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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
If you’ve found yourself whispering (or shouting) the words “I hate my life” lately—first of all, I’m giving you a big virtual hug. As a therapist, I chat with people every day that feel this way.
Second of all: you’re not broken. You’re not failing. This moment could be the best thing that’s happened to you in a long time. Why? Because that awful, burn-it-all-down energy can also be your launchpad to something way, way better.
In a recent episode of the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast, I tackled this very real, very human moment: when life feels like a dumpster fire and you’re standing in the smoke thinking, “I hate my life. Is this seriously it?” Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Let’s talk about how to harness your existential crisis and utilize your personal power to turn it into the catalyst for a total life upgrade.
“I Hate My Life.”
That moment when you look around and think, “I literally don’t want to do this anymore” is not a sign that you’ve failed at life. It’s actually a flare gun fired from your soul. Dramatic? Sure. But it’s also a wake-up call that something is deeply out of alignment.
This moment—as awful as it feels—isn’t your downfall. It’s your beginning. It’s the doorway to transformation. When you’re finally done tolerating the intolerable, you open up space for something better and create momentum to get unstuck. But first, we need a plan.
Step 1: Why Do I Hate My Life?
Before you can change your life and get out of your slump, you have to understand exactly what you want to change. This step is all about being compassionately honest with yourself. What parts of your life feel misaligned, draining, frustrating, or just plain wrong?
Make a list. Think about that question, “Why do I hate my life?” Is it your career, your relationship, your health, your friendships, your living situation—or all of the above? Don’t hold back. Don’t second guess yourself or fall into the trap of overthinking. The more specific you are, the more power you’ll have to shift it.
You can do this by journaling, voice-noting yourself, or talking it out with a friend, a therapist, or a certified coach trained to help facilitate major life transformations.
Step 2: Flip It
Now that you know what you don’t want, let’s focus on what you do want. This is your chance to start rewriting the script.
Take each bullet point from your “ugh” list and imagine its opposite. If you wrote, “I hate that my job feels meaningless,” the flip might be, “I want a career that lets me make a real impact.”
Get clear, get detailed, and anchor your desires to your values. Ask yourself: Why does this matter to me? That’s the difference between a wish and a goal.
This step is about vision and clarity—two things that will guide everything else you do.
Step 3: Identify the Obstacles
So you know what you want. Great. Why don’t you have it yet?
This is where we explore what’s standing in your way. Is it an external limitation (money, time, responsibilities)? Is it an internal belief (fear of failure, imposter syndrome, confusion)? Or is it a skills deficit?
Yes, sometimes we’re stuck simply because we never learned how to do the thing we want to do. Communication skills, time management, boundary-setting, assertiveness—these are learnable. Sometimes it’s about rewiring our subconscious beliefs and changing our thoughts.
And once you know what your obstacle is, you can do something about it.
Step 4: Ask the Power Question
Ready for a truth bomb? When you feel like “I hate my life”, you need to ask yourself this one major question:
“What is it about the way I’m currently operating that is contributing to this outcome?”
It’s not about blaming yourself. It’s about reclaiming your power. Because when you understand your part of the dynamic, you can change it. And that, my friend, is where transformation begins.
This question invites reflection, curiosity, authenticity, and growth. If you don’t like your answers, good! That means you’re getting somewhere.
Step 5: Take (Micro) Action
Finally: the doing part. All the journaling, talking, and vision-boarding in the world won’t help unless you act.
The key to moving past the “I hate my life” thoughts is to start small. Like, ridiculously small. One conversation. One habit. One boundary. One phone call. One decision. Action creates momentum, and momentum creates change.
So ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today that supports the life I want to build?
Ready for a Hard Reset? Let’s Do It Together.
If you’re sitting there thinking, “Yes. This is exactly where I am and I’m ready to change,” I want you to know: you don’t have to figure this out alone.
My Clarity and Confidence Coaching is designed for moments just like this. We’ll help you get unstuck, gain clarity on what you really want, identify obstacles (including sneaky internal ones), and create a plan that actually works.
The best part? You can book a free consultation call right now to save your seat in the next coaching cohort and see if this program is a good fit for your hopes and goals. You’ll get to work with one of our expert therapists trained in coaching psychology at a fraction of the normal cost. Because money should never be the thing that keeps you stuck.
Oh! And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram or subscribe on YouTube. I share interviews with experts, motivational tips, and evidence-based strategies to create love, happiness, and success in your life. I’d love to see you there.
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. If you’re thinking, “Wow, I wish my friend/cousin/sister could hear this,” please share this article or the podcast episode with them. You never know who needs a little hope and a plan today. Let’s lift each other up. ❤️
Resources:
Iso-Ahola, S. E., & Dotson, C. O. (2014). Psychological momentum: Why success breeds success. Review of general psychology, 18(1), 19-33. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1037/a0036406
Harter, S. (2002). Authenticity. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2002-02382-027
Kreibich, A., Hennecke, M., & Brandstätter, V. (2020). The Effect of self–awareness on the identification of goal–related obstacles. European Journal of Personality, 34(2), 215-233. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1002/per.2234
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