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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Hi friends! Today, I’m diving into a topic that’s been a long time coming on the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast: Porn Addiction Recovery, and especially how to help your relationship heal in the aftermath. If you’ve found this article, you might already know that this issue can be challenging, lonely, and yes—a little uncomfortable to talk about. But let’s be real here: if it’s affecting you or someone you love, it’s worth unpacking, right?
In this episode, I had an incredible conversation with Sathiya Sam, founder of the Deep Clean program, who knows firsthand what it takes to break free from pornography addiction and step into a healthier, more connected life. Let’s just say this guy has walked the walk—and is now making it his life’s mission to help others do the same. So, if you’re looking for practical advice on porn addiction recovery, some relationship-saving tips, and a plan to get you or your partner on the path to healing, you’re in the right place.
What is Porn Addiction, Really?
Let’s start by addressing what we mean by addiction here. Not every person who views porn is “addicted” (no need for any unnecessary pearl-clutching!). The key difference lies in the effects it’s having on someone’s life and relationships. According to Sam, porn addiction is often a type of “intimacy disorder” that disrupts genuine connection, leading people to use porn as a substitute for real-life intimacy.
When a habit becomes a compulsion, it shifts into addiction territory—especially when it’s paired with secrecy, emotional disconnection, or feelings of shame and frustration. Here’s where the “Three A’s” come into play.
The “Three A’s” of Porn Addiction
1. Affordable: It doesn’t cost much to access, but the hidden costs are huge, especially when it erodes connection and trust in relationships.
2. Accessible: With devices at our fingertips, access is easy, which is why porn addiction has become so widespread.
3. Anonymous: The secrecy factor makes it easier for individuals to hide it, even from themselves, until it becomes a bigger issue affecting their relationships and emotional health.
If this resonates, or if you’re starting to see some of these warning signs in your relationship, don’t panic. There are ways to support recovery without compromising your boundaries or losing yourself in the process.
Moving Toward Recovery
Now, let’s talk about what makes recovery stick. Traditional approaches often focus on “behavior modification,” which Sathya describes as white-knuckling your way through willpower, like using internet filters or cutting access cold turkey. But as we know, behavior change on its own doesn’t go deep enough to create a lasting transformation.
Sathya’s approach, which I wholeheartedly support, goes deeper. He calls it a “roots-based” approach to recovery. Here’s why it works: rather than only addressing symptoms, it digs into the underlying self-limiting beliefs, emotional patterns, and experiences that keep people coming back to addictive behaviors in the first place.
If that sounds heavy, it’s because it is—but here’s the good news: it works.
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