Therapist Imposter Syndrome: 5 Proven Strategies to Boost Confidence and Banish Self-Doubt

Lisa Marie Bobby:

 Therapist imposter syndrome. Super real and affects so many of us in the helping professions, but it’s not something that gets talked about a lot and it needs to be. I have yet to meet a shrink self included, who hasn’t had that, that feeling, you know what I’m talking about, that, that self doubt that maybe you’re not really qualified to be guiding the work.

And in this therapist chair, it’s only a matter of time before somebody uncovers you as a fraud. People are looking to you for answers. answers that, that maybe you don’t have, uh, legitimately. So maybe nobody actually has those answers, but in that moment, as the therapist, you feel this anxiety, this dread that maybe you’re failing your clients.

That is a bad feeling. And so if you’ve been struggling with this, and you’ve questioned whether or not you’re helping people, or if you really know what you’re talking about, maybe I’m a fraud, today’s episode of Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists is for you. Because imposter syndrome is something almost everybody has.

every therapist faces at some point in their career. And by the end of today’s episode, you’re going to get clarity on insight into what’s going on inside of you, some self of therapist stuff, but also things you can do to manage this So that it doesn’t, you know, crush you or make you feel incapacitated, but rather turns into a really positive and productive growth experience for you.

So that’s where we’re going today.

And if this is your first time tuning in, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby. Like you, I’m a therapist. I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed psychologist, a very proud board certified coach. Um, I am also an AMFT approved clinical supervisor for MFTs, and I’m the founder of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching.

And over the years, I have had the great privilege. Privilege of not, not just being a therapist and serving clients, but I have worked with and mentored countless therapists at this point. So my, my practice growing self, it’s a group private practice, you know, 50 plus therapists running around here and, um, you know, a number of clinical supervisees.

And I do a lot of counselor education, coach trainings, different things. And I love supporting therapists. And so the reason that I wanted to talk about this topic today, imposter syndrome for therapists, is because it’s just, it’s so rampant. I mean, I think it’s something that all thoughtful, self aware therapists experience at certain points in time, but I think oftentimes because we are in a professional role that is kind of defined by our being the people who are going to know what to do, like we have the answers, we have our act together.

And you know, even though that’s maybe not how we’re putting ourselves out there, I think that that’s what people want from us. That’s what they expect from us. That’s what they hope we are. Um, and so when we have these moments of self doubt, which of course we do, um, it can feel really, really bad emotionally for us as therapists.

And if we don’t know how to manage these feelings, it can turn into not so great stuff inside of ourselves. Feelings like we’re, you know, failing our clients or that we don’t know what we’re talking about. We’re not competent to help people. And, um, you know, if, if we don’t have ways of managing this anxiety and this doubt within ourselves as therapists, over time, um, Um, you know, it, it can contribute to, to deeper issues and even burnout where we start to emotionally disengage because the work itself can be so stressful and fraught.

So this is an important, important topic. It’s a common experience, but it’s something we all need to learn how to do. And so that’s why we’re going here today on love, happiness, and success for therapists. So before we move on. If you haven’t connected with me yet on LinkedIn, I would love it if you would look me up.

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby. Let’s be friends on LinkedIn because I’m making these podcasts and videos for you and for our tribe, our collective. And so I want to know what your reactions are to these. I want to know what would be helpful for you to hear about on these podcasts. I really want to know how I can be of service to you as a therapist.

And so I want to start this dialogue. So if you have follow up questions for me, ethical conundrums, like, Hey Lisa, I want to talk about this on a podcast. Bring it to me. I want to know. Um, and then also thank you on behalf of our fellow therapists. If you’re learning things or getting insights through these podcasts or videos, share it, share it with your community, pay it forward.

We are all in this together. We need each other. And so I think the more we can do to help each other in our shared profession, it will raise everybody’s boat. Because when we take care of helpers, when we help the helpers, we are helping helpers help a lot of other people. And you know, it’s the helpers that Oftentimes are neglected and unseen and, um, you know, over time can, can really get the, the weight of our responsibility can become too much to bear if we’re going it alone.

