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Invest In Yourself

Invest In Yourself

You Deserve Compassionate Support

As a therapist, life coach, and marriage counselor, I admire each and every person who gathers the courage to schedule an appointment with me and seek support for themselves, their relationships, or their families. I know that they’re investing in themselves because they believe they are worthy of investing in. Such self-awareness, wisdom and healthy self-love is always inspiring.

Do You Prioritize Everything Except Yourself?

Too many people put themselves on the bottom of the heap, investing in every other aspect of their lives — their education, their career, their children, their friendships, their homes — but rarely their own personal wellness, or their hearts desire. Is this you?

If so, you probably put off investing in yourself, getting professional help, and taking positive action to improve your life… though you’re there for everyone else. You may think about it sometimes but quickly talk yourself out of it, minimize your feelings, or prioritize someone else’s needs

If this sounds familiar, my guess is that you would describe yourself as a naturally strong person, but the downside of “being strong” is that sometimes it comes with a price: Not taking care of you, the way you take care of others.

But it’s easy not to take care of you, isn’t it? Especially when it comes to things like getting involved in therapy, couples counseling or life coaching. There are so many persistent myths in our culture about all the reasons NOT to get support, and it’s time to bash them! 

What’s Keeping YOU From Investing In Yourself?

Let’s talk through some of the most common reasons I hear for why people avoid getting help and investing in themselves, and why they’re not true!

Myth #1: “Therapy should be reserved for times when you really need it, and I don’t have it ‘that bad.'” 

This is one I hear frequently, even when people have resolved to book a therapy or coaching appointment with me. 

Believe it or not, even people in a lot of pain sometimes feel guilty for doing something to help themselves. They tell me about challenges they face, or hard things they’re grappling with but then quickly say, “But so many others around the world have it so much worse. I’m really so lucky.” 

While being grateful and keeping things in perspective is a wonderful strength to have, it’s also a liability if it makes you feel like you don’t have a right to your feelings, or can’t feel sad, angry or hurt about something true for you. 

As a feminist-oriented therapist, I am always happy to have a conversation about power and privilege, and I firmly believe that we are all worthy of healing and belonging. 

If there is something in your life that feels painful or difficult to overcome, my hope for you is to feel like you deserve to be supported just as much as anyone else. 

If you feel guilty when you think about making your feelings a priority, think about it this way: investing in yourself as a way to make yourself even stronger, and more able to give empathy and compassion to other people. 

Truth: Your experience and your emotions matter. YOU matter. 

Myth #2: Therapy is for couples who are on the brink of ending their relationship or divorcing. We aren’t there yet, we can fix this on our own. 

Too many couples buy into this. 

Perhaps conflict in your relationship occurs fairly infrequently currently, yet when it does occur you notice that you and your partner tend to sweep things under the rug and avoid addressing the conflict. You might write this off to a one-time thing, or feel that because it’s infrequent, it won’t matter in the long run. 

However, each time we sweep conflict under the rug or avoid it all together, we are slowly solidifying the pattern of our relationship. This pattern makes it not only more likely that conflict will become more frequent, but potentially also increasingly eruptive and ultimately, more damaging to your bond over time. 

If you happen to notice early in your relationship that you and your partner are conflict avoidant, talk about reaching out to a therapist or a relationship coach so that you can identify effective ways to face conflict together and strengthen your bond and understanding of each other.

Myth #3: If we go to couples counseling we are admitting that our relationship is unhealthy. 

We know from marriage and family researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman that conflict is inevitable in every relationship. What separates “healthy” couples from “unhealthy” couples is what they DO with it. 

The healthiest, happiest, strongest couples are the ones who openly address their differences and find ways of proactively, constructively working through things together. Couples who do this important growth work strengthen their relationships. Couples who seek support for their relationship, and who are open to learning how to communicate and compromise will have more positive outcomes. Investing in their relationships sets them up for success long-term.

