Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?

Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them

If you’re stuck in this loop of longing, craving, or obsessing — you’re not broken. You’re human. You’ve literally been chemically and emotionally bonded to this person.

Romantic love is biologically addictive. Your brain doesn’t just “move on” when a relationship ends. It goes into withdrawal. That’s why thinking about your ex, seeing them, or especially sleeping with them, reactivates the attachment — and pulls you further away from healing.

So, if you’re having sex with your ex, or even just texting them constantly, you’re keeping yourself stuck.

And friend? That is not what you deserve.

The Damage It Does to Your Self-Esteem

One of the most painful long-term consequences of having sex with your ex is what it does to your self-esteem.

In the beginning, it might feel like power. Like, “I still have access to them. They still want me.” But when you realize they don’t want more… that they’re fine not texting you the next day, or worse — your ex moved on to someone else — that pain hits a whole new level.

And here’s what I want you to hear:

When someone doesn’t value you, continuing to give them access to your body is an act of self-betrayal.

You’re better than that. You are worth more than breadcrumbs. And you deserve love that doesn’t leave you wondering where you stand. It’s time to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem after a breakup. Not tear yourself down more. 

Close the Door Before It’s Closed For You

If you’re hanging on to your ex in any way — especially physically — I want you to consider something: Close the door before it gets slammed in your face.

Because that’s what often happens. They’ll meet someone new. Or they’ll move out. Or they’ll finally tell you it’s really over — and suddenly, you’re left grieving not just the breakup, but all the ways you betrayed yourself and your own needs to hang on.

But you don’t have to wait for that kind of heartbreak to finally move on. You can choose yourself now. You can say, “Enough. I deserve more.”

And I’ll help you get there.

Where Do You Go From Here?

If you’re wrestling with the question of whether or not to sleep with your ex, it’s not just about sex. It’s about something deeper — longing, confusion, hope, fear, loneliness, and the ache for closure or connection. And if we’re being honest, there’s often a part of us that still craves what was, even when we know it might not be good for us anymore.

Navigating this emotional terrain is hard — especially when your body and brain are giving you mixed messages that make it nearly impossible to see clearly. But here’s the good news: you don’t have to stay stuck in this loop forever.

If you’re feeling torn between holding on and letting go, the best place to start is with clarity — not just about your ex, but about yourself.

First Step: Take the “How Over Your Ex Are You?” Quiz

You might feel like you should be over it by now… or maybe you’re wondering if your lingering feelings mean you’re supposed to get back together. Either way, my free breakup quiz will help you understand where you are in the healing process — emotionally, mentally, and even biologically.

You’ll get a clear look at what stage of heartbreak you’re actually in (because it’s not always obvious), and what kind of support you need to move forward — whether that means finding peace, cutting cords, or giving yourself the freedom to start fresh. Think of it as your compass out of confusion, and toward emotional freedom.

👉 Take the Breakup Quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You? — and get your next right step.

Second Step: Get Support

You don’t have to figure this all out on your own. If your ex is still in your head (or your bed), if you’re confused about your feelings, or if part of you is secretly hoping they’ll come back… that’s not something to be ashamed of. But it is something you can talk about — with someone who gets it, and who knows how to help.

Our team at Growing Self includes licensed therapists and expert breakup recovery coaches who specialize in helping people like you heal from heartbreak and reclaim their clarity, confidence, and peace.

You can schedule a free consultation to talk through what’s been going on and explore how we can support you — whether you’re ready to move on, trying to decide what’s next, or just need someone to sit with you in the uncertainty.

👉 Schedule Your Free Consultation — and take the next step toward your healing.

No matter what happened between you and your ex, one thing is true: you deserve to feel whole again. You deserve clarity, peace, and the kind of love that doesn’t leave you questioning your worth. And while it might feel messy right now, this moment can be the beginning of something truly powerful — the moment you choose you.

And you can start today. 💛

xoxo
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

P.S. If this article helped you, share it with a friend who’s struggling. You never know who’s crying in their car right now, wondering if they should answer a “u up?” text. Send them this love note from me — and from you.

Resources:

Earp, B. D., Wudarczyk, O. A., Foddy, B., & Savulescu, J. (2017). Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?. Philosophy, Psychiatry, & Psychology, 24(1), 77-92. https://muse.jhu.edu/pub/1/article/652207/summary

Halpern-Meekin, S., Manning, W. D., Giordano, P. C., & Longmore, M. A. (2013). Relationship churning in emerging adulthood: On/off relationships and sex with an ex. Journal of adolescent research, 28(2), 166-188. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0743558412464524

Josephs, L. (2001). The seductive superego: The trauma of self‐betrayal. The International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 82(4), 701-712. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1516/5H9A-NQ3J-AL3L-9DLP