When Life Falls Apart: How to Grow and Heal After Total Life Changes

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.

When you’re navigating total life changes that leave you feeling unsteady, overwhelmed, or unsure of who you are anymore, having the right support can make all the difference. Through Growing Self’s trusted coaching and counseling services, many people find clarity and grounding during life transitions that once felt impossible to face alone.

What do you do when life takes a sharp turn you never saw coming?

For many people, life changes don’t just disrupt routines or plans. Instead, they shake identity, stability, and direction all at once. These major life events can leave you anxious, exhausted, and wondering who you are now, let alone where you’re headed next.

If you’ve experienced a loss, an unexpected ending, or a defining moment that splits your life into “before” and “after,” this conversation is for you.

In this episode of Love, Happiness and Success, I sit down with cognitive scientist Maya Shankar to explore what actually happens inside us during profound life transitions, and why even resilient, capable people can feel so destabilized during times of change.

Why Total Life Changes Feel So Overwhelming

One of the most important insights from this conversation is that total life changes don’t just affect what we do. They often threaten who we believe ourselves to be.

When a relationship ends, a career path closes, or a long-held dream disappears, the loss can feel deeply disorienting. That reaction isn’t a personal failure. It’s rooted in how the brain responds to uncertainty.

Research shows that when life events introduce too much unpredictability at once, our nervous system shifts into a state of heightened alert. As a result, people may ruminate, second-guess decisions, or worry that their current emotional state is permanent. Studies on stressful life events and meaning-making confirm that this response is common and deeply human (Kring, L., Iversen, E., Ibsen, B., & Fehsenfeld, M.).

Understanding this can be reassuring. Feeling tired, scattered, or stuck during major life changes doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means you’re responding normally to abnormal stress.

The Hidden Cost of Identity Loss During Life Transitions

Maya shares a powerful personal story about losing her identity as a young violinist after a sudden injury ended her musical career. While the loss of the instrument was devastating, the deeper grief came from losing the version of herself she thought she would become.

This pattern shows up frequently during life transitions. People aren’t just grieving what happened. They’re grieving the future self they were attached to.

Psychological research on narrative identity supports this idea. When major life events disrupt our sense of self, healing often requires rebuilding the story we tell about who we are and where we’re going (Hartog, I., Scherer-Rath, M., Kruizinga, R., Netjes, J., Henriques, J., Nieuwkerk, P., Sprangers, M. A. G., & van Laarhoven, H. W. M.).

That’s why moments of loss can feel so destabilizing, even when the external change seems manageable on the surface.

Why There’s No “Right” Way to Grieve Life Changes

Another important takeaway from this episode is that grief after total life changes does not follow a universal script.

Some people need to sit with difficult emotions. Others find relief through connection, routine, or even gentle distraction. Both approaches can be healthy. What matters most is whether your coping strategy helps you regulate and move forward.

Research on narrative meaning-making shows that people adapt in different ways depending on personality, context, and the nature of the life events they’re facing (Sales, J. M., Merrill, N. A., & Fivush, R.).

For many, exhaustion becomes the dominant feeling during life transitions. When energy is already depleted, pushing yourself into an aggressive emotional overhaul can backfire. Healing doesn’t need to be dramatic to be effective.

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Meaning, Connection, and the Deeper Impact of Psychedelic Therapy

Another important dimension of psychedelic therapy involves meaning.

Research suggests that long-term improvement is often linked not to how intense the experience feels, but to whether it includes a sense of connection, insight, or purpose. A randomized controlled trial published in the Journal of Psychopharmacology found that psilocybin produced sustained reductions in depression and anxiety, particularly when participants reported meaningful, insight-based experiences (psilocybin and sustained decreases in depression and anxiety).

This does not make psychedelic therapy a spiritual shortcut. Instead, it highlights something deeply human: when people reconnect with meaning and values, emotional healing becomes more accessible. Related reflections on inner stability and purpose can be found in Cultivating Contentment and What Am I Looking For? Memento Mori, Being Intentional and Living for Meaning.

Risks, Readiness, and Ethical Boundaries in Psychedelic Therapy

An essential part of this conversation is acknowledging risk.

Psychedelic therapy is not appropriate for everyone. Without proper screening, preparation, and professional containment, these experiences can overwhelm the nervous system. Vulnerability increases significantly, which makes ethical safeguards critical.

Readiness matters.

Someone who is emotionally stable, well supported, and experienced in therapeutic self-reflection may have very different needs than someone navigating complex trauma or ongoing stress. In many cases, foundational therapy is an important step before psychedelic therapy should even be considered.

Integration is equally important. Without a clear process for translating insight into everyday life, powerful experiences can fade or become destabilizing. This mirrors other evidence-based approaches to sustainable change, including insights discussed in The Life-Changing Power of Self-Hypnosis with Dr. David Spiegel and Be Mindful of Your Self-Talk: How Mindful Healing Starts Within.

Choosing Discernment Over Hype

At its core, this episode is not about persuasion. It is about empowerment.