Couples who avoid this work, or who allow unresolved conflict to simmer, fester, and become increasingly toxic are inadvertently damaging their relationship. By sweeping things under the rug and not getting help for their relationship, they are increasing the likelihood that their relationship will fail. 

Furthermore, research into couples and family therapy shows that the couples who choose to work together on their relationship sooner rather than later have better outcomes. Any marriage counselor will tell you that it’s much easier to work with a couple who still like, love, and trust each other. 

Couples who wait, ignore problems, and let anger and resentment build up often enter couples counseling on the brink of divorce. There is so much regrettable history between them, so much hurt, and so much damage done that — even with the best marriage counseling — sometimes their relationship is simply too far gone to repair. 

Investing in your marriage sooner rather than later is like taking care of your health: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Myth #4: I’m too busy, whatever I’m dealing with can wait, it will be too expensive, and / or there just isn’t any time. 

When I was in graduate school a common phrase we heard was “What we resist, persists,” and the more I sit with couples and individuals in my office, the more I find this to be true. 

I frequently meet with those that have been “avoiding” therapy by placing it lower and lower on their list of priorities and by the time they’re in my office, they are overwhelmed and exhausted from carrying their distress for so long. 

Often times, these are the individuals who spend a great deal of time taking care of others and rarely make time for themselves or their own needs. Or they are couples with children and stressful careers and aging parents who truly can’t fathom stepping away for an hour for fear of everything falling apart.

Or sometimes people put this off because they’re worried about how much therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling will cost…. Without considering the value investing in themselves will bring to their lives. They’ll spend money on furniture, vacations, or home improvement projects without much thought. But when it comes to investing in their own health and happiness, their success, or in their most cherished relationships… they stop themselves. 

One way to shift this self-limiting perspective is to think about this from the other side. Asking yourself questions like: 

  • “What is the cost of me NOT investing in myself?”
  • “What is the real price of me continuing to feel unhappy, or dissatisfied with my life?”
  •  “What am I losing, long term, by NOT investing in myself, or in my career, or in my marriage?”
  • “How is neglecting myself, my happiness and my relationship impacting my children?”
  • “How is the way I’m currently living impacting my health?”
  •  How much will it cost me — in dollars and cents — if we get divorced, or I never achieve my full earning potential in my career?”

When you put the short-term investment in yourself in context of the costs or benefits to aspects of your life that are genuinely priceless… it changes your perspective.

You Deserve Love, Happiness and Success

I want you to know that I see you, and that your well-being and happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s. You deserve space to cultivate growth and healing; you deserve time to rest and reset. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you don’t have to carry this alone.   

 If you see yourself or your relationship in any of the myths above, my hope for you would be to spend some time reflecting on what is keeping you from this work. 

Remember though, whenever you are working with a coach or a therapist, you aren’t in this work alone. Are there other myths or beliefs you have that keep you from reaching out for support? Comment below and let’s continue this conversation!

Brittany Stewart, M.A., LMFT-C is a couples counselor, individual therapist, premarital counselor, and a life and relationship coach. She works with her clients to build connected relationships, restore emotional bonds, and grow in their capacity to love others as well as themselves.

Let’s  Talk

Read More by Brittany Below!

Four Benefits of Online Coaching

Four Benefits of Online Coaching

Here’s Why You Should Try Online Coaching

As a Ph.D. clinical psychologist, I started out years ago doing traditional therapy with clients for issues such as depression and anxiety. The in-office setting made the most sense for me at that time due to the extreme distress many of my clients were experiencing and it was important for me to physically be present with them and to offer support (and tissues!). However, once I obtained my professional coaching certification, I began to specialize in career and life coaching which drew different types of clients to me. While they had some transient anxiety or depressive feelings about not being in their dream career or living their best life (which would be expected), they didn’t have those symptoms at a clinical level. Additionally, my coaching clients had different needs and expectations than my therapy clients. As an aside, I do have some coaching clients who are also in concurrent therapy and I feel fortunate to have some amazing therapist colleagues to refer them to for their therapy needs.

