How Boredom And Space Help You Understand Yourself
What Have You Been Avoiding?
Understand Yourself | We're –s-t-u-c-k- safe at home. For some of us, as we continue to transition into this new lifestyle this means more stress and even busier schedules. Living almost minute by minute, taking care of young kids who are home (all the time), while still striving to meet the slow-to-change expectations of employers.
But if that isn't you and you find yourself with more time and fewer outlets than you’re used to, you're probably feeling bored, listless, and maybe even a little lazy. Counting myself among this group, I'm struggling to feel motivated even as I write this! All this time at home can lead to an odd combination of frustration with not having enough to do and a lack of drive to do what you can or even need to do. Maybe even questioning yourself and wondering, Who am I?
I'm sure you've also seen the two social media messages floating around about this experience:
- Start a hobby! Learn something new! Now is the time!
- Just chill. It's okay to feel whatever you feel. Take it easy if you need to.
Both of these approaches are valid and helpful. Pick what works for you – and change your mind as needed. But here's what these messages don't talk about: How boredom and space can help you understand yourself.
Boredom has always gotten a bad rap. Now more then ever, our internet tribe is talking about the big, bad boredom-monster. We're taught to avoid boredom at almost any cost, by staying busy, distracting ourselves with tune-out technology, and being “productive.” Maybe this is because slowing down to get to know yourself better can actually be pretty uncomfortable and scary. Because understanding yourself better can lead to confronting some things you've been avoiding with all that business and distraction.
As an online therapist and life coach, some of my clients too are struggling with some long-term issues that have recently been “brought to the light.” I want to encourage you to allow yourself to sit with these feelings. With a little bit of boredom and space, here are a few not-so-comfortable (but important) things you might uncover:
Relationship Issues
You may know your relationship isn't perfect (I mean, who's is?). When focused on the hustle of life, we can put off dealing with relationship concerns and the difficult conversations they demand. Now, alone with each other, it gets harder to ignore what isn't working. This is a good opportunity to notice what's coming up for you, to understand yourself in the context of your relationship and get curious about what your relationship might need, and consider if you're ready to start making some gentle repairs.
What You Really Want
Anxiety is up with the Coronavirus epidemic. But for some of those who experience it under ordinary circumstances, anxiety has actually gone down during quarantine! With boredom and more time on your hands comes less pressure and obligation. Suddenly, many are finding themselves relieved of the unspoken but ever-present expectation to be busy and constantly moving toward worthy goals. What arises from this new space is the question, “If I'm less anxious now, did I actually want these goals for myself or did I just think I should have them?” Boredom and space can help you separate what you really want, enjoy, and value from what others think or want.
Big Beliefs
Having more time with yourself, you might pay a little more attention to your thoughts. Following those thoughts can lead you to your core beliefs. We tend to assume, for example, that our value comes from things like productivity, social engagement, or helping others. Right now, our ability to do each of these has been limited, which can lead to new, healthier beliefs about intrinsic value from being, rather than doing. Boredom and space means we can sit with beliefs and consider them with curious objectivity. We can question them and change them, if we wish. Opening your mind to these personal growth moments will help you in your journey to understand yourself.
Deeper Feelings
As we slow down and get back to basics under quarantine, we create room for more things to grab our attention. You may notice more synchronicities, remember more dreams, or be inspirationally struck with new, creative ideas. These are just some of the ways that deeper, unaddressed feelings work their way to the forefront. Slowing down to embrace a little boredom, what feelings come up and what are they trying to tell you?
Surprising Strengths
Challenges create opportunity for solution-finding. Obstacles illicit creative thinking. Under self-quarantine, we are called to find new ways to connect, help one another, practice self-care, and maintain our hobbies, responsibilities, and goals. Leaning into boredom and space gives you a chance to surprise yourself, to truly understand yourself.
Is it uncomfortable? Definitely. Scary? Yes. But what if this boredom thing is also an opportunity to slow down and sit with an old friend…yourself? Who knows what you might discover?
Wishing you the best,
Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPC
Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed, LPC, helps you build your self-esteem and create strong, meaningful relationships in a non-judgmental, productive space where you will feel safe, comfortable and understood.
Let's Talk
Real Help, To Move You Forward
Everyone experiences challenges, but only some people recognize these moments as opportunities for growth and positive change.
Working with an expert therapist or life coach can help you understand yourself more deeply, get a fresh perspective, grow as a person, and become empowered to create positive change in yourself, your relationships and your life.
Start your journey of growth today by scheduling a free consultation.
Related Post
Trust Yourself
It can be hard to trust yourself, particularly if you're struggling to tell the difference between your intuition and anxiety. Your confidence will grow when you learn the difference between worry and inner wisdom. Learn how, on this episode of the podcast.
3 Stress Management Techniques for Chaotic Times
Stress affects more than just our day to day routine, it can wreak havoc on our emotional, mental, and physical health if not kept in check! Colorado Therapist and Life Coach, Dr. Kristi Helvig, shares the top 3 stress management techniques for a happier, healthier life.
How to Improve Emotional Intelligence
When you improve emotional intelligence, everything in your life feels easier: Your relationships, career, emotional wellbeing, and more. Learn strategies to increase your emotional intelligence, in this episode of the podcast.
Expecting During an Unexpected Time
Pregnancy during the pandemic. Whether it's your first child or fifth – everything is so different right now. If your pregnancy plan has changed due to covid, you're not alone. Online coach and Denver Therapist, Rachel Hill, M.A., LPC, LMFT shares her advice for moms to be. Read it here!
The Micro-Date Revolution
Texas Licensed Counselor and Online Relationship Coach, Amy-Noelle Shih, M.A., LPC is revolutionizing date night. Check out her micro-date ideas and start implementing them into your daily routine with your partner! Trust us, your relationship will thank you!
Gay and Lesbian Relationship Advice
Love is love, and transcends identity. At the same time, gay and lesbian relationships face unique challenges and stressors. On this episode of the podcast, LGBTQ+ affirming couples therapist Kensington Osmond shares compassionate strategies that promote growth and healing for gay and lesbian individuals and couples.
Finding the Right Person
Are your subconscious “thinking traps” getting in the way of your finding the right person? On today's episode of the podcast, NPR's dating expert Damona Hoffman is here to help you get out of your own way and find the love you're looking for. Join us!
Radical Acceptance
Online Life Coach and Radical Acceptance Expert, Sharmistha Gupta, shares the meaning of Radical Acceptance, what it is, what it isn't, and how you can start practicing it today! Read now.
How to Say No to Others, and Yes to Yourself
It's effortless for kind, competent people to say “yes” to all the demands for their time and attention. The result can be mental and emotional depletion and disconnection from the self. On this episode of the podcast you'll learn how to get clear about your priorities and set healthy boundaries so you can (selectively!) say “yes” to what's most important.