“I Just Want To Be Happy.”
People seek Life Coaching for lots of reasons: To achieve important goals, make positive changes, get a leg up on their career, or improve their relationships — all good things. But WHY do they want to achieve at a higher level, create success, or have more fulfilling relationships?
Because they believe that doing so will make them happy. “I just want to be happy” is the basic wish of everyone.
But here's the deal: Both you and I know lots of people who seem to have it all — and are still unhappy. No matter what goals they achieve, what outward measures of success they attain, or fun things they do, it never touches them on the inside. So they keep trudging along, hoping that the next mountain they climb will be the “real one” that will actually help them feel differently: Satisfied. Optimistic. Joyful. Content. Grateful. Peaceful. Happy.
Does any of this sound familiar to you? If so, you may have gotten stuck on the “Hedonic Treadmill” too. That's the technical term for the process of climbing, and trying, and doing, and achieving all the things that you think will make you happy… only to find out that they are hollow. It's like climbing up a mountain thinking, “When I buy this house or have this job then I'll really be happy” only to find that after the initial excitement wears off the happiness fades, and you start looking for the next “cure.”
The truth is that authentic happiness has very little (if anything) to do with your external circumstances. Finding and keeping authentic happiness in your life has everything to do with learning a set of “Happiness Skills” that allow you to be happy from the inside out — no matter what is going on around you.
Genuinely happy people have learned “Happiness Skills,” and use them, daily, to stay in a good place.
What are Happiness Skills?
Happiness Skills involve four different components:
1) Having a Happy Mind: In order to be truly happy you must learn how to get control over what is happening in your head. Most people are driven by unhelpful, unhappy thoughts without even being aware of it. Having these thoughts run rampant is at the core of serious problems including By learning how to identify unhelpful, unproductive thinking styles and replace them with the kinds of thoughts that lead to positive emotions, you can shift your mood very reliably. The trick is learning how.
Another huge component of having a healthy mind is learning how to stay in the present. “Mental Time Traveling” is at the core of much of the unhappiness that people struggle with. By learning practical mindfulness skills that you can use in your daily life, you can learn how to manage feelings of anxiety, apprehension, judgment and worry that get in the way of your happiness.
2) Having a Happy Body: Most people who struggle to be happy don't realize that they are often engaged in behaviors that are sabotaging their happiness. When you are creating an internal, chemical state that is dragging you into anxiety or depression it is very difficult to feel joyful – no matter how hard you work at it.
There are simple changes you can make that will help you feel happier on a biological level. But, as you know, knowing what to change is only half of the battle. Changing your habits for good can be challenging — until you learn how. Being able to maintain a happy lifestyle is one of the key secrets of happy people.
3) Having a Happy Heart: How to you manage your emotions? Feelings are a natural, normal part of life. It's what we do with those feelings that creates the difference between struggling emotionally, or feeling at peace. For example, authentically happy people are much more tolerant of their feelings. They know how to take care of themselves compassionately rather than beating themselves up for having feelings, or worse, frantically trying to avoid their feelings. When you learn how to have a good relationship with your feelings, how to let go of unproductive feelings, and how to take guidance from your wise-mind emotions, you can create a compassionate life.
4) Having a Happy Life: Having a Happy Life is more than just about not feeling bad. When you have a Happy Life you are managing your thoughts, taking care of yourself, and managing your emotions in healthy ways — but also living a values-based life that creates feelings of authentic happiness and joy. We all have to make decisions about where we spend our time and energy. Getting in touch with your values and learning where to apply your focus makes all the difference between having an authentically joyful life and one that you're chronically dissatisfied with.
Happiness is Learned
Learning how to be happy is simply a matter of learning and practicing “Happiness Skills” — not luck or magic — even though it seems that way. Some people were lucky enough to learn how to be happy from their parents, or have had the good fortune and financial resources to get involved in the luxury of good therapy or life coaching. But not everyone gets to do that.
For the last two years I've been working very hard to put together an inexpensive online program that can teach you all the happiness skills you need to feel more joyful and more content. It's my “Happiness Class.” You can take the first class for free right now, and start practicing the foundational skill from which all lasting happiness flows: Learning how to get control over what is happening in your mind. Click here to learn more about the Happiness Class.
Sign up and watch the class for free right now. (I need your email address so I can send you the worksheet you'll need to complete the class). I'm so excited to share this knowledge with you. This one little idea you're about to learn has helped countless of my private clients begin to cultivate authentic happiness in their lives — I know it will help you too.
All the best,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby