Politics in Love: How to Stay Connected When You Disagree on…Everything

Step 3: Emotional Regulation

Once you decide to stay in a relationship despite political differences, it’s essential to keep your side of the street clean. And yes, this means keeping your cool. Know your triggers, recognize when you’re getting heated, and have a few “go-to” phrases prepared. For example, if a conversation starts to swerve off the rails, try redirecting: “Wow, these times are intense. Anyway, how’s your new puppy?” It might feel a bit silly, but trust me, it works!

Our emotions are like a volume dial, and if we catch ourselves early—at a 3 out of 10 rather than an 8 or 9—it’s much easier to reset. Take breaks, breathe, and remember why you’re choosing to maintain this relationship in the first place.

Step 4: Focus on the Positives

This step is about shifting focus from what divides you to what connects you. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship science, found that focusing on the positive qualities of your loved one and their contributions to your life can help you let go of unsolvable issues. 

Instead of fixating on political differences, make a list of what you genuinely love about this person. It could be their kindness, their loyalty, or how they make you laugh. Trust me, this shift can be transformative.

Boundaries: Protecting Your Peace

Boundaries in relationships are essential—and not as a means to control someone else but to protect your emotional well-being. If you’re in a situation where a family member or partner crosses the line, it’s okay to step back or leave the conversation. Boundaries aren’t about punishment but about preserving your peace. And remember, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is walk away.

Radical Curiosity: Listen to Learn

If you’re up for it, you might even try radical curiosity. This is next-level relationship mastery and involves listening to your loved ones without the intention of changing them. Approach with genuine curiosity—ask open-ended questions, listen, and validate what you can. This isn’t for the faint of heart but can lead to profound understanding and connection. Read more on how to respond without reacting.

Ready to Take This Further?

If this all sounds helpful, I’d love to go deeper with you. Start by grabbing my Communication That Connects 2-Part Video Series. It’s packed with practical tips and comes with a workbook so you can start applying these skills right away. Or, if you’d like more support, book a free consultation call with one of our expert coaches or therapists. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

And hey, I’d love to connect with you personally! Follow me on Instagram or YouTube so you can jump into my next livestream. I go live on Thursdays at 12pm MT / 2pm EST on Youtube, Instagram, and Facebook. See you there! 

xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. If this article made you think of someone who could use a little extra support with their own challenging relationships, go ahead and share this with them. We’re all in this together!

Resources:

Morey, A. C., Eveland Jr, W. P., & Hutchens, M. J. (2012). The “who” matters: Types of interpersonal relationships and avoidance of political disagreement. Political Communication, 29(1), 86-103.

Gottman, J. M. (2008). Gottman method couple therapy. Clinical handbook of couple therapy, 4(8), 138-164.

Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017). The natural principles of love. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(1), 7-26.