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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Let’s get real about something most people don’t want to talk about: porn addiction. Whether you’re struggling yourself or in a relationship affected by it, understanding how porn affects relationships is essential to healing and rebuilding trust.
Porn addiction isn’t just a “bad habit” or a moral issue. It’s a connection problem. At its core, it’s about loneliness, emptiness, and the deep human need to feel seen, desired, and emotionally safe. When those needs go unmet, it’s easy to turn to something that offers quick relief even if it leads to shame and disconnection later.
The Hidden Cost: How Porn Affects Relationships
So, how does porn affect relationships in real life? In my work as a therapist and coach, I’ve seen that it slowly erodes trust, intimacy, and safety between partners. The person using porn often feels ashamed and isolated, while the other feels rejected, betrayed, or “not enough.” Both end up alone in their pain, and that loneliness only fuels the cycle.
The betrayal trauma can be healed if both partners are willing to work on it together. However, if you’re facing a difficult crossroads, like questioning whether to stay or go, Should You Stay or Go? How to Know When Your Marriage Is Over can help you reflect with clarity and compassion.
As my guest Sathiya Sam shared in this episode, porn addiction isn’t about lust or willpower. It’s about disconnection. After his own 15-year struggle with porn, he rebuilt his life and created Deep Clean, a faith-based yet science-informed program that helps people heal from the inside out. His approach addresses what most recovery programs miss – restoring purpose, community, and emotional connection.
If you’re trying to understand what recovery can look like, you might find my first conversation with Sathiya, Porn Addiction Recovery: How to Recognize It & Start Healing, especially helpful.
The Real Benefits of Quitting Porn
When people begin quitting porn, they often expect a battle with self-control. What they discover instead are the real benefits of quitting porn, and they go far beyond abstinence:
- More energy and focus.
- A deeper ability to connect with their partner.
- Confidence, purpose, and peace.
- The feeling of finally being present in their own life again.
These are the results that matter most. Healing porn addiction is about restoring wholeness, not restriction.
For couples navigating betrayal or broken trust, rebuilding connection takes time and the right tools. These additional podcast episodes, How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal and Sorry’s Not Good Enough: How to Repair Trust in a Relationship, can guide you toward deeper understanding and repair.
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The New Frontier: AI, Loneliness, and “Synthetic Intimacy”
We also discuss in this episode a growing concern: the rise of AI-based relationships. The lines between real and artificial intimacy are blurring quickly, and people are forming emotional attachments to bots programmed to say exactly what they want to hear. It’s connection without risk, and that’s the danger.
When we avoid real human connection, we miss the chance to grow, to heal, and to be known. True intimacy will always be imperfect and vulnerable, and that’s what makes it real.
Research supports this: studies show that pornography consumption is associated with lower relationship satisfaction and emotional disconnection between partners (Wright et al., 2017). Likewise, a dyadic approach to pornography use and satisfaction (Maas et al., 2018) found that porn use affects both partners’ wellbeing, not just one. And recent findings on attachment insecurity and compulsive sexual behavior (Wizła & Lewczuk, 2024) connect porn addiction to deeper emotional struggles – exactly what this episode explores.
Healing Happens in Community
Recovery doesn’t happen in isolation. Sathiya’s Inner Circle community gives men a safe space to talk about their struggles without shame, to be supported by others who understand, and to start rebuilding trust – both in themselves and their relationships.
Because addiction begins in broken connection, it only heals through healthy connection. For those working on quitting porn, community can make all the difference. If you’re in a relationship where trust has been shaken, you may find How to Make Up After a Fight: The Art of Repair in Strong Relationships or How to Feel More Secure in Your Relationship helpful next steps.
Where to Begin
If you’re struggling with porn addiction, or love someone who is, the first step isn’t judgment or control. It’s honesty. It’s the courage to say, “Something isn’t working, and I want to change.”
Sometimes the hardest part is admitting you need a little help, and the bravest thing you can do is take that first step. If you’re ready to start your own growth and healing journey, you can get support from Sathiya here: https://www.sathiyasam.com/growing-self. Let them know Dr. Lisa sent you! ❤️
You deserve to feel whole, connected, and truly alive. Let’s start there, together!
xoxo,
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
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