720.370.1800 – Intl 844.331.1993
How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Stop Beating Yourself Up

Do you beat yourself up? Criticize yourself? Pass judgment upon yourself? Have a running commentary in your head about all your mistakes, faults and shortcomings?

Even worse, when you DO do something kinda awesome, does this inner bully slap it down and tell you why it doesn’t really matter?

I can’t tell you how many times, in my role as a therapist and life coach, I’ve articulated the above questions out loud to a client sitting in front of me… only to have his or her eyes suddenly brim over with tears: They’ve just been seen.

When You Feel Like You’re Never Doing Enough…

They are trying so hard to be good, likable, loveable, and worthy — and they are. They absolutely are. But they don’t feel like it. They beat themselves up, nonstop.

They might work harder, do more, achieve something even more spectacular… but they always find something to critizise. Other people tell them they’re great, but they don’t feel it. It’s never *quite* good enough.  It’s like a bottomless pit — no matter what they do, or how much approval they get, they still beat themselves up. 

It’s so painful. It’s so exhausting. It’s also so common — especially in high-achieving, successful types. (Ironically). Yes, the people who seem pretty darn close to perfect in the eyes of others are often the ones struggling the most to feel peaceful and self-accepting. [Read: The Problem With Perfectionism]

Can you relate? Do you feel like you’re never doing enough? Or like you have to be perfect (but even when you are, it could still be better?

If so, the latest episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is for you. We’re going to be talking about how to stop beating yourself up, even if (and especially if) you’re going through life circumstances that make you more vulnerable to beating yourself up.

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Specifically, we’re discussing:

  • Why You Beat Yourself Up
  • How to stop beating yourself up for mistakes
  • How to stop beating yourself up over the little things
  • How to stop beating yourself up for past mistakes (that feel big)
  • How to stop beating yourself up over mistakes at work
  • How to stop beating yourself up after a breakup
  • How to stop beating yourself up emotionally
  • How to stop beating yourself up for not being perfect

Listen to this episode to learn how to start pushing back against this “inner bully”  so that you can cultivate self-compassion, feel less insecure, feel good about yourself, and take pride in your many accomplishments so that you can own your awesome.

You are worth it! 

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: What’s on YOUR mind these days? Have a question or a suggestion for an upcoming blog or podcast? I’m listening! Feel free to drop anything in the comments below, or via this secure form.

Listen Now

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Spread the Love Happiness & Success

Please Rate, Review & share the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Or, Watch on YouTube!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

More Love, Happiness & Success Advice On The Blog

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

What you’re NOT consciously thinking about is often more powerful, and influential, than what you are conscious of. Learn how to access your subconscious mind to create congruence within yourself, and tap into your inner wisdom.

read more
How to Deal With Selfish People

How to Deal With Selfish People

Do you often feel hurt, or frustrated by someone you care about? If so, you might be in a relationship with a selfish person. Get advice for how to deal (or when to cut your losses), now on the blog.

read more
Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Feelings are a part of life — how do you deal with yours? Do you avoid them? Do you overreact? Or do you stay balanced: Listening to them, but not always taking action? Learn how to find balance, on today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast

read more
Invest In Yourself

Invest In Yourself

Marriage therapist and life coach, Brittany Stewart M.A., LMFT-C, shares three therapy myths and the truth behind what everyone deserves – happiness and support. Read this week’s blog to learn more about how you can invest in yourself.

read more
How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

Do you have so much to do that you’re constantly running, yet feeling like things are slipping through the cracks? Learn how to reconnect with what’s most important, cultivate calm focus, and get meaningful things done on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

read more
3 Quick Tips for Self-Care While Traveling For Work

3 Quick Tips for Self-Care While Traveling For Work

Traveling for work can take its toll on your mind and body – it’s important to refresh and spend quality time on self-care (even away from home!). Career coach and therapist Markie Keelan, M.A., LPC shares self-care tips for a successful work trip!

read more
How to Build Positive Coworker Relationships

How to Build Positive Coworker Relationships

Whether you work in a traditional workplace or with a remote team, it can be challenging to build positive relationships with your coworkers. Career and Executive coach Linda Pounds, M.A., LMFT shares tips for building better relationships at work on this week’s Love, Happiness and Success Blog

read more

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

Thinking Without Thinking

Understanding Your Subconscious Mind | The rumors are true: The latest research in neuroscience shows that only about 5% (or less) of our brainpower is devoted to conscious, volitional thought. The rest of it is running the show behind the scenes. Not just keeping your body working, but thinking, solving problems, making associations, judging, and leading you to feel.

