Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

How to Stay Mentally and Emotionally Well in an Unsafe World

We are living in historic times. In the midst of a global pandemic, our country is also fighting another battle: One that seeks to shine a light on injustice and systemic racism, end abuse and discrimination of Black Americans and other people of color and begin the hard work of healing.

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly.

While this is a time of hope and possibility, it is also a time of reckoning and recognition for the hurt, pain, and damage that has long been suffered by Black Americans in the United States. As old wounds are re-opened, and the horrors of systematic terrorism against Black people are dragged out into the light, it’s vital that we are also talking about the mental health and emotional wellness of people of color in our country.

Being the target of oppression, and the victim of unjust racist policies takes a toll. This reality brings up questions that need to be answered:

  • How can a person of color cope with feelings of anger and pain due to being directly impacted by (or bearing witness to) racial injustice in our society?
  • What are some strategies that Black Americans can use to stay empowered in their relationships, and to make informed, affirming decisions that honor their needs and rights?
  • Where do you turn for safety, support, and understanding in a divided and uncertain world?
  • How can people of color honor the reality of the past and present, and also remain hopeful about the future?

Growing Self therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., AP, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC tackle these questions and more, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Fight Racism, Part I: Hope, Healing & Empowerment

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Online marriage counseling charlotte NC couples therapy online life coach charlotte therapist

Teresa Thomas, M.A., AP is a positive, strengths-based therapist, marriage counselor, and life coach with a knack for helping people get to the root of their issues so that they can establish strong foundations for long-term change. She helps couples, families and individuals heal, grow, and feel good again.

Let’s  Talk

Related Post

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Fight Racism, Part 1: Hope, Healing and Empowerment

Many people are connecting with strong emotions as they actively confront pervasive problems in our culture. Some are sitting with sadness, some are giving a voice to long-unspoken anger, and others are feeling hopeful — even exhilarated — that racism is being acknowledged and addressed openly. Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is speaking with online therapists Teresa Thomas, M.A., A.P, and Zachary Gaiter, M.S., LPCC about Hope, Healing and Empowerment.

The Path to Wellness

The Path to Wellness

The Path to Wellness

Relationship Help

Regaining Your Health Begins With Listening To Yourself….

The path to wellness can be a long and challenging one, if you or someone you love is dealing with a chronic health condition — particularly one with no simple cause or obvious solution. More and more frequently it seems people are grappling with health issues that impact many areas of their lives, but for which traditional western medicine offers few answers or support.

While more and more is being known about things like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Lyme disease, metabolic issues, toxic mold, allergies and other sensitivities and chronic health conditions, they often remain shrouded in mystery and misconception.

People dealing with these issues often feel alone and unsupported, on top of feeling extremely unwell physically.

In these cases, the path to wellness begins with an enormous amount of strength, courage, and self-awareness. It requires the ability to advocate for yourself, and the persistence to continue pressing on to find the solutions that will help you feel healthy, well, and whole again — often in the face of minimizing or disempowering (but well meaning) medical professionals, friends, and even family.

The Path to Wellness

If you can relate to this experience (or love someone who is going through this) I hope you listen to the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. In it, I’m joined by my colleague, therapist and life coach Amy-Noelle Shih, M.A., LPC. Amy has always had an empowering and supportive approach to therapy and life coaching, but over the last few years, she has developed a specialty in helping people find a path to wellness from challenging, and often complex, chronic health conditions.

She’s here today to share her insights into things like:

  • How to muster up the emotional strength to advocate for yourself and communicate your needs…. when you’re at a low point physically.
  • What the path to wellness often looks like, twists, turns, dead-ends and all.
  • How to shift your mindset into one that brings you strength, peace, and gratitude during challenging times.
  • How to use “radical mindfulness” to avoid feeling afraid and hopeless.
  • The lifestyle changes and new priorities that can help you focus on your health.
  • How to create a meaningful support system that supports you on your path to wellness.

If you’ve been dealing with the challenging realities of a chronic health condition, we’re glad you’re here. We hope this episode provides you with support and guidance on your path back to wellness.

With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby and Amy-Noelle Shih, M.A., LPC

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

The Path to Wellness

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: November Polaroid, “And Miles to Go”

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

Related Post

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Moving forward and achieving authentic personal growth happens when you know how to turn what feels like a breakdown into a breakthrough. Learn how, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Signs of Low Self Esteem

Signs of Low Self Esteem

Do you feel good about YOU? In this podcast, we’ll explore the signs of low self esteem, and effective strategies to raise your self esteem and feel good again.

How to be Successful Online Dating

How to be Successful Online Dating

The online dating world can be a jungle. Online therapist and dating coach Jessica Small, M.A., LMFT shares her top tips for online dating. From creating your profile, avoiding red flags and disappointment, to setting yourself up for success!

