Last updated: November 17, 2025 

With the holiday season coming up, I wanted to revisit this episode since this time of year can intensify emotions after a breakup over the holidays, and this episode continues to bring comfort and clarity to so many listeners.

If you’re going through a breakup over the holidays, I just want to say this out loud for you:

You are not crazy or weak. And you are not “behind” for still feeling this way.

You’re a human being with a broken heart in the middle of the most emotionally loaded time of the year, and of course it hurts.

Everyone else seems to be wrapped in twinkle lights and cheer, while you’re just trying to get through the day without crying in the bathroom or doom-scrolling your ex’s social media. If that’s where you are right now, I’m really glad you found your way here.

In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I talk about how to cope with a breakup over the holidays and what real healing actually looks like over time. Let’s walk through this together. 

Why a Breakup Over the Holidays Hurts So Much

There are some very real reasons why a breakup over the holidays feels like heartbreak on hard mode. Here are a few of the big ones I see again and again in my clients.

• The world feels obnoxiously happy
  • You’re in pain, and meanwhile, the world is blasting Mariah Carey, talking about “the most wonderful time of the year,” and posting matching pajama photos. It can feel like everyone else is living in a different universe.
  • You might think, Why am I the only one who is this wrecked? You’re not. You’re just one of the few people being honest with yourself.

• Holiday traditions trigger intense memories
  • Holidays are stuffed full of rituals and “special moments.” That’s exactly what makes them such powerful emotional landmines after a breakup.
  • Putting up the tree, lighting the menorah, or hearing “your” song in Target – each one can reopen memories that feel raw. Research shows that emotion and memory are tightly linked: the stronger the emotion, the sharper the memory. So when those rituals show up again, your nervous system says, Oh, we know this. This is when we were together. The grief, longing, or regret can come roaring back.
  • If you’ve wondered why you still think about your ex or why they seemed to move on so fast, this is part of that same emotional wiring. Your brain is replaying old connections because it hasn’t finished processing them yet.

• Social life gets more intense just when you feel least ready
  • The holiday season is full of events – office parties, family gatherings, school programs, community celebrations – all of which can feel exhausting when you’re grieving. You might run into your ex or have to answer awkward questions from people who don’t know what happened.

So if you’re wondering why this breakup hurts more right now, this is why. You’re not weak. The conditions are just stacked against you.

Why You Can’t Just “Get Over It” (Yet)

You might be thinking, I know this relationship wasn’t good for me. So why am I still obsessing about my ex? Why do I care who they’re with now?

Here’s the deal: love operates on the same brain systems as addiction – a fact supported by research like Fisher et al. (2016), which found that romantic love activates the same neural pathways as substances like cocaine or heroin.

That’s what I talk about in my book, Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love. Romantic love lights up reward pathways that don’t just “turn off” when the relationship ends.

Your mind knows all the reasons this needed to end.

Your body and emotional brain are still going through withdrawal.

Studies such as Earp et al. (2017) and López-Cantero (2018) describe how attachment loss triggers physical and emotional symptoms similar to withdrawal. That’s why you might feel cravings, intrusive thoughts, or a compulsion to check your ex’s social media. You’re not broken… you’re detoxing from love.
If you’ve tried therapy before but felt stuck, this article on how therapy for breakups might be keeping you stuck (and what to do instead) offers some insight into why traditional talk therapy isn’t always enough for heartbreak recovery.

Letting the Holidays Help You Heal

The same things that make a breakup over the holidays so painful can also create a powerful opportunity for deeper healing.

When you’re flooded with feelings, it’s easy to over-socialize, numb out with distractions, or push yourself to act “fine.” But avoiding grief doesn’t make it go away. It just postpones it. The holidays, with all their emotional intensity, can actually help you heal if you allow yourself to feel and move through the pain intentionally.

So instead of asking, How do I make this stop? try asking, How can I use what’s already coming up to move forward?

That’s where the six stages of healing come in.

The Six Stages of Healing After a Breakup Over the Holidays

1. Ambivalence: “Is this really over?”
   Part of you might still be emotionally hooked, wondering if there’s hope or analyzing every little thing your ex does. During the holidays, that uncertainty can feel even stronger. This is when clarity becomes your goal. If you’re stuck here, you may want to read Should You Stay or Go? How to Know When Your Marriage Is Over.

2. Emotional Freedom: Choosing to let go and grieving fully
   Once you decide, I can’t keep doing this, grief floods in. You might cry more easily, skip events, or feel like you’re just surviving. This is the real work of healing. How Do You Get Over Your Ex? Psychology-Backed Strategies That Actually Work and How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup? both offer practical ways to move through this stage without getting lost in it.

3. Anger, Guilt, and Regret: The messy middle
   After grief, anger often surfaces – sometimes at your ex, sometimes at yourself. This is where reflection helps you release what you’re carrying. Journaling or personal rituals can support this phase.

4. Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Remembering who you are
   Many people lose their sense of self after a breakup. If you’ve been losing yourself in a relationship, this is your time to rebuild. Reconnect with your strengths, values, and the people who genuinely see you.

5. Inner Peace: “I don’t want to carry this anymore.”
   Eventually, the obsessive thoughts fade. You start feeling more like yourself again. Mindfulness tools like Be Mindful of Your Self-Talk and How to Stop Overthinking and Achieve Inner Peace can support this phase of emotional regulation and release.

6. Growth: Using this breakup to build a better life
   Growth means taking the lessons forward. You might start noticing patterns, setting stronger boundaries, or choosing partners more intentionally. For high achievers who struggle in love, Why High Achievers Struggle in Love might help you connect the dots between ambition and attachment.
   
   
   

If You Don’t Want to Do This Alone

If you’re thinking, I can’t keep white-knuckling my way through this breakup over the holidays, you don’t have to.

You can schedule a consultation with me or a member of my team. This is a private, secure space where you can share what’s really been going on for you:

• The grief that hits out of nowhere
• The obsessive thoughts you wish would stop
• The way this holiday season has cracked everything open again
  

From there, we’ll help you connect with the right expert for breakup therapy and coaching so you can begin to heal from heartbreak in a supportive, research-based way.

If your heart is whispering, I’m ready for real support, consider this your invitation to reach out. 💗

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Resources:
Fisher, H. E., Xu, X., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2016). Intense, passionate, romantic love: A natural addiction? Frontiers in Psychology, 7, 687. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.00687 

Earp, B. D., Wudarczyk, O. A., Foddy, B., & Savulescu, J. (2017). Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated? Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology, 24(1), 77–92. https://doi.org/10.1353/ppp.2017.0011

López-Cantero, P. (2018). The break-up check: Exploring romantic love through relationship terminations. Philosophia, 46(3), 689–703. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11406-017-9935-8