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How Therapists Can Stay Non-Judgmental in the Face of Values Conflicts
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
In the latest episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, I talked about a topic that’s incredibly important for us as therapists—how to stay non-judgmental when we encounter values conflicts with our clients. And let’s be real: this is one of the trickier parts of our work, right?
As therapists, we are called to offer unconditional positive regard for our clients. It’s one of the cornerstones of what we do—being truly non-judgmental about their life choices, beliefs, and values. We’re here to listen, understand, and support their journey without letting our own values or perspectives come into play. But here’s the thing: we’re human. And sometimes, it’s hard to put those personal feelings aside.
Maybe you’ve been there before. You’re sitting with a client, and everything seems to be going fine, but then they say something that makes that little voice in the back of your mind whisper, “I don’t agree with this at all,” or “This is wrong.”
First, I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. Every therapist has experienced moments where their personal values rub up against those of a client. The key is recognizing when it happens and making sure it doesn’t interfere with the sacred space we create for our clients.
Let’s break this down and talk through some common situations where values conflicts arise and, more importantly, how we can navigate them with professionalism, compassion, and care.
Common Situations Where Values Conflict
One of the most obvious areas where this tension arises is around cultural or religious differences. You might be working with a client whose deeply rooted beliefs about gender roles, sexuality, or family life are very different from your own. Or perhaps you’re engaging with someone whose lifestyle choices challenge your personal or ethical views. These moments are fertile ground for judgment to sneak in.
Then there are those moments when a client’s moral or ethical choices test your patience. Maybe they’ve admitted to infidelity or deceit, and you find yourself struggling to connect. It feels like a roadblock, making it harder to offer that unconditional positive regard we know is so essential.
And let’s not forget political and social views—especially in today’s charged climate. You might have clients who hold radically different beliefs about some of the most polarizing topics, and it’s challenging to stay neutral.
Finally, personal life choices can be another area where you might feel a values conflict. Maybe the client’s choices aren’t inherently harmful but just don’t align with your own values. It’s easy to find ourselves struggling to fully support a lifestyle we don’t understand or agree with.
Sound familiar? If you’re nodding along, trust me—you’re not alone. These moments are part of our growth as clinicians.
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So, How Do We Navigate This?
Here’s the thing: it’s not about if these moments will happen—it’s about when they’ll happen. And when they do, we need to have some strategies in place to navigate them gracefully and professionally.
1. Self-Reflection
Self-awareness is always the first step. You need to know where your own values lie and how they could color your reactions. Are you getting triggered by something specific? Take some time to reflect on this. Journaling, mindfulness, or even supervision can help you spot your biases before they seep into your sessions.
2. Supervision and Consultation
This is a big one! Lean on your community when these conflicts arise. If you’re feeling stuck, reach out to your supervisor or a trusted colleague. They can help you process what’s happening and guide you toward maintaining professionalism without denying your own humanity.
3. Cultivate Curiosity and Empathy
Instead of focusing on how your client’s choices differ from yours, shift your mindset to curiosity. Get genuinely interested in why they’ve made those choices. What’s driving their worldview? When you take the time to step into their shoes, empathy flows more naturally, and that judgmental voice tends to quiet down.
4. Manage the Cognitive Dissonance
Here’s a truth we don’t always talk about: It’s okay to feel conflicted. Cognitive dissonance—holding two opposing ideas at once—is part of being human. But learning to sit with it and accepting that you don’t have to agree with your client’s values to support their growth? That’s the work.
5. Set Boundaries
Yes, we’re here to be open and accepting, but it’s also okay to maintain your personal boundaries. You don’t have to adopt your client’s worldview. Remember, this space is for them, not for you to align with their values.
6. Consider a Referral
In rare cases, if you find that a conflict is truly interfering with your ability to be effective, it’s okay to consider referring the client to another therapist. But, be mindful—this should be a last resort, after you’ve explored all other options. And if it’s in the client’s best interest, do it thoughtfully and with care.
7. Practice Unconditional Positive Regard
At the end of the day, we come back to this. Our job is to support our clients in their journey, wherever they are. It’s not about right or wrong—it’s about helping them navigate their own lives. When we remind ourselves of this, it helps silence that little judgmental voice and keeps us focused on what really matters.
In Conclusion
Staying non-judgmental in the face of values conflicts as a therapist isn’t easy, but it’s also not impossible. With self-reflection, empathy, and solid boundaries, we can show up for our clients—even when we disagree. The most important thing? Creating that safe space for them to grow, explore, and heal.
We’ve all been there, and I know you can move through these moments with grace, integrity, and compassion. Keep showing up for your clients and for yourself—you’ve got this!
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