All of which, then, eventually, leads to your taking action, having reactions, having feelings, or feeling compelled to do certain things…. without ever having made a conscious decision about it. Or, commonly, the subconscious parts of your brain do all the hard work and then hand off the final, finished product to your conscious mind (who thinks they were in charge all along!)

Sometimes, this all works out, but other times your subconscious mind can wreak havoc on your life, leading to:

  • Feeling frustrated that you can’t follow through with what you intend
  • You are experiencing unwanted patterns in your relationships, career, or outcomes
  • Feeling badly, and not really knowing why
  • You have reactions to people or situations that are creating issues (particularly in your relationships)
  • You seem to have inner obstacles that are holding you back from creating positive change

Without understanding what’s happening inside of you, subconsciously, it’s very difficult to create real and lasting change in your life. You can try to make changes, but if your subconscious mind has other motivations…. it’s going to win every time.

Understanding The Subconscious Mind

A core, foundational piece of any high quality personal growth work begins with digging into the subconscious forces inside of you that are influencing the way way you feel, think about behave. Traditional talk therapy, while it does have limitations, is very good at helping you get insight into why you do the things you do. Giving a voice to things you don’t usually consciously consider (much less say out loud) can give you understanding of yourself, and self-awareness of your subconscious.

Often, what emerges is that people have deep-seated, subconscious rules, expectations, assumptions, value-judgments and emotional triggers that they 1) have no idea they’re carrying and 2) are extremely powerful. It’s only by bringing these unseen forces out of the darkness and into your conscious mind that you begin to have power over them. [Learn more: Take our “What’s Holding You Back” online quiz]

Reprogramming Your Subconscious Mind

While developing this type of insight into yourself is essential if your goal is to create change, it’s not enough in and of itself. As I teach to all my therapy and life coaching clients, and in my online Happiness Class — insight alone is not enough to change your life. To make real and lasting change, insight must be coupled with intentional action designed to get you different results. (The domain of any life coach worth their salt!)

However, rushing into action without first understanding the other, deeper forces at work inside of you creates the dynamic where you try to make changes, and then fail. This all-action-insight-be-damned approach is common among many life coaches who do not have a background in counseling psychology.

But if you take the time and do the work to create self-awareness and insight into aspects of your subconscious mind that are creating problems for you, THEN you can very deliberately, consciously begin working to reprogram your brain, swap outdated ideas for new ones, talk yourself through challenging situations, implement different thinking styles, and support yourself through challenging emotions. [Learn more:  Mindhacking]

Does it take hard work to learn how to do this? Yes, it does. However, the level of control you have over your outcomes, the shift in the way you feel, and the impact it has on your relationships and your career are enormous and for most people, well worth it.

Unlocking The Power of The Subconscious Mind

Another huge advantage of working to understand your subconscious mind and gaining self-awareness (and self-control) over what’s going on in there is that you develop a newfound sense of trust in your subconscious self.

Whether you know it or not, your beautiful brain is always, A L W A Y S, taking in information, making associations, thinking through problems, evaluating things, and putting things together. If you learn how to trust your subconscious mind, you tap into a wealth of information about the world — not to mention your inner wisdom.

Some call it “intuition,” and some call it “creativity.” I personally think of it as your mind doing what it was built to do: Think. It’s just that not all thinking is conscious.

People who are creative, or who have jobs that require them to solve problems, design systems, or come up with novel solutions find their work to become immensely more productive when they turn the reigns over to their subconscious minds.