When I first made the switch to coaching by phone or online, I have to admit that I was hesitant at first about meeting with people online or by phone. Would we have the same connection? Would it be as helpful as in-person? Would it be weird looking at a camera or talking on the phone with someone instead of being face-to-face? Now that I’ve been doing online and phone coaching for several years, here are the things I’ve discovered as well as what my clients have shared with me.

Global Reach

Whereas I used to be limited to serving clients who happened to live in my general proximity (Denver), I now have clients all over the U.S. and the world—from South Africa to Europe to Canada. Working with such a diverse population of clientele is not only inherently rewarding but has greatly enriched my knowledge of other cultures and experiences. It’s also amazing how similar people are in terms of wanting to live their best possible life! 

Flexible Session Times

I’ve had people do sessions outside from a street in Dubai, at an airport terminal while waiting for a flight, in their office on their lunch break, from their car (parked of course!) and in their own living room while their kiddo was napping. Whereas an in-person session means the client also has to allot time for traffic and driving to and from the appointment, parking, checking in with the receptionist, finding a baby sitter, etc., online coaching is so much easier to fit into a busy schedule—and my clients tend to be very busy people.

Flexible Scheduling Platforms

Sometimes, my clients want to see my smiling face so we do Skype or Zoom; while other times, they may be traveling and so phone works better on certain weeks. Or technology blips happen (because life) and we switch from one mode to another. 

Effective Results

In fact, I’ve found it to be even more effective because we are laser-focused during those 45 minutes. I’ve had multiple local clients whom I initially saw in-person who decided to switch to online coaching with me due to their busy schedules. An interesting outcome of that is that most ended up preferring the phone even over Skype/Zoom. Why? Many told me that they can think better and process ideas more when they walk around, so the phone allows them to do that while we talk. 

If you’ve never given online or phone coaching a try, I hope you will consider the amazing benefits. Taking steps to change your life for the better is an investment of your time, energy, and resources but life is too short to waste another day. 

Wishing you all the best,
Dr. Kristi Helvig, PhD, LP, BCC

Dr. Kristi Helvig PhD, LP, BCC is both a licensed psychologist and a board certified coach. She specializes in career and executive coaching working with her clients online locally and internationally. Dr. Kristi can help you receive clarity, overcome old obstacles, and climb the mountain to success — no matter how you define it. 

Let’s  Talk

Georgi Chizk, Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, GeorgiChizk

The Problem With Perfectionism

Do you ever feel the pressure to ALWAYS be perfect (even when life is everything but perfect)?? To be happy, healthy, and successful are all goals that we want to achieve, but sometimes just acknowledging reality and living true to yourself is really what you need to live a full life. Today on The Love, Happiness and Success blog we are talking about the problem with perfectionism and why you should "keep the first picture." Read More
Bentonville Arkansas Therapist Perfectionism Self Esteem Life Coach Online Arkansas
Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, Teena Evert, Uncategorized, TeenaE

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

You plan your day, meetings, outings, grocery list, and events - but are you taking the time to plan your self-care? We are all busy, but forgetting to take care of yourself is a sure-fire way to burnout and neglect your personal health. Here is a self-care checklist from a therapist and life coach who understands wanting to "balance it all." Read More
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Happiness, Podcast, Success, lisabobby

How To Stay Motivated

Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?
Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.
One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).Read More... Read More
how to stay motivated denver life coach denver therapist

Four Tips To Inspire Change

Four Tips To Inspire Change

Take Action Today

It’s always the right time to make positive changes in your life. When I think about the times I’ve felt most inspired to make changes was when I was sick of my current behavior. I tell my life coaching clients often that the pain of staying the same has to outweigh the pain of change. So why is it so hard to begin the process and stay the course? We lack inspiration and healthy habits that keep us focused and seeing results. Here are four tips that you can incorporate into your daily routine to keep you moving forward.

