I recently had the pleasure to interview Phil Dhingra for my "Everyday Experts" podcast. His latest book distills the fundamentals of compatibility into two dimensions: Character and Chemistry. Phil has graciously made the eBook version available to my readership for FREE on Amazon until 11:59PST on Wednesday 9/26/12. Check it out here.
While it takes a long time to truly get to know someone,
Phil suggests that you can accurately assess for overall compatibility at the
very beginning by being aware of character and chemistry. If you pay attention
to character (trustworthiness, reliability) and chemistry (attraction, fun) for
just a few dates, you’ll have enough information to know if there is potential
in this relationship or if you’d have better luck elsewhere.
From my perspective as a marriage counselor, I thought his ideas were important to share with those of you who may be dating. Choosing the right partner is one of the most important life-decisions you’ll ever make. Being selective and honest in the very beginning, before a deep attachment forms, can save you both from years of frustration and hurt.
Of course there is no such thing as a perfect union—or a perfect person. We’re all a little annoying and weird sometimes and that’s a good thing, because without the friction of your relationship pushing you towards growth you never get the opportunity to mature and evolve. And, it's also true that some relationships are more challenging than others.
In retrospect, you can see how a match between two people wasn’t ideal from the start. Perhaps there is a big discrepancy in values, or personalities, or needs. Sometimes there is a big, frustrating gap between where you each start, and a mutually agreeable center that can feel impossible to close.
There are a few reasons for these star-crossed unions. There can be an intense sexual attraction between people that silences the voice of your better judgment. Sometimes a simple wish for the security and stability of a committed relationship can lead you into Velcro-ing yourself to the first willing partner. These powerful emotional forces get in the way of seeing “dating” for what it really is: Auditioning a life-partner.
If you’re out there dating, protect yourself from making these common mistakes. Listen to Phil talk more about “Character and Chemistry” in our interview, or click here to check the book out for free right now.