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How to Get Ahead at Work

How to Get Ahead at Work

Advice From a Career Coach

HOW TO GET AHEAD AT WORK | Do you feel frustrated with your current job? Perhaps you generally feel good about your line of work, but want to take it to the next level. Maybe, like so many people, you’re feeling a vague sense of dissatisfaction with your job: You know you want more, you know you can do more, but aren’t sure which direction you should go in — much less how to make it happen.

Today, you’re in for a treat. I’ve invited Denver career coach and leadership coach Nicholas Manning to speak with me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and share his best advice for how to move past paralysis and stagnation, and start taking control of your career in a new way.

We’re talking about many things to support your professional development, including:

How to Know When It’s Time to Make a Career Change

As with all personal growth work, the starting process of transforming your career often begins with not-so-great feelings, including stagnation, frustration, self-doubt and even fear. Understanding how to turn these “negative” feelings into motivation is the first step in taking action in your career. Nick shares some tips for how to transform exhaustion, frustration and fear into excitement and determination. He also shares some career coaching tips for productive action you can take to begin exploring other options for your career.

Charting a Course For Your Career

Another thing that we talked about was how to think about what kinds of professional roles would fill you up, energize you, and most importantly, leave you with enough margin at the end of the day to be the spouse, parent and friend you want to be. Nick shared his career advice for how to evaluate your options, and use self-awareness and intention to create a thoughtful plan for making positive changes in your career.

Why You’re Not Getting Promoted — The Inside Scoop

On the show, I put Nick on the spot to ask THE question so many of our career coaching clients struggle with, which is, “WHY am I not getting ahed at work? I’m doing a good job — why am I not getting promoted, or even recognized??” Nick shared fantastic, actionable advice on how to begin advocating yourself as well as developing the personal qualities that leaders look for.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence at Work

Knowing how to get ahead at work is a skill set. A skill set that — to the surprise of many — may be entirely different than the actual work product itself. Nicholas spoke from his perspective as a leadership coach (and a leader himself) about how emotional intelligence skills are the non-negotiable “magic sauce” that separates emerging leaders from worker-bees. He discussed specific emotional intelligence skills that you can develop that will help you be more productive, have better relationships at work, and start getting the recognition and rewards that you deserve.

Learning How to Lead

I asked Nicholas to put on his leadership coach hat and give me his best advice (on your behalf) about how to develop yourself into a great leader, if you’ve recently been promoted into a leadership position. He talked about how focusing on output, while tempting, is almost never a successful strategy for becoming an inspiring, effective leader. Instead, he recommends focusing on developing your personal qualities: How to be authentic, trustworthy, a great communicator, and a source of support for the people you manage.

How to Cope With a Bad Boss

Lastly, we spoke about one of the most difficult (and unfortunately too common) job experiences that so many people have, which is how to cope with a extremely difficult manager or supervisor. We talked about how toxic some workplace environments can be, and some specific strategies that you can use to start improving the relationship you have with your boss. (Or, when to know that it’s time to cut your losses and leave).

We help this career advice helps you make positive changes, and develop a more fulfilling and rewarding career!

Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD & Nicholas Manning, MBA

 

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

How to Get Ahead in Your Career

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby & Nicholas Manning, MBA | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Diezmo, “On My Werk”

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Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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FIND PURPOSE, CREATE MOMENTUM, ACHIEVE SUCCESS | Nicholas Manning is a Career Coach, Executive Coach and Leadership Coach who specializes in helping you achieve at the highest level of your potential in the workplace.

Whether you’re identifying your ideal career, or already in a role of great responsibility, Nick can help you gain self-awareness, motivation, direction, leadership skills, time management, and personal productivity skills to help you achieve your professional goals. Learn more about Nick here.

Let’s  Talk

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How to Balance Your Career and Relationship

How to Balance Your Career and Relationship

Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFT-C is a positive, solution-focused “change agent” with a fun, empowering approach to personal growth and couples therapy. Rachel helps couples achieve a more balanced life both in their personal and professional lives.

