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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
What do you do when someone you love sees the world so differently from you that every conversation feels tense? When your values and beliefs clash, and you start wondering if you can stay close?
And it’s not only with loved ones. These divisions show up in friendships, workplaces, and entire communities. Learning the skills of political communication—whether with family, friends, or people across society—is what makes real connection possible.
If you’ve ever faced that painful in-between—wanting to stay true to yourself while also protecting the relationship—you’re not alone. This is one of the hardest challenges so many of us face right now. The world feels more divided than ever. And those divisions aren’t staying online. They’re showing up at dinner tables, in family group texts, and in friendships we once thought were unshakable.
In this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, I sit down with Dr. Bill Doherty. He is a marriage and family therapist and a leader with Braver Angels. Together, we explore how to bridge these divides through better political communication and emotional maturity. Dr. Doherty is known for helping couples on the brink of divorce rebuild trust and understanding. Through Braver Angels, he now applies those same skills to one of the toughest breakups of all: the one happening in our country.
When Differing Values and Beliefs Divide Us
Dr. Doherty describes how political identity has become one of the strongest forces shaping how we see each other. Decades ago, people might have disagreed on policies. Today, those disagreements often feel like moral battles. We don’t just see someone as having a different perspective. We start to see them as wrong, dangerous, or even bad.
This shift is called affective polarization. It happens when our emotional reactions toward people with opposing values and beliefs become hostile or fearful. We stop seeing them as whole people and begin viewing them as “the other.” When that happens—especially with someone we love—our instinct is to either fight or withdraw.
Healing starts with a skill therapists know well: differentiation of self. It’s the ability to stay grounded in your own identity without trying to control or convert the other person. You can hold your beliefs strongly while also holding compassion for someone who sees the world differently. That balance makes genuine connection possible, even across deep divides.
The Role of Media and Cultural Influences
Of course, we don’t have these conversations in a vacuum. Modern media, especially social platforms, create entire ecosystems of outrage. Algorithms grab attention by amplifying anger and fear.
The result is what Dr. Doherty calls the “angertainment industry.” It is a culture that profits from division by turning complex human beings into caricatures. We are shown stories that confirm our side’s righteousness and the other side’s corruption.
Recognizing this dynamic matters. When you step outside of it, you see that the person across from you isn’t your political enemy. They are your brother, your friend, your parent, your partner. If you want to preserve those relationships, you’ll need a new approach to political communication. That means valuing empathy over argument and understanding over persuasion.
Unlock the Secret to Happier Relationships
I know how hard it can be to feel stuck in conflict. That’s why I created this free 2-part training, Communication that Connects—to help you stop the fights, rebuild your connection, and communicate in a way that brings you closer. Click the link below to take the first step.
Practical Strategies for Political Communication in Relationships and Beyond
So how do you practice this in real life? Dr. Doherty shares several strategies for having emotionally safe, respectful conversations around differing values and beliefs:
- Decide whether to engage.
Not every moment is right for a deep discussion. If you’re feeling reactive, it’s okay to pause. Or as Dr. Doherty puts it, “pass the potatoes.” Sometimes the most skillful response is choosing not to have the conversation at all. - Connect before you correct.
Begin with genuine curiosity. Reflect back what you hear without sarcasm: “It sounds like you really care about…” or “You’re saying this because…” When people feel heard, they’re more likely to soften and listen in return. - Find something to agree with.
Even if beliefs diverge, there’s often a shared value underneath. You might disagree on immigration policy, but agree that families deserve safety and fairness. Common ground builds trust. - Use “I” statements.
Instead of declaring truth, share perspective: “From what I understand…” or “In my experience…” This invites dialogue, not debate. - Ask about the story.
Behind every strong opinion is a personal history. Ask where their belief comes from. What life event shaped it? Listening for the story helps you see the person, not just the position.
Real understanding doesn’t require agreement. You can accept someone’s humanity without accepting their worldview. Paradoxically, that’s what makes true connection possible.
Building Political Tolerance and Emotional Resilience
At its core, this work is about political tolerance and emotional resilience. When we learn to stay regulated in the face of difference, we strengthen not only our relationships but also our own integrity.
Here’s the truth: you can’t control what someone else believes, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or someone in your community. What you can control is how you show up in those conversations. And when you show up with curiosity and compassion, political communication—with loved ones or with anyone across the divide—becomes a path to healing.
As Dr. Doherty says:
“You can’t fight someone in the same way when you know their heart.”
Once you know the story behind someone’s beliefs, the fight loses its edge. You see their heart instead of just their stance. That is where change begins. Not in proving a point, but in reclaiming our shared humanity.
Ready to Communicate with More Connection?
If today’s conversation reminded you of your own difficult moments, especially that longing to stay close when differences feel overwhelming, I created something for you. My Communication That Connects Free Masterclass gives you the skills to move beyond power struggles and into genuine understanding. Inside, I’ll guide you through the same tools I teach my clients—practical ways to shift tense exchanges into opportunities for empathy and connection. You’ll learn how to manage reactivity, speak from the heart, and create conversations that feel emotionally safe. These are the kinds of talks that protect both your truth and your relationship.
If this episode stirred something in you about your own relationships, I’d love for us to stay connected. You can join me on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTube, where I share weekly insights, tools, and gentle reminders to help you feel steady and connected, even when life gets messy. And if today’s discussion sparked a thought, question, or story you’d like to share, please reach out. Let’s keep the conversation alive.
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Resources:
Lee, F. L. F. (2022). Ego-network difference, political communication, and affective polarization during political contention. International Journal of Communication, 16, 3060–3080. http://ijoc.org/index.php/ijoc/article/view/19473
Settle, J. E. (2018). The promise and peril of interpersonal political discussion. Political Psychology, 39(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1111/pops.12990
Verkuyten, M. (2022). The social psychology of intergroup toleration: A review. European Review of Social Psychology, 33(1), 140–187. https://doi.org/10.1080/10463283.2022.2091326
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