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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Breakups are some of the most painful and challenging experiences one can endure, especially when the decision to end the relationship wasn’t mutual. However, you can take your power back, reclaim your life, and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before.
In this week’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, we’re diving deep into why we feel helpless after a breakup, how to rewrite our own story, and how to take your power back so you can feel like yourself again.
As a marriage and family therapist, breakup and divorce recovery expert, and creator of the Heal From Heartbreak Program, I can assure you that it’s possible to come out of this experience feeling good about yourself, at peace with being single, grateful that your relationship ended, and confident in your ability to have a better experience in your next relationship.
But it doesn’t always feel that way, especially when ending the relationship wasn’t your choice or you were blindsided by a breakup. I’ve helped countless heartbroken clients in breakup therapy and I can tell you, getting dumped is inherently disempowering.
It upends your life and sets you off on a journey of heartache that you never asked for. And even if you were the one who called it quits in the relationship, it’s likely that your hand was forced in one way or another.
So, how do you take your power back after a breakup? Let’s discuss.
That Helpless Feeling Is Real (But It’s Not the End of the Story)
After a breakup—especially one that wasn’t your decision—it’s totally normal to feel powerless. You might be asking yourself, “How could this happen?” or “Why wasn’t I enough?” That feeling of being tossed into a new life you didn’t ask for? It’s disorienting.
Here’s the truth: whether you were dumped, ghosted, or even if you’re the one who pulled the plug because the relationship was toxic, breakups are inherently disempowering. They remind us of the painful reality that we can’t control other people’s choices.
But that my friend, is where the work begins.
Step One: Stop Giving Your Power Away (Without Realizing It)
So many of us, without even realizing it, hand our power over to our exes. We do this every time we spiral into “what if” scenarios or focus on how they’re doing now (especially if your ex already moved on to someone new—ugh).
Here’s what I say on the podcast, and it’s worth repeating: healing starts when we redirect our focus to what’s within our control.
That might sound super basic—like, “Ok Lisa, I get it, eat my veggies and go for a walk”—but trust me, those small daily acts of agency are not nothing. They’re actually the first and most important steps to breaking the emotional dependency that keeps you stuck.
Haunted by your ex?
How to Heal, Grow, and
Let Go…
Healing after a relationship loss happens in stages. If you can’t let go, it means that you’ve gotten stuck somewhere in the process. Let’s break you free.
Take this free, two-minute quiz to discover exactly what stage you need to work through, and what to do next in order to heal, grow, and move forward.
Step Two: Rewrite the Story You’re Telling Yourself
Here’s a big one. One of the most effective ways to take your power back after a breakup is to reclaim the narrative and give yourself closure.
What are you telling yourself about why the relationship ended? Are you painting yourself as the victim, the unlovable one, the “too much” or “not enough” one?
We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us. But we do get to choose the story we tell about it.
You can learn how to challenge those internal narratives—especially the ones that are rooted in shame. Because when you own your role in what happened, you reclaim your power to change what happens next.
Step Three: Embrace Your “Dark Emotions” Like a Total Badass
You know what’s sneaky? Those feelings of regret, shame, jealousy, and rage. Those “dark” emotions that pop up when you’re doing your best to heal. These feelings don’t mean you’re broken or bitter—they mean you’re human. And more importantly, they are tools.
You can’t fully take your power back until you’ve honored these feelings. They’re not fun, but they are fiercely important.
Step Four: Become the Person You’re Proud Of
After the storm of heartbreak has passed, you’ll find yourself standing in front of something rare and beautiful: a blank slate.
Reclaiming your personal power means deciding who you want to be now.
Maybe you want to feel confident falling in love again. Maybe you want to finally break those old patterns and start choosing better. Maybe you just want to go to Target without crying in the shampoo aisle.
Wherever you are, the next chapter of your life starts by intentionally rebuilding yourself—reconnecting you to your goals, your vision, and your worth, so you’re not just moving on, but moving up.
You’re Already Taking Your Power Back
If you’ve made it to the end of this article, take a deep breath — because that in itself is proof of your strength. You’re not hiding from the pain. You’re facing it, feeling it, and learning how to rise from it. That’s what taking your power back looks like: not pretending you’re “fine,” but being courageous enough to ask for more. More clarity. More peace. More self-respect. And more forward momentum.
But let’s be honest: it’s not always easy to know where you really stand in the healing process. One minute you feel clear and strong… the next you’re stalking their Instagram and wondering if they ever truly cared. That’s not failure — that’s heartbreak. And it’s also why the next right step is getting grounded in where you actually are on your healing journey.
👉 Start with my free breakup recovery quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You?
It’s an insightful tool to help you understand what stage of healing you’re in — and what specific steps will move you forward. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of what’s going on emotionally, and a personalized roadmap for reclaiming your energy, confidence, and future.
And if you’re realizing that this heartbreak is bigger than you expected — that it’s shaken your sense of self, made you question your worth, or left you feeling stuck in obsessive thoughts or loneliness — come talk to one of the expert breakup recovery therapists and coaches on my team.
👉 You can schedule a free consultation with someone who truly gets it. Together, we’ll explore how breakup recovery coaching or counseling can help you process your grief, rebuild your confidence, and start feeling like yourself again — or even the version of you that you’ve always hoped to become.
You deserve to move forward — not with bitterness, but with strength, insight, and genuine emotional freedom.
And friend? That next chapter you’ve been longing for? It starts now.
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. If you know someone who could use a little support right now? Forward this article. Share the podcast. Help them take their power back, too. ❤️
Resources:
Estévez, A., Chávez-Vera, M. D., Momeñe, J., Olave Porrúa, L. M., Vázquez, D., & Iruarrizaga Díez, M. I. (2018). The role of emotional dependence in the relationship between attachment and impulsive behavior. https://revistas.um.es/analesps/article/download/analesps.34.3.313681/232061/
Keenan, T. (2004). Mobilizing shame. South Atlantic Quarterly, 103(2-3), 435-449. https://www.academia.edu/download/39788065/Mobilizing_Shame_SAQ.pdf
Van Dijke, M., & Poppe, M. (2006). Striving for personal power as a basis for social power dynamics. European Journal of Social Psychology, 36(4), 537-556. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.351
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