So that’s why we have to stick together and that’s why I’m here today and why you’re here today. So let’s get into it.

So imposter syndrome, let’s talk for a second about what this is, where it comes from, and then I’m going to be sharing a bunch of tips, things that you can do actionable strategies to, to manage this. And utilize it to turn it into growth, promoting motivation. But typically imposter syndrome is related to our feelings of competence and our confidence, typically as we’re showing up in a professional role.

And so the reason why this happens, and I think why therapists are particularly vulnerable to imposter syndrome is because of the reality that the work we do is often quite ambiguous. There are actually many different ways that we could respond to a client in any given moment. Um, and there is no one way Right answer.

Additionally, there’s a lot of gray. Maybe there there isn’t a right answer. Maybe nobody knows what to do. And maybe the real work that we’re doing the way that we’re helping people is more experiential than it is. Actionable or that it’s something that we do. It’s sort of more attached to a way of being that can feel quite nebulous and so totally understandable, particularly if you have a client or clients for whom, um, you know, maybe the current approach isn’t as effective as you would hope, or maybe the work isn’t moving as fast as you would hope, or maybe the client isn’t, um, you would hope.

You know, uh, expressing like, Oh, I’m getting so much out of this, you know, and kind of just leaving and you don’t know how it’s landing with them. Um, because there’s not many tangible things that we have a lot of times in our role. It’s very ethereal, right? Like, how do you measure success? How do you know if you’re doing a good job?

How do you know if things are working? We don’t get that. that many times, unless, you know, we set up a lot of structures to, to, you know, operate differently. Um, but so because of that, I think that it’s really, really normal and common and honestly, in my opinion, quite appropriate for ethical, thoughtful therapists to be sometimes wondering, Am I doing this right?

And that’s actually my first strategy for you around how to handle this imposter syndrome experience is first of all to acknowledge it and also normalize this for yourself. I hope that you are in a supportive community of other clinicians who are talking about this, you have a consultation group, or you have a relationship with a supervisor or a mentor who is like, yes, this is normal.

Uh, but if you aren’t, hear it from me, this, this is something that happens and you need to act. acknowledge that this is going on for you and in a compassionate way. Um, and also to reframe this, I think people who are most vulnerable to imposter syndrome are actually high achievers who have a lot of motivation to do a good job and who have a very strong sense of responsibility for their clients.

And, and really wanting very much to be part of a client’s process and really be helpful to them. And so when you are then in this role, so like that’s your personality, but then you’re in this role where you know, how, what It’s, it’s vague, it’s ambiguous, and you’re not really getting a lot of feedback of whether or not you are doing the right thing or being aware of the fact that there are actually many ways that you could do, aka the right thing in any given moment.

It creates anxiety, um, particularly if you like to know that you’re doing a good job. And let’s just normalize this further. You just spent like, I don’t know, how many years in graduate school were you got? Feedback. You got an A on the paper. You passed the exam. You got the little comments in the margins.

You were sitting behind the one way mirror with a supervisor that was like, you did a nice job on this. Next time I’d like to see that. And you’re like, Oh, okay. You know, like those are all really good things, but then you go off in the real world as a therapist and that stops. It’s radio silence. And it’s really, you know, you need to decide, am I doing a good job?

Am I not doing a good job? Is this good enough? Maybe it’s not. What does that mean? And how am I going to grow? That’s, that’s what we sign up for. But you know, it can feel kind of intense.

The second thing that you can be doing if you’re struggling with imposter syndrome, once you become aware of it and like acknowledge it, validate it, normalize it is also to talk about it. Share these feelings with trusted colleagues, mentors. Maybe you have a personal therapist or, or a coach, right. That you’re working with to help you grow.

Um, and just putting it out in the open and, and getting support. Support for yourself is very important. And also, I think that when we give these interternal experiences some sunlight, it protects us from falling into shame. Shame is what harms us, right? This is, You know, sense that we’re not good enough, we’re not going to be good enough, other therapists are better than me, you know, like that whole thing.

