Attachment Style Therapy: A Conversation With Dr. Daniel Siegel
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Lately, attachment styles are all over social media, and more people are coming to therapy eager to explore them. But what does that mean for us, the professionals?
Let’s dive into a recent episode of my podcast, Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists, where I sat down with Dr. Daniel Siegel to explore his new research into Attachment Style Therapy and how we can use it to bring real value to our clients’ lives.
Why Attachment Styles are a Game-Changer in Therapy
Let’s face it—clients today are more self-aware than ever. They’re looking for more than just “fix-it” therapy. They want deeper insight, especially when it comes to how early relationships may still affect them. Dr. Siegel—a prominent figure in the field of attachment and interpersonal neurobiology—shared some compelling ways we can make this interest work for us as therapists.
One of the biggest takeaways: Attachment styles are like lenses through which our clients experience connection, trust, and vulnerability. Understanding them lets us tap into their core emotional wiring and transform therapy into a journey that resonates on a personal level. Not just addressing symptoms, but nurturing self-awareness and long-term healing.
Attachment styles also tie into Dr. Siegel’s concept of Patterns of Developmental Pathways (PDP), where he describes how different patterns can reveal the “why” behind our clients’ personalities. It’s like looking through a clearer, more nuanced lens to see how clients’ temperaments, personalities, and attachment styles interact, helping us tailor approaches that resonate with their deeper needs.
Applying Attachment Styles to Therapy: A Quick Overview
You’re likely familiar with the basic attachment styles: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. Each client falls somewhere on this spectrum, often based on childhood relationships with primary caregivers. However, Dr. Siegel reminds us that attachment is more nuanced than these labels alone. A secure attachment doesn’t mean someone is free of relational hiccups, and someone with an insecure attachment isn’t doomed to be alone forever! It’s all about balance.
To really connect with clients using attachment theory, Dr. Siegel suggests pairing it with an understanding of personality patterns—frameworks that can reveal clients’ unconscious motivations and needs. This broader view can help us adapt therapy to work with, rather than against, their core temperament.
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Put It Into Practice
1. Identify Their “Attachment Blueprint”: By understanding your client’s attachment style, you can get a sense of their default approach to relationships. Are they naturally drawn toward independence? Or do they seek constant reassurance?
2. Embrace Personality Patterns: Dr. Siegel, along with other notable researchers, emphasizes moving away from rigid personality “types.” Instead, think in terms of “patterns”—fluid, adaptive responses shaped by attachment, temperament, and life experiences.
For instance, if a client has a “harmonizing” pattern, they might struggle to voice their needs for fear of conflict. Knowing this, we can validate their concerns while encouraging growth in self-assertion.
3. Incorporate Neuroscience-Based Techniques: Dr. Siegel’s work in interpersonal neurobiology underscores how attachment experiences actually shape the brain. Techniques like mindfulness and self-reflection aren’t just add-ons; they can help clients rewire their attachment responses by integrating new, secure connections in the therapeutic relationship.
4. Use Attachment and Temperament as a Foundation for Therapy Goals: Create goals that respect their attachment and personality style. A client with avoidant tendencies might benefit from gradual trust-building exercises, while someone with a more ambivalent style may need techniques that promote self-soothing and independence.
Don’t Miss Out on More In-Depth Insights!
If you’re hungry for more strategies to bring attachment style therapy into your practice, I invite you to pre-order Dr. Siegel’s upcoming book, Personality and Wholeness in Therapy, which delves into these approaches in detail. You’ll find insights on how attachment styles interplay with our personalities and how to work with these dynamics in your sessions. He also offers an entire series of courses through the Mindsight Institute, which can further deepen your understanding.
And let’s connect on LinkedIn! I’d love to keep the conversation going. Find me at https://www.linkedin.com/in/drlisabobby/, where we can share ideas and continue learning from one another.
Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. Know a fellow therapist who could use these insights? Please share this article with them. Together, we can expand our knowledge and bring even more transformative power to our therapy practices.
Resources:
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology). WW Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2013). Therapeutic presence. Healing moments in psychotherapy. New York, NY: WW Norton & Company, 243-69.
Siegel, D. J. (2006). An interpersonal neurobiology approach to psychotherapy. Psychiatric Annals, 36(4), 248.
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