How to Deal With a Bully Boss: Surviving and Healing From Toxic Workplaces

How to Deal With a Bully Boss: Surviving and Healing From Toxic Workplaces

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.

Have you ever worked for a bully boss who left you walking on eggshells, never sure what version of them you were going to get? Maybe they humiliated people in meetings, exploded without warning, or slowly chipped away at your confidence until you barely recognized yourself. Learning how to deal with a bully boss is not only about protecting your career, but also about protecting your mental health and your personal life.

I’ve seen it many times in my work as a psychologist and career coach. When your workplace is toxic, it follows you home. You may find yourself short with your kids, disconnected from your partner, or too drained to enjoy the things that matter most. Over time, you can lose your joy, your confidence, and even your sense of identity.

That is why I was so glad to sit down with Mita Mallick, speaker, workplace strategist, and bestselling author of The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn from Bad Bosses. Mita has lived through shocking experiences with toxic bosses, including shoe-throwing executives and leaders who weaponized “toxic positivity.” She turned those experiences into strategies for surviving and, more importantly, for healing afterward.

The Ripple Effect of a Bully Boss

A bully boss does more than make your workday miserable. They can affect your entire life. Mita shared how years of abusive bosses left her exhausted, isolated, and questioning her worth.

Workplace trauma is similar to relationship trauma. Many people blame themselves, try to outwork the abuse, or cling to the prestige of a job while promising themselves they can endure it a little longer. Those coping strategies may work for a time, but eventually they erode self-confidence and well-being.

So consider this:

• Have you ever stayed in a toxic job because of the paycheck, the brand, or the hope things would change?
• Have you ever wondered if you were the problem, when deep down you knew it wasn’t you?

Spotting the Red Flags Early

One of the most practical parts of our conversation was learning how to spot the warning signs of a bully boss before accepting a job. The interview process often tells you more than you expect, if you know what to look for.

Here are a few red flags to notice:

• Interviewers who seem distracted, disengaged, or dismissive.
• Constant turnover in the role you are considering.
• A rushed hiring process with no time for reflection.
• Leaders who fail to show basic courtesy or empathy.

As Mita said, the interview is the “movie trailer.” If they cannot treat you with respect at this stage, conditions will only be worse once you are hired.

Why We Stay with a Bully Boss

Many people stay with a bully boss far longer than they should. They convince themselves they can manage the behavior, crave the stability, or hope the prestige will make the sacrifice worthwhile. But you cannot outwork a bully.

Instead, reclaim your power by:

• Documenting what is happening, including both facts and feelings.
• Setting a personal expiration date for how long you are willing to stay.
• Building an exit plan that safeguards your career.
• Leaning on trusted allies for perspective and encouragement.

Leaving does not always mean resigning immediately. Sometimes it involves transferring to a different team, moving within the organization, or carefully planning your next opportunity outside of it.