How to Stop a Divorce
How to Stop a Divorce
HOW TO STOP A DIVORCE: One of the scariest things that can happen over the course of a marriage is when one person gets so fed up and frustrated they ask for (or threaten) a divorce. We have panicking people reaching out for emergency online marriage counseling all the time saying, “Help! My husband asked for a divorce!” (Or, “My wife asked for a divorce, what do I do??”) They call and ask, “Can you help me save my marriage?” and it’s so heartbreaking. These are such hard moments.
However, in my experience as a Denver marriage counselor and online marriage counselor, I’ve learned that your spouse asking for a divorce can break one of two ways: It either leads couples into a “transformational crisis” where they make positive and often long-overdue changes to their relationship, or it’s the beginning of the end.
Advice For How to Stop a Divorce
Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m going to be giving you some real-world advice on what to do if your husband or wife asks for a divorce.
How you handle yourself in the hours, days and weeks after your partner has asked for a divorce can make all the difference as to how things unfold. I believe that you often can stop a divorce from happening if you are able to stay in control of yourself and rise above the immediate emotions of the situation. (Particularly if asking for a divorce is more of a “cry for help” rather than a serious and pre-meditated intention of your partner).
Listen to the podcast for some insight into why divorce happens, and to get practical anti-divorce advice on how to handle yourself if you want the best shot of saving your marriage.
We’ll discuss:
- Understanding the psychology behind why divorces happen, and what’s going on in a husband or wife asks for a divorce
- What to say when your husband or wife asks for a divorce
- What NOT to say when your husband or wife asks for a divorce
- Specific things you can do to reignite hope and healing for your marriage
- How to create a path forward, to not just stop a divorce but create real and lasting positive change in your marriage
When You Can’t Stop a Divorce
When someone asks for a divorce there is more possibility for growth and healing than many people realize.
And, unfortunately, I am also well aware that there are situations where people are blindsided by divorce. Their husband or wife has decided that they are done, they are filing for divorce, and you can’t stop a divorce.
If this is true for you, I have advice for you too.
For starters, in these instances, as awful as they are, you need to make a shift out of your feelings and get into “survival mode.” There are practical steps that need to be taken in order to ensure your long-term financial safety and the wellbeing of your children.
To give you some guidance on the next practical steps forward I’ve enlisted the support of my colleague, professional divorce mediator Denisa Tova. She’ll be giving you some insight into the process of divorce, and the steps you can take to ensure that your divorce process is as collaborative, civilized, and healthy as is possible.
I am hopeful for you, that you’re able to use the relationship advice I share about how to stop a divorce and turn things around. If that is not possible, I hope that you can find a healthy path forward for both of you.
I hope that all the advice helps you find your way through this confusing, and scary time, and that the path forward is one of growth for you — no matter how things unfold.
With love and respect,
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How To Stop a Divorce and Save Your Marriage
Music Credits: Nice As F**k, “Door”
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Thank you so much for this podcast. It has been an invaluable resource for me. I’ve listened to it more than once in an effort to strengthen my marriage after my husband’s serous and unemotional mention of the desire to separate. We are working through this and have a glimmer of hope. Thank you for the guidance you provide as I navigate this crisis.
Melissa, I’m so glad that this was helpful. I get a lot of feedback from people that this particular episode was eye opening for them, and provided direction as their relationship was on the brink. I really help that this guidance helps your relationship get back on track. But also, as I’m sure you know, relationship advice from podcasts and articles you find online is not a substitute for effective couples therapy. Authentic relationship repair work is hard to do. It sounds like you are very motivated to save your marriage, and I sincerely hope that you get professional support to help you grow back together again. All the best to you, Lisa Marie Bobby
How about staying with a covert narcissist?
Well, the key to stopping a divorce and saving your marriage is to WANT to. Then you can put your energy into engaging in the kinds of behaviors and communication that will help you reconnect. However, what I think I’m hearing between the lines here is that you are feeling like this might be a lost cause. In that case, the work ahead of you would be to determine if there is enough her for you, given your partner’s limitations, to make you want to invest the time and emotional energy required to save this. Wishing you all the best, whichever path you choose to take. Lisa Marie Bobby