We have to avoid going into a shame based thing. And one of the ways that shame can show up in all of us, as well as our clients, is when we feel like we have to hide things. You know, things that are shameful, we don’t want other people to know about. And so to be opening this up. up talking about this experience openly is one of the ways that we are saying no to shame and yes to support, yes to self reflection, yes to feedback, but also I think, um, making ourselves available for the support of our communities and people who care about us.

And, you know, it’s It’s not just about you talking about your experience for your own benefit. You meet talking about these things openly, I think, creates in our entire community, the collective of therapists and helping professionals, this new understanding that, you know what, this is part of what it means.

This is part of the role. Something that happens to us. It’s okay to talk about this. It happens to everybody and we need to be talking about it. You are not alone. So you’re talking about it as also being courageous and brave and holding that light up for other therapists to look at you and be like, okay, she’s awesome.

Or he’s awesome. And they feel the same way that I do. So, you know, maybe I’m okay. Like that’s how we do this. Three, two, one.

A third thing I would encourage you to be thinking about and doing very actively are identifying the specific thoughts that are leading to this imposter syndrome y, self doubting experience. So you know, what, what are you actually telling yourself in the moment that you’re feeling that way? Is it, uh, I’m not good enough, which is a very shame based kind of languaging and experiment with reframing it into something like, you know, what, what is my evidence for this or against this, right?

Like, use a little bit of CBT on yourself and think about this, you know, and maybe even do some journaling and replace these negative shame based thoughts with more balanced and realistic ones. You might. Start practicing some even positive affirmations, reminding yourself of your strengths, your achievements, the value that you bring to your clients, the fact that this is oftentimes experiential, and that it, it.

is fuzzy, right? That we don’t actually know. Um, and that there are many, many ways of slicing this bread when it comes to being a therapist with clients, but that, you know, self reflection, like, am I actually the worst therapist in the history of the world? Or, you know, am I trying to bring value or the things that I’m doing well and being able to honor and recognize those and bring that back into your mindset?

When you start doubting yourself and feeling low in shame based and unproductive ways.

Now, the next and most probably important thing that I would like to invite you to do, possibly the most important takeaway you’ll get from this whole thing, is that, um, Imposter syndrome, on the one hand, being perfectly perfect on the other, right? Like, we need to stay out of both of these corners. So, the opposite of imposter syndrome is not being 1, 000 percent confident and knowing exactly what to do all the time.

Like, that is actually not true. a good space for any helping professional to be in. That kind of mindset creates a whole different set of problems because the reality is that we as helpers have a mandate to be doing our own work and learning and growing constantly. And so while we want to see Stay out of the corner of imposter syndrome.

It’s really a shame based. You’re the worst. You don’t know what you’re doing. You suck like blah, blah, blah. Can’t go there. Uh, you know, we can’t go all the way to the other side, which is like, I know everything. I have nothing to learn. The balanced mindset here is, um, what do I have to learn? You know, I don’t love the way that session went.

Um, or I feel like I’m actually not making as much progress with this client as I would like to. Why might that be? Right? What do I have something to learn? Um, am I trying to practice outside the scope of my current practice or my current skill set and the experiences that I’m having are actually illuminating the fact that maybe I need some additional training in this area.

Maybe I need to get some consultation. Um, maybe the approach that I’m trying to take with a client is, is not the best approach for this person. Um, so maybe I need to do some reflection and modify my strategy or look for some opportunities for me to grow and develop. That is Also, part of our job is to be monitoring what’s happening, the impact that we’re having, um, how we’re feeling is very important information and then using that.

And, but also being self reflective is that also coming from, you know, historically, I feel like I’m never good enough. I feel like I’m never doing a good job. I need a lot of external validation and I’m not getting it from my clients. Therefore, I’m feeling like, ah, what do I do? You know, like. Is it that, or is it.

I should probably get more training in XYZ if I want to work with clients like these. And so this, again, we’re, we’re moving into these gray spaces that can be difficult for us to tease apart on our own. And this is one of the reasons why it’s so important to be talking about these experiences with mentors, supervisors, consultation groups, you know, other clinicians who know us and who love us.

