You Are Good Enough
You Are Good Enough
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: The Kinks, “Superman”
Self-Esteem & Feeling Good Enough
When someone gives you a sincere compliment, do you automatically think of six reasons why you’re really not good enough? Do you compare yourself to others, and imagine that they know more, have a better time, or are more successful than you? Is it hard for you to feel “good enough” no matter what you do, or how much you achieve? How about on the job? If you’re in a position where others look to you for leadership or guidance, do you doubt yourself and struggle with “imposter syndrome?”
If you can relate to the “I’ll never be good enough” experience: welcome. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but I’m glad you’re here so that I have the chance to help you. As a Denver therapist and life coach, I so often work with clients who struggle to feel “good enough” even when everyone else (including me, their therapist) thinks they’re amazing. I know how painful this life space can be: feeling like nothing is ever good enough is an exhausting and demoralizing way to live. It takes a toll on your self-esteem, and makes it hard to enjoy your life.
I also know from my work as a Denver self-esteem therapist and life coach, focused on empowerment and strength, that hope and healing are possible, with the right help.
On today’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’m going to be sharing some of the evidence-based therapy and life coaching strategies that I share with my private clients who are struggling to feel like they are good enough.
We’re going to be doing a deep dive into the causes of feeling like you’re not good enough (including “imposter syndrome!”), and then discuss in-detail some actionable strategies you can use to genuinely, from the bottom of your heart, say, “Yes. I am good enough.” Because you are good enough! This episode will help you FEEL it, too.
Here’s an overview of what you’ll learn in today’s episode:
What Do Your Circumstances Have To Do With Feeling Good Enough?
Did you know that most people who don’t feel good enough tie it to their circumstances? Your circumstances have almost no actual bearing on how you feel about yourself. Really! Even the most successful people sometimes don’t feel good enough. Remember, all these “proofs” that you’re successful can be taken away. The only thing that matters is your relationship with yourself, and learning how to feel good about yourself and your life even when you’re facing challenges. I’ll explain how!
How to Believe You’re Good Enough
What research into evidence-based practices such as cognitive behavioral therapy shows is that getting a handle on your inner narrative and inner dialogue is the most powerful way to change your relationship with yourself. I’m sharing some strategies to help you keep from getting swept away by your automatic (even subconscious) thoughts so that you gain control over your inner experience. We’ll talk about how your thoughts impact your feelings, and how to heal your heart by getting clear in your mind.
How Therapy & Coaching Help You Feel Good Enough
Therapy helps you gain self-awareness about what’s going on inside of you. This self-awareness allows you to step back, and make intentional changes to the way you think and the way you feel. Effective life coaching challenges you to take positive, intentional action that helps move you towards your ideal goals. When you’re in a good place and emotionally healthy, positive actions are much easier to follow through with. Then you can begin an upward spiral of wellness that supports the highest and best of your whole self. You cannot take an empowered stance when you’re at war with your thoughts.Your therapist or coach is your ally in creating a sense of self that is different from your inner narrative: that’s where it all begins!
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The Impostor Syndrome
Another really common aspect of feeling like you’re not good enough is when you’re struggling with imposter syndrome on the job. “The impostor syndrome” refers to the experience of not feeling good enough in a professional context. Even when intellectually, you know what to do, you feel like you’re faking it. The imposter syndrome leads to feelings of shame and anxiety that people will realize you don’t know what you’re doing (even though you do!). This can lead to paralysis, disempowerment, and even burnout.
Impostor Syndrome vs. Growth Mindset
To help you overcome imposter syndrome on the job, I’m also speaking with career coach Dr. Lisa Orbe-Austin about where imposter syndrome comes from and what you can do to regain your trust in yourself. We talk about the difference between “growth opportunities” and imposter syndrome, and how to tell the two apart.
Why Accomplished People Still Don’t Feel Good Enough
Here are some of the imposter syndrome-busting strategies that Dr. Orbe-Austin is sharing with you:
- How to identify the origins of your imposter syndrome as being rooted in childhood experiences.
- People who were considered smart kids doubt their intelligence when things don’t come easy to them.
- People who were not considered gifted growing up are the opposite. Because they had to work hard for things, they doubt they have natural talents and skills.
- Lastly, those who had to survive without adult figures fear their success could be taken from them at any time.
- Having codependent or narcissistic family members is also correlated to impostor syndrome.
The Impostor Cycle
- People with impostor syndrome often get performance anxiety, and they cope by either overworking or self-sabotaging.
- When feedback comes in, they internalize the negative and minimize the positive.
- They get so caught up in their mistakes that the next time they perform, it’s as if they’ve never done it before. Then the cycle repeats.
Overcoming Impostor Syndrome
Overcoming imposter syndrome, just like repairing your self esteem, is not easy work but it is essential. Here are 5 tips to guide you on your journey towards healthy confidence in yourself:
- Remember that letting go of your impostor patterns is a lifelong process. Understanding your triggers is incredibly important. What are your triggers for not feeling good enough? Listen, and find out!
- Becoming empowered means getting in control of your inner narrative: learn how to use the skills of rational thinking and self affirmation to support yourself when imposter syndrome flares.
- Did you know that perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and low self esteem are all connected? Learn why!
- Learn why it’s so critical that you reprioritize and take care of yourself first — even when you feel like you haven’t “earned it.”
- Having a community of support is incredibly healing when you’re struggling to feel like you’re good enough. It’s the antidote to shame. Learn how to create a chorus of confidence in your circle that lifts you up!
Resources To Help You Feel “Good Enough”
- The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Signs of Low Self Esteem
- Own Your Greatness: Overcome Impostor Syndrome, Beat Self-Doubt, and Succeed in Life by Dr. Lisa Orbé-Austin
- Do you want to discover how healthy your self-esteem is? Take our free online self-esteem quiz.
- Enroll in our Happiness Class to learn cognitive behavioral skills to support your authentic happiness.
5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode
“Your circumstances have almost no actual bearing on how you feel about yourself.”
“You can’t flip a switch and change the way that you feel. But you can change the way you think. And when you change your thoughts—you change the script, you change the story—you will feel differently about exactly the same thing.”
“If you are still learning and growing doesn’t mean that you’re not competent.”
“The person that we take care of last is us . . . And so it’s such an important thing to kind of reprioritize that and think about how we’d like to live and the way that we care for ourselves.”
“It is sort of getting a community around that so that you can deal with sort of what’s happening structurally to you that is real, that is attempting to make you feel invalidated.”
Enjoy The “You Are Good Enough” Episode?
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Wishing you all the very best on your journey of growth my friend!
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You Are Good Enough
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: The Kinks, “Superman”
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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