Exaholics Book

Help for Healing from Heartbreak

This amazing [Exaholics] book offers meaningful, compassionate support and guidance to those trapped in the pain of a severed attachment. It is a beautifully written and comprehensive guide, full of wisdom.

Pensive man looking out of window after reading Exaholics book

Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex?

The Exaholics book by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby helps you understand why you feel the way you do after a breakup or divorce, and provides direction for how to move forward.

Love is not just a feeling. It’s a biological attachment process that bonds us fiercely to another person and has a lot in common with an addictive process (but in a positive way).

However, when that bond is broken through a breakup or divorce, the result is profound pain and an experience very much like going into withdrawal.

Young black woman practicing mindfulness after reading Exaholics book

Healing From a Broken Heart

This powerful nature of love means you can’t just stop thinking about your Ex or flip a switch and turn off your feelings. Nobody can.

Healing from a broken heart or reclaiming your inner peace after a divorce requires treating your healing process as a recovery. In her ground-breaking book, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby shares the science-backed strategies that help you move through the process of breakup recovery, and into emotional freedom.

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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Founder of Growing Self, Author of exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love

The Accidental Breakup Expert

I became a marriage counselor because I wanted to help people repair their relationships. But — as you know — some marriages can’t be saved. When couples split, I would often be left trying to help one partner cope with divorce.

Unfortunately, my degrees in counseling psychology and marriage and family therapy did nothing to prepare me for how to help people ending a relationship. I began researching the science of love and discovered that the nature of love is a biologically based, addictive process that leads to enduring, powerful attachment bonds. Positive, in the context of healthy relationships — but destructive when we become addicted to toxic relationships or bonded to people who mistreat, betray, or abandon us.

Using these ideas and an evidence-based recovery model allowed me to become a truly effective breakup and divorce counselor and guide my clients through the stages of recovery and into growth and healing. It led me to write my Exaholics book, create the How to Heal a Broken Heart program, and to teaching other marriage and family therapists to become more effective divorce counselors.

These ideas have helped many people heal after heartbreak and rebuild after divorce, and I believe they will help you, too. I understand how traumatizing and overwhelming it is to suffer through a bad breakup, and I’m so glad you’re here.

Sincerely,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Lessons From the Exaholics Book:

Man looking out of window with coffee mug, reflecting on Exaholics book

Relationship Addiction is Real

You may be an “Exaholic” if you want to get over your Ex, but you can’t. You hurt, you think about them all the time, and you may surprise yourself with the things you’ll do to stay connected to your Ex… even if you know this is a toxic relationship for you.

Many people having these confusing experiences and intense feelings worry that there is something wrong with them. In the Exaholics book you’ll learn that our feelings are not weird or out of line or excessive — this is how it feels to have an attachment bond to someone you can’t have a relationship with.

These feelings can be confused with “love,” but they’re not. They need to be understood and managed effectively for you to heal after heartbreak.

Woman smiling on beach with camera.

Repairing Self-Esteem After a Breakup

Cutting cords to toxic relationships or being rejected by someone you love leaves you with big, dark feelings, including anger, guilt, regret, shame, and despair. Worst of all may be the way breakups damage your self-esteem. This is particularly true if you were betrayed by your Ex, or if you betrayed yourself along the way.

The Exaholics book will give you a fresh perspective on these emotions and help you work through painful feelings productively in order to heal, grow, and rebuild your confidence.

Healing Through the Stages of a Breakup

Healing from heartbreak is a process that occurs over time and in stages. By understanding the stages of a breakup and learning how to move through each one successfully, you can achieve true healing.

These stages include resolving ambivalence about the relationship, deciding for sure that it’s over, releasing your attachment, working through the feelings, learning from this experience, and restoring your hope for the future. All of this can be yours with the right support.

Exaholics Book Reviews

“Don’t hesitate. Buy it NOW. Could not put this book down until I reached the very last page! Been driving the struggle bus for 2 years and this book has been the most valuable tool (besides my Mom 😉) thus far. Thanks! Helpful!”

“The best resource I had on my journey. I got this book like so many others when my 5 year marriage (8 year relationship) ended. I was lost, ashamed, and profoundly hurt. I was grasping at straws for help anywhere and everywhere. I didn’t expect much from reading it but was pleasantly surprised. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone. At times I felt that Lisa was talking directly to me; it was like she had first hand knowledge of my situation. Get this book! You won’t regret it.”

