Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?
Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: Moushumi, “Stay”
Why “Ex Sex” Happens
It would be so much easier for people if, when a relationship ended, it came to a full stop and everyone got out of the car and went their separate ways. That is not what happens though. Very often, couples continue to coast along for months after the engine stops turning. Sometimes years. They hook up, hang out, and sometimes even cohabitate, all while officially broken up.
Let’s face it: even after you break up or divorce, your Ex still feels like your person even though you know in your head the relationship is over. Everything about them is familiar, and it can be very easy to fall back into old patterns… or fall into bed.
In the aftermath of a breakup, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship “situationships.” Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being friends with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.
Sex With Your Ex is Understandable
As a breakup recovery coach, I work with individuals all over the world who are looking to heal their broken hearts, start afresh, and find their happiness again. But when your heart is broken, maintaining contact with your Ex — sexual or otherwise — feels like the only thing that will stop the pain, even for a moment. Especially if you’re not the one who initiated the breakup, any time spent with your Ex is the only thing that feels normal. The rest is just a nightmare you can’t wake up from.
Human beings are built to bond, and these attachments don’t turn on and off at the flip of a switch. When you are hoping to get back together with your Ex, any sign that your Ex still cares is what you live for. If your Ex invites you over, texts you, or is okay with you still living there, it feels like hope is possible.
Sex With Your Ex is Always Destructive…To One of You
However, hanging around in extended post-relationship limbo, or having sex with your Ex is almost never a good idea. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces, and breakup recovery situations. I’ve spoken to the broken-hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why.
On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m sharing my perspective on:
- Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex
- Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you)
- The power dynamics at work in every breakup
- How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you
- What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what breakups do to your self esteem
- The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to
- How to cut the cord and set yourself free
All the best,
Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:
- The Stages of Healing From a Breakup
- Our Online Breakup Recovery and Support Group
- Heal Your Broken Heart Breakup Recovery Program
- Our Facebook group
Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast
Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?
The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby
Music Credits: Moushumi, “Stay”
Free, Expert Advice — For You.
Subscribe To The Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
Let’s Talk: Start With a Free Consultation
If you’re ready to grow, we’re here to help. Connect with us, and let us know your hopes and goals. We’ll follow up with recommendations, and will help you schedule a first, free consultation.
Divorce and Breakup Recovery Resources
Divorce & Breakup Advice
Get more free breakup and divorce recovery advice in our extensive library of articles and podcasts on the subject. Visit the Healing After Heartbreak Collection on our blog to access them all.
Discernment Counseling
If you or your partner are considering separation, discernment counseling can help you both gain clarity around whether or not there is hope for your relationship. Learn about discernment counseling.
When to Call It Quits
Is there still hope for your relationship, or is it best to part ways? Learn the signs that growth and healing are possible, vs. signs it’s time to call it quits in a relationship.
Amicable Divorce
Amicable divorce prioritizes the mental and emotional wellness of everyone involved and creates the foundation for a healthy co-parenting partnership. Learn how to achieve an amicable divorce.
Breakup Therapy & Divorce Counseling
Time alone does not heal. Effective, informed, evidence-based breakup therapy and divorce counseling help you heal, grow, and move forward into emotional freedom.
The Stages of a Breakup
Withdrawal, grieving, growing, rebuilding: Understanding the stages of recovery are vital to your healing process after a divorce. Learn about the stages of breakup recovery…
How to Leave a Toxic Relationship, With Dignity
Learn why it’s so hard to leave a toxic relationship, and the things you can do to empower and support yourself in your journey to emotional empowerment.
Why You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex
Can you ever stop loving someone? Want to know how to get over an ex? Learn how to stop thinking about someone so you can move on.
Are You Addicted to a Toxic Relationship?
Profoundly unhealthy relationships can be the hardest to get over. Find out if you’re addicted to a toxic relationship.
Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love
Why is it so hard to let go, even when you know you should? In her award-winning “Exaholics” book, Dr. Lisa explains why, and illuminates the path forward towards emotional liberation, growth, and recovery.
Online Breakup and Divorce Support Group
You’re not alone. Heal your heart in our positive, affirming online breakup and divorce support group, led by an experienced divorce and breakup recovery counselor.
Heal Your Broken Heart: Breakup Recovery Program
In this self-paced online breakup recovery program Dr. Lisa helps you work through the stages of healing from heartbreak, through empowering personal growth activities.
How Much Does Therapy Cost?
Good therapy is a priceless investment in your growth and healing, but not all therapy is valuable. Learn about the cost of therapy that moves you forward.
Stop a Divorce
The threat of divorce can actually be a turning point for a marriage if you understand how to use it as an opportunity to foster healing. In this podcast, learn how to stop a divorce.
Start Breakup Therapy or Divorce Counseling
If you’d like to work with a Growing Self divorce / breakup recovery expert, the first step is to have a free consultation meeting.
More Questions? Let’s Talk.
If you have questions about our services or would like support in connecting with one of our experts, we’re here for you by phone, email or chat. Get in touch, anytime.