Financial Success

Transforming Your Relationship with Money

Money. Love it, hate it, it matters. Financial concerns can impact every area of your life, including your relationships, your career and even your self-esteem. Learning how to take charge of your financial success is vital to creating the life you want.

In my work as a Denver life coach and online career coach, money almost always tends to enter the conversation at some point. The thing is, your relationship with money impacts other areas of your life – like the relationship you have with your career, emotional health, and your most important relationships.

Today, I want to talk to you about transforming your relationship with money. We will be discussing what kind of relationship you have with money and what areas you may be able to practice personal and financial growth. Your financial success matters, so let’s dive in!

How to be Financially Successful

Think about your career: Are you doing what you love? Are you doing what you love but resentful and exhausted because you’re not getting paid enough for it? Or do you white knuckle your way through every workday at a job that you hate, because of the paycheck? Neither is ideal, and learning how to manage your money can be part of making positive changes and finding a career you love.

Managing your money is such a big part of financial success. Not only does a budget help give you a clear idea of where you are at now, it also helps you plan for the future. When you feel secure and on top of your daily life in the present, you help yourself prepare for your career future by focusing more on other aspects of your life like your hobbies and goals. 

By managing your money, you not only save financial capital but also valuable time that would otherwise be allotted to worrying about your account balance.

That’s all well and good, but what does ‘managing your money’ even really mean, anyway? 

Managing your money can be something as small as making more coffee at home and saving up some cash each week. It can be thought-out, like if you were to make a spreadsheet to track all of your spending, or your monthly budget. 

Speaking of budgeting, it is a great idea to get a sense of how much you should try to spend in a month based on what you make each month. Try is the operative word here, but getting a clear picture of how much cash can realistically be allotted to certain expenses will save you time and worry.

There are many ways to handle money, even if it feels like you’ve lost control. So get ready to learn about how money can impact relationships and what to do if you feel that your own relationship with money is getting out of your control.

How to Regain Control of Your Finances

How much money you have can make the difference between feeling safe and secure, and like you’re always scrambling and juggling to make ends meet. Furthermore, feeling like you’re failing financially can impact your self-esteem. Many people are carrying shame about their debt, or feel embarrassed by their financial circumstances.

Feeling like you never have quite enough can lead to stress and anxiety, and even feelings of depression. While money may not buy happiness, feeling like you generally have the resources to fund the lifestyle you enjoy can certainly impact the way you feel.

Have you ever said “no” to an out-of-town wedding because you felt like you couldn’t afford it? Or canceled your yoga class membership? Or slept less to put in a few extra hours on the job? Or denied yourself effective counseling or coaching, even if you knew it would really make a difference in your life? Or even made food choices that were less healthy, but more budget-friendly?

All of these scenarios are the intersection between your money and your self-care. Part of the reason getting a handle on your money is so important is so that you have the resources to nourish yourself, spend money on things that bring you genuine joy, or invest in something that fills your soul.

Here are 4 things that you can do to regain control of your finances:

1. Create A Budget

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times. Truthfully, budgeting is such a great and relatively simple step to take when you’re looking to regain some control over finances gone awry. 

You might start small by creating a spreadsheet to see how much money you spend in a month and where that money goes. Once you’ve got a better idea of where the money is being spent, it is time to create your budget and plan ahead.

Budgets are not a ‘one size fits all’ and you’ll quickly learn that most people have their own way of keeping tabs on things. This may be done on a monthly scale, but can certainly be split into a weekly system if you feel you need the extra guidance. Accountability is key, and seeing your spending habits laid out in front of you will aid your journey to smart, accountable financing.

2. Plan Ahead

Speaking of a budget, it is just another file on your computer unless you actually take the time to follow the parameters you set for yourself. 

Planning ahead when it comes to your finances is so important. Not only does it give you a sense of security and control, it helps free up valuable brain power to think about finding new ways to love your career.

When you know that you’ll be spending a certain amount on rent, food, toiletries, clothing, and any other common purchases, you give yourself back some of the power to make a quick judgment call once in a while. Say you go under budget on food one month because you bought some items in bulk the month before- now you can spend a little extra money on that new pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing. (Or, put it in savings- your call!)

3. Surround Yourself With Positivity

Your friends and family will understand that you might need to cut back in order to get ahead. They will support you as you re-center, but you can also involve those you love in your journey to regain control of your finances. 

You might suggest a movie night or a run through the local park instead of going to the theater or maintaining an expensive membership to a gym. 

