Personality Matters: An Integrated Theory of Wholeness with Dr. Dan Siegel
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Can we really change our personalities? According to Dr. Dan Siegel, the answer is no — but here’s the twist: nobody needs to. Therapy isn’t about turning clients into someone different. It’s about helping them heal, grow, and step fully into who they already are.
Most of us, as therapists, were never actually taught how to work with personality in therapy. Unless a client had a so-called “personality disorder,” personality itself wasn’t something we tailored our interventions around. Instead, it was treated like background noise — something to notice, but not something to work with directly.
That’s exactly what Dr. Siegel’s Patterns of Developmental Pathways (PDP) model changes. Rooted in neuroscience, attachment, and developmental psychology, PDP gives us a framework for understanding personality more deeply. It helps us differentiate between temperament and attachment conditioning and see how real healing happens. In doing so, it shifts our view of personality from limitation to possibility — and opens the door for profound growth, both for clients and for us as clinicians.
A New Framework: Patterns of Personality
Dr. Siegel’s PDP model brings together research in neuroscience, developmental psychology, and interpersonal neurobiology. It helps clinicians see the why behind the what — not just a client’s symptoms, but the deeper patterns shaping how they move through the world.
At its core, PDP shows that personality is not a permanent set of traits. Instead, it develops from two powerful forces:
- Temperament: the motivational drives and attentional tendencies we’re born with.
- Attachment: the relational experiences that shape how we adapt to those drives.
Together, these forces create one of nine distinct patterns of personality. Each pattern comes with unique strengths, vulnerabilities, and opportunities for growth.
From Prison to Playground: The Hope in PDP
One of the most empowering aspects of this model is its optimism. Personality is not a life sentence. Instead, the patterns of personality act as a map — one that shows where a client has been and where they can go.
According to Dr. Siegel, the goal of therapy is not to fix a broken personality. It’s to free it from the constraints of early conditioning. By identifying a client’s PDP pattern and exploring how attachment shaped it, therapists can help clients shift. They can move from a reactive, low-functioning version of their personality into a flexible, integrated one.
As Dr. Siegel describes it, the work of therapy is guiding clients from the “prison of personality” into the “playground of possibility.”
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The Nine Patterns of Personality
PDP outlines nine personality patterns, each formed by the interplay of three motivational drives and three attentional tendencies.
The Three Motivational Drives
- Agency: the drive to get needs met. When blocked, it produces irritation, anger, or rage.
- Bonding: the drive for connection. When blocked, it triggers sadness, separation distress, or despair.
- Certainty: the drive for predictability and safety. When blocked, it shows up as anxiety, fear, or terror.
The Three Attentional Tendencies
- Inward: attention directed toward one’s internal experience.
- Outward: attention directed toward the external world.
- Dyadic: attention directed toward relationships and interactions.
Putting It Together
For example, a client rooted in certainty + outward attention may develop a seeking personality — driven to chase stimulation in order to feel safe. Another client shaped by agency + inward attention might present as a mapping type — focused on internal order and control as a way of meeting needs.
Each pattern of personality has two sides. The strength side reflects its integrated form. The vulnerability side shows up as its insecure expression. Therapy helps clients recognize their pattern, heal attachment wounds, and expand into the more adaptive version of themselves.
This work also requires cultural humility. Every personality pattern represents a unique way of organizing experience in a relational and social context.
Personality, Attachment, and the Mind
This conversation is not just theoretical. Dr. Siegel shares his own pattern of personality, how it shaped his early experiences of fear, and how self-awareness helped him shift toward humor, peace, and flexibility.
PDP also intersects with attachment theory, offering therapists a more precise way of working with client needs. Instead of treating behaviors in isolation, this model looks at the interplay between temperament and relational history. As a result, it helps therapists intervene where change is most possible.
Related Episode: Attachment and Personality
This is Dr. Siegel’s second appearance on the podcast. Don’t miss our first conversation in Episode #39: How to Use Attachment Styles in Therapy. In that episode, we explored the foundations of attachment theory and how it shapes both personality and therapeutic change.
Keep Learning and Stay Connected
If this conversation left you curious, you can continue learning at your own pace through my Free CEU Trainings for Therapists. Each session offers 1–2 CEU credits and practical, real-world strategies you can bring into your clinical work right away.
To stay informed about upcoming free live CEU trainings, new podcast episodes, and expert interviews with thought leaders like Dr. Siegel, subscribe to my For Therapists newsletter. It’s the best way to stay connected to fresh ideas and meaningful conversations in our field.
And for those moments when you want to step outside the therapy room and talk shop with colleagues, you’ll find me on LinkedIn, where I share candid reflections and behind-the-scenes insights about what it means to do this work well.
Most of all, if something in this episode is staying with you — whether it’s shifting how you think about your own PDP pattern or sparking an idea for your client work — I’d love to hear about it. This podcast is a space for us, so don’t be a stranger. Let’s talk!
Resources and Events
Before I sign off, I want to highlight the incredible work happening at the Mindsight Institute, where Dr. Siegel is the Executive Director. His organization advances the study and teaching of interpersonal neurobiology, and it’s a valuable resource for therapists who want to integrate science and compassion into their practice.
And if you’d like to keep this conversation going in person, Dr. Siegel will be part of the Oxford Master Series, September 28–30, 2025. He’ll appear alongside Dr. Dick Schwartz, Esther Perel, and Bessel van der Kolk. It promises to be an extraordinary gathering of thought leaders in our field — well worth checking out if you’re looking for fresh insight and inspiration.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Resources:
Wright, A. J., & Jackson, J. J. (2022). Childhood temperament and adulthood personality differentially predict life outcomes. Scientific Reports, 12(1), 11064. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-14666-0
Karterud, S., & Kongerslev, M. (2019). A temperament-attachment-mentalization-based (TAM) theory of personality and its disorders. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 518. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00518
Hagekull, B., & Bohlin, G. (2003). Early temperament and attachment as predictors of the Five Factor Model of personality. Attachment & Human Development, 5(1), 2–18. https://doi.org/10.1080/1461673031000078643
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