Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?

Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them

If you’re stuck in this loop of longing, craving, or obsessing — you’re not broken. You’re human. You’ve literally been chemically and emotionally bonded to this person.

Romantic love is biologically addictive. Your brain doesn’t just “move on” when a relationship ends. It goes into withdrawal. That’s why thinking about your ex, seeing them, or especially sleeping with them, reactivates the attachment — and pulls you further away from healing.

So, if you’re having sex with your ex, or even just texting them constantly, you’re keeping yourself stuck.

And friend? That is not what you deserve.

The Damage It Does to Your Self-Esteem

One of the most painful long-term consequences of having sex with your ex is what it does to your self-esteem.

In the beginning, it might feel like power. Like, “I still have access to them. They still want me.” But when you realize they don’t want more… that they’re fine not texting you the next day, or worse — your ex moved on to someone else — that pain hits a whole new level.

And here’s what I want you to hear:

When someone doesn’t value you, continuing to give them access to your body is an act of self-betrayal.

You’re better than that. You are worth more than breadcrumbs. And you deserve love that doesn’t leave you wondering where you stand. It’s time to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem after a breakup. Not tear yourself down more. 

Close the Door Before It’s Closed For You

If you’re hanging on to your ex in any way — especially physically — I want you to consider something: Close the door before it gets slammed in your face.

Because that’s what often happens. They’ll meet someone new. Or they’ll move out. Or they’ll finally tell you it’s really over — and suddenly, you’re left grieving not just the breakup, but all the ways you betrayed yourself and your own needs to hang on.

But you don’t have to wait for that kind of heartbreak to finally move on. You can choose yourself now. You can say, “Enough. I deserve more.”

And I’ll help you get there.

So What Do You Do Instead?

This is where the real healing begins — and where I want to introduce you to my Heal From Heartbreak program.

I created this program after working with thousands of people just like you: people in pain, obsessing over their ex, stuck in these same cycles. And what I saw was that traditional therapy for breakups wasn’t always enough. People needed a structure. A map. A method. A guided journey from heartbreak to clarity to emotional freedom.

The Heal From Heartbreak program walks you through the nine essential stages of healing, from the early withdrawal phase to rebuilding your identity and learning to love again — for real, this time.

Whether you want to go at your own pace in the Growth Academy, get group support in our Growth Collective, or work directly with your own therapist-coach in the Growth Experience, there’s a version that fits your needs and your healing style.

And here’s the thing: you won’t just be reading or listening — you’ll be doing. With powerful exercises, emotional processing tools, real conversations, and community support.

Because you don’t just want to “feel better.” You want to be better. Stronger. Wiser. And you will be.

And you can start your healing right now. Join the Heal From Heartbreak Program.

Xoxo

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. Still not sure where you are in the healing process? We’ve got a quick, free tool to help you find out. Take my Breakup Quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You? — it’ll give you clarity on your current stage of recovery, and what to focus on next.

And if this article helped you, share it with a friend who’s struggling. You never know who’s crying in their car right now, wondering if they should answer a “u up?” text. Send them this love note from me — and from you.

Resources:

Earp, B. D., Wudarczyk, O. A., Foddy, B., & Savulescu, J. (2017). Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?. Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology, 24(1), 77-92. https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/1/article/652207/summary

Halpern-Meekin, S., Manning, W. D., Giordano, P. C., & Longmore, M. A. (2013). Relationship churning in emerging adulthood: On/off relationships and sex with an ex. Journal of adolescent research, 28(2), 166-188. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0743558412464524

Josephs, L. (2001). The seductive superego: The trauma of self‐betrayal. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 82(4), 701-712. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1516/5H9A-NQ3J-AL3L-9DLP