Take Daily Time To Dream 

Take 5 minutes per day, say 3 times per week to start. Just journal or allow yourself to let your mind wander to bigger things. What does it feel like to step off the plane and see that destination you’ve been wanting to visit your whole life? See yourself in the mirror with that amazing dress you saw last week. Do you picture a board room with all faces fixed on you as you deliver a kick-ass presentation? Whatever it is, picture every detail using all 5 senses. Your brain can’t differentiate if it’s your imagination or if it is actually happening. That means you can enjoy all the pleasure hormones running through your system without having to do anything but dream. 

Remove Barriers

If you’re anything like me, you have a long to-do list always breathing down your neck. I am an expert procrastinator and I will wait to do something until I absolutely have to. This drains so much mental energy. It’s there, you know it is, and you’re not doing anything about it. Write down all the things rolling through you mind that have to get done and start with the easiest, less complicated thing first. I love checking things off my list. It helps me feel like I’m making progress. You get your power back when you start accomplishing small tasks that usually steal your joy, energy, and present mindedness. 

Set Daily Intentions

I took on this new discipline and I LOVE it! I get out my journal for 2 minutes at the beginning of the day and write “I’m intending to do ___ today”. I then list out all the things I want to accomplish that day. It may be as simple as drinking 4 bottles of water or putting together an outline for a book. I write things on there that I know I can do (easy) and one or two more challenging items to push me forward. 

Empowerment Journal

At the end of the night, I write myself a love letter. I know, cheesy, but it works! I tell myself how much I accomplished, and the things I did that I’m proud of. I write about being inspired and my focus, as well as the moments that I loved about the day. Many of us need verbal affirmation of the things we do, and we often hardly get it. You can do this for yourself and it will change you to your core. There is nothing more inspiring than being your own cheerleader. You’ll then feel more inspired to cheer others on instead of focusing on what others are doing that you’re not or have that you don’t. 

Nothing changes unless you change the things you do daily. Do you have a daily practice that keeps you focused and intentional? Share it with us in the comments section! 

Kindly, 
Sonya Jensen M.A., LMFT

Sonya Jensen, M.A., LMFT is a kind, effective marriage counselor, couples therapist, premarital counselor, dating coach, life coach, and breakup counselor, who is devoted to helping you create the life and love you want.

Let’s  Talk

Read More By Sonya Below!

The Problem With Perfectionism

The Problem With Perfectionism

Keep The First Picture

After a long run in the blistering Texas heat with my friend, she looks at me and says, “Let’s take a picture!” Instinctually I said, “sure!” and smiled for the camera.  Then I saw the photo… After pausing to think about the state of my face (I looked like Sloth from The Goonies), I frantically asked, “Maybe we should take another one?” And then she said something that I found remarkably empowering… She said she was starting a new personal goal to keep the first picture. 

Puzzled, I asked her why. “It seems like everyone takes about ten pictures and funnels through at least five different filters before they’re satisfied with the photo they’ve recreated. Why don’t we just appreciate the raw moment we captured the first time?” she asked. 

Wow, why don’t we?…

The Problem with Perfectionism 

It seems like there is an unspoken expectation that we should always be happy and healthy. We should always be perfect.  Even when we’re going through some of the darkest moments in our lives, there’s an underlying pressure to keep it hidden. “I can’t talk about this. I must appear like I’ve got it all together” we tell ourselves. Whether you’re a single parent, having trouble at work, or dealing with a mental or physical illness, somehow it’s a lot easier to post a photo of you smiling than one that shows what’s really going on… 

The problem with perfectionism is that it’s not only impossible but fleeting. The second we feel like we’ve achieved the slightest perfection in one area of our lives, we’re paranoid about the mess we’re hiding in another corner.  And there we go: around-and-around this cycle of striving, failing (while making the appearance of succeeding), feeling disappointed and ashamed, and then doing it all over again. Even in my own life, this cycle has deceived me into missing out on some pretty great moments, which to me is the most disappointing outcome of perfectionism.

We’re Missing Out on The Moment!

The pressure we feel to be perfect can cause us to miss out on the moment. Perfectionism convinces us that there’s an even better moment to be fabricated and if we believe it enough, then it’s that fabricated moment that actually happened. 