Understand and Unlock The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

Because all of the above is SO vital to anyone serious about personal growth, and creating positive change, I decided to devote a whole episode of the podcast to the subject of how to unlock the power of your subconscious brain. Listen and learn:

  • Why high level “solutions” will not be effective unless you understand your subconscious self
  • Why your subconscious brain can sabotage your relationships, and your outcomes
  • How to get insight into your subconscious mind
  • How to redirect yourself if you have subconscious forces that are causing problems for you
  • Ways of harnessing and strengthening the problem-solving abilities of your subconscious
  • When to listen to your subconscious… and when to do a “manual override”

All that, and more, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: I’ve been recording episodes of the show LIVE on Instagram and Youtube lately. I’m including both the video and the podcast version below for you. Join me next time! Jump in, (most) Mondays at 12pm MT, www.instagram.com/drlisamariebobby

PPS: Do you have questions about this topic? Or another topic for an upcoming show? Leave them in the comments below, or through this confidential form. I’m listening! LMB

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Enjoy This Episode?

Please Rate, Review and Share The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

The Power Of Connection

Human beings are built to bond — but we can also develop powerful bonds to unhelpful behaviors, toxic people, and even substances of abuse. Understanding the power of connection can help you break unhealthy attachments, and cultivate empowering, energizing new ones. Here's how...

Create Your Ten Year Plan

You have the power to actively create your ideal reality ten years from now. Listen to this podcast and get the free "My Ten Year Plan" tool to get clarity about what you REALLY want... and empowering awareness about how to make it happen.

Online Life Coach My Ten Year Plan Online Therapy Denver Life Coach Life Advice

How to Not Be a Dick

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast therapist and author Dr. Mark Borg talks about his new book, "Don't Be a Dick," and shares his advice for how to stay calm and compassionate. (Even when other people are being jerks.)

Don't Be a Dick Denver Therapy Online Life Coach Relationship Advice

Feeling Judged?

Do you feel apprehensive about spending the holidays with family or in-laws who judge and criticize you? On the latest podcast we're talking about how to deal when you're feeling judged, but also how to use this as an opportunity for YOUR growth and personal evolution.

Feeling Judged Family Holidays Boundaries Inlaws Denver Therapy Online Life Coach

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

What you're NOT consciously thinking about is often more powerful, and influential, than what you are conscious of. Learn how to access your subconscious mind to create congruence within yourself, and tap into your inner wisdom.

Unlocking The Power of Your Subconscious Mind, Subconscious Self, Self Awareness, Personal Growth, Denver Therapy, Online Therapy, Denver Life Coach, Online Life Coaching

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Feelings are a part of life — how do you deal with yours? Do you avoid them? Do you overreact? Or do you stay balanced: Listening to them, but not always taking action? Learn how to find balance, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast

Emotionally Healthy Denver Therapy Online Life Coaching

Invest In Yourself

Marriage therapist and life coach, Brittany Stewart M.A., LMFT-C, shares three therapy myths and the truth behind what everyone deserves - happiness and support. Read this week's blog to learn more about how you can invest in yourself.

How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

Do you have so much to do that you're constantly running, yet feeling like things are slipping through the cracks? Learn how to reconnect with what's most important, cultivate calm focus, and get meaningful things done on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

get your shit together feeling overwhelmed stress reduction denver therapy online life coaching denver life coach self improvement productivity

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

Balanced, Healthy Emotions: Learn to Ride the Wave

BECOMING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY: Feelings. They happen to everyone, all the time. And yet, we don’t always acknowledge them or talk about our feelings, much less take guidance from our emotions.

Particularly in our culture, individuals and couples on a quest of “Happiness” can come to believe that being happy means being relatively free of dark emotions, like anger, sadness or fear. In fact, the opposite is true: Research shows that the happiest, most emotionally healthy people are actually the ones who are most comfortable with the full range of their emotions.

Emotionally healthy people tend to be both self-accepting and self-aware: They know how they feel, and they have a great deal of tolerance and self-compassion when they’re not feeling so great emotionally. They don’t try to avoid bad feelings, and they also know how to (gently, appropriately) support themselves through challenging times. 