When To Call It Quits In a Relationship

When To Call It Quits In a Relationship

Is it time to break up? Knowing when to end a relationship or when to divorce is hard. Learn when to call it quits from an online couples therapy expert. Listen to this podcast for new insights, thought provoking questions, and action steps to help you get clarity, confidence and direction to help you move forward… or call it quits.

Attachment Style Quiz

Attachment Style Quiz

Understanding your attachment style allows you to release self-limiting patterns in relationships, and become empowered to create the healthy, secure love you want. Learn about attachment styles in this episode of the podcast, then take the attachment style quiz to discover yours!

Creating A Good Place For Yourself – Mentally

Creating A Good Place For Yourself – Mentally

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Blog, Online Therapist and Life Coach Megan Brice, M.S., LPCC is sharing simple strategies for how you can begin creating a good place for yourself – mentally. She is sharing breathing techniques, how to disconnect for inner peace, cognitive strategies to boost your mood, and what a “new normal” could look like for you and your mental health. Check it out now!

What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

Are you in a relationship with someone who is struggling, but won’t get help? Relationship advice for how to balance being supportive while also setting healthy boundaries for yourself, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

How to Find Your Purpose in Life

How to Find Your Purpose in Life

How to Find Your Purpose in Life

Living Intentionally

In addition to my role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I absolutely love hearing your questions and answering them on The Love, Happiness and Success Blog and Podcast. Late summer is a transformational season, and  I know that many people are asking themselves hard questions about who they are, and what they want to do with their lives. I know this for a fact, actually, because lately we’ve had listeners of the blog and podcast reaching out with specific questions like:

“How do you find your purpose in life?”

“What to do when you feel you have no purpose in life?”

“I want to find a meaningful job/direction in my life, but I don’t know how to work out what that would be!”

“I would like to know more about how to know your on the right path. And not making decisions out of fear.”

“I want to feel alive and excited about life again but I’m so used to isolating and hiding/numbing out. How do I find happiness? Nothing’s bad but nothings great- it’s all just kind of blah.”

How do you find your calling/purpose?” 

These are big questions, but important ones. If you too have been looking for clarity and direction about your life’s purpose, your career, or who you fundamentally are as a person (and how to create the life you want) today I have a treat for you!

Embracing Your Power + Finding Your Purpose

On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’m talking all about how to not JUST find your purpose and highest calling, but how to start living your life with self-awareness and intention. Specifically, we’re discussing:

  • Why your ultimate purpose in life is bigger than your career
  • How to fully embrace the amount of power you already have to design the life you want
  • How to uncover the unconscious beliefs and messages that have been leading to life circumstances you don’t want
  • Targeted questions to help you get clear about what your truth is
  • The importance of deliberately living in congruence with your highest and best
  • How to develop self-awareness and mindfulness strategies that will allow you to take control of your thoughts, feelings and behaviors
  • How living intentionally and in congruence with your values leads to authentic happiness

If you have been feeling stuck lately and are struggling to find clarity and direction in life, I hope you listen to this episode.

With love and respect,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: One of the strategies I offered on this episode involves thinking about times that you experience “flow” and using that as a clue to where your passions and talents lie. What are your “flow moments?” Share with us!

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

How to Find Your Purpose in Life

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Fruit & Flowers, Inside Decides”

Enjoy This Episode?

Please Rate, Review, and Share The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

More Love, Happiness and Success Advice on the Blog

blog_layout=”box_extended” show_comments=”off” show_load_more=”on” _builder_version=”3.26.6″ custom_ajax_pagination=”on” ajax_pagination_text_color=”#000000″ include_categories=”1401,1090,1538,2458″ ajax_pagination_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”ajax_pagination_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ ajax_pagination_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” ajax_pagination_text_shadow_vertical_length=”ajax_pagination_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ ajax_pagination_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” ajax_pagination_text_shadow_blur_strength=”ajax_pagination_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ ajax_pagination_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” text_shadow_horizontal_length=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” text_shadow_vertical_length=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” text_shadow_blur_strength=”text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” header_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_vertical_length=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” header_text_shadow_blur_strength=”header_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ header_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” body_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” body_text_shadow_vertical_length=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” body_text_shadow_blur_strength=”body_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ body_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” meta_text_shadow_horizontal_length=”meta_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ meta_text_shadow_horizontal_length_tablet=”0px” meta_text_shadow_vertical_length=”meta_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ meta_text_shadow_vertical_length_tablet=”0px” meta_text_shadow_blur_strength=”meta_text_shadow_style,%91object Object%93″ meta_text_shadow_blur_strength_tablet=”1px” box_shadow_horizontal_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_vertical_tablet=”0px” box_shadow_blur_tablet=”40px” box_shadow_spread_tablet=”0px” z_index_tablet=”500″ /]

How to Increase Self Confidence (Part 1)

How to Increase Self Confidence (Part 1)

How to Increase Self Confidence (Part 1)

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

How do you feel about YOU?

