How to Deal with Disappointment: Turn Setbacks into Comebacks

Ask, What Does This Make Possible?

This is my favorite part, and it’s something I say to myself often: What does this make possible? It’s a mindset shift that opens up doors, even in the middle of heartbreak. Because when a door closes, I promise you, there’s a window nearby just waiting to be noticed. And behind it? Opportunities, clarity, growth.

This perspective shift is based on something called “radical acceptance”—a therapeutic concept that teaches us to accept life as it is, even if it’s hard, and to see it as an invitation to grow. This doesn’t mean you’re happy about the loss or the missed opportunity, but you’re choosing to work with what you’ve got rather than staying stuck in resentment.

So instead of dwelling on what could have been, focus on what could be. What are you open to exploring now? What strengths do you have that could build a new path forward? Just this small change in mindset can keep you moving, even if it’s one tiny step at a time.

Keep Moving, One Step at a Time

Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Sometimes, the best way through disappointment is to take just one small action toward what comes next. Movement, even if it’s just jiggling a metaphorical window, helps us get unstuck.

These tiny steps can be anything that aligns with your values. Focus on things that bring peace, or joy, or even just relief. Over time, these little actions can lead to new possibilities.

What Not to Do: The Pitfalls to Avoid

1. Lashing Out at Others

It’s easy to direct anger at those around us, but lashing out only damages relationships and keeps us stuck. Instead, express anger constructively through journaling, talking to someone, or other healthy outlets.

2. Blaming Yourself

Self-blame adds to the pain and erodes confidence, creating a negative cycle of guilt and shame. Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that setbacks don’t define your worth.

3. Drowning in Distractions

Distractions like binge-watching or endless scrolling might numb the pain temporarily, but they don’t resolve the underlying disappointment. Instead, set aside time to process your emotions mindfully.

4. Comparing Yourself to Others

Comparing your life to others, especially on social media, amplifies feelings of inadequacy. Focus on your unique path and remember that others’ highlight reels don’t show the full picture.

5. Turning to Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Turning to things like overeating or excessive drinking only offers temporary relief and often adds layers of regret. Opt for healthier outlets, such as exercise, creative pursuits, or mindful practices like meditation.

Let’s Connect!

If this was helpful, and you’d like more of these conversations in your life, come hang out with me on Instagram or join my YouTube channel. I also host a weekly live stream every Thursday at 12pm MT / 2pm EST where we dive into topics just like this. Join the conversation and let’s support each other!

P.S. Do you know someone who could use a little hope today? Go ahead and share this article with them—you never know who might need it.

Xoxo,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Resources:

Berk, R. A. (2018). Grit 2.0: A review with strategies to deal with disappointment, rejection, and failure. The Journal of Faculty Development, 32(2), 91-104.

Wall, P. D. (2000). Pain: The science of suffering. Columbia University Press.

Jacobsen, M. H. (2024). Disappointment: When things turn out wrong or worse than wanted. In Dark Emotions (pp. 15-37). Routledge.