Emotional Health: Finding a Balance

Emotionally healthy people tend to be attuned to their emotions (and those of others). They know how to “lean in” to hard feelings with acceptance and without judgment. However, even though they’re fully connected with their feelings they may not always react or take action from their emotions. A core component of authentic emotional health is knowing which feelings to listen to and which feelings to leave alone.

It can be hard to develop emotional health and learn how to stay in balance between taking wisdom from your emotions, but not always “obeying them. Learning how to tell the difference between helpful and unhelpful feelings, helps you develop self-compassion, self-understanding, and self-control. 

Becoming Emotionally Healthy is a Personal Growth Process

A key aspect of holistic personal growth is learning how to have an authentic, self-aware, and sensitive relationship with your own emotions. This kind of powerful personal growth work often addresses: 

  • The life experiences that shaped your emotional reality and core beliefs
  • Acknowledging any unfinished business with the past
  • Identifying and understanding your unique emotional triggers
  • Figuring out which feelings are guiding you helpfully
  • Using your emotions to connect with your hopes, dreams and values
  • Pinpointing the emotions that are getting in your way
  • Developing self-compassion and acceptance of feelings without judgment
  • Learning how to cope with big, dark emotions in a healthy way
  • Learning how to stay in balance emotionally, no matter what’s going on

It’s a lot! While this type of personal growth work often takes months (if not years) of focused attention in therapy or life coaching, it’s so worth it. Becoming emotionally healthy is a foundational life skill for anyone on the path of self-actualization. 

The Benefits of Cultivating Emotional Health

Learning how to manage your emotions skillfully allows you to have better relationships with others, feel happier, improve your self-esteem, and also create a meaningful, values-based life for yourself. It’s worth talking about, and that’s where we’re going together today on The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

In addition to talking through all of the above, I’m answering some specific listener questions like:

  • “How do I get my emotions under control and stop being so reactive?”
  • “How do I stop allowing my anxiety to get in the way of my relationships?”
  • “How do I feel less numb and ‘blah’ and more engaged with my life?””

All for YOU, on this episode of the podcast. 

See you there!

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: Resources I mentioned on today’s show include the “Happy Heart” unit of my online Happiness Class, as well as a self-soothing breathing technique I shared on IGTV.

 

PPS: Once again, I recorded this episode LIVE on Instagram so that I could answer some real-time listener questions. If you’d like to join next time, follow me @drlisamariebobby and you’ll see me LIVE in your stories (almost) every Monday at 12pm MT. Hope to see you there! LMB

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Becoming Emotionally Healthy

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Enjoy This Episode?

Please Rate, Review and Share The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Enjoy This Episode?

Please Rate, Review and Share The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

The Power Of Connection

Human beings are built to bond — but we can also develop powerful bonds to unhelpful behaviors, toxic people, and even substances of abuse. Understanding the power of connection can help you break unhealthy attachments, and cultivate empowering, energizing new ones. Here's how...

Create Your Ten Year Plan

You have the power to actively create your ideal reality ten years from now. Listen to this podcast and get the free "My Ten Year Plan" tool to get clarity about what you REALLY want... and empowering awareness about how to make it happen.

Online Life Coach My Ten Year Plan Online Therapy Denver Life Coach Life Advice

How to Not Be a Dick

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast therapist and author Dr. Mark Borg talks about his new book, "Don't Be a Dick," and shares his advice for how to stay calm and compassionate. (Even when other people are being jerks.)

Don't Be a Dick Denver Therapy Online Life Coach Relationship Advice

Invest In Yourself

Invest In Yourself

Invest In Yourself

You Deserve Compassionate Support

As a therapist, life coach, and marriage counselor, I admire each and every person who gathers the courage to schedule an appointment with me and seek support for themselves, their relationships, or their families. I know that they’re investing in themselves because they believe they are worthy of investing in. Such self-awareness, wisdom and healthy self-love is always inspiring.

