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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Breakups are some of the most painful and challenging experiences one can endure, especially when the decision to end the relationship wasn’t mutual. However, you can take your power back, reclaim your life, and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before.
In this week’s episode of the Love, Happiness and Success podcast, we’re diving deep into why we feel helpless after a breakup, how to rewrite our own story, and how to take your power back so you can feel like yourself again.
As a marriage and family therapist, breakup and divorce recovery expert, and creator of the Heal From Heartbreak Program, I can assure you that it’s possible to come out of this experience feeling good about yourself, at peace with being single, grateful that your relationship ended, and confident in your ability to have a better experience in your next relationship.
But it doesn’t always feel that way, especially when ending the relationship wasn’t your choice or you were blindsided by a breakup. I’ve helped countless heartbroken clients in breakup therapy and I can tell you, getting dumped is inherently disempowering.
It upends your life and sets you off on a journey of heartache that you never asked for. And even if you were the one who called it quits in the relationship, it’s likely that your hand was forced in one way or another.
So, how do you take your power back after a breakup? Let’s discuss.
That Helpless Feeling Is Real (But It’s Not the End of the Story)
After a breakup—especially one that wasn’t your decision—it’s totally normal to feel powerless. You might be asking yourself, “How could this happen?” or “Why wasn’t I enough?” That feeling of being tossed into a new life you didn’t ask for? It’s disorienting.
Here’s the truth: whether you were dumped, ghosted, or even if you’re the one who pulled the plug because the relationship was toxic, breakups are inherently disempowering. They remind us of the painful reality that we can’t control other people’s choices.
But that my friend, is where the work begins.
Inside my Heal From Heartbreak program, this is one of the foundational pieces we focus on early: helping you make sense of that loss of control, and reconnecting with the areas where you do still have power. Because reclaiming your power starts right there—by getting real about what’s yours to own, and letting go of the rest.
Step One: Stop Giving Your Power Away (Without Realizing It)
So many of us, without even realizing it, hand our power over to our exes. We do this every time we spiral into “what if” scenarios or focus on how they’re doing now (especially if your ex already moved on to someone new—ugh).
Here’s what I say on the podcast, and it’s worth repeating: healing starts when we redirect our focus to what’s within our control.
That might sound super basic—like, “Ok Lisa, I get it, eat my veggies and go for a walk”—but trust me, those small daily acts of agency are not nothing. They’re actually the first and most important steps to breaking the emotional dependency that keeps you stuck.And if this feels hard (because let’s be real, it is), this is exactly where the Growth Academy in my Heal From Heartbreak Program comes in. In the early stages of the program, I’ll walk you through powerful exercises and reflection tools to help you shift from helplessness to clarity—one tiny, empowering step at a time.
Still thinking about your ex?
This is Why…
Healing after a relationship loss happens in stages. If you can’t let go, it means that you’ve gotten stuck somewhere in the process. Let’s break you free.
Take this free, two-minute quiz to discover exactly what stage you need to work through, and what to do next in order to heal, grow, and move forward.
Step Two: Rewrite the Story You’re Telling Yourself
Here’s a big one. One of the most effective ways to take your power back after a breakup is to reclaim the narrative and give yourself closure.
What are you telling yourself about why the relationship ended? Are you painting yourself as the victim, the unlovable one, the “too much” or “not enough” one?
We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us. But we do get to choose the story we tell about it.
You can learn how to challenge those internal narratives—especially the ones that are rooted in shame. I teach this in the Heal From Heartbreak program. In one of the most powerful modules, I’ll guide you through a structured process of revisiting the past with fresh eyes. Not to assign blame, but to understand. Because when you own your role in what happened, you reclaim your power to change what happens next.
Step Three: Embrace Your “Dark Emotions” Like a Total Badass
You know what’s sneaky? Those feelings of regret, shame, jealousy, and rage. Those “dark” emotions that pop up when you’re doing your best to heal. These feelings don’t mean you’re broken or bitter—they mean you’re human. And more importantly, they are tools.
You can’t fully take your power back until you’ve honored these feelings. They’re not fun, but they are fiercely important.
Module 5 of the Heartbreak Recovery Academy dives deep into emotional processing. I show you how to work with anger productively (not destructively), how to use guilt as a guide (not a whip), and how to move through shame so you can start showing up for yourself with compassion and strength.
Step Four: Become the Person You’re Proud Of
After the storm of heartbreak has passed, you’ll find yourself standing in front of something rare and beautiful: a blank slate.
Reclaiming your personal power means deciding who you want to be now.
Maybe you want to feel confident falling in love again. Maybe you want to finally break those old patterns and start choosing better. Maybe you just want to go to Target without crying in the shampoo aisle.
Wherever you are, the next chapter of your life starts by intentionally rebuilding yourself. That’s exactly what we do in the later modules of the Heal From Heartbreak program—reconnecting you to your goals, your vision, and your worth, so you’re not just moving on, but moving up.
This Is the Part Where You Rise
If you’re still here, still reading, still fighting for your peace, let me say this: I’m proud of you.
Reclaiming your power after heartbreak isn’t about pretending you’re fine. It’s about facing your pain honestly—and using it as fuel to grow.
That’s what we do in the Heal From Heartbreak program. It’s not like traditional therapy that can keep you stuck in heartbreak. It’s not just inspirational fluff. It’s an evidence-based, structured path through the most important emotional work most people will ever do. And it’s designed to help you come out stronger, clearer, and more free than you’ve ever been.
If you’re ready to stop the pain and start thriving—this is your next step. And you can start today.
👉 Join the Heal From Heartbreak Program
Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
P.S. Still wondering how over your ex you really are? Take our Breakup Quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You? and find out exactly where you are in the healing process. Oh—and if you know someone who could use a little support right now? Forward this article. Share the podcast. Help them take their power back, too. ❤️
Resources:
Estévez, A., Chávez-Vera, M. D., Momeñe, J., Olave Porrúa, L. M., Vázquez, D., & Iruarrizaga Díez, M. I. (2018). The role of emotional dependence in the relationship between attachment and impulsive behavior. https://revistas.um.es/analesps/article/download/analesps.34.3.313681/232061/
Keenan, T. (2004). Mobilizing shame. South Atlantic Quarterly, 103(2-3), 435-449. https://www.academia.edu/download/39788065/Mobilizing_Shame_SAQ.pdf
Van Dijke, M., & Poppe, M. (2006). Striving for personal power as a basis for social power dynamics. European Journal of Social Psychology, 36(4), 537-556. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.351
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