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Handling New Relationship Anxiety: Advice From a Dating Coach

Handling New Relationship Anxiety: Advice From a Dating Coach

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Anxiety About a New Relationship?

Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You’re not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the “dating” part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you’re going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal.

What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they’ve started seeing regularly. That’s when all the questions come up: Should I text? When should I call? When is it time for us to take down our online dating profiles? Is it okay for me to bring up certain subjects? How do I show them I like them with out seeming too needy? Or should I play it cool? Are we moving too fast? Not fast enough? Is this going somewhere? Is it okay for me to ask that? Or will that push them away? AGGGH. 

We associate this sort of obsessing about another person’s feelings for us with the horrific junior high experience of crushing. But, sadly, this life experience is not just for fifteen year olds. Grown-a** people, even senior citizens, still struggle with the angst and vulnerability of how to handle themselves in new relationships when they really, really don’t want to blow it.

New Relationship Anxiety: It’s a Thing

New relationships are incredibly anxiety provoking, and for good reason. When you really like someone but aren’t sure how they feel about you, it’s all consuming. When romantic love starts to pulse inside you, it actually changes the way you think and feel. When you feel like you cannot take your mind off of someone, and like you have way too much mental and emotional energy going into a brand new person, it’s not just you. That experience of infatuation is what nature designed to weld you to another person. It’s fierce. To have such intense feelings for a new person, and not know if your budding love is requited is the absolute worst.

This anxiety about new relationships churns up all kinds of self doubt and questions. For this reason, in addition to the usual questions about dating coaching we get, we have been fielding questions about how to handle various situations in new relationships from our dating coaching clients, in our solution sessions, and with questions coming in from listeners of our podcast, readers of our blog, and even journalists. [Read more about our empowering approach to dating coaching on DatingNews.com]

Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’m tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We’ll discuss:

  • How to manage new relationship anxiety
  • The stages of a new relationship
  • New relationship questions
  • When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel
  • Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility
  • When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold ’em).
  • What to do when someone you like hasn’t called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you
  • How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships
  • How to move a new relationship forward without “scaring someone off”

All that, and more, on the podcast.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love

PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! 🙂

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New Relationship Anxiety? Your New Relationship Questions, Answered

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Is Dating Getting Harder?

Is Dating Getting Harder?

Why is Dating So Hard?

Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who’s a good match for you. Whether you’ve been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting. If you throw yourself into the fray, you’ll have to contend with the weirdos, time-wasters, and people who seem great at first blush, only to flake out. [For more on this topic, check out “The New Rules For Dating,” with Dr. Helen Fisher.] But if you don’t at least try… nothing changes. It can be exhausting to alternate between longing for love, and then putting yourself out there, only to face rejection, disappointment, and the sheer waste of time that modern dating can often involve.

Kind of depressing, when I lay it all out like that, isn’t it. And yet, as a dating coach, this is the reality that I hear from many clients. If you’ve also been struggling in your dating life, I want to validate your experience and let you know that you’re not alone.

And… I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love. For as many of my dating coaching clients who are feeling frustrated and hopeless about dating, I have just as many who have found true love. (Often, it’s the same person who, by making changes to their strategy and sticking with it, was ultimately successful).

You can connect meaningfully with others, and launch a fabulous new relationship. Even in this day and age, all the time people are falling in love and getting married and have babies and living happily ever after. It can happen for YOU too.

But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what’s the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results?

So Why Am I Still Single?

To get to the bottom of this, I’ve asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate.

All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection. Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship…. or lead them into the arms of “the one.”

Two Dating Coaches Get Real: Expert Dating Advice

Listen to this episode about dating to learn:

  • What are the cities in America where people are most or least likely to find love, and why? Why are Denver men getting a bad rap for being “undateable” and guys in Austin, TX so likely to be flakey?
  • What do women unintentionally do that makes it so hard for men to approach them?
  • What can singles do to dramatically increase the odds of creating meaningful connections?
  • What’s the difference between the people who are continuing to struggle and feel frustrated with dating, and those who are successful?
  • How is dating changing, in the era of #metoo and #timesup?
  • What’s the one red flag you should always pay attention to when you’re meeting someone new?
  • How can you be more attractive to the kind of people you want to be in a relationship with?
  • What’s the attitude and mindset that will help you cultivate connection?

