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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
How often do you say “yes” when your heart is practically screaming “no”? It’s not easy to stand up for yourself, right? But what happens when you stand up to someone? And what are the consequences if you don’t? That’s why I’m thrilled to share highlights from our recent podcast episode of Love, Happiness, and Success, where I chatted with Dr. Sunita Sah, an award-winning professor at Cornell University and author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes.
Dr. Sah’s research dives deep into why it’s so difficult to assert ourselves—especially when we’re under pressure. Together, we explored what happens when you stand up to someone, from personal relationships to the workplace, and how it can be life-changing to find your voice.
Why Saying “Yes” Can Cost You
We’re taught from a young age that being “good” means going along with what others expect of us, even when it doesn’t feel right. Dr. Sah talks about how, over time, this people pleasing mindset can leave us drained, muted, and even in positions we really don’t want to be in.
Research even shows that in critical moments many people stay silent out of fear of being the “difficult one”. This compliance-based mindset isn’t just costing us personally; it can impact our health, happiness, and, in extreme cases, safety.
But here’s where things get good: standing up for yourself isn’t just about saying “no.” It’s about aligning your actions with your values and giving yourself permission to protect your well-being.
What Happens When You Stand Up to Someone?
Standing up to someone, especially someone in authority, triggers a unique type of anxiety called insinuation anxiety. It’s that discomfort we feel when we don’t want to imply distrust or question someone’s integrity—especially someone in a position of influence like our doctor or boss. Insinuation anxiety is one of the main reasons why many people don’t speak up, even when they’re witnessing mistakes or decisions that could be harmful.
For example, studies have shown that nearly half of airplane crew members hesitate to speak up when they notice a mistake by their superiors, and many healthcare workers remain silent when they see colleagues make errors. This fear of “rocking the boat” holds us back, even in situations where staying silent could have serious consequences.
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