How to Love Yourself After a Breakup: Repair Your Self Esteem

How to Love Yourself After a Breakup

1. Name the Pattern and Take Your Power Back

You’ve been giving your power away — to your ex, to the relationship, to the story in your head. Healing starts when you say: “This is not who I want to be anymore.” If you’re obsessing over your ex, here’s a great article to break that cycle.

2. Recognize the Addiction

That craving for validation from your ex? It’s a dopamine hit. Reframing this connection as an addiction to a toxic relationship is powerful because it helps you stop moralizing your pain and start treating it. You’re not weak. You’re hooked. And recovery is possible.

3. Find Real Support

Don’t do this alone. Shame thrives in isolation. Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a breakup recovery support group like the one here at Growing Self. You need people in your corner who won’t judge you for crying over someone who didn’t deserve you.

4. Start Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love

Self-love isn’t bubble baths and chocolate (though those help). It’s extending self-compassion to yourself and then setting boundaries. It’s saying no to crumbs of attention. It’s refusing to check their Instagram, again. You don’t have to feel confident to start — just act like someone who deserves better. (You do.)

Need help getting your groove back? Start with this piece on taking your power back after a breakup.

5. Do Hard Things to Earn Your Respect Back

Self-love also isn’t just about positive affirmations. It’s about doing things that make you proud of who you are. Like blocking their number. Like journaling instead of texting. Like going to the gym instead of driving past their house. Every time you do something aligned with your values, you rebuild your trust in you.

More on that in my article about why therapy alone may not be enough for breakup recovery.

You Deserve to Feel Whole Again

Loving yourself after a breakup isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a daily choice. One that can feel incredibly hard when your heart is aching and your confidence has taken a hit. But here’s the truth: your self-worth was never tied to how someone else saw you. It’s yours. And even now—even especially now—you are worthy of love, care, and healing.

If you’re wondering where to begin, or whether you’re truly making progress, I have a free resource that can help.

👉 Take the Breakup Quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You?
This quick, insightful quiz will show you what stage of healing you’re in right now—and, more importantly, what your next step needs to be. Whether you’re still caught in the swirl of emotions or starting to feel ready for what’s next, this quiz offers compassionate clarity and personalized guidance to help you move forward. No judgment. Just support.

And if you’re ready to talk with someone who truly understands what you’re going through…

👉 Schedule a Free Consultation with a Growing Self Breakup Recovery Expert
Our team of warm, experienced therapists and coaches specialize in helping people navigate the aftermath of heartbreak and rediscover their sense of self.

In your free consultation, you can share what you’ve been going through, ask questions, and explore how we might support your healing process—whether you’re struggling with obsessive thoughts about your ex, self-doubt, guilt, or just want to stop feeling stuck. You’re not alone in this, and you don’t have to figure it out all by yourself.

Because healing is possible. Confidence is reclaimable. And love—real, healthy love—including love for yourself—is absolutely within reach.

And you can start today.

Xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. Know someone who’s stuck in the self-esteem spiral after a breakup? Please, send this their way. It could be the lifeline they need. Let’s help each other heal and grow. 

Resources:

Zhang, J. W., & Chen, S. (2017). Self-compassion promotes positive adjustment for people who attribute responsibility of a romantic breakup to themselves. Self and Identity, 16(6), 732-759. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15298868.2017.1305985

Krisnamurthi, P. B. U., & Hanum, L. (2021, April). The effectiveness of online group cognitive and behavioral therapy on self-esteem and forgiveness in young adult women after romantic relationship break up. In International Conference on Psychological Studies (ICPSYCHE 2020) (pp. 38-45). Atlantis Press. https://www.atlantis-press.com/proceedings/icpsyche-20/125955809

Sbarra, D. A., Smith, H. L., & Mehl, M. R. (2012). When leaving your ex, love yourself: Observational ratings of self-compassion predict the course of emotional recovery following marital separation. Psychological science, 23(3), 261-269. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797611429466