When AI Starts to Feel Safer Than People: Understanding the New Landscape of AI Relationships

When AI Starts to Feel Safer Than People: Understanding the New Landscape of AI Relationships

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.

Why We’re Getting So Attached to AI Relationships

AI has woven itself into our everyday lives so seamlessly that most of us don’t even realize how emotionally attached we’re becoming to the systems we use. Whether it’s the chatbot you vent to at midnight, the AI helping you think through a problem at work, or the supportive companion in your pocket who always feels patient and warm, something very real is happening in the way we relate to technology. Many people don’t know that this emotional pull is also where coaching and counseling services often begin – with the question of whether an AI relationship is helping or quietly taking over.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to have this conversation.

For this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I invited my friend and colleague, Dr. Rachel Wood, a licensed counselor with a PhD in cyberpsychology and one of the leading thinkers in the world of AI relationships, mental health, and emerging tech. She has an incredible way of helping us understand what’s happening underneath the surface and why so many people are forming deep emotional bonds with their AI partners, sometimes without even realizing it.

Why AI Relationships Feel So Good (Sometimes Too Good)

One of the most interesting things Rachel shares is that AI doesn’t trigger the same social threat system that humans do. When we interact with real people, our brains scan for judgment, microexpressions, past hurts, and power dynamics. These things make human relationships meaningful, yet they also make them hard.

AI, on the other hand, feels safe and predictable. It mirrors what we want to hear and stays within the emotional bandwidth we set. For people who feel lonely, unseen, or unheard, this creates a powerful emotional refuge. It can even mimic the patterns described in losing yourself in a relationship, except this time, the “partner” is artificial.

These dynamics explain why younger generations often use AI relationships as their baseline for closeness.

The Benefits of AI Partners… And the Risks

Rachel and I spent time acknowledging the good here. AI can genuinely help people grow:

• practicing difficult conversations
• preparing for job interviews
• organizing routines and goals
• supporting reflection and accountability

There’s also meaningful innovation happening in conversational AI in healthcare, especially in mental health. Tools built responsibly are helping trauma survivors, first responders, soldiers, and people who might not otherwise receive care. Research such as this study and this one suggests that people can feel real attachment and comfort through AI companions.

Still, every powerful tool has a shadow.

When AI becomes your therapist, best friend, romantic partner, cheerleader, decision-maker, and personal assistant all at once, the brain adapts to a level of seamless attunement that no human can match. That’s when frustrations show up in real relationships, similar to what clients describe in feeling unheard in a relationship or overcoming rejection.

This is especially concerning for teens and young adults, whose relational muscles are still forming. Those skills – ambiguity tolerance, patience, attunement, self-regulation – are built with real humans, not with perfectly agreeable chatbots.

When an AI Relationship Becomes Something Darker

Rachel also shared the heavier side: people spiraling into dependency or delusions with their AI partners. These stories are heartbreaking and far more common than most realize.

When someone is isolated or anxious and spends hours talking to an AI at 3 a.m., the system can unintentionally reinforce fear, grandiosity, or paranoia. Because the person trusts the AI, believing it knows them or loves them, they take its responses seriously. Research such as this article explores how easily people can misinterpret AI’s emotional cues as genuine intimacy.

Trust becomes the danger. Not because AI is conscious, but because it sounds like it is. Our brains respond to voices that feel warm and familiar.