Finding Forgiveness
Finding Forgiveness
Finding Forgiveness: “Can You Find It In Your Heart to Forgive Me?”
Every counselor and Denver therapist knows that, for many of our clients, finding forgiveness can be an incredibly important and powerfully healing part of the personal growth process. This is true for both individuals and couples. Holding on to anger — either towards yourself or someone else — will only hold you back from becoming emotionally healthy.
Living in regret, holding a grudge or holding onto guilt can lead to all sorts of problems including low self esteem, depression, anxiety, anger, and substance abuse problems, and disrupted relationships. In contrast, when you find forgiveness, you find peace.
On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, we’re going there. I’ll be talking about how to release anger, find forgiveness… and set yourself free.
Question: What has your journey in finding forgiveness been like? Have you been able to forgive? Yourself or someone else? Share how you did it with us in the comments.
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Finding Forgiveness
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Episode Highlights
- Two Kinds of Forgiveness
- The first type of forgiveness is forgiving other people, while the other is about forgiving yourself.
- Forgiving Yourself
- The core of forgiveness is compassion, which is understanding why something happened the way it did.
- Instead of being critical of your past mistakes, view yourself without judgment.
- Ask yourself if the person you are today would still do what you did in the past. If not, then you have grown.
- If you are religious, tap into your belief system’s ideas about forgiveness. For example, Catholicism has confession and absolution.
- Asking For Forgiveness From Others
- Forgiveness from others is not about you.
- The first thing you need to do is acknowledge the harm you have done.
- If the person you are asking forgiveness from decides to open up about their experience, be willing to listen.
- Also, talk about how would you handle the situation in the future. Show them that you are sincere to be of service to them again.
- You can also write a letter to yourself or to others as a start.
- Forgiving Others Who Are Not Remorseful
- Indulging in your anger by having revenge fantasies is a step towards healing. But if it goes on for a while, it will negatively backfire on you.
- Try to understand why the people who have wronged you did what they did. Often, their actions make sense even if it is not morally correct.
- Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone bad behavior. You can oppose their actions while making peace with what they have done to you.
- In the same vein, forgiving does not mean you open doors for them to wrong you again. You can forgive someone and set boundaries.
- Finally, forgiveness is a choice.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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