How to Feel Better About Yourself
Does Everyone Think You’re Amazing… Except You?
There are some people who are just stars in the eyes of others. Are you one of them?
Do you work hard? Do you do amazing things? Do you seem to have it all? And yet…. walk daily with this gnawing sense that you are failing?
You may worry that you’re not doing enough, you’ve missed an opportunity, you’re not achieving your goals… and perhaps, you’re worried that these failures are due to your own shortcomings. In my work with counseling and life coaching clients, even successful, high-achieving people experience these same feelings.
Ambition is widely regarded as being a positive force in our lives. However, ambition becomes a problem when it is rooted in fear and a belief that links happiness to achievement.
You don’t have to face these thoughts alone, but there are some things you can do for yourself as well. On today’s edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I’ll help you understand how to get off the never-ending treadmill of “more” – and start appreciating how amazing you actually are, and start to feel better about yourself.
4 Ways to Feel Better About Yourself
1) Make A “Have Done” List
Rather than making a long “to-do” list of all of the things that you still feel that you need to accomplish, try this instead: make a list of your past accomplishments, big and small. This can be anything from recent accomplishments to things as far back as you can remember, such as grade school accomplishments. Even if they do not seem important now, they have become the collection of gradual success that is you.
2) Feel Better About Yourself by Unhooking Your Self-Worth From Your Achievements
There is nothing wrong with feeling proud of an accomplishment. But, do you feel like you would value yourself less if you failed? Perhaps you are putting too much value on the accomplishment, rather than value in yourself. Instead, if you succeed, think “good for me” instead of thinking it is some sort of confirmation that you are “good.” This will help make it easier to accept yourself when you are facing disappointment, feel better about yourself, and help you learn how to love yourself unconditionally.
3) Talk Back To The Bully Inside Of You.
Even once you find a less conditional love for yourself, you may find yourself with negative thoughts. “I could have done better.” “Do I really deserve this?” “That was not good enough.” This voice is taking away your accomplishments, blocking your personal growth, and making your lows feel lower (which can contribute to “toxic shame”). As soon as you hear that voice, it is important to stand up for yourself just like you would if that bully had a body. Say, “I accept myself.” Talk back to that voice and tell it how wrong it is. Because it IS wrong and you deserve to feel better about yourself.
4) Feel Better About Yourself by Cultivating Meaning
Now, if you will, take a moment and think about what is genuinely important to you. Is it the people you love? Meaningful work? Life experiences? Self care? Anything that makes you “feel good” without just being an achievement can add to the fulfillment of your life, alongside authentic happiness. Things like exercise and cooking can improve your physical health without being a competition, things like drawing or listening a bit deeper to music can help with relaxation, and things like socializing can help with forming lasting bonds. But along with that, they can provide happy memories and satisfaction for when something else is pulling you down emotionally.
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How to Feel Better About Yourself
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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.