Ask a friend to cook dinner at home with you in place of going out. Now, instead of spending money on food you get to spend time on an experience. Aren’t experiences more memorable, anyway?

Don’t let the things you love slip away, just reframe them in order to make the most of your time and money.

4. Book A Staycation

On the subject of reframing, think about whether you have ever actually taken the time to explore the place you live.

If you’re needing a break, as we all do, you might be inclined to say ‘screw it’ and grab some money from your savings or blow your budget to take a trip. 

Skip the plane ticket, expensive hotel, and cost of eating out for a week straight. Instead, find a local bed and breakfast, hostel, or Airbnb, and take some time getting ‘away’ for a weekend. 

Switching up your routine in the smallest of ways can go a long way to rejuvenate you, and saving a load of cash when it’s all said and done is going to feel just as good.

Once you have good financial skills, money can be a source of security and joy, rather than a constant worry. Really!

Money and Relationships

We often think about our financial success in individual terms, but how you relate to money can also have a major impact in your marriage or partnership. When two people have very different financial goals, or relationships with money, financial differences can be a major source of conflict in a relationship. 

[If this is something you and your partner struggle with, consider financial therapy for couples to learn how to stop fighting about money.]

When couples fight about money, they’re often fighting about their values, priorities, and their hopes and dreams for the future. Over time, money fights can become bitter and entrenched, and can even lead to ruptures in your relationship. Understanding how to manage money as a couple is so important, it’s one of the skills we routinely teach couples in our Lifetime of Love premarital counseling class.

Improving the way you manage money as a couple involves both of you understanding your subconscious relationship with money, having open and honest conversations about your priorities, values and goals, and then working together to make a plan to create the financial future you want.

Your Relationship with Money

The first step in learning how to be better with money is figuring out what kind of relationship you have with it… and then how to improve it.

Money always means different things to different people. For some, financial success means having a lot of stuff. For others, money in the bank means freedom and fun. Other people equate money with safety. Still others view financial security as a legacy to pass on to their family.

Maybe this is why a layoff can feel like a breakup. You’ve committed yourself to a job and suddenly your world is turning upside down. Having a certain amount of money to fuel your lifestyle may have been the center of your focus, and it can be disorienting to lose that security.

However, money does not always have positive associations. You may, on an emotional level, feel that it’s wrong to acquire wealth or have too much money. You may have a subconscious belief that you always struggle financially, or that wealthy people are greedy and selfish.

Perhaps you’re intimidated by money. Many people are. Being fearful of making financial mistakes, or having anxiety about investing can lead to long term financial decisions that put you at a disadvantage.

Conversely, feeling comfortable with money and confident in your ability to handle it can turn it into a positive force in your life. One of the biggest issues that many people encounter when they are seeking to get better with money are their own — often hidden — associations, beliefs, and emotions related to money.

Bringing these to the surface and deciding what beliefs are helpful to you currently (and which are getting in the way of your financial success) will allow you to make real and lasting change in your relationship with money.

How to be Better with Money

Part of becoming a whole person is learning how to cultivate financial success, according to your own terms. Learning how to be good with money is a life skill, just like taking care of your physical and emotional health, and learning how to have good relationships.

In fact, when you take away positive habits from managing your money, you’re on your way to finding your purpose in life through things that may not have been available to you when money was at the forefront of every decision.

Learning how to be better with money is not just a matter of making a budget and stopping your $5 latte habit. Genuine financial success requires self-awareness, clarity about your core values, and intention — as well as a plan. Financial management is a vital life-skill that is learned, and once you have a tool-box of strategies to manage your money you can truly get unstuck and flourish in every way.

That’s why, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I’m speaking with Profit Boss Hilary Hendershott. Hilary is a Certified Financial Planner, financial advisor, and a wealth coach. She has helped many people learn how to not just manage their finances, but create genuine abundance in their lives.

She’s here with actionable advice to help you:

• Gain self awareness about your patterns with money
• Stop sabotaging your financial success
• Use your core values to guide your financial decisions
• Develop an intentional relationship with your money
• Guide your money, easily and effortlessly
• Create long-term financial peace

Listen to our discussion and get actionable advice from Hilary about how to start changing your relationship with money for the better, starting today.

xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC( PhD, LP, LMFT, BCC )

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self. She is a licensed psychologist, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a board-certified coach, as well as the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Learn more about Dr. Lisa