Do You Prioritize Everything Except Yourself?

Too many people put themselves on the bottom of the heap, investing in every other aspect of their lives — their education, their career, their children, their friendships, their homes — but rarely their own personal wellness, or their hearts desire. Is this you?

If so, you probably put off investing in yourself, getting professional help, and taking positive action to improve your life… though you’re there for everyone else. You may think about it sometimes but quickly talk yourself out of it, minimize your feelings, or prioritize someone else’s needs

If this sounds familiar, my guess is that you would describe yourself as a naturally strong person, but the downside of “being strong” is that sometimes it comes with a price: Not taking care of you, the way you take care of others.

But it’s easy not to take care of you, isn’t it? Especially when it comes to things like getting involved in therapy, couples counseling or life coaching. There are so many persistent myths in our culture about all the reasons NOT to get support, and it’s time to bash them! 

What’s Keeping YOU From Investing In Yourself?

Let’s talk through some of the most common reasons I hear for why people avoid getting help and investing in themselves, and why they’re not true!

Myth #1: “Therapy should be reserved for times when you really need it, and I don’t have it ‘that bad.'” 

This is one I hear frequently, even when people have resolved to book a therapy or coaching appointment with me. 

Believe it or not, even people in a lot of pain sometimes feel guilty for doing something to help themselves. They tell me about challenges they face, or hard things they’re grappling with but then quickly say, “But so many others around the world have it so much worse. I’m really so lucky.” 

While being grateful and keeping things in perspective is a wonderful strength to have, it’s also a liability if it makes you feel like you don’t have a right to your feelings, or can’t feel sad, angry or hurt about something true for you. 

As a feminist-oriented therapist, I am always happy to have a conversation about power and privilege, and I firmly believe that we are all worthy of healing and belonging. 

If there is something in your life that feels painful or difficult to overcome, my hope for you is to feel like you deserve to be supported just as much as anyone else. 

If you feel guilty when you think about making your feelings a priority, think about it this way: investing in yourself as a way to make yourself even stronger, and more able to give empathy and compassion to other people. 

Truth: Your experience and your emotions matter. YOU matter. 

Myth #2: Therapy is for couples who are on the brink of ending their relationship or divorcing. We aren’t there yet, we can fix this on our own. 

Too many couples buy into this. 

Perhaps conflict in your relationship occurs fairly infrequently currently, yet when it does occur you notice that you and your partner tend to sweep things under the rug and avoid addressing the conflict. You might write this off to a one-time thing, or feel that because it’s infrequent, it won’t matter in the long run. 

However, each time we sweep conflict under the rug or avoid it all together, we are slowly solidifying the pattern of our relationship. This pattern makes it not only more likely that conflict will become more frequent, but potentially also increasingly eruptive and ultimately, more damaging to your bond over time. 

If you happen to notice early in your relationship that you and your partner are conflict avoidant, talk about reaching out to a therapist or a relationship coach so that you can identify effective ways to face conflict together and strengthen your bond and understanding of each other.

Myth #3: If we go to couples counseling we are admitting that our relationship is unhealthy. 

We know from marriage and family researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman that conflict is inevitable in every relationship. What separates “healthy” couples from “unhealthy” couples is what they DO with it. 

The healthiest, happiest, strongest couples are the ones who openly address their differences and find ways of proactively, constructively working through things together. Couples who do this important growth work strengthen their relationships. Couples who seek support for their relationship, and who are open to learning how to communicate and compromise will have more positive outcomes. Investing in their relationships sets them up for success long-term.

Couples who avoid this work, or who allow unresolved conflict to simmer, fester, and become increasingly toxic are inadvertently damaging their relationship. By sweeping things under the rug and not getting help for their relationship, they are increasing the likelihood that their relationship will fail. 

Furthermore, research into couples and family therapy shows that the couples who choose to work together on their relationship sooner rather than later have better outcomes. Any marriage counselor will tell you that it’s much easier to work with a couple who still like, love, and trust each other. 