Working it out

As a relationship counselor and life coach, I have had the opportunity to work with couples who both value their career and their relationship, yet do not know how to properly balance the two. Understanding this work/life balance is essential for not only individuals looking to cultivate a happier life, but especially for couples in long-term committed relationships.

For many of us, we become aware of how off balance our priorities are in unexpected moments. For me, I was typing furiously on my computer one evening, multi-tasking (or more attempting to multi-task). I was trying to carry on a conversation with my partner and tie up loose ends from the work-day when my partner said, “Work isn’t our whole lives.” I often revisit his words during moments of overwhelming stress or when I struggle to find balance. This little statement took me by surprise. Mainly, because this really hadn’t occurred to me.

I’d spent years in school to foster a career I could be proud of. In fact, many components of my life have revolved around the idea of creating success. In living this way, I had fallen into the trap of working long hours and forgetting to devote quality time to my other values. I was treating work like it was my whole life.

Now perhaps you’ve had a moment like this, where you’ve noticed you derive a sense of worth, value, or even freedom by focusing on your career. Perhaps, you’ve done this at what might feel like a cost (your social life, time with loved ones, less time doing hobbies, etc.).

What if I told you that you didn’t have to pick between a successful career or successful relationships?  In working with clients (and based on personal experience), I’ve found a few tips to be very helpful in creating balance.

Take Stock of Where You Spend Your Time

Dr. John and Julie Gottman describe this conundrum (balancing work and relationships) as a “simple” numbers game. If you and your partner both work 60-70 hours per week, this means there are simply fewer hours available to devote to your relationships. In these situations, they recommend maximizing the time you do have together (make that 10-minute break count) and to also evaluate what is sustainable for your relationship, long-term.

Crunch the Numbers!

Look at how much time you and your partner actually have together and discuss if this will be workable over the long haul. If the answer is no, this is an opportunity to really evaluate your goals as a couple (which I’ll talk more about next).

In the meantime, establish routines and rituals that allow for you to create meaning with the limited amount of time you do have together. For example, if you have 10 minutes together before heading to work, try putting your phones away and take the first few sips of your morning coffee together.

Identify What’s Truly Important

Certainly, it’s positive to derive satisfaction from your work, but what are your priorities in the “big picture?” Typically, most people don’t wish they’d spent more hours at the office…but we do often remember and, maybe even regret, the missed moments with loved ones or doing the things we love.

So, what’s important to you and your relationship? Take a moment to write out a list and prioritize it according to what YOU feel is best and then discuss it with your partner. How do your priorities line up? Are there opportunities for growth both in your personal priorities and the priorities of your relationship?

Discuss With Your Partner Your Long-term Goals & Values


Talk openly about what you have in common (and what you don’t have in common). From there, you can identify ways to support one another as well as longer-term plans that will allow both you, your partner (AND your relationship) to have their respective needs met.

Often our relationship to work is rooted in what our work represents to us. For some it might symbolize a paycheck, a means to an end. For others, it might represent self-worth and validation. Understanding what work means to you will be a critical component in not only communicating with your partner or loved ones but also better understanding yourself.

Find Other Outlets That Assist You With the Same Goal


What I mean by this is, if you rely on work as your primary outlet to feel validated or accomplished, it may be helpful to find other avenues that meet these same needs. In doing this, you will have more flexibility to set healthy boundaries around work and you won’t need to rely so heavily on work in and of itself. Put bluntly, you’ll start feeling better!

My hope for you is that in evaluating these different pieces, you’re able to put your career into context (what’s the big picture and what matters most to you?). In doing this, it doesn’t mean that you value your job any less but instead, you may find you’re able to let go of unnecessary pressure and devote time to the relationships you truly value.

To sum it all up, by fostering open communication with your loved ones and by being clear in your values and goals, you certainly can have a satisfying career and satisfying relationships. You might even be able to find that tricky “balance” everyone is talking about.