Before pursuing psychedelic therapy, thoughtful questions matter more than trends or headlines. True healing rarely comes from a single experience. It develops through insight, reflection, and sustained effort over time. Many people strengthen this capacity through practices that reduce rumination and build emotional regulation, such as those explored in How to Stop Overthinking and Achieve Inner Peace and How to Be a More Positive Person.

About the Guest

Dr. Scott Shannon is a psychiatrist, MDMA-assisted psychotherapist, author, and the founder of Wholeness Center, the largest integrative mental health center in the United States. With decades of experience in psychiatry and psychedelic-assisted therapy research, Dr. Shannon is widely recognized for advancing ethical, whole-person approaches that integrate conventional psychiatric care with emerging therapeutic mRebuilding After Life Changes: From Identity to Meaning

One of the most grounding ideas Maya offers is the distinction between what you do and why you do it.

While roles and circumstances can shift overnight, values and motivations often remain. Reconnecting with purpose can help anchor you during life transitions, especially when the path forward feels unclear.

This process often overlaps with broader reflection on meaning and intentional living, similar to the ideas explored in What Am I Looking For? Memento Mori, Being Intentional and Living for Meaning. When people pause to examine what truly matters, clarity often follows.

Other supportive practices can also help during life changes, including:

Practicing self-compassion and awareness of inner dialogue, as discussed in Be Mindful of Your Self-Talk: How Mindful Healing Starts Within
Reducing mental overload by addressing chronic stress and clutter, as outlined in Are You Living in Constant Overwhelm? Learn How to Declutter Your Life to Improve Well-Being & Feel Happier
Preserving emotional energy by focusing on what truly matters, as described in Stop Wasting Your Energy: How to Focus on What Actually Matters

Why Community Matters During Life Transitions

One of the most consistent findings across psychology and lived experience is that people heal more effectively from life events when they’re not isolated.

Connection helps interrupt mental loops of blame and fear. It also provides perspective. Articles like How to Overcome Loneliness, Build Human Connection and Improve Your Social Wellness and How to Have Difficult Conversations reinforce how relational support plays a critical role during major life changes.

Sometimes, healing also involves releasing old emotional weight. Resources such as Finding Forgiveness and Invisible Influence: What’s Really Driving Your Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviors? can help uncover patterns that quietly shape reactions to change.

For those feeling behind after major life transitions, Falling Behind in Life? 5 Tips to Reset at Any Life Stage offers grounded guidance for regaining momentum without pressure.

If You’re in the Middle of Total Life Changes

If you’re living through total life changes right now, you don’t need to have answers immediately. You don’t need to know who you’ll become next.

What matters most is having support that meets you where you are.

About Our Guest

Maya Shankar is a cognitive scientist, the creator and host of the award-winning podcast A Slight Change of Plans, and the first Behavioral Science Advisor to the United Nations. Her work explores how people navigate unexpected life transitions, loss, and reinvention by blending scientific research with deeply human storytelling. She is also the author of The Other Side of Change.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re navigating life changes and feel ready for thoughtful support, consider this an open door.

You can schedule a free consultation with Growing Self by answering three brief questions, allowing us to match you with the counselor or coach best suited to your needs. It’s private, secure, and designed to support you during meaningful life events without pressure or urgency.

You don’t have to rush your healing. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

00:00 Psychedelic therapy explained: promise, research, and real risks
02:31 Why psychedelic therapy differs from traditional psychiatric medication
04:55 Trauma, brain patterns, and how psychedelic therapy disrupts stuck loops
07:00 MDMA-assisted therapy for PTSD and why healing can continue long after treatment
12:21 A paradigm shift in mental health: supporting the brain’s capacity to heal
19:30 What MDMA actually does in therapy: safety, self-compassion, and trauma processing
25:47 Mystical experience, meaning, and the spiritual dimension of psychedelic therapy
30:09 Ethical concerns, safety risks, and how to evaluate psychedelic therapy providers
38:00 Preparation and integration: why psychedelic therapy is more than the experience itself

Connect With Me!

Resources:
Kring, L., Iversen, E., Ibsen, B., & Fehsenfeld, M. (2024). Exploring the impact of stressful life events on quality of life: Meaning making and narrative reconstruction. International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-Being, 19(1), Article 2330117. https://doi.org/10.1080/17482631.2024.2330117

Hartog, I., Scherer-Rath, M., Kruizinga, R., Netjes, J., Henriques, J., Nieuwkerk, P., Sprangers, M. A. G., & van Laarhoven, H. W. M. (2020). Narrative meaning making and integration: Toward a better understanding of the way falling ill influences quality of life. Journal of Health Psychology, 25(6), 738–754. https://doi.org/10.1177/1359105317731823

Sales, J. M., Merrill, N. A., & Fivush, R. (2013). Does making meaning make it better? Narrative meaning making and well-being. Memory, 21(1), 97–110. https://doi.org/10.1080/09658211.2012.706614

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When Life Falls Apart: How to Grow and Heal After Total Life Changes

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