How to Silence Your Inner Critic

Inner Critic Examples

Do you recognize the inner critic when you hear it? Here are some common phrases the inner critic likes to use:

• “You’re not good enough.”
• “You can’t do that.” 
• “You should have done better.”
• “Why can’t you be like others?”
• “You’re a failure.”
• “There’s something wrong with you.” 
• “You always mess things up.”

It can feel like “beating yourself up” is accomplishing something, but I can tell you, there is absolutely zero benefit to having an abusive relationship with yourself — quite the opposite. It leads to increased stress, decreased motivation, and even hopelessness, making it more difficult for you to succeed, care for yourself, and relate to others in a healthy way. In extreme cases, a critical inner voice can be debilitating, fueling low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

Inner Critic vs. Inner Coach

So, what’s the alternative? I present you with the inner coach, a supportive and encouraging voice that motivates you and supports you in reaching your goals. This voice is compassionate, understanding, positive, and helpful. It focuses on your strengths and brings out your best, encouraging you through challenges and celebrating your success.

That doesn’t mean that your “inner coach” is overly lax. It sees your opportunities for improvement and encourages you to pursue them, rather than beating you over the head with all the ways that you fall short. 

So how can you cultivate that kind of internal voice? Transforming the inner critic into an inner coach involves a few steps:

1. Awareness: First you have to notice when the inner critic is speaking. Pay attention to what it sounds like and how it makes you feel. 

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself being self-critical, challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself if they’re really true and look for evidence that contradicts them.

3. Reframe Thoughts: Practice intentionally turning these critical thoughts into something more positive. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try, “I can do this with more practice.” This is closely related to cultivating a growth mindset. 

4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that making mistakes is a part of being human and that you’re doing your best.

5. Mindfulness and Meditation: If you struggle to identify which voice is speaking to you, try mindfulness practices. They can help you become more aware of your internal dialogue, which gives you the space to change it.

A supportive inner coach brings many benefits. It can lead to improved self-esteem and confidence in your relationships with others. The inner coach also makes you more resilient, and better equipped to handle life’s challenges. It improves your motivation, and keeps you on track to achieve your goals. And finally, the inner coach can lead to improved mental health, reduced stress, and relief from issues like anxiety and depression. 

Developing a loving relationship with yourself means recognizing your intrinsic worth, and treating yourself with kindness and respect, even when you make mistakes. This self-love is the foundation for having healthy, fulfilling relationships with others and building positive things in your life. 

The Role of Therapy in Dealing with a Critical Inner Voice

Therapy or coaching are effective tools for transforming the inner critic into an inner coach. Working with the right expert will help you identify the roots of your critical inner voice, adopt cognitive behavioral techniques that help you change engrained thought patterns, increase your self-compassion, and gain skills and strategies for recognizing and challenging your inner critic in the moment. 

This work can make such a difference in how you feel about yourself day to day, as well as what you are able to accomplish in your life. You deserve to have a supportive, loving relationship with yourself, and there are professionals who can help you get there. 

If you’d like to do this valuable work with a clinician on my team, I invite you to schedule a free consultation. 

With love, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby 

P.S. — For more advice on feeling good about you, check out my “Cultivating Self-Confidence” collection of articles and podcasts. It’s all there for you!