Wishing you success,
Rachel Harder, M.A., LMFTC

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Generational Differences in the Workplace

Generational Differences in the Workplace

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby is the founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching. She’s the author of “Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to Your Ex Love,” and the host of The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

Markie Keelan, M.A., LPC is a dynamic online career coach who helps individuals get clarity about their gifts and passions. She especially enjoys assisting millennials in creating authentic success in their lives through the development of meaningful careers.

Teena Evert, M.A., LMFT is a Denver career coach, leadership coach and certified conversational intelligence coach. She helps individuals become empowered to develop their strengths and achieve life satisfaction — both personally and professionally.

Think About When You’re From

Generational differences in the workplace aren’t something that you might always have on the top of your mind, but they can impact you more than you may realize. How you communicate, how you work with a team, your expectations about your career path, and even the way you relate to authority figures can all be connected to the point in time that your personality and professional identity were being developed.

Understanding your generational differences, particularly how they show up on-the-job, can help you not just understand yourself more deeply, but help you work more effectively with your colleagues. 

Where it All Began: Parenting Practices Across the Generations

In order to understanding generational differences in the workplace it’s helpful to take a look at how parenting practices and family life have evolved across the decades. Many baby boomers born in the late 1940s into the early 1960s were raised in traditional family units, and came of age at a time that social change and revolution was in the air. Broadly speaking, this resulted in a generation of people who embrace traditional ways of being as well as personal growth and hope for the future. In the workplace, baby boomers often have a strong work ethic and excellent leadership abilities.

In contrast, Gen Xers born in the late 1960s and 1970s were raised in family systems that were much less child-focused than previous generations. Divorce rates were at an all time high, and many adults of this period put an emphasis on self-discovery, and career and financial advancement. As a result, GenX kids in the 1980s were the original “latch-key kids” often left alone without much supervision during a time when alternative music, art and culture were becoming more prominent. As a result, this generation has personality traits that trend towards realism, independent thinking, self-direction, privacy, and entrepreneurial activities — all of which manifest themselves in the workplace.

Millennials, born between approximately 1980 to the mid 1990s were born in families who were often very excited to have children, and during a cultural period in which more intensive parenting practices became the norm. Compared to other generations, millennials often had a great deal of support, attention and encouragement to develop themselves and their unique abilities. As such millennials tend to believe in their own strengths and abilities yet also desire recognition and approval from leadership and colleagues.

Baby Boomers in the Workplace

While everyone is an individual and outliers are always present, generally speaking, baby boomers have tended to be standard-bearers of work-ethic and career advancement. They have paid their dues both in time and energy, often committing long term to organizations they believe in. As such, boomers are often formidable leaders who may struggle to understand and empathize with the different values, communication styles, and attitude towards work / life balance of the generations that came after.

Gen Xers in the Workplace

Sometimes called “the lost generation” Gen Xers can sometimes feel caught between the two dominant generational and cultural forces they are sandwiched between. Gen Xers in the workplace tend to have had careers that transcend organizations; they have been much more likely to flit from company to company as opportunities arise. This has had an impact on Gen Xers advancement, both financially and in attainment of leadership positions at traditional organizations. However, the independence, flexibility and relatively high risk tolerance of Gen Xers allows them to shine when doing their own thing; many have reaped the rewards of their entrepreneurial efforts. At the same time, Gen Xers tend to be more independent and less self-promotional than both baby boomers and millennials and as a result can often feel that their contributions are not seen and their voice is not heard. 

Millennials in the Workplace

Millennials are now the largest age group in the work-force, and their numbers are rising. In every organization they are involved with they often bring a fresh energy, technological savvy, and a collectivism that allows them to work collaboratively towards common goals. Often idealistic, they strive for the best in themselves and many find great meaning in using their work to make the world a better place. Millennials are often great communicators, priding themselves on their ability to stay connected. Millennials in the workforce are often champions of new ideas, and finding new solutions. At the same time, some millennials struggle with self-doubt and frustration, particularly when confronted with the harsh reality of student loan debt, housing costs, personal uncertainty, and feeling that their efforts are not paying off.

