How to Find a Therapist

The Difference Between Evidence-Based and Non Evidence-Based Therapy is the Difference Between Progress and Spinning Your Wheels

While the newfound public acceptance of therapy and the push toward so many people seeking therapy are absolutely fantastic, a largely unspoken problem is lurking in the shadows. It is wasteful, expensive, and widespread. I’m talking about unproductive therapy.

Many of the clients we serve at Growing Self arrive at our doorstep feeling deeply frustrated by past experiences in therapy — and with good reason. They’ve spent huge sums of money on therapy, wasted huge chunks of their lives, and had their trust broken; they’ve become victims of unproductive therapy. 

I will tell you honestly: It is very easy for therapists to form passive relationships with clients that can keep them stuck — sometimes for years. Especially if you are using insurance to pay for therapy, there can be insufficient motivation for you to make progress and insufficient motivation for your therapist to actively move you forward.

This type of “therapy” is often unfocused and centered around you telling your therapist what is going on in your life and how you feel about it (or about your past life experiences). These therapists believe that clients should “talk until they find their own answers” — sometimes for years, and years. Even worse, said therapists often talk extensively about themselves during billed hours. 

Good therapy works, and it does not take forever. Research has shown that if you’re not experiencing at least some benefit within your first 10 sessions, it’s time to try a different approach.

Signs that your prospective therapist may be passive and sphinx-like are the use of words like “non-directive,” “person-centered,” “interpersonal,” or “humanistic” to describe the way they work. There is a good chance that talking to these therapists is going to feel a lot like talking to yourself — only much more expensive.

If a given therapist doesn’t seem capable of producing results and cannot provide coherent answers that makes sense to you (beyond general statements about, “processing” or “working through things”) they might not know how to help you.

The Problem With Talk Therapy

Merely talking about problems or “processing” them is not enough. Neither is gaining insight nor simply having an “unconditionally positive” relationship with a therapist. All these things are great, but unless they’re combined with an action-oriented approach, they won’t actually move you forward.

There are so many therapists that employ vague, unfocused “talk therapy” approaches, but these are not coherent strategies for helping people change. Other therapists steer clients towards conversations that are interesting to them, personally, but that may not be meaningful or helpful to people seeking an effective approach. (Jungian dream analysis, anyone?) Quite simply, much of it is wishy-washy and ineffective.

Lack of progress is one of the most valid criticisms of traditional talk therapy. In talk therapy, you talk about problems, process feelings, gain insight, and have a supportive relationship with your therapist…. but oftentimes, nothing actually changes. You ask for strategies, and get, “Hmm, what do you think you should do?” If your knee-jerk response to that is, “I don’t know Shrink, that’s why I’m here!” I applaud you. I’d feel the same way, and I believe your frustration is absolutely valid.

You have the right, and your therapist has the responsibility, to have clarity about what you’re doing in therapy, and how that is going to help you move forward. If your therapist can’t describe that to you in a way that makes sense, I’d encourage you to seek a second opinion.

To help you get clarity about what should be happening in good therapy, here’s more information on how therapy works, what to talk about in therapy, and what to expect in therapy.

3) Avoid Questionable and/or Unethical Therapists

I am, among other things, the hiring manager here at Growing Self. We are extremely careful about who we invite to join our practice and have a robust vetting process to ensure that every therapist on our team is qualified to help you with the things we specialize in: Love, Happiness, and Success.

Hundreds of therapists apply to Growing Self every year but we extend invitations to very few of them. Most of the “No’s” for us are effective, educated, and well-intentioned therapists who simply don’t have training and expertise in the types of services that we specialize in. However, there is also a significant percentage of applicants who are practicing highly dubious, if not downright unethical forms of “therapy.” 

Many of these questionable therapists specialize in “tapping” (energy healing), “yoga therapy,” shamanism, Reiki, or being psychic mediums who invoke spirits on your behalf. We even had one person apply who specialized in “past life regression therapy.” (This was a licensed person from a high-quality school who cited evidence-based practices on her CV!) We also have quite a few applicants who want to practice “spiritual counseling” or biblically-based counseling.

While it is absolutely valid and often helpful for you to incorporate YOUR spiritual belief system into your personal growth work, it is not appropriate for you to be subjected to someone else’s in a way that’s not helpful or congruent for you. Therapists can have all kinds of deeply held spiritual belief systems… and try to push them on you as a part of your “therapy.” I have personally met a psychiatrist (an MD!) that advocated exorcisms and other therapists who believed that the source of their clients’ problems were unresolved traumas from past lives. 

If you’re into that type of therapy, it might be very meaningful for you and that’s great. There is always space for discussing spirituality and the impact on your life. However, it is not okay to have someone else’s belief system imposed on you under the guise of “therapy.” It is unethical. 

It can also be harmful. For people seeking help with real issues like depression, anxiety, relationship troubles such as gaslighting, with emotional self-care, or with building self-love, these practices are often a waste of time and even destructive, at times.

At the same time, there are many highly qualified professional therapists who have their own personal faiths but remain scrupulously ethical in ensuring that their personal belief systems never spill over into their work with their clients.

Pro tip: As you are interviewing a prospective therapist, it is okay to ask about their beliefs surrounding mental and emotional health and wellness. It can be especially powerful to ask: “In general, what have you found to be the core issue in situations like mine and what typically helps your clients move forward?”

A good, competent therapist will appreciate your advocating for yourself by asking for information and will be happy to talk about how they will tailor their approach to help you.