Breaking the Likability Trap: Overcoming Gender Double Standards

Practical Tools for Claiming Your Power

What I love about Kate’s work is that it’s not abstract — it’s deeply practical. Here are a few strategies she shared:

• Do a personal audit. Keep two lists: moments when you felt powerful and energized, and moments when you felt yourself shrink. Over time, these patterns reveal your personal “zone of excellence” and where you tend to get pulled off-center.
• Pay attention to your language. Notice when you minimize your asks, hedge your ideas, or apologize unnecessarily. In addition, practice replacing diminishing phrases with clear, respectful communication that reflects the true importance of what you’re asking.
• Experiment with posture and voice. Confidence doesn’t just live in what you say; it shows up in how you carry yourself. Standing tall, breathing deeply, and dropping unnecessary caveats can transform how your message lands.
• Find your authentic descriptors. Instead of squeezing yourself into the categories of “likable” or “powerful,” identify the qualities that truly reflect your strengths. Use those as your anchor.

Reflect for Yourself

As you think about this conversation, here are a few questions to explore:

• When do you catch yourself softening your words so you won’t “impose”?
• What fears come up for you around being seen as “too much”?
• Which qualities feel most authentic to your style of relating?
• How would it change your energy if you stopped trying to perform someone else’s version of power?

The Big Takeaway

You don’t have to choose between being liked and being respected. Instead, the real work is finding the balance that feels true to you — one where your authority, confidence, and competence are recognized, and your relationships remain strong.

When we step out of the likability trap and reject gender double standards, we open the door to a way of being that feels both powerful and sustainable.

This is such an important conversation, not just for women, but for men too, who face their own versions of these pressures. I hope it inspires you to reflect on the old stories you’ve been carrying and to start writing a new one that leaves more room for your authentic self.

Stay Connected and Keep Growing

If you’d like more support beyond this episode, you can book a free consultation with me or a member of my team. We’ll connect you with the right expert for your goals and send you a personalized set of free resources to help you move forward in your career, relationships, or personal growth.

You can also stay connected with me between episodes on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, where I share new tips, insights, and encouragement every week. And I’d love to hear from you — your feedback, your questions about past episodes, and the topics you’d like me to cover next are always welcome. Let’s talk!

And if you’d like to learn more from Dr. Kate Mason, you can find her on Instagram and LinkedIn, and check out her new book Powerfully Likeable, coming September 9th. It’s a fantastic resource for anyone navigating these challenges.

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Resources:
Eagly, A. H., & Karau, S. J. (2002). Role congruity theory of prejudice toward female leaders. Psychological Review, 109(3), 573–598. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.109.3.573 

Rudman, L. A., & Glick, P. (2001). Prescriptive gender stereotypes and backlash toward agentic women. Journal of Social Issues, 57(4), 743–762. https://doi.org/10.1111/0022-4537.00239 

Heilman, M. E., & Okimoto, T. G. (2007). Why are women penalized for success at male tasks? The implied communality deficit. Journal of Applied Psychology, 92(1), 81–92. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.92.1.81