Three Generations in the Workplace Colliding… and Thriving

Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I have the great honor to speak with my colleagues Teena Evert and Markie Keelan about generational differences in the workplace, and how Gen Xers, Millennials and Baby Boomers can build on their strengths. Both Teena and Markie are excellent career coaches who have helped people of every generation get ahead in their careers. Teena has a knack for helping people find their voice and learn how to communicate more effectively, and Markie is a millennial career coach who loves helping people of her generation (and others) find both meaning and success in their chosen professions. 

Join us on this episode to learn more about generational differences in the workplace. We’re discussing:

  • Success tips to improve communication and relationships between generations in the workplace
  • How Gen Xers can find their voice and become more active partners on the job
  • How Millennials can support themselves through difficult moments when they feel their hope flagging
  • How Baby Boomers can make space for, and appreciate, their younger colleagues
  • The cultural differences between generations, and how it impacts worldview, attitudes towards work, and communication styles
  • Tips for career development and personal growth

We hope this conversation helps you on your path of personal growth, both personally and professionally.

Sincerely, 

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, Teena Evert, M.A., and Markie Keelan, M.A.

Ps: Scroll down to get to the podcast but if you want to learn even MORE about the plight of Gen Xers in the workplace and what they can do to get ahead, check out this video interview Teena gave on the topic:

 

 

 

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Career Advice: Navigating Generational Differences in the Workplace

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

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Are You in a Toxic Workplace? How to Know If You Are… and What to Do About It

Are You in a Toxic Workplace? How to Know If You Are… and What to Do About It

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC is a career coach and executive coach with a degree in Career Development. She specializes in helping people get clarity about their life’s purpose, and the skills and strategies to overcome obstacles and create a life they love.

Is Your Toxic Job Impacting Your Mental and Emotional Health?

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you’re almost too stunned to type… For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands… For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness… This blog post is for you.

Rule #1 of Toxic Workplaces: They Make You Doubt Yourself

Are you second-guessing your work experience with questions like:

  • Is it really that bad?
  • Are my expectations too high?
  • What can I do about it anyway?

Here’s the thing: not every work struggle fits the label of “toxic workplace.” Sometimes a job is bad fit for you. Sometimes challenging work experiences may be due to a “boomerang effect,” where you’re dishing out meanness and judgment and that’s what comes back at you. Perhaps the person creating a stench has a hidden diagnosis or an invisible family situation that’s creating a ripple effect with their work.

So, yeah, there may be reasonable explanations and solutions if it feels like toxicity is showing up in your workplace. At the same time, it’s worth getting some key questions and terms defined and clear, to help you determine if you are on a toxic workplace or not.

Signs Your Workplace Is Actually Toxic

A toxic work situation looks as unique as each person, and there are still some conditions that show up make things fall legitimately under the toxic umbrella, including:

  • Harm to people or property
  • Unpredictability is the rule, not just about daily happenings but also about your job’s longevity
  • There’s an unhealthy person with a big ripple or clusters of unhealthy people (this can be leaders, colleagues, or clients)
  • You notice drama, gossip, bullying.
  • Your nervous system is on high alert in more than just a passing way (this can be caused by many variables beyond your work environment, so it’s important to look for the root of this scenario with a professional). Tips that you’re in an elevated state of anxiety:

There’s no set formula for definitively calling a workplace toxic. My rule of thumb is that if my client calls it toxic, I trust their judgment. You might also feel empowered and motivated simply by declaring that your job is toxic to you. No one else has to endorse the term. Unless you plan to pursue legal action, no one else needs to testify that their experience parallels yours. If it doesn’t suit you, let’s make a plan for shifting gears for you.