There are two problems with this lie that Perfectionism tells us: First, believing a moment is perfect doesn’t make it so. Second, who says the moment that actually happened wasn’t worth cherishing even if it wasn’t “perfect?!”

Even messy moments have a purpose. It’s the messy moments that have brought you where you are today. These moments should be celebrated! Not hidden. It’s the failing that teaches us the most, gives us the humility to try again, and ultimately allows us to grow. 

Speaking as a chronic perfectionist myself, I know how hard it is to actually flip the switch and just sit in imperfection.  The truth is, there’s a fine line between being okay with imperfection and being apathetic to personal growth. That’s why “keeping the first picture” can be such an empowering tool for us perfectionists! It’s a simple action that creates change little-by-little, picture-by-picture. 

What “Keeping the First Picture” Can Teach You

  1. It teaches you to appreciate the moment for what it is…sweat and all! Looking at that photo can show you exactly what was happening in your life at that moment that eventually led you to this moment. The candid nature of life can be harsh and daunting, but it is also sweet and transformative. When you look back on that first picture, you can use it as a window to reflect and then grow. 

  2. It empowers you to let go of Perfectionism. Keeping the first picture can give you the courage to slowly let go of the “ideas” of perfect moments you’re chained to. To look at your tired face and say “Man, that was a crazy day”, but know that you hold the power to say “No” to Perfectionism. You don’t have to put on a show or a filter just to appease Perfectionism. You can be authentic! One picture at a time. 

As a therapist, I have seen so many clients who struggle with the desire to have the perfect life (perfect relationships, perfect job, the perfect body), or at least seem perfect on the outside… In their search for perfection though, they’ve missed out on the moment! Although it seems simple, keeping the first picture can help you take one step towards appreciating what you have and letting go of what is unachievable and frankly not as perfect as it seems. 

After I kept that first picture I didn’t see how red and sweaty I was, I saw two friends who hadn’t seen each other in months, after a long run, talking about our lives, our future, and our friendship.

What do you see in your first picture?

Georgi Chizk, M.S., LAMFT is a warm, compassionate marriage counselor, individual therapist and family therapist who creates a safe and supportive space for you to find meaning in your struggles, realize your self-worth, and cultivate healthy connections with the most important people in your life.

Let’s  Talk

Georgi Chizk, Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, GeorgiChizk

The Problem With Perfectionism

Do you ever feel the pressure to ALWAYS be perfect (even when life is everything but perfect)?? To be happy, healthy, and successful are all goals that we want to achieve, but sometimes just acknowledging reality and living true to yourself is really what you need to live a full life. Today on The Love, Happiness and Success blog we are talking about the problem with perfectionism and why you should "keep the first picture." Read More
Bentonville Arkansas Therapist Perfectionism Self Esteem Life Coach Online Arkansas
Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, Teena Evert, Uncategorized, TeenaE

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

You plan your day, meetings, outings, grocery list, and events - but are you taking the time to plan your self-care? We are all busy, but forgetting to take care of yourself is a sure-fire way to burnout and neglect your personal health. Here is a self-care checklist from a therapist and life coach who understands wanting to "balance it all." Read More
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Happiness, Podcast, Success, lisabobby

How To Stay Motivated

Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?
Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.
One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).Read More... Read More
how to stay motivated denver life coach denver therapist

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

Teena Evert, MA, LMFT, LAC, PC is an intuitive therapist and coach who specializes in helping her clients achieve transformation in their lives both personally and professionally. She is of great help to busy professionals on a quest to have it all: life satisfaction, a meaningful career, sane work/life balance, and healthy relationships.

Teena encourages you to develop your own unique self-care plan and give yourself the gift of deeply caring for and loving yourself, so you can thrive in a forever changing world.

 

Feeling stressed out?

Everyone experiences stress in life, and as a Life and Career Coach, many of my clients come to me wondering how to better manage it. We actually need stress in order to thrive and continue to actualize as human beings. We also need to be okay with getting out of our own comfort zone so we can learn to thrive in a forever changing world.

