How to “Get Over It”
How to “Get Over It” – Getting Over a Divorce You Didn’t Want
Everyone likes to toss around the phrase, “get over it.” If you’ve been going through the pain of a loss, you may desperately want to “get over it,” but how does one actually accomplish such a thing?
I’ve been a therapist in Denver for a long time, and have done my share of grief and divorce counseling. I know that simply hoping to heal a broken heart, anesthetizing yourself with booze, or distracting yourself with busyness does not help you “get over it” — for long, anyway. Unfortunately, the only way out is through the post-divorce stages of grief.
Asking ‘how to get over a breakup’ or ‘how long does it take to get over someone’ will yield a different answer for most people, but none of these questions should ever be minimized.
I also know from my years as a breakup therapist that there are many different kinds of losses that deserve the respect of grieving. Whether you are dealing with a death, or a more subtle, hidden loss like the loss of a cherished relationship, a miscarriage, a pet’s death, a move, the loss of a dream, or the end of an era in your life: you need to grieve. It’s necessary in order to heal and move on.
Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m going to teach you about the step-by-step process of grieving. Listen, and learn how to help yourself “get over it” in a healthy and authentic way.
The only way out is through. Listen now to learn how to “get over it,” and move on to the next chapter of your life.
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How to “Get Over It”
- Defining Loss and Accepting Grief
- Losses are inevitable.
- We also experience subtle kinds of losses. Grieving these losses allows you to move on.
- Society does not offer the same kind of support for subtle losses.
- Getting less validation for our loss makes it hard for us to acknowledge it and feel like we have the right to grieve it.
- Most of the time, the origin of pain is in grief. At the core, grief is inviting pain and embracing it for a while.
- Acknowledging the Loss
- People tend to minimize their loss or the losses of others. Doing this shuts down the legitimacy of grief.
- These ideas steal your right to be sad when you have the right to be so.
- Acknowledging that you experienced a loss is the first step to healing.
- Saying it out loud makes it real.
- Having a Funeral
- A funeral is a ritual that creates a physical and an emotional container for your loss. It’s a ceremony that makes this loss real and final.
- Only when we cross the line of finality can true grieving begin.
- Put the physical or symbolic things of whatever you’re grieving in a container. Then, write a eulogy on what you appreciated about it.
- Put the container away after your ceremony.
- Once it’s over, you will feel pain. This is the next step in healing.
- Allowing Yourself to Feel Sadness and Mourning
- Allowing yourself to be sad for a while is necessary.
- Feeling pain is grieving.
- Embracing sadness is the quickest way through it.
- Some communities and cultures have a mourning period where it’s accepted that people are not okay after a loss. You can have your own mourning period.
- Bouncing Off the Bottom
- Make meaning of your loss. Reflect and work through what happened honestly.
- Give yourself opportunities to think. Listen to what the voice inside tells you about meaning.
- Once you’ve done this, you’ll connect with what you lost.
- Reclaiming Subtle Losses
- Developing gratitude for what was, appreciate the growth that came from an experience, or reconnect with a person that has disappointed you.
- You get to rebuild after reclaiming your loss.
- Grieving well helps you understand yourself more fully.
- Through this, you build a life that honors your truth.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.
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