“This book is for anyone who cannot break free. This book opened my eyes. I highly recommend to anyone who has gone through a series of breaking up and getting back together. It helps to understand why this happened, get some perspective, admit your mistakes and get over all the negative emotions of the love addiction.”

“I would give this 10,000 stars! It’s a must, must, must if you are going through a breakup! It was my bible!”

“This book goes into your brain on a breakup, the chemical and physical withdrawal that spirals your life out of control. I am fascinated with the brain and body in crisis and this book hits every nail on the head. This took me about 8 hours to read. Nothing was overlooked. Are you going through a bad breakup? Do you want to understand why and get better? Read this book.”

“Excellent book. I’ve read many break-up books, but this is the one that threw me over to the other side where I could break my addiction to my ex. I received the clarity I needed and really woke up to see how I was actually addicted to this person. Highly recommend.”

“From Heartbreak to Feeling Whole Again: Distress, anger, sadness, grief, longing, despair, wild hope, helplessness, obsessive thoughts, the endless mental and emotional searching for what has been lost, hurt, the quiet devastation, feeling like the relentless ache in your chest will never go away … this book explains how to get better after a tough break up. I read everything I could get my hands on and spoke to a number of professionals to try to understand why I couldn’t seem to get over it no matter what I did. This book was the most helpful resource of all, it was a life saver. I highly recommend it. It helped me finally to get over what happened, to heal myself and to feel good again.”

“Fantastic book! It gives the reader who feels something must be fundamentally or constitutionally wrong with their makeup that reassurance that there is clear science behind missing and craving an ex. It gives the reader an understanding that s/he is sooo not alone, and of what the process of recovery from an addiction to an ex often looks like, as well as some recovery roadmaps.”

“An excellent read and very helpful! This book helped me a lot. Dr. Bobby is spot on about absolutely everything I’ve been going through during my ordeal with my ex, which really did feel like a bad addiction followed by horrible withdrawals. Dr. Bobby offers solid advice as to how to handle everything. It’s also a comfort to know that I’m not going crazy and that the roller coaster ride of emotions is perfectly normal. I only wish I had read this book long ago. Well done, Dr. Bobby!”

“Wow. I’ve never been so affected by a book before. I’m going through one of the most painful break ups in my life right now, and don’t know where I’d be without this book. I even recommended it to the ex-boyfriend.”

“This book is amazing. I feel like it was truly meant for me to read it. I have been trying to understand and explain what I am going through to others and have been unsuccessful until I read this book. I literally feel like the author stepped inside of me and penned everything that I was unable to explain verbally. I feel like I’m going to get my breakthrough and break away with the help I have received from this book. Thank You!!!”

“5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! Anyone who has recently gone through a breakup/divorce can benefit immensely from this work. Whether you left or were rejected, this book deals with explaining the very real scientific and psychological underpinnings behind human behavior in a breakup and provides tools to help the reader work through it. Helpful!”

Heal and Grow

Breakup and Divorce Recovery Services @ Growing Self

Dr. Bobby wrote the Exaholics book but is not affiliated with that platform. In her group private practice, Growing Self Counseling and Coaching, she and her team of expert therapists specialize in personal growth and healthy relationships and offer private divorce counseling and breakup therapy to help you heal and grow.

Divorce Counseling and Divorce Therapy

Dealing with divorce is devastating on so many levels — emotionally, financially, and for your family. The divorce therapists of Growing Self are marriage and family therapists with specialized education and years of experience.

We can help you navigate this challenging time in order to heal, grow, and come out the other side stronger, happier, and healthier than ever before.

Learn about our empowering divorce counseling and coaching services.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Our Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program is a revolutionary, evidence-based system for getting over a breakup — and growing in the process.

Over six info-packed online video sessions and thoughtful experiential assignments that will help you dig deep, Dr. Bobby will show you how to heal a broken heart, restore hope, gain emotional freedom, and create healthy relationships on the other side.

Learn more about the Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program.

Breakup and Divorce Support Group

Are you looking for a community of compassionate people who really get it?

Growing Self’s Breakup & Divorce Recovery Support Group is an intimate, expert-led online group that meets weekly. It’s a compassionate space to heal from heartbreak with effective coaching exercises, actionable advice, and real support from people who know exactly how you feel.

Learn more about our breakup and divorce support groups.

Break Up Therapy & Breakup Coaching

When you’re reeling from heartbreak, especially after a toxic relationship, there’s nothing quite like having a breakup recovery expert by your side.