How to Manage a Toxic Workplace

Key questions I often ask my clients to help them create a survival / action plan if they’re dealing with a toxic workplace environment include:

  • If you remove one person, does the problem go away?
  • What the worst that can happen if you pursue any of the avenues you’re considering and are you willing and able to deal with those worst-case scenarios?
  • What does your support network look like? Can you activate your network to help you through this transition?

In general, the quickest and most efficient solution to workplace toxicity is to find another job. Sometimes that’s not feasible or easy or quick, so we can look at other options, but know that making a switch – either internally if you think the problem will be solved if you’re out of the sphere of one particular person, or externally, if the issue appears to be systemic and entrenched – often takes planning, strategy, and finesse.

Beyond deliberating about whether to segue to a new position, there are some approaches you can take to lessening the immediate impact on yourself, and for me, those tactics are rooted in understanding and leveraging power dynamics.

Six Strategies to Survive a Toxic Workplace, and Take Your Power Back

First, know that it’s useful to recognize what power is. The great civil rights activist Martin Luther King, Jr. defined power as the ability to achieve purpose and effect change. I often review several categories of power with my clients, including:

  • Hierarchical power: an organization’s structure, who reports to whom, who has hire/fire authority, who has the ear of the influential people? Generally, if you’re seeking help with workplace toxicity, this isn’t the type of power you have readily accessible – the good news, it’s not the only kind of power you can leverage.
  • Logistical power: the physical infrastructure of where you work – is there a safe place where you can retreat, can you use buffers to block your line of sight or stay off others’ radars? Can you escape for breaks, outside for a Vitamin D break? Is there a way for you to psychologically indicate to yourself that you’re no longer needing to carry the stressors of work (a mantra when you leave work each day, for example)?
  • Ninja power: your interpretation of the situation – how can you reconfigure your perspective and shift how external stressors affect you? This is where a coach or therapist can really support you using techniques such as mindfulness or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Viktor Frankl, the famous psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
  • Peer or posse power: banding together with those in the same situation, acting as a block and/or support network. If you plan to cultivate and access this power, be attentive to the structure and know that there’s a risk that you may be perceived as being exclusionary and/or stirring up ire. Proceed with caution.
  • Loud power: fight fire with fire. Give as good as you get. I never recommend this approach because it has aggression at its root. Still, some people believe that you have to call out a bully to get the bully to back down. I admit it – I just can’t go there. I’m only including here because it’s a tactic that I hear often – just one that I’ve never heard used with success.
  • External power: advocacy groups, particularly if you identify your situation as part of a larger societal issue such as racism, sexual harassment, ageism, or other experience that a social justice movement might address. Ask yourself whether you want to part of a revolution that topples existing power structures. If your answer is yes, access the resources of advocacy organizations to support you in your quest.

Tips For Strategizing Your Way Though a Toxic Workplace: Advice From a Career Coach

There’s definitely no one-size-fits-all solution to workplace toxicity, but some tips that I offer my clients include:

  • Play the long game: It’s tempting to seek revenge and/or grab for a moment of vindication that can be costly over time. Know your goal and work systematically towards it. Steven Slater, former JetBlue flight attendant, who quit in a fury triggered a media frenzy by deploying the emergency exit slide, grabbing beer, and cursing passengers. He became a bit of a folk hero, but he also faced serious legal charges.
  • Document, document, document: It not only helps you develop your approach, it grounds you in the truth of what you’re experiencing.
  • Consult your human resources team: Ask for confidential input about your situation if your workplace offers private consultation with an HR professional for employees
  • Seek legal advice: One of the best places to start this process is to research the labor laws in your state or jurisdiction.
  • Read The Asshole Survivor’s Guide by Robert Sutton: Ideas, perspective, and insights – well worth reading.
  • Read Dare to Lead, by Brene Brown: Tips and tools for how to create a positive workplace.
  • Join our “Designing Your Life” online career group, for both support and empowerment.

This topic can be difficult to address, so get support as you navigate the often pothole-filled roads of reconfiguring your worklife to get yourself what you need: fulfilling work in a supportive, nourishing environment. Act on your own behalf. You know you’d advise anyone in a situation similar to yours to do the same.