And who can, um, be in the ring with us and who care about us enough to either say, You know, I’ve been in this consultation group with you a long time and you frequently feel that way. I experience you as being a highly competent clinician. When you tell me about your cases, you are checking all the boxes.

You are doing everything right, like taking that feedback in, you know, can be really helpful because it’s like, oh, yeah, this is, this is my stuff, right? Versus being in a consultation group with someone who says, You know, there may be, yeah, there are probably things that you could have done differently and this might be an area of growth for you, but I mean like you need people who care about you in order to be honest with you in that way and what a gift that is when we get that kind of feedback, but the core here to be able to do this and do it well is to adopt a growth mindset.

And that means. Being just very centered in this idea that we’re all growing and evolving constantly and that we are embracing our challenges and listening to these feelings, being curious about them and, and wondering, you know, is there an opportunity for me to learn? And also when you are confronted with, uh, Feedback or or signals.

Maybe you do have stuff to learn. Um, it’s not like a assault. It’s not a statement about your worth, right? Or, uh, damage to your identity or a test of your ability or your worth as a person. It is is rather than with a growth mindset. It turns into this. Thank you for showing me and illuminating these learning opportunities that I have and the fact that what we’re doing is hard and that it takes practice and that, you know, this is a very, very challenging profession and that competence is developed over time.

Nobody bursts forth into the world being perfectly perfect at anything, much less as a therapist or a coach is that we grow and evolve and that this takes a lot longer than we often think it should, right? I mean, our development as counselors, as coaches, it is measured in years because we have to go through these experiences.

where we learn, we grow, we reflect. We’re like, you know what? I do need to dig a little bit deeper into this or how could I be more helpful to this client? And then it sends you into your own, you know, research or, or maybe you encounter opportunities for personal growth that are salient to what your clients are going through.

Um, and so this is how we evolve. But you know, this is, This is, this is what it involves. And so, so having a growth mindset and then when it is appropriate, seeking additional knowledge and developing skills and this lifelong commitment, engage in continuous learning as a therapist, as a coach is part of the deal.

In my experience, a lot of therapists, too many, look at the continuing education requirements that they need to comply with in order to maintain licensure as just this, uh, this box that needs to be checked, right? And I, and I’ve done this myself, you know, like, Oh, I have to renew. Let me just do some online training really quick versus, you know, really investing in growth and learning through continuing education.

Education that is formal and accredited and, you know, yes, you get the certificate, but also, you know, books that you’re reading, articles that you’re reading, whether through formal education, workshops, self directed study, online programs. I mean, again, books, articles, talking to other people. These are all ways that we learn, we grow, we build new skills and develop new knowledge, which in turn boosts our Our confidence, but also recognizing that when you signed up for this profession, a commitment to ongoing learning and development is actually part of the job description.

It’s part of what it means to be a competent, ethical therapist. And just a little reframe. If you are feeling plagued by imposter syndrome, like, I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Again, we need to explain. Explore it, normalize, notice where it comes from. But also I would like to invite you just to consider whether these feelings could be a gift that are perhaps motivating you to think about what do I need to learn?

Where do I need to grow professionally? And then that turns into this. energy that leads you to learn, grow, take classes, read books that then turn into this over time accumulation of additional knowledge, additional perspective, additional skills that will allow you to feel more authentically competent and effective in your work with your clients.

So your feelings of anxiety or imposter syndrome could be a really helpful and important signal for you to listen to rather than something you’re just trying to get away from.

Now, after having said all that about the importance of the dark emotion that is imposter syndrome and how, you know, there might be things worth listening to in that, um, an additional strategy that we all need to be. doing, particularly if we have that, you know, gold star, high achievement personalities like self included, um, is to be very, uh, reality based in whether or not we’re also having realistic expectations of ourselves and our own performance and that we are, uh, Avoiding perfectionism when it comes to our work as therapists, because that is a recipe for disaster in, in any domain of life.