How to increase self-confidence: Self-confidence means having a belief in your own competence to handle things, a belief in your ability to shape your reality and a belief that you are worthy of love and respect.

The feeling-state of self-confidence is elusive for many people. As a therapist and life coach, I often talk to people about how they feel about themselves. Believe it or not, even people that seem like they have it all — intelligence, attractiveness, success, and great relationships — may still also struggle with feeling self-confident. They doubt themselves, and always feel like they need to do more or be better in order to feel “worthy.”

It’s exhausting. It’s also unnecessary.

What I have discovered over the years through my work as a therapist and life coach is that people step in and out of feeling confident. Sometimes we feel more confident than others. I often explore with my clients the times that they feel better about themselves and their lives to see what common elements there are.

This has been an interesting experiment, as I’ve gained insight into specific skills and practices that can help us all feel more consistently confident. Here is one of the core skills I’ve learned over the years about how to cultivate self-confidence and keep self-confidence with you more of the time.

Choose Confidence-Inspiring Thoughts, Intentionally:

When you are feeling the opposite of self-confident (insecure, anxious, incompetent, powerless) it’s likely that you have some core beliefs that are supporting those feelings. For example, you may believe on some deep level that you can’t handle a situation, you’re going to fail, or that you’re not good enough. These beliefs may be so old and automatic that you are not even aware that you are having them. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you decide to take your power back by choosing confidence-inspiring thoughts. Here are some of my favorites:

– “I am strong and resourceful, and competent to handle whatever life throws my way.”

– “My actions in the present moment create my future outcomes. Today I can make choices that lead me to success.”

– “I am a good person. I am worthy of love and respect.”

I know that this may feel goofy, like some seventies-style “positive affirmation” practice, but this is based on decades of research showing that practicing the thoughts that support your desired mood state is a really effective way of helping you achieve it.

As I teach in my Happiness Class, our brains are plastic. The thinking patterns we indulge literally create neural pathways in our brains.

If you are feeling fearful and insecure, it’s likely that there are neural pathways of automatic thoughts carrying you into that bad feeling place. Deciding on, and practicing, new thoughts feel hard at first, but the practice re-organizes your mind. It establishes new automatic beliefs in your competence, power, and worth that will lead you to better feeling moods.

Even more importantly, when you decide to take control of your inner narrative, you become more empowered. 

Now I have an assignment for you: Write down a thought that, if you were to believe it, would make you feel stronger, more powerful, and more confident. You don’t have to “feel like it’s true. Bonus points for making a public declaration in the comments section. I’ll be reading your answers!

I’ll be back in touch next week with step two of this process. Do your homework and meet me back here next Tuesday, and we’ll move forward together.

 

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

blog_layout=”box_extended” show_comments=”off” show_load_more=”on” _builder_version=”3.19.18″ custom_ajax_pagination=”on” ajax_pagination_text_color=”#000000″ ajax_pagination_font=”||||||||”][/et_pb_blog_extras]

How to Stop Gaslighting in a Relationship

How to Stop Gaslighting in a Relationship

How to Stop Gaslighting in a Relationship

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Who Do You Trust?

“Gaslighting” is a term that originated from an old movie, where a woman lived with a man in a home with old-fashioned gas lights. The man was trying to drive the woman crazy.

He would consistently turn the lights dimmer and dimmer in their home but denied that it was dimmer and pretended that the light was normal — and the woman began to doubt her own senses. Over time, she went insane.

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting, in modern parlance, refers to being made to doubt your own feelings, thoughts, intuition, and judgment when they are, in fact, reliable sources of information that you should trust.

The classic example is in the case of infidelity. One partner will start to become suspicious of their spouse’s late nights working, unavailability during work trips, or odd calls to their phone.

However, when they confront the straying spouse, they’re told things like, “You’re insecure,” or “You’re crazy,” or “Just because your father cheated on your mother you think all men are dogs.”

Or my favorite, the righteously indignant, “How dare you suggest something so horrible, I’m trying to earn a living for our family and working my tail off, and now you come at me with this?!?” 

The net result is that when someone is actually being victimized by their partner, they are made to feel not just that they’re being ridiculous, but wrong. This leads people who are being gaslit not just to doubt themselves, but to feel ashamed of how “crazy” they are. (When, in fact, their own judgment is actually a more reliable source of trustworthy information than their partner is.)

Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship

1. Feeling like you’re always wrong. The ringer for gaslighting is when you attempt to check something out, (i.e., “Were you drinking tonight?” or “You’re home three hours late, where were you?”) or express your concerns about something, and your partner gets very angry with you and turns things back on you so that you feel ashamed and inappropriate for having asked.