But Wait, There’s More

I have even MORE advice for you on how to manage a toxic work environment. Listen to my interview with Dr. Lisa on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast for tips on how to:

  • Identify the signs of a toxic workplace
  • Navigating the stages of toxic workplace healing: Identification, survival, exit, and recovery
  • What you can change and what you can’t
  • How to manage the emotional damage of a toxic workplace
  • How to exit a toxic job and get a new one, gracefully
  • How to spot the warning signs that you might be applying for a position in a toxic workplace

Hope this helps you!

Maggie Graham, M.A., LPC, CPC

Listen & Subscribe to the Podcast

Is Your Workplace Toxic? How to Tell, and How to Cope.

by Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby | Love, Happiness & Success

Music Credits: Beck, “Soul Suckin’ Jerk”

Enjoy the Podcast?

Please rate and review the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast.

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5 Ways to Test Drive a New Career

5 Ways to Test Drive a New Career

Reduce The Risk of Changing Careers

Do you hate your job? Have you already determined that you’re ready to move in a different career direction? Maybe you’ve even identified one or even several possible new career options. It warrants mentioning that there is no one perfect career out there for you, but you will find that several career paths best suit your individual skills and desires.

So now what? Sure, you could simply chuck your current job and blindly go out there to pursue your dream. [Check out: The Top Five Best Reasons For Leaving Your Job] This can work for some people, and the personality and career assessments I give to my career coaching clients helps to identify who those risk-takers are, but for most people, this would cause excessive anxiety and uncertainty. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Here are five ways that you can ease into a new career before jumping ship:

Strategy 1: Six degrees of separation – Okay, so maybe you don’t know someone who knows someone who knows Kevin Bacon…but there is something to this theory. You probably do know someone or someone who knows someone who is doing your dream job or has knowledge about it. Offer to take them to coffee or lunch. Ask them questions. Your best bet for gaining crucial knowledge of a career is to talk to someone who is already doing it, and doing it well. What do they love about their job? What don’t they love? They will be a wealth of information, and finding out important information ahead of time can save you time and energy in reaching your goal.

The power of networking is especially huge if you are changing fields entirely. You have a better chance of finding an “in” to a different field if someone knows you and can vouch for you. You need to get your foot in the door before you can convince someone how your skills translate to that area.

Strategy 2: Research – If you’re reading this article then you have an understanding of how to use the internet to find information…and you know that Googling is a verb. 😉 There is so much available online – just use a search engine to explore a specific career field and you can find things from salary information to success stories of people in that field.

Strategy 3: Volunteer or Intern – Many times, you can gain enormous insight into a possible career by volunteering a few hours a week. Non-profit organizations, hospitals, and shelters are just a few examples of places that use volunteers. Many other businesses offer internships (some unpaid, some paid) to those who want to break into a field. If a place doesn’t offer either of these, you can always offer yourself as an unpaid intern or volunteer– the worst they can say is no.  

Strategy 4: Take classes – Your new career field might require additional learning or certification. Some of these courses might be online which makes it easier for those working a full-time job. I’ve had career coaching clients do everything online from learning computer coding to obtaining their real estate license. Another bonus of doing this while remaining at your current job is that depending on the type of classes, some or all of the tuition may be reimbursed by your employer. You can check with your HR department ahead of time.

Strategy 5: Moonlight – Unless your current career forbids this, you can start doing your new career on the side to see how you like it. Especially if your new venture involves self-employment, starting it out on the side allows you to keep the financial stability of your current job while going through the growing pains of a starting a new business.  

As a career coach and executive coach, I know that changing careers always involves an element of the unknown but the rewards can be enormous. Being uncomfortable is actually a good sign, because the greatest growth in life always occurs beyond your comfort zone. Good luck and remember:

“You miss 100% of the shots not taken.” — Wayne Gretzky, hockey great.

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Growing Self
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