 

All this and more, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

 

 

Why Are You Still Single?

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Jennie O, “Case Study”

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The New Rules For Dating

The New Rules For Dating

Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs, Oh My!

New dating advice, for the modern era: If you’ve been on the modern dating scene for any time at all, you’ve probably become aware that the way people connect with each other is changing. Old “rules of dating” that we could once take for granted are no longer the norm. In fact, dating advice from just a few years ago might now steer you in the wrong direction if you’re looking for love.

How do we know? Every year, Match.com conducts original research into the experience of Singles in America. They ask probing questions about what dating people are doing, what they’re in to, and what turns them off. This year’s batch of research uncovered some particularly fascinating trends, illuminating a new set of standards for “‘Dating Do’s and Don’ts.”

On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m joined by Match.com’s lead researcher and scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, as well as Denver dating coach Markie Keelan, to talk about their latest dating advice and how you can make it work for you.

Here are just some of the dating questions we’re discussing:

  • What does it mean when someone you like disappears, only to show up again weeks or months later?
  • How do a significant percentage of long-term relationships start these days? (Hint: Not  with a first date!)
  • How can you tell if you’re in a “situationship” that’s going to turn into a real relationship? (Or not).
  • Why does keeping your options open sometimes reduce the chance of finding authentic intimacy?
  • How is the evolving political landscape impacting the way people behave when they’re dating?
  • Why are some parts of the country notorious for “Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs” – and what you can do to avoid this trap?

All for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

The New Rules For Dating, With Dr. Helen Fisher

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Get The Scoop on Online Counseling and Coaching

Get The Scoop on Online Counseling and Coaching

Online growth work: Because your life is too big to put in a box.

Our online coaching clients are high-achieving, vibrant people living full and active lives. They are go-getters, on a quest to bring out the best in themselves, their relationships, their careers, and in the world around them. They want to live at their highest potential. Our job is to support them on their amazing journey — on their terms and on their time. And in service to our clients we’ve been carried to some interesting places!

Our online clients are often buzzing around the world. I’ve personally had coaching sessions with people who were sitting on a beach watching the waves, in a gorgeous verdant park in California, overlooking a volcano in Guatemala, lounging around a pool in Mexico, on a balcony overlooking Manhattan at night, sipping coffee in a Spanish plaza, and once even on a chair lift! One of my colleagues recently shared that she had an incredibly powerful session with a person who was sitting on a dock at sunset, watching dolphins frolic in the water. Our clients are in the process of creating lives without limits, so that’s where we meet them.

All Your Questions About Online Counseling or Online Coaching, Answered.

Online counseling and coaching is taking off in a major way. When I started doing it back in 2010, it was a rarity. I was pleased to recently learn that there is now actually a podcast all about counseling and coaching online: The Online Counseling Podcast, with Clay Cockrell.

When he asked me to share my experiences with online counseling, of course I was honored. You can listen in on our conversation and learn some new things about online counseling like:

  • What kinds of people does online counseling or coaching work really well for?
  • What are the advantages of bringing your growth work online?
  • When is online marriage counseling actually NOT a good idea?
  • What kinds of personal work should you AVOID doing online?
  • What are some essential questions to be mindful of when you’re looking for an online therapist or coach?
  • What kinds of approaches work really well in an online format, and which don’t?

I answer all these questions (and many more!) during my interview with Clay. If you are considering exploring online counseling or coaching, I hope you check it out! Click here to listen now:

The Online Counseling Podcast, with Clay Cockrell and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

xo, Lisa

online counseling online coaching online marriage counseling podcast with dr lisa marie bobby and clay cockrelll