Right. But especially when we’re bringing that, um, you know, high achievement, perfectionistic orientation to work with clients, it is always unattainable. We will never be perfectly perfect. That is not what this is. And most of the time in our role, we will not get feedback about whether or not we’re doing it just right.

So like, what does perfect even mean? Mm hmm. And I mean, even sometimes, you know, I’ve seen therapists that have a lot of anxiety around doing it right. Oftentimes, young therapists who are very early in their career will latch on fiercely to these manualized, very structured orientations, treatment modalities, because, not necessarily because it’s in the best interest of their clients, but because, you know, if they’re following the steps that are prescribed, they’re managing their own anxiety about whether or not they’re doing a good job.

But that in that they can sometimes miss the fact that their clients are actually needing something else from them, that results in the therapeutic experience not being effective, or that leads to ruptures with clients, even though the therapist was doing everything just right. By the book, so. Again, you know, we, we are not in a manualized profession.

We don’t have a concrete thing that we do over and over and over again. And so any hope of perfection, like just let it go now and set realistic goals for yourself, celebrate small wins, and make sure that you have, um, a set of expectations of yourself. Self that are in alignment with reality and also an alignment that what it means to be a good therapist that is in alignment with your value system and that you’re going to have to create that for yourself.

You can journal about this, you can talk to a supervisor, mentor, consultation group about it. But like, how would you know if you were doing a good job? Define that for yourself in a realistic way and then practice noticing it when you do it. Because I bet that you’re operating in that way a lot more often than you might feel like you are.

So pay attention to everything you’re doing right.

And then the last thing I will share, uh, to help you manage these feelings of imposter syndrome, in addition to a commitment to learning and continual education, there is also a need for all of us as therapists to be very committed to self reflection. Own personal growth process. And this means, you know, embracing the fact that you need time to reflect on how things are going, how you’re feeling, how far you’ve come, you know, considering the challenges that you faced, um, and the skills that you’ve developed and think about your growth over time.

Think about where you came from, where you are now. Where you hope to go and you know, don’t compare yourself to other people compare yourself to yourself and because of this reflective practice we can counteract feelings of Incompetence because it highlights areas where we have developed competencies over time and And also it is a good thing for us as clinicians to be aware of our growth margins, right?

When we challenge ourselves to learn, to grow, to build our skills, to be more helpful to clients, that is a really positive thing. And that it’s normal to have a little bit of like, Ooh, or anxiety. If you haven’t done it a thousand times and you don’t know exactly what to do, but to have some of that, um, You know, intentional kind of reflection can help you define where those growth areas are for you, but also this self reflection over the lifespan of your career can really help you develop a sustainable, long term, meaningful career trajectory, because you might also be having experiences professionally where perhaps you feel like, Oh, I want Um, genuinely more effective with some clients and less so with other clients.

Maybe it’s different populations, different presenting issues. Um, and maybe in that you are using these feelings of imposter syndrome. Like I feel confident here, less confident there as actually this self assessment. That is helping you, um, see your strengths, the things that you are good at as a therapist that you want to build on.

Um, if you feel particularly successful with a certain client, population, you know, think about why that is and how it plays to your strengths, your personality, either way, your way of thinking, your way of being, um, and, and consider what of that you could build on. Like, could you develop a niche around that, a practice specialty around that?

And also reflect on the fact that if you really feel like not great or ineffective or like this isn’t a good fit between you and a certain presenting issue or client population, like what would happen if you respected that as well? You know, like maybe you are in a job Now in an employment role where you have to do a lot of different things and operate in a lot of different ways, and that’s totally valid, but you know, to be a therapist who stays mentally and emotionally healthy and well over decades, right?

And who can stay out of burnout and have a good time is to be thinking about burnout. You know, what are these feelings telling me about maybe what aren’t strengths for me and what I should do less of so that when the time comes to shift roles or change jobs, I can then be following these feelings and intentionally putting myself into situations where I do feel more competent and effective, enjoy the work more, you know, if I want to learn and grow and build, like in what area is that?