Couples who wait, ignore problems, and let anger and resentment build up often enter couples counseling on the brink of divorce. There is so much regrettable history between them, so much hurt, and so much damage done that — even with the best marriage counseling — sometimes their relationship is simply too far gone to repair. 

Investing in your marriage sooner rather than later is like taking care of your health: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Myth #4: I’m too busy, whatever I’m dealing with can wait, it will be too expensive, and / or there just isn’t any time. 

When I was in graduate school a common phrase we heard was “What we resist, persists,” and the more I sit with couples and individuals in my office, the more I find this to be true. 

I frequently meet with those that have been “avoiding” therapy by placing it lower and lower on their list of priorities and by the time they’re in my office, they are overwhelmed and exhausted from carrying their distress for so long. 

Often times, these are the individuals who spend a great deal of time taking care of others and rarely make time for themselves or their own needs. Or they are couples with children and stressful careers and aging parents who truly can’t fathom stepping away for an hour for fear of everything falling apart.

Or sometimes people put this off because they’re worried about how much therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling will cost…. Without considering the value investing in themselves will bring to their lives. They’ll spend money on furniture, vacations, or home improvement projects without much thought. But when it comes to investing in their own health and happiness, their success, or in their most cherished relationships… they stop themselves. 

One way to shift this self-limiting perspective is to think about this from the other side. Asking yourself questions like: 

  • “What is the cost of me NOT investing in myself?”
  • “What is the real price of me continuing to feel unhappy, or dissatisfied with my life?”
  •  “What am I losing, long term, by NOT investing in myself, or in my career, or in my marriage?”
  • “How is neglecting myself, my happiness and my relationship impacting my children?”
  • “How is the way I’m currently living impacting my health?”
  •  How much will it cost me — in dollars and cents — if we get divorced, or I never achieve my full earning potential in my career?”

When you put the short-term investment in yourself in context of the costs or benefits to aspects of your life that are genuinely priceless… it changes your perspective.

You Deserve Love, Happiness and Success

I want you to know that I see you, and that your well-being and happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s. You deserve space to cultivate growth and healing; you deserve time to rest and reset. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you don’t have to carry this alone.   

 If you see yourself or your relationship in any of the myths above, my hope for you would be to spend some time reflecting on what is keeping you from this work. 

Remember though, whenever you are working with a coach or a therapist, you aren’t in this work alone. Are there other myths or beliefs you have that keep you from reaching out for support? Comment below and let’s continue this conversation!

Brittany Stewart, M.A., LMFT-C is a couples counselor, individual therapist, premarital counselor, and a life and relationship coach. She works with her clients to build connected relationships, restore emotional bonds, and grow in their capacity to love others as well as themselves.

Let’s  Talk

Read More by Brittany Below!

How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

How To Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

Re-Set and Re-Focus

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your life? Like you have so much to do and you’re always busy, but also like you’re not actually getting things done? This is incredibly stressful, and yet so many people are struggling with it: Especially conscientious, hardworking and responsible types. Many of my life coaching clients meet this description, yet here’s a a surprising thing: Ironically, even though they are the ones who are often viewed by others as being the MOST competent and productive, many secretly feel on the inside like they are failing.

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed

In our life coaching sessions I hear words like, “spiraling,” “drowning,” and “completely overwhelmed.” These amazing people are pushing themselves to exhaustion, feeling mentally and emotionally depleted, and continuing to heap more and more on themselves. Because it is not literally possible to do it all, they feel like they’re dropping balls in every direction. Their anxiety builds, their stress levels spike, and they start to feel out of control.

How about you? Can you relate?

This is SUCH a common experience, especially for slightly perfectionistic superstars. If this is a familiar feeling for you too, you’ve probably also tried the standard advice for getting it together: Making lists! Scheduling things! Organizing your home differently! Decluttering!

So why do you still feel crazed?

It’s because the issue is not actually about what you’re doing, and it never was. It’s about how you’re thinking and feeling about what you’re doing. Once you learn how to manage your thoughts and feelings differently, stress fades, calm control comes back, and things get done.

