Therapeutic Boundaries for Therapists: Why Your Therapy Clients Think You’re Weird
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
You might already know this, but I’m here to tell you—sometimes your therapy clients think you’re a little weird. The very boundaries and ethical practices that make us good at what we do can often come across as strange, confusing, or even a little hurtful to our clients. And the thing is, we may not even realize it’s happening!
But here’s the good news: We have the power to address these potential misunderstandings proactively and turn them into opportunities for deeper connection, growth, and even stronger relationships with our clients. In today’s episode of Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists, I’m going to share some pro tips to help you recognize those moments that might make your clients go, “Huh?”—and how to manage them before they create ruptures in your therapeutic relationship.
1. Being Transparent About Boundaries: Proactivity is Key
The bulk of these issues come down to our need to hold strong boundaries—boundaries that most people don’t encounter in their everyday relationships. As therapists, we know these boundaries are essential. But what we sometimes don’t realize is how they are being perceived by our clients. This lack of communication can lead to confusion and even feelings of rejection if we’re not careful.
For example, have you ever had a client try to friend you on social media? Of course, you didn’t accept the request, but maybe things felt a little “off” in the next session. Or perhaps you bumped into a client in public, and while you didn’t initiate a conversation (because, well, boundaries), they gave you a funny look. These are the kinds of awkward moments that can leave clients feeling confused or hurt—unless they know why we act the way we do.
Best Practice: Be proactive and transparent. At the beginning of therapy, take a few minutes to explain your boundaries openly. Frame these discussions as part of your commitment to creating a safe and effective space for your clients. Say something like, “These boundaries are here to protect you and make sure our work together is focused and ethical. They may seem a little different from your other relationships, but they are here for your benefit.”
2. The “Open” and “Closed” Client: Setting Expectations
Another common issue that clients don’t often understand is the concept of being an “open” client versus a “closed” one. We know that it’s crucial to either have scheduled sessions or close a client’s file—there are legal and ethical obligations here. But from the client’s perspective, not having a future session scheduled might feel like they’ve been forgotten or pushed away.
Best Practice: Normalize the scheduling process and explain it clearly. You could say, “I want to make sure you’re getting the support you need, and keeping a regular schedule helps us stay on track. If you ever feel like you need a break, that’s completely okay. I can close your file, and you’re always welcome to get back in touch when you’re ready.” This empowers the client and reassures them that the choice is theirs while also maintaining your ethical standards.
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3. Long Silences: Holding Space Without Making it Awkward
We therapists know the value of silence in therapy. It’s a powerful tool that allows clients the time and space to connect with their feelings and thoughts. But let’s be honest—those long silences can feel super awkward to clients who aren’t used to them. They might worry that they’re saying the wrong thing or that you’re waiting for something they’re not delivering.
Best Practice: Normalize silence as part of the process. Early on, tell your clients, “You might notice some pauses during our conversations. That’s intentional—it’s space for you to think, reflect, and feel. Nothing is wrong when we have those quiet moments.” Letting them know up front turns an awkward silence into an invitation for reflection.
4. Dual Relationships: Clarifying Your Role
Dual relationships can be especially confusing for clients. As therapists, we know we can’t be both an individual therapist and a couples or family therapist for the same person, or see their partner or family members separately. But clients often don’t understand why we can’t wear all those hats—and without proper explanation, they may feel rejected when we say no.
Best Practice: Be clear and upfront about the limits of your role. You can say, “I’m here for you, and only you. To maintain the integrity of our work, I can’t also be your couples or family therapist, but I’d be happy to refer you to someone who can support your family as well.” This clarifies your boundaries while reassuring the client that they remain your priority.
5. Not Giving Advice: Empowering Clients Instead
Clients often expect us to give them advice or tell them what to do. When we don’t, it can feel frustrating—especially if they come into therapy hoping for expert guidance. But we know that therapy is about helping clients find their own answers, not about giving direct advice.
Best Practice: Explain why you don’t give advice. You might say, “My role is to help you explore your options and discover what’s best for you. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I’ll help guide you as you figure out the right path for yourself.” This helps clients understand that therapy is about empowerment, not direction.
6. Why We Don’t Reach Out: Respecting Autonomy
One behavior that clients can find particularly confusing—or even hurtful—is our stance on not reaching out between sessions, unless there’s an immediate risk. Clients who share something heavy in session may expect a check-in afterward, and when we don’t reach out, it might seem like we don’t care.
Best Practice: Be transparent about the boundaries around communication. You can say, “Part of our work together is helping you navigate challenges independently. I trust your ability to handle things, and I also respect your autonomy, so I won’t reach out unless it’s an emergency. But if you ever need additional support, you’re always welcome to contact me.” By explaining this, you assure clients that the silence between sessions isn’t indifference—it’s respect for their independence.
Conclusion: Strengthening the Therapeutic Relationship
At the end of the day, the way our clients perceive us and our boundaries can make or break the therapeutic relationship. By talking openly about these “weird” things we do and explaining why we do them, we can foster deeper understanding, reduce confusion, and create a safer, more empowered therapeutic environment.
Remember, even though our boundaries may seem strange to clients, they are there to protect them and ensure the effectiveness of our work together. Being transparent about these boundaries from the start is the best way to prevent misunderstandings and strengthen your relationship with your clients.Thanks for joining me today on Love, Happiness, and Success for Therapists. Keep doing the important work you’re doing, and remember—you’re not alone in this. We’re in this together!
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