The problem with stress is that we can often get stuck in a chronic state of stress that doesn’t allow us to thrive. When we are under too much stress for too long we are living in a state of survival that is headed down a path of self-destruction.

When we can manage the stress in our lives on a regular daily basis we learn to reset our nervous system back to a healthy baseline of rest and relaxation. Rest and relaxation is part of our natural state of being, without it we go into overdrive and lose touch with caring for ourselves, those we love, and the planet.

A self-care checklist is an excellent first step in bringing awareness to how you manage the stress in your life. Notice the areas of your life that need extra attention and begin to develop your own self-care plan.

Physical

_I get adequate sleep every night

_I eat healthy meals regularly

_I drink lots of water throughout the day

_I walk or exercise at least 3 times per week

Relationships

_I keep focused on how I can be more loving and kind with people in my life

_I share appreciation with those I love – friends and family throughout the day

_I am open to resolving conflict in a healthy loving way

_I am able to speak my truth and set loving boundaries with others

Fun and Relaxation

_I have fun on a regular basis

_I laugh freely and easily

_I take breaks for fun and relaxation – I don’t work non-stop

_I have things planned in the future that I look forward to

Physical Environment

_My home is well organized and clean

_I live in a home that I love

_My work environment is well organized and inspiring

_I love my lifestyle – the way I live my life

Emotional Health

_I feel peaceful and happy in my life

_I am pursuing my dreams and living my purpose

_I know my own intrinsic worth and feel loved

_I feel my life has balance and I have plenty of time to do all that I want to do

Spirituality

_I know that I am a spiritual being living in a human body

_I feel a deep connection with my spiritual connection

_I have activities I do on a regular basis that nurture my spiritual life

_I have faith that my life is unfolding exactly as it should for my highest good

Learning how to manage stress in your life is an essential part of skillful living and life satisfaction. It takes practice to know what works best on a regular daily basis. A self-care plan also needs to have some flexibility and adaptability, as it will change throughout the different stages in life, as well as with the seasons of nature.

What’s on your self-care checklist? Share with us below in the comments section.

Wishing you all the best,
Teena

 

Georgi Chizk, Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, GeorgiChizk

The Problem With Perfectionism

Do you ever feel the pressure to ALWAYS be perfect (even when life is everything but perfect)?? To be happy, healthy, and successful are all goals that we want to achieve, but sometimes just acknowledging reality and living true to yourself is really what you need to live a full life. Today on The Love, Happiness and Success blog we are talking about the problem with perfectionism and why you should "keep the first picture." Read More
Bentonville Arkansas Therapist Perfectionism Self Esteem Life Coach Online Arkansas
Happiness, Self Improvement / Personal Growth, Success, Teena Evert, Uncategorized, TeenaE

A Self-Care Plan to Cultivate Calm

You plan your day, meetings, outings, grocery list, and events - but are you taking the time to plan your self-care? We are all busy, but forgetting to take care of yourself is a sure-fire way to burnout and neglect your personal health. Here is a self-care checklist from a therapist and life coach who understands wanting to "balance it all." Read More
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Happiness, Podcast, Success, lisabobby

How To Stay Motivated

Do you know what you need to do... but then don't do it?
Here's some free advice from a Life Coach: Setting goals and making plans are necessary to achieve your dreams. But your success will ultimately hinge upon your ability to do what you know you need to do consistently. And -- here's the hard part -- even when you don't feel like it.
One of the biggest things the Life Coaches do, as a matter of fact, is help people stay motivated. Having an accountability partner, and someone expecting you to do your homework rallies your motivation. Something about doing things "just for yourself" leaves you vulnerable to the opposite of motivation -- which is being comfy, and indulging instant gratification. (Trust me, I know -- it happens to me too).Read More... Read More
how to stay motivated denver life coach denver therapist

Growing Self Counseling & Coaching
Growing Self
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