We can help you heal from heartbreak, rebuild your self-esteem, find closure, and move on into a bright new chapter of light and love.

Learn more about our breakup therapy and breakup coach services.

Gift the Gift of Healing

Does someone you care about need help getting over a broken heart? Are you looking for a way to show you care — one that will actually help?

Give them the gift of healing with a gift card they can use toward any of our breakup coaching or divorce therapy services, breakup and divorce support groups, or the How to Heal Your Broken Heart breakup recovery program.

Gift support in getting over an Ex.

Meet a Few of Our Exaholic Breakup Recovery Experts

Our Clients Think We’re Awesome

“Don’t hesitate. Buy it NOW. Could not put this book down until I reached the very last page! Been driving the struggle bus for 2 years and this book has been the most valuable tool (besides my Mom 😉) thus far. Thanks! Helpful!”

“The best resource I had on my journey. I got this book like so many others when my 5 year marriage (8 year relationship) ended. I was lost, ashamed, and profoundly hurt. I was grasping at straws for help anywhere and everywhere. I didn’t expect much from reading it but was pleasantly surprised. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone. At times I felt that Lisa was talking directly to me; it was like she had first hand knowledge of my situation. Get this book! You won’t regret it.”

“This book is for anyone who cannot break free. This book opened my eyes. I highly recommend to anyone who has gone through a series of breaking up and getting back together. It helps to understand why this happened, get some perspective, admit your mistakes and get over all the negative emotions of the love addiction.”

“I would give this 10,000 stars! It’s a must, must, must if you are going through a breakup! It was my bible!”

“This book goes into your brain on a breakup, the chemical and physical withdrawal that spirals your life out of control. I am fascinated with the brain and body in crisis and this book hits every nail on the head. This took me about 8 hours to read. Nothing was overlooked. Are you going through a bad breakup? Do you want to understand why and get better? Read this book.”

“Excellent book. I’ve read many break-up books, but this is the one that threw me over to the other side where I could break my addiction to my ex. I received the clarity I needed and really woke up to see how I was actually addicted to this person. Highly recommend.”

“From Heartbreak to Feeling Whole Again: Distress, anger, sadness, grief, longing, despair, wild hope, helplessness, obsessive thoughts, the endless mental and emotional searching for what has been lost, hurt, the quiet devastation, feeling like the relentless ache in your chest will never go away … this book explains how to get better after a tough break up. I read everything I could get my hands on and spoke to a number of professionals to try to understand why I couldn’t seem to get over it no matter what I did. This book was the most helpful resource of all, it was a life saver. I highly recommend it. It helped me finally to get over what happened, to heal myself and to feel good again.”

“Fantastic book! It gives the reader who feels something must be fundamentally or constitutionally wrong with their makeup that reassurance that there is clear science behind missing and craving an ex. It gives the reader an understanding that s/he is sooo not alone, and of what the process of recovery from an addiction to an ex often looks like, as well as some recovery roadmaps.”

“An excellent read and very helpful! This book helped me a lot. Dr. Bobby is spot on about absolutely everything I’ve been going through during my ordeal with my ex, which really did feel like a bad addiction followed by horrible withdrawals. Dr. Bobby offers solid advice as to how to handle everything. It’s also a comfort to know that I’m not going crazy and that the roller coaster ride of emotions is perfectly normal. I only wish I had read this book long ago. Well done, Dr. Bobby!”

“Wow. I’ve never been so affected by a book before. I’m going through one of the most painful break ups in my life right now, and don’t know where I’d be without this book. I even recommended it to the ex-boyfriend.”

“This book is amazing. I feel like it was truly meant for me to read it. I have been trying to understand and explain what I am going through to others and have been unsuccessful until I read this book. I literally feel like the author stepped inside of me and penned everything that I was unable to explain verbally. I feel like I’m going to get my breakthrough and break away with the help I have received from this book. Thank You!!!”

“5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent! Anyone who has recently gone through a breakup/divorce can benefit immensely from this work. Whether you left or were rejected, this book deals with explaining the very real scientific and psychological underpinnings behind human behavior in a breakup and provides tools to help the reader work through it. Helpful!”

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Divorce and Breakup Recovery Resources

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Laurel K.,, Cllient Support Lead

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If you have questions about our services, would like recommendations about which expert is right for you, or need help scheduling a first appointment please contact us by live chat, email, text, or phone.