How to Find True Love
Finding True Love
Summer is just around the corner: flowers are blooming, freshly pedicured toes are peeking out of still-stiff new sandals, and calendars are percolating with all manner of fun plans. If you’re single, this is it: Summertime is one of the best times of year to meet someone new.
As a Denver dating coach (and creator of Find The One) I’ve been hearing from my single clients for months now about their hopes to find true love this summer. They’re anticipating outings, barbecues, hikes, and parties that give them natural opportunities to meet “the one” without having to scroll through a dating app or an online dating site, or sweat crafting the perfect dating profile.
Their dream is to meet the love of their life naturally, without having to dive all the way into the frustrating and discouraging aspects of the dating world.
The dating advice I often share is that the best strategy for meeting new people is to make use of every available strategy to connect with new people: Both through in person meetings and online dating. However, there’s more to successful dating than just the chance to meet someone.
Advice From a Dating Coach
A big part of successful dating is playing the numbers game; the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who is interesting and attractive to you (and feels the same about you!). Since people are generally more social in the summer, there are more natural opportunities to mix, mingle, and chat up attractive strangers.
However, there’s much more to successful dating (online dating or otherwise) than just showing up and expecting to find someone. After all, you’re not looking for “Someone.” You’re looking for “The One.” And if we’re being really real here, you don’t want to “date.” You want a relationship. Dating is just the means to the end.
That’s why successful dating requires more than just profile writing or signing up for kickball and hoping for the best. The key to connecting with a compatible person and establishing a healthy, satisfying, enjoyable new relationship involves quite a bit of preparation, thoughtfulness, and intention.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m putting on my dating coach hat to give you some free dating advice for how to date with confidence, and hopefully find your true love this summer. I’ll be discussing:
- How to date with intention, and save yourself time, energy and frustration
- How to get interesting people interested in YOU
- New relationship warning signs
- What to look for in a potential partner
- How to establish a healthy long-term relationship
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If you’re single and hoping to find true love this summer, you’ll definitely want to listen.
Xoxo,
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How to Find True Love
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: Ziv Moran, “I Wish”
Free, Expert Advice — For You.
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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What is a Dating Coach?
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The Best Dating Coach
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How Much Are Dating Coaches?
If your goal is finding The One to build a life with, a good dating coach is priceless. At Growing Self, it’s also affordable. Learn how much a dating coach costs.
Gift Dating Coaching
If you care about someone who could use support in learning how to date with intention and confidence, you can “gift” dating coaching sessions. Here’s how…
Denver Dating Coach
We offer expert relationship coaching and therapy to help you grow, love, and be loved. You can have the healthy relationship you deserve. Learn about working with a Denver dating coach.
Online Dating Coach
We can help you create true love. Build confidence, self-awareness, and an enduring relationship with the one you’ve been looking for. Learn about our online dating coach services.
Online Dating Class
Get clarity, confidence, and a solid plan to find and connect with your person. You can learn the art and science of successful modern dating in our self-paced “Find The One” online dating class.
Dating Advice
Get dating advice in The Dating Collection on our blog, and through the Love, Happiness, & Success Podcast.
More Questions? Let’s Talk.
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful guidance (as always)! I’m in my mid-thirties and exactly in this boat right now. I feel like I’m approaching dates in the way you suggest — with cautious optimism, not looking for a thrill, patiently and generously learning about my date. Gotta work on that phone call idea. 🙂
I have a question, though. I know you shouldn’t make an immediate judgement based on an early date, but what CAN you look for or expect from a first or second date? What are some things that tend to be revealed even at this initial stage? Especially dating at a bit older age, I feel like someone should be able to fairly confidently show what they are about at this point in life. And does physical attraction matter at all at this phase (it’s very difficult to completely ignore this!)?
Thanks, again, for sharing your insights with us. So much appreciated!!
Hey Betsy! Thanks for getting in touch! I’m glad that you’re being “cautiously optimistic” with new people. Please do continue to work on the phone call idea: 10 minutes of phone call can save you hours and hours of wasted time and emotional energy on a first date to no where, and make dating much less frustrating.
On a first or second date, you can expect nice, normal, healthy people to be nervous and fairly self-conscious. People who are not narcissistic show-boats tend to feel awkward and a little forced early in the dating process. You’re more likely to get “data” than a true sense of someone’s personality and character.
Honestly, people don’t really loosen up until about date 3 or 4. Before then you’re either getting the nervous, awkward version of them or the superficial “this is what I feel safe sharing with people I don’t know well” level of information. None of this is enough to determine who they are or what they’re really like. (Unless of course they let their freak flag fly and start launching red flags in all directions. Then go ahead and call it!)
If you can, I hope you also expand your dating strategy to people that you meet in the midst of doing other things. (Sports teams, hobbies, friend groups, etc). You’re more likely to get a good sense of who someone is more quickly if you are able to spend time with them in an environment that is more low-key and comfortable for them than a typical first date. Just try to stay out of bars, unless you’d really like to get emotionally entangled with someone who organizes their life around alcohol.
I do think that attraction matters, but instant “meow” type chemical attraction is usually not a good sign, even though we want it to be. Go for the slow burn Betsy! Keep putting yourself out there, be open minded, and keep reminding yourself that character is revealed over time….
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Good luck!
Lisa
Thank you so much for your thoughtful guidance (as always)! I’m in my mid-thirties and exactly in this boat right now. I feel like I’m approaching dates in the way you suggest — with cautious optimism, not looking for a thrill, patiently and generously learning about my date. Gotta work on that phone call idea. 🙂
I have a question, though. I know you shouldn’t make an immediate judgement based on an early date, but what CAN you look for or expect from a first or second date? What are some things that tend to be revealed even at this initial stage? Especially dating at a bit older age, I feel like someone should be able to fairly confidently show what they are about at this point in life. And does physical attraction matter at all at this phase (it’s very difficult to completely ignore this!)?
Thanks, again, for sharing your insights with us. So much appreciated!!
Hey Betsy! Thanks for getting in touch! I’m glad that you’re being “cautiously optimistic” with new people. Please do continue to work on the phone call idea: 10 minutes of phone call can save you hours and hours of wasted time and emotional energy on a first date to no where, and make dating much less frustrating.
On a first or second date, you can expect nice, normal, healthy people to be nervous and fairly self-conscious. People who are not narcissistic show-boats tend to feel awkward and a little forced early in the dating process. You’re more likely to get “data” than a true sense of someone’s personality and character.
Honestly, people don’t really loosen up until about date 3 or 4. Before then you’re either getting the nervous, awkward version of them or the superficial “this is what I feel safe sharing with people I don’t know well” level of information. None of this is enough to determine who they are or what they’re really like. (Unless of course they let their freak flag fly and start launching red flags in all directions. Then go ahead and call it!)
If you can, I hope you also expand your dating strategy to people that you meet in the midst of doing other things. (Sports teams, hobbies, friend groups, etc). You’re more likely to get a good sense of who someone is more quickly if you are able to spend time with them in an environment that is more low-key and comfortable for them than a typical first date. Just try to stay out of bars, unless you’d really like to get emotionally entangled with someone who organizes their life around alcohol.
I do think that attraction matters, but instant “meow” type chemical attraction is usually not a good sign, even though we want it to be. Go for the slow burn Betsy! Keep putting yourself out there, be open minded, and keep reminding yourself that character is revealed over time….
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Good luck!
Lisa