and feeling subjectively happier, but even having a biological impact on the way our bodies function. 

Scientific facts about friendship indicate that, across the board, people who invest in their friendships experience benefits in many parts of their lives that seem unrelated. There is a measurable connection between friendship and health. For example, people who report having stronger, healthier friendships live longer, have increased immunity to disease, and are often buffered from the chronic stressors that are known to impair your health and wellness.

When we invest in healthy relationships and strong friendships, we are doing just as much to improve our health as we are by exercising, eating well, and yes, even quitting smoking. When you build relationships, you’re preventing health problems — even if it just feels like you’re hanging out and enjoying yourself. (Bonus points for exercising with your friends!)

The Role of Friends in Our Life

We often think of friends as a source of enjoyment, but the truth is that the role of healthy friendships goes much deeper. For example, in supportive, intimate friendships we find a sense of belonging. We also have people we can turn to in moments of hardship and personal stress, or when you’re grieving a loss. While your friends may not be able to do anything to “fix” the situation, the experience of sharing your story with someone who cares may in itself be healing.

Having emotionally supportive people to turn to (whether or not you’re actually talking about “it”) has a measurable impact on our stress levels, both physiological stress and the stress we’re aware of. There is a very well established connection between chronic stress and chronic health issues. If you want to improve your health, it may be more impactful for you to spend an hour a day strengthening your positive friendships than hitting the gym by yourself. Consider it!

Friends and Mental Health

Having healthy friendships is also strongly associated with mental health, as well as physical health. People who feel isolated or lonely are more vulnerable to feelings of depression and anxiety. But even more importantly, having relationships with people who are invested in their own personal growth and mental health can be enormously inspiring for you to take steps to cultivate your own. 

Aside from the chance to talk to friends, which is an emotional buffer in itself, getting out of your comfort zone and opening up to friends increases the chance that you’ll wind up working on yourself. For example, having a good friend tell you that they, personally have found a good therapist and are enjoying therapy makes it much more likely that you will feel comfortable in seeking out your own life coach or therapist online or in person. Being connected to other people who are on a journey of personal growth and self-development lifts you up, too. 

In contrast, if you are close friends with someone who is NOT investing in their own wellness, and who is in the grips of depression or anxiety, it will bemore likely that you yourself will feel worse instead of better. 

So in addition to seeking out healthy friendships with people who are actively on a quest of self-improvement, by taking an active role in your own personal growth and self-development it will also lift your friends up too. You will become a source of inspiration and a role model for people in your friend group who may be struggling. Investing in yourself lifts everyone around you! 

How to Cultivate Relationships & Be a Good Friend

It can be difficult for busy adults to find the time and energy to create new friendships or invest in your existing friendships in order to make them stronger. A fundamental piece of healthy friendships is a cooperative, reciprocal generosity of mutual caring and support. Making new friends and investing in your old friends is definitely a commitment of time and energy. However, it’s a worthy investment that has the power to build and strengthen many aspects of your life as well as theirs. 

Having a good relationship with a friend requires mutual generosity, but cultivating a genuinely supportive social network may also involve recognizing that some of your friendships are not positive and need to be released. There are such things as unhealthy friendships, and if you’ve been in a relationship with a selfish person or someone who’s mental health issues are preventing them from being a good friend to you, it may be time to set some healthy boundaries for yourself. Your focusing on building positive relationships and your own mental and emotional wellness may, longer-term, inspire them to do the same.

Understanding Healthy Friendships, With Lydia Denworth

To support YOU in your understanding of the importance of healthy friendships, and to deepen you understanding of what it really takes to build supportive relationships in your life, I’ve invited science journalist and author Lydia Denworth to speak with me about her new book, “Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.”  (Learn more about Lyda and her work at LydaDenworth.com

She shares what her painstaking research has uncovered about why friendships are so important to us, the risks of neglecting your friendships, the impact of friendships on children and adolescents, and — perhaps most importantly — concrete strategies for how to build and nurture your friendships during social distancing.

Specifically, we’re discussing:

  • The impact of friendship on your brain and your body
  • How friendships develop
  • The importance of showing up
  • Why we need our friends in good times and in bad
  • How to help your kids develop healthy friendships
  • How to develop healthy friendships as an adult

Listen to our conversation, to learn about the importance of healthy friendship and how to build strong friendship connections.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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The Importance of Healthy Friendships

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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