How to Stop a Divorce
“I want a divorce.”
It’s one of the most alarming sentences a married person can hear. And — in one way or another — it means that your marriage is about to change.
But it doesn’t always mean that your marriage is about to end.
In my experience as a couples counselor and discernment counselor, I’ve learned that when your spouse asks you for a divorce, it breaks one of two ways: it either leads to a “transformational crisis” where couples make positive and often long-overdue changes to their relationship, or it’s the beginning of the end.
The good news is that you’re here, looking for answers. That’s a sign that you’re trying to achieve positive change. Now all you need is the tools to do it.
So, if you’re wondering, “How do I stop my divorce and save my marriage?” Then read on, because the rest of this article contains our online marriage counseling team’s best advice on how to stop a divorce from happening.
How to Stop a Divorce and Save a Marriage
Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’m going to be giving you some real-world advice on what to do if your husband or wife asks for a divorce.
How you handle yourself in the hours, days and weeks after your partner has asked for a divorce can make all the difference as to how things unfold.
I believe that you often can stop a divorce from happening if you are able to stay in control of yourself and rise above the immediate emotions of the situation. (Particularly if your partner asked for a divorce as a “cry for help” and not as a serious, premeditated action.)
Listen to the podcast for some insight into why divorce happens, and to get practical anti-divorce advice on how to handle yourself if you want the best shot at saving your marriage.
In this episode: How to Stop a Divorce, we’ll discuss:
- Understanding the psychology behind why divorces happen, and what’s going on in the mind of a husband or wife who’s asked for a divorce.
- What to say when your husband or wife asks for a divorce.
- What NOT to say when your husband or wife asks for a divorce.
- Specific things you can do to reignite hope and healing for your marriage.
- How to create a path forward, to not just stop a divorce but create real and lasting positive change in your marriage.
When You Can’t Stop a Divorce
Sometimes, your partner asking for a divorce is an opportunity for growth and change. But, unfortunately, there are other instances where one partner has decided that they are done, they are filing for divorce, and you can’t stop them.
If this is true for you, I have advice for you too.
For starters, in these instances, you need to compartmentalize your feelings and get into “survival mode.” There are practical steps that need to be taken in order to ensure your long-term financial safety and the wellbeing of your children.
To give you some guidance on the next practical steps forward, I’ve enlisted the support of my colleague, professional divorce mediator Denisa Tova. She’ll be giving you some insight into the process of divorce, and the steps you can take to ensure that your divorce process is as collaborative, civilized, and healthy as possible.
I am hopeful for you, that you’re able to use the relationship advice I share about how to stop a divorce and turn things around. If that is not possible, I hope that you can find a healthy path forward for both of you.
I hope that all the advice helps you find your way through this confusing, and scary time, and that the path forward is one of growth for you — no matter how things unfold.
With love and respect,
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How to Stop a Divorce
- Marriage Ideals
- It is always fascinating to watch to-be-married couples before their marriage.
- Ideally, people get married with intention, and they work through their situation without hating each other.
- A Cry For Help
- One situation when a divorce is announced is when one partner gets emotionally charged by events and blurts out that they want a divorce.
- This is a better situation in that this can be treated as a cry for help.
- If there is enough effort on both sides, changes can be made by both parties to make the relationship work again.
- A Serious Situation
- Another situation is when a partner quietly broods over the matter and announces that they want a divorce.
- This is usually already a final decision because the partner has already made their decision and will only go through the formalities of trying to save the relationship.
- Brakes On The Divorce
- Empathize with your partner: appreciate that they’re letting you know what the problem is, and let them know that you will act on changing it.
- Make sure to follow through with actions, because otherwise, trust between the two parties will only decrease.
- Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
- Mediating A Divorce
- There are many factors to consider, such as your financial situation and children’s custody.
- If you can, avoid lawyering up. This might make things less amicable as the lawyer “fights for you” and can be viewed by your partner as an act of aggression or assertion.
- Make sure, especially if you have children, that you can co-parent and be around one another.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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