Getting “More Organized” Isn’t Going to Cut It

While this sounds easy, the struggle to do a hard reset on your approach to life and so that you can feel calm, centered, in control and genuinely productive is a real one. As a therapist, life coach (and human being who struggles with the same things) I’ve learned over the years that the path to real and lasting change is not about the latest productivity hack or organizational system, but rather a personal growth process that puts you back in contact with your authentic self — and then changes the relationship that you have with yourself. (Really!)

At the start of our work together, my hard-driving clients often have not yet come to terms with the fact that they are actually mortals like the rest of us, and that there are limits to what they can do. They are trying to do it all, often comparing themselves to others, and feeling like they’re doing nothing well. Things sometimes do start slipping though the cracks. People work faster, harder and more. They try new systems. But the harder they work, the less they get done.

Hardcore perfectionists hate hearing this, but it’s my duty as a therapist and life coach who is devoted to your wellbeing to say this anyway. The answer is not figuring out some “hack” to stuff more stuff into less time, or clone yourself: It’s about learning how to approach life (and yourself) in a more intentional, compassionate, reality-based, and mindful way.

Or not, and slide into the predictable consequences.

Burnout Is Real (And Awful)

Sometimes, if you don’t catch yourself soon enough, and keep pushing and working and going, you can develop a full-fledged case of burnout. Think about it this way: If overwhelm is the waterslide burnout is the pool that you land into at the end of the ride. If you don’t make a change — a real, lasting change that attends to the core issues of chronic stress and overwhelm — burnout is the final destination.

Real, clinical burnout is an experience akin to depression: People feel apathetic, they have no motivation, and feel exhausted even thinking about tackling the “to dos.” Then things start piling up for real, and the process of digging out needs to happen on every level: Physically, mentally, emotionally, AND in terms of all of the stuff that still needs to get done.

It takes a long time to bounce back from burnout. Better not to go there at all, honestly. By listening to what your emotional guidance system is telling you and taking your feelings of overwhelm and stress seriously, you can get back on track before you slide into burnout.

How to Get Your S**t Together, and Back In Control

“Okay Lisa,” you’re probably thinking, “Sure, sounds good. But how exactly do you propose that I do everything I need to do (so much!) and also stay balanced, calm and healthy?”

I’m here for you: Because so many people struggle with this, I’ve devoted a whole podcast episode to sharing my top tips for how to understand WHY you feel overwhelmed (knowledge is power) and then walking it back into a state of calm, focused control. Join me on this episode, to learn about:

  • What types of core belief and approaches to life lead to feelings of overwhelm
  • How perfectionism and over achievement is correlated with being LESS successful
  • How stress leads to anxiety (and too much anxiety leads to paralysis)
  • The type of mindset that helps you do more (and feel happier at the same time)
  • How to recognize when you’re spiraling into burnout and how to stop it
  • How to do a “hard reset” on overwhelm
  • How to get reconnected to your true values, goals and priorities
  • What to focus on first if you’re spiraling
  • Strategies to help you identify and focus on what is truly important (and say buh-bye to the rest)
  • Surprising tips and tricks to relax your body and mind, and enter a state of focused productivity

All for YOU, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

PS: I mentioned a number of resources in this program. Here are some links:

 

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

How to Get Your S**t Together When You Feel Overwhelmed

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Enjoy This Episode?

Please Rate, Review and Share The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

iTunes

Stitcher

Google Play

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Let’s  Talk

More Love, Happiness and Success Advice From The Blog

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Happiness, Kathleen Stutts, Podcast, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, lisabobby

From Emotional Eating To Intuitive Eating: How To Change Your Relationship To Food

Your relationship with food can be positive, nourishing, supportive and enjoyable... or stressful, toxic, and anxiety-provoking. Learn how to develop a mindful, intuitive, self-aware and empowered relationship with food, your body, and yourself, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast.

Emotional Eating Intuitive Eating Mindfully Emotional Eating Podcast Intuitive Eating Podcast

Growing Self Counseling & Coaching
Growing Self
Loading...