Too Close to Home: Navigating Personal Challenges as a Therapist
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The Love, Happiness & Success For Therapists Podcast
Too Close to Home: Navigating Personal Challenges as a Therapist
Hey there, incredible therapists! Today, let’s have a heart-to-heart about something that many of us encounter but don’t often talk about — when our clients’ struggles mirror our own. This can be one of the most challenging things about being a therapist. It’s like looking into a mirror and seeing not just your reflection but also your deepest challenges. This is about those times when therapy sessions feel ‘too close to home.’
Imagine this: you’re helping a young woman navigate the grief of a miscarriage, and it’s a pain you know all too intimately because you’ve been there — maybe recently. Or maybe even worse, you’ve just had a miscarriage and have a client who is over the moon excited about a healthy pregnancy. Or, you’re a couples therapist with a couple working on affair recovery, while grappling with the same betrayal in your own life. It’s not just a hypothetical scenario; it’s a reality many therapists face.
Navigating these sessions can feel like walking a tightrope. On one side, there’s the need to be fully present and supportive for your client. On the other, there’s your own pain, raw and demanding attention. How do you manage this delicate balance? How do you ensure you’re a sturdy support system for your clients when your own foundation feels shaken?
Keeping ‘Your Stuff’ Separate
The key lies in creating a mental and emotional container. It’s about ensuring you have healthy boundaries as a therapist and that your personal experiences don’t spill over and color your professional judgment. This isn’t about suppressing your feelings, but recognizing them and having strategies to keep them separate from your client’s experiences.
Here’s a therapist growth moment for you: How do you do that? What strategies do you use? Do you have a support group or mentor? Are you in your own therapy? Or, do you have a self management practice like journaling, or a spiritual practice that gives you a container for your own stuff so that you can fully inhabit the life experience of your client during sessions, while focusing on yourself and not your clients outside of sessions?
And just as important, it’s about seeking support for yourself. Therapists need therapists too! Whether it’s a colleague, a support group, or your own therapist, having someone to help you unpack and process your feelings is vital.
Especially as a helper, you need support. It is an unrealistic expectation of yourself to be there for others, soothe and comfort them, sometimes being vicariously traumatized in the process, and help them put themselves back together again without having that same kind of caring support in your own life.
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The Empathy vs. Impairment Dilemma
The big question is, can you still be an effective therapist when a client’s issue hits too close to home? Absolutely! Sometimes, having walked a similar path can deepen your empathy and understanding for your client. You might find it easier to offer guidance because you’ve been in their shoes. The trick is to ensure that your guidance is truly what they need, not what you wish someone had told you.
But, let’s face it, there are times when stepping back or even letting a therapy client go is the right call. Like the couples therapist dealing with personal betrayal – biases can sneak in, making it hard to maintain the unconditional positive regard necessary for effective therapy.
So, how do you know when it’s time to recuse yourself from a case? It’s about honest self-monitoring and perhaps getting a reality check from a colleague or supervisor. Are you finding it hard to separate your feelings from your client’s? Is your personal experience overshadowing your professional perspective?
And, how much should you disclose to your clients? Self-disclosure in therapy is a tightrope walk of its own. Sharing your experiences can sometimes create a deeper connection. But, if your clients start feeling like they need to take care of you, that’s a red flag. Your role is to be their therapist, not the other way around. Use discernment to judge when self-disclosure would truly be of benefit to your client, and when it may hinder their growth and healing process.
Referring a Client when It’s Too Close to Home
Making the decision to refer a client because their situation is too close to your own isn’t a failure. It’s an act of bravery. It’s putting the client’s needs first, even when it’s hard. It’s about caring so much for their wellbeing that you’re willing to step aside to ensure they get the support they need.
So, dear therapists, remember this: You’re human. It’s okay to have moments when a client’s story hits too close to home. What matters is how you navigate these moments. By recognizing your limits, seeking support, and making ethical decisions, you’re not just taking care of yourself; you’re ensuring the best care for your clients.
And, if you’re interested in being part of a therapist community where you’re always supported in doing the right thing, by yourself and by your clients, I encourage you to explore the group private practice opportunities at Growing Self.
With love,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. — Are you at risk of therapist burnout? Take my free quiz and find out.
- 00:00 The Impact of Personal Struggles on Therapists
- 05:31 Navigating Personal Challenges as a Therapist
- 11:39 Creating a Support System
- 19:01 Empathy vs. Impairment
- 27:48 Self-Monitoring and Boundaries
- 31:16 Knowing When to Refer
- 33:17 The Courage of Referring
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