I have worked with so many therapists over the years who have done that. Um, you know, I can think of so many examples, but you know, like people who are, um, marriage and family therapists and who may have decided, yes, I want to specialize in couples and family therapy. And so they did that in graduate school and then they get out into the world and start practicing couples and family therapy and are like, Oh my God.

Gosh, this is so hard. This is hard for me. I, I don’t feel effective with these clients. It’s hard for me to manage the room, you know, this level of conflict and the emotional intensity. Like, I don’t like being around the sort of angry energy. Like I don’t feel competent. And to be thinking about, okay, where do you feel more competence?

Actually, you know what? Um, the clients that come in here wanting to talk about their careers, I love that. Or you know, that like work life balance stuff, life transitions, um, you know, figuring out who they are, what they want, how to get there. I love that. I feel like just my nature, I can be much more effective with those clients.

I enjoy the work more. And you know, really like that. tying your professional development evolution to that awareness and that self reflection. I mean, on more than one occasion, those conversations that I have had with supervisees or, you know, colleagues has, has led to people becoming, you know, you know, specializing in other areas, like more than one marriage and family therapist has then become a certified career coach after going into the self reflective process and vice versa.

Right. Um, and so I, I just wanted to, to illuminate this too, that that self reflection, listening to your feelings, honoring them, thinking about what it means to you is super important. And because this is so important, I mean, this is like a lot of what we do, um, in our consultation groups here at Growing Self, you know, who am I, where am I going?

But I have also developed a new resource that I want to put in front of you. Um, it is actually a resource that I developed because, because I specialize in coaching and I’m a coaching educator. I have a lot of therapists. who come to me wanting to learn about coaching psychology and should I become a certified coach and what is involved with this?

And so because I get this question so much, I put together like a, should you be a coach ultimate guide thing or, you know, to learn about coaching and that whole process. But because it is so profoundly important for me to help. All therapists like you get true clarity. You know, that like North star of where do I want to go with my career?

The whole first part of this free two part training is actually around that professional clarity. What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with my career? Where is all this going? You know, to decide where, where you want to maybe double down the direction that you want to move towards. Um, and, and it could be.

Something completely unrelated to coaching could be clinical mental health. It could be working with kids. It could be health code. I mean, I don’t know. Uh, but then the second part of the training will give you a lot more specific information if you determine like, yeah, I think that actually coaching is a direction that I would like to go in.

So anyway, I made this for you. I hope you take advantage of it. Totally free growingself. com forward slash. Coach, you can access it immediately, download the workbook, start doing the exercises just to do some of that self reflection and getting career clarity, but listening to the voice of imposter syndrome, as you do that work to help you just make contact with what your own emotional guidance system is telling you about who you are, what your strengths are.

Maybe, you know, using it as a launch pad to work through some old, you know, emotional unfinished business or patterns that are connected to your feelings of self worth or perfectionistic tendencies. Like we all have that, right? So this experience gives us the opportunity to do that, but also use it to direct you around where, where do I actually need to learn and grow in a constructive and healthy way without collapsing into shame.

And we do that by adopting. A healthy growth mindset. We also have to do this work. We can’t just ask our clients to do this work, sadly, but you know, so I sincerely hope that this episode of the podcast was helpful for you and that it gave you some actionable strategies for things that you can do to manage the experience.

experience of imposter syndrome, um, and pay it forward. If in listening to this, you’re like, Oh, my colleagues should really hear this, please share this podcast with them. My hope is that, you know, we therapists are helping each other, supporting each other, helping each other grow, taking care of each other because, you know, we as helpers, like everybody wants us to take care of them.

And we do that. We’re helpers. We are here for other people and we need help and support. So thank you on behalf of other therapists, not yet in our collective orbit for just putting this in front of them so that they can benefit from it to take advantage of the free resources that I mentioned. Um, growingself.com forward slash coach. Come to my website growingself. com forward slash therapists for more articles, podcasts. I make them for you. Let me know what’s on your mind. Connect with me on LinkedIn and we’ll keep this party going. Okay. See you next time. Okay.