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Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is a licensed psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, board-certified coach, AAMFT clinical supervisor, host of the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast and founder of Growing Self.
Spending quality time with your partner is essential for a healthy, satisfying relationship. But as a couples counselor and relationship coach, I know that many long-term couples get caught in lackluster date night routines, if they find time for a date night at all. In this article, I’m sharing my top romantic date night ideas that will help you keep the spark alive.
Why Date Night Matters
Relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman’s research suggests that for every negative interaction, couples need five positive experiences to maintain a balanced relationship. Cultivating positive experiences with your partner helps you weather hard times and moments of conflict, and date night is a great opportunity to have a positive experience together.
Date night can also be an opportunity to explore what Gottman calls your partner’s “Love Map.” You can use date night to delve into each other’s thoughts, dreams, and feelings, deepening the emotional intimacy in your relationship. We all grow and change throughout the course of our lives, and date night is an opportunity to continue getting to know each other so that you can grow together.
Finally, date night can be a reminder that you’re on the same team and that you love and enjoy each other. It allows you to take a step back from the daily grind and celebrate what makes your connection special.
Romantic Date Night Ideas
Here are some romantic date night ideas that will help you keep the spark alive:
Creating a date night experience at home can be important for new parents or those unable to find a babysitter. Try creating a candlelit dinner or dessert date after the kids have gone to sleep. You could also pull your mattress into the living room for an intimate movie night with cuddling and possibly more. Get some good movie theater snacks and discuss the movie together when it’s over like you’re critics giving reviews, if you end up watching the movie.
For a fun date night out, try being tourists in your own area. Hit up your town or city’s travel website and see what your area has to offer. A website called Atlas Obscura may also have some interesting places to explore nearby. Or, you could take a walk in a new neighborhood and pop into some trendy shops. At the end, try a new restaurant you’ve been eyeing.
If you’re an adventurous couple, you could go on a date in nature. Outdoor activities like kayaking, snowshoeing, skiing, paintballing, or fishing can be great ways to introduce some excitement into your connection.
One especially romantic date night idea is to go stargazing together. Depending on where you are, take lots of warm clothes and blankets, and then enjoy the night sky together. There are apps that show you where different stars and constellations are.
What to Talk About on Your Date Night
Of course, you don’t just want to show up on your date and stare at each other. You want to use this time to connect with your partner on a deeper level. Here are some insightful prompts from the Gottman Date Night Card Deck that will help you spark meaningful conversations, whether you’re sitting on the couch or canoodling over a candlelit dinner.
- What is something funny that happened to you this week?
- How did you feel loved by me this week? How can I do more of that?
- What have you enjoyed for yourself this week? How can I support you in doing more of that?
Date Night Tips
I know it’s easy enough to say “go on a date night!” but pulling off a romantic evening together can be challenging, especially when you are trying to keep your marriage strong while raising kids or balancing other major responsibilities. Here are a few tips that will help you ensure your date night is a success.
- Balance your energy
Consider scheduling date nights on evenings when your energy levels are higher, and tailor your plans based on how you’re both feeling. Opt for calming and relaxing options on evenings when you’re feeling worn out.
- Conflict resolution
Date night is not the time to attempt to resolve ongoing relationship conflicts. Set aside designated times to address problems in your relationship so you can keep your focus on enjoying each other’s company on date nights.
Pro tip: If it feels difficult to get through a whole date night without getting into an argument, that’s a sign that you could benefit from working with a good marriage counselor. Look for a marriage and family therapist who uses evidence based approaches to couples counseling. Bonus points if they also practice relationship coaching!
- Discuss expectations
Openly communicate your expectations with each other before your date night. Do you want to have an adventure together, or is the goal to unwind? Do you both want the night to end in sex, and if so, what would help you both feel ready for that? Talking about each other’s desires beforehand helps you plan a night that meets both partners’ needs.
- Consider a micro-date
Sometimes an entire evening together is a luxury that feels out of reach. That’s okay! Consider going on a “micro-date” together. That could mean connecting over a cup of coffee going on a short walk. As long as you’re being present and available to each other, it counts!
Support for a Close, Connected Relationship
I hope you found these romantic date night ideas helpful. Spending intentional time together is not just about being in the same room. It’s about continuing to get to know each other on deeper and deeper levels so that your relationship remains vital and alive for years to come.
Date nights are a great place to start with deepening the emotional intimacy and connection in your relationship. But this is only the beginning. Working with a good couples counselor can transform your connection in ways you may not even think are possible now. If you would like to do this valuable work with me, I invite you to schedule a free consultation.
Sincerely,
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