2. The sudden onset of really bad feelings. If you begin feeling uncharacteristically anxious, depressed, ashamed, or stupid after starting a new-ish relationship it’s a big red flag that emotional abuse is happening.

Feeling increasingly bad about yourself, or more doubtful of your own judgment is a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship where gaslighting is happening. Many times, people in these situations feel increasingly anxious, and even become depressed.

They begin to believe that it’s their own mental health issues that are the source of the relationship problems, as opposed to the toxic relationship that they are having bad feelings about. (Pointing out your oh-so-many-and-very-serious “mental health issues” is a go-to weapon of many gaslighters). 

However, once these “mentally unstable” people  they leave these manipulative relationships they often discover that they’re just fine. It was the relationship that was making them feel anxious and terrible about themselves.

3. You’re defending your partner, a lot.  Another important sign that you’re being gaslighted by your partner is when you tell your friends or family about something that you’ve been made to feel is “abnormal” for being concerned about, but they react in the same way that you did originally before you were led to believe your feelings were wrong or disordered in some way. (That your partner is actually in the wrong).

If this is happening and you find yourself frequently defending your partner from family and friends and explaining to them that no, really, you were the one in the wrong (again)… you may be the victim of gaslighting.

 

Gaslighting is a Form of Emotional Abuse

Gaslighting is not a quirk; it’s abusive behavior that cannot continue if the goal is a healthy, sustainable relationship. For example, to the great frustration of domestic violence counselors, victims of domestic violence have a very hard time leaving their abusers. Many times, they go back.

The reason for this is that, as a rule, the victims blame themselves for the abuse they are experiencing because their abuser has made them believe they are at fault.  Their own feelings and judgment about their worth, what love should look like, and how they should be treated has been gaslighted out of existence by their abuser.

Furthermore, the hallmark of abusive relationships is isolation. The reason abusers must isolate their victims is that effective gaslighting requires that the person being made to doubt themselves is looking to their abuser for “the truth.” If independent third parties start weighing in to support the perspective of the gaslight-ee, the abuser loses power and control over their victim.

Gaslighting often commonly happens in situations where one partner is actively abusing a substance or has a behavioral addiction. In addition to hiding and lying about their attachment to unhealthy substances or behaviors, addicts will often counter-attack when confronted. They blame their questioning partner for being out of line to question them or their “lifestyle choices.” This leads their partners to doubt their own judgment and start believing they are “too controlling” or “too uptight,” etc, which allows the addict more freedom.

Stop Gaslighting From Happening in Your Relationship

If you’re in a relationship where you’re being gaslighted it’s critical that you get the support of other people. A great therapist, a supportive friend, or even better, a good support group can help you get the outside perspective you need to reinforce your own good judgment.

The experience of gaslighting is being made to doubt yourself (when you’re actually spot on). The antidote is to have other people around you who can look, with you, at the situation and say, “No, you’re right, it is actually dark in here.” With that outside perspective you can begin to trust yourself again, and also view your partner’s manipulations for what they are: Efforts to mislead and control you, by making you mistrust your own judgment.

The answer is not couples counseling. The path forward is not changing your partner; it’s strengthening yourself.

Trust yourself, and do not make excuses for other people’s bad behavior. Your love and patience will not heal anyone — only they can do that. If you’re in a relationship and feeling bad about what’s happening but being made to feel that you’re wrong for feeling that way, run the situation past some friends or your therapist to get outside perspective.

Remember that you deserve to be treated with love and respect and to surround yourself with people who make you feel better about yourself — not worse.

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

More on the Blog

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

Moving forward and achieving authentic personal growth happens when you know how to turn what feels like a breakdown into a breakthrough. Learn how, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

read more
Signs of Low Self Esteem

Signs of Low Self Esteem

Do you feel good about YOU? In this podcast, we’ll explore the signs of low self esteem, and effective strategies to raise your self esteem and feel good again.

read more
When To Call It Quits In a Relationship

When To Call It Quits In a Relationship

Is it time to break up? Knowing when to end a relationship or when to divorce is hard. Learn when to call it quits from an online couples therapy expert. Listen to this podcast for new insights, thought provoking questions, and action steps to help you get clarity, confidence and direction to help you move forward… or call it quits.

read more
Creating A Good Place For Yourself – Mentally

Creating A Good Place For Yourself – Mentally

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Blog, Online Therapist and Life Coach Megan Brice, M.S., LPCC is sharing simple strategies for how you can begin creating a good place for yourself – mentally. She is sharing breathing techniques, how to disconnect for inner peace, cognitive strategies to boost your mood, and what a “new normal” could look like for you and your mental health. Check it out now!

read more
What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

What to Do When Your Partner Has a Problem.

Are you in a relationship with someone who is struggling, but won’t get help? Relationship advice for how to balance being supportive while also setting healthy boundaries for yourself, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

read more

Loading...