Money & Relationships: How to Combine Finances After Marriage (Without Resentment)

From “Me” to “We”

At the heart of this episode is a powerful shift: moving from “me” to “we.”

That means letting go of scorekeeping and stepping into true collaboration. It’s no longer your money or my money — it’s the life you’re building together.

When you begin to see your partner’s success as your shared success, and their challenges as your shared challenges, everything changes. This mindset shift isn’t just practical; it’s emotional. It’s about belonging, safety, and respect.

If this transition feels hard, it often helps to look at your communication patterns. Some couples struggle with one partner who becomes defensive or angry, while another shuts down. Learn more about these patterns in The Angry Partner and Communicating with a Withdrawn Partner.

Finding Fairness in Your Finances

In Money Together, Heather and Douglas identify five key areas where couples can deepen understanding and strengthen their partnership: Beginnings, Mistakes, Contribution, Power, and Risk.

Each one reveals how your history, beliefs, and emotional habits shape the way you handle money as a couple. Once you understand those patterns, you can rewrite them. (See related research: Peetz, 2023; Olson, Rick, & Kouchaki, 2023; Papp, Cummings, & Goeke-Morey, 2009.)

They also share practical tools for staying aligned — like scheduling regular money dates to talk about goals and wins (not just problems). These small, intentional conversations help keep your communication open, build trust, and create shared meaning around your financial life.

If disagreements get heated, here’s how to make up after a fight.

What Fairness Really Means in Money and Relationships

Fairness in relationships doesn’t always mean everything is equal. Sometimes it’s about being flexible, especially as life changes. There will be seasons when one partner earns more, gives more time to the family, or carries more stress.

The goal isn’t perfect balance — it’s emotional connection and adaptability. When you can talk about money with openness and curiosity instead of tension and defensiveness, you’re not just managing finances — you’re deepening your bond.

This emotional safety matters most when couples are rebuilding trust. Learn how to repair trust in your relationship and how attachment styles, like those described in When Anxious Meets Avoidant, influence how each partner approaches money and security.

Reflect with Me

What does fairness look like in your relationship?

Do you feel like both of your contributions — financial and otherwise — are valued equally?

And what might change if you started talking about money as something that connects you, instead of something that divides you?

These are the questions that help couples move from financial friction to true partnership.

Keep Learning and Growing

There’s a ton of great information in this podcast AND it’s also true that talking about money and creating agreement in your financial relationship can be very tricky for many couples. You don’t have to go it alone. 

One of the things my practice is known for is financial therapy for couples, specifically. If this is a current pain point in your relationship, I hope you get in touch with us and allow us to guide you through the process of creating alignment around all parts of your life, including financials.

Here’s the link to